Fiance addicted to painkillers. Help.

[septembermourning]

When we moved in together 9 months ago my fiance really hurt his back. Since that time, he has had a few injections in his back and he has been taking pain pills for 9 months. He was inbetween jobs for a few months and finding job was the main goal. I have found out names of good doctors who will help him or have helped others with their backs and he has not yet seen any of these people. He just seems to want to just not fix his back and take pain pills forever. We both have had prior addiction issues and I want him off this poison. He just started a new job and it's impacting his thinking. I can see he is spacy at home often.

 

So because I was in part threatening him because I refuse to be around addiction... he has been weaning off slowly but we don't know exactly the best way to go about it. I think he was taking 3 pills a day. He talked to his dr. about weaning down this month and then going on seboxin (sp?) for a couple of months to get off of it. However, I work with a nurse and she said that if someone takes seboxin, they will never be able to get pain meds again because dr. will see in system they took seboxin. He is suffering back pain and I don't want to put him in a situation where he's in pain and can't get medication but I am not sure how to gradually get him off this medicine without the seboxin. Thoughts on this? Worrried. We also can't put him in any sort of rehab as he has this new job and I don't think he's THAT BAD OFF. I don't know though. I just want him to come off of this.

[relevart]

Other than acting "spacy" at home, what signs of addiction is he showing?

[septembermourning]

other than that, just taking more at a time. 3 per day. I think he only used to take 2 per day. He's definitely addicted to them because he's weaning off 1/2 a pill each day and he's super cranky and uncomfortable.

[septembermourning]

Also he's "resentful" of me having him reduce and try to go off of them. I want him to fix the actual problem. the back. without putting pain pill bandaid. It also affects his thinking at new job

[relevart]

On the bottle, what does the doctor suggest per 24 hour period?

[avman]

3 per day isn't an unusual dose, though it depends on the strength of each pill. What is unusual is to be on them for 9 months with no further treatment effort. If he's truly in that much pain where he needs narcotic pain relievers for that length of time I would imagine he needs some other form of treatment. I don't know whether that's physical therapy, chiropractic, or even surgery. But he should be having discussions with his doctors about how to get better instead of pain management. If his doctors don't think he needs treatment, then I think he doesn't need the painkillers and is just addicted to them.

 

The big red flag for me is you mentioned he has a history of addictive behaviors. Painkillers are very easy to become addicted to. He may indeed need a treatment center to help him kick the habit.

[sophie274]

I agree with everything avman said, but really think you should be talking to his doctor - or another specialist - about how to deal with this problem. I don't think anyone on here is properly qualified to give you advice on weaning. Why don't you ask his doctor about the suboxone, or if there is an alternative?

[septembermourning]

I don't know what's on the bottle. but obviously he must have enough to take 3x per day. This month dr. now knows he's trying to come off and has lowered dose but i can tell his personality is different. angry and frustrated when normally never like that. I think he keeps going there and getting shots but that has not worked or we can't tell if it has worked because he takes these pain pills. I agree, he does need some sort of treatment plan to fix his back but yeah I think he just wants the easy short cut and doesn't want to go try to figure it out. My concern is getting him off this crap. Even if he's in process of seeing drs and he is still in pain how to get the dosage down to something more manageable or is there any other meds he can take.

 

What do you know about the seboxin aspect of this? IF he uses that to come off of this, will he never be able to get pain meds again? What if it takes him awhile to figure out how to fix his back? Can he get off this WITHOUT seboxin. A treatment center is not an option. He is at a new job. There must be a way to gradually wean down. It has only been 9 months not a million years and if you said 2-3 per day is not that bad? Wouldn't this be something he could get off without a treatment center while he's figuring out his back? thanks guys

[septembermourning]

The other thing is obviously this dr. keeps giving him the pills without necessarily a treatment plan being in existence or I think he just may give him a shot everytime he goes? why would dr. do that? isn't that illegal?

[BigKK]

depending which pain pills it is, I don't know if I'd necessarily say your husband is ADDICTED, I'd rather say he's experiencing withdrawal symptoms and perhaps his body has become dependent. The issue is often times our doctors over prescribe pain meds and it's a tough habit to kick once you're on them. Not to get TOO political, but they like to pad their pockets with pharma money, hence why your husband is getting the meds. Obviously not saying EVERYONE, but I've seen it enough to not think I'm just wearing a tin hat.

 

If he's on some of the stronger opiate based pain meds, then it's fairly common to be experiencing mood swings and temporary personality changes.

 

It goes from helping deal with pain, to taking them to NOT having withdrawal symptoms. I was never addicted but when I was 16 a doctor gave me a whole bunch when I sprained my ankle, later on I realized just how unwise that was in my opinion. Yes my ankle hurt, did I need such strong meds? No. How am I supposed to know as a 16 year old teenager, let alone ANYONE these days with so many different pain killers.

 

I've talked to numerous people that get prescribed some insane drugs. I had a customer in here the other day who had a back ache...and the doctor gave him fentanyl, it's almost 100x stronger than morphine.

[septembermourning]

I think he's taking oxycodone. I know it' s a real hassle for him to find a pharmacy these days to fill the prescription. I'm not sure of the dosage. I just know he is on the road to taking these for years if he doesn't stop it now. Also there is a chance he won't get this new job (temp to perm) and his insurance through old job going to run out in August. So what happens if he is suddenly cut off. He's my fiance so i can't get them for him.

[avman]

I know it' s a real hassle for him to find a pharmacy these days to fill the prescription.

 

This I do not understand. If he has a legitimate prescription from a regular doctor a pharmacy should not give him any problems filling the prescription.

 

HOWEVER, if he has been doctor shopping and going from physician to physician to maintain a habit - well now that would raise a red flag at the pharmacy. Anyone that came in wanting repeated doses of narcotics and always had a different doctor prescribing it would trigger questions and a possible denial of the fill.

 

Here's my advice - getting off these pills is something he has to be willing to do. If he doesn't, then you can't do it for him. I wouldn't recommend you consider marrying him while he has this addiction. If he doesn't make some effort to change things then you can't possibly have a healthy relationship. An addict is married to the addiction. Everything else will always come after that. And it will get much worse.

[sophie274]

The other thing is obviously this dr. keeps giving him the pills without necessarily a treatment plan being in existence or I think he just may give him a shot everytime he goes? why would dr. do that? isn't that illegal?

 

No, it's not illegal, but it very well may be irresponsible. Painkillers are notoriously addictive. If I had to guess, I'd say the doctor is doing it because even though he may be getting addicted, your fiance is still in pain, and the doctor wants to treat the pain. There are pain specialists, sports medicine specialists, orthopedic specialists, whichever applies in this case, who may do better than a primary care physician at treating an injury long-term.

 

Is your fiance concerned about being addicted? If your fiance wants to get off the pills, he should work with his doctor to develop a plan, and ask him all the questions you are asking us. If he doesn't trust his current doctor, he should ask for a referral to a specialist. It's troubling that you (from what I understand) designed this weaning plan, and not a doctor.

[septembermourning]

No dr. shopping. only 1 doctor first time he's been on pain pills to my knowledge. I'm in NY and I don't know how it is there but here since at least one big pharmacy incident where all these people were shot up in the store because guy wanted pain pills and was addict.. because of that and other things, NY is seriously cracking down on pain pills and if you call them they aren't even allowed to say they have it in stock. you have to physically go there and even then with a VALID prescription it is often hard. People like my mom who went through hip surgery had to beg to get pain meds. they are so strict.

[septembermourning]

Also I didn't come up with the plan. He has talked to the dr. about the plan and they came up with the plan. I know it isn't my responsibility and he should be doing this himself but at least he has talked to dr and has formulated a plan. i'm thinking if he was really bad off he wouldn't have let this dr. decrease meds or tell him he wanted to come off. I think he knows I'm right but doesn't want to go through the hassle of seeing more drs. he has some other things going on as well like low testosterone. he's very tired and unmotivated. i think that's part of it but no excuse. he has been like that since before pain pills though. i just have to push him a lot to get moving. he's a great guy and i love him. the only other bad thing he does is chew tobacco. ugh. he has been off drugs like 17 years I think. well except for these.

[mhowe]

My friend was in a horrendous car accident --- run over by a car when he was on a bike. He had to be on oxycodone for months --- and it took him more than 6 months to detox and get off them. And he said it was the hardest thing he has ever done and he is a very motivated guy.

 

I would be very wary.

[chickadeedee]

My guess would be that he is actually buying these pills illegally now and claiming he is getting them from the doctor. Most doctors are not going to prescribe 9 months of narcotics to someone in a climate where that is closely monitored.

 

He's an addict. he could very easily be lying to you about what the doctor says and whether he is even going to the doctor or whether the doctor is actually prescribing.

 

And if he's not lying, he then needs to go to a specialists to treat his condition (orthopedic surgeon or whatever based on the injury) and to a pain management specialist who has experience in this. They will wean him off these pills if necessary and get him methods to deal wtih pain that don't involve narcotics.

 

if he resists or avoids going to those dotors, then he has no desire to fix this, he just wants drugs.

[septembermourning]

I love how people are assuming he's a liar addict going to 10 different drs. He's not. And even if he were, you can't get/ fill the same prescription in the same month from another dr. anyway unless you drive to other states which i can guarantee you is not happening. As I said, because of how strict they are here now, they can look up in their system and in fact, I think they are required by law to do so, to see if you are already taking ANY OTHER pain meds and you will then be refused.

 

My fiance is not shady and he is too lazy to drive around going to drs, trust me on this. This is a situation where he has gotten used to just going to same dr. and taking pain pills and he's not thinking about the consequences. I know he has less medication now and trust me I know he has reduced the meds because he is in a HORRIBLE mood since he reduced them. You can't fake that.

 

I appreciate the feedback but please don't assume things. I have been VERY straightforward about the situation. I didn't write this post so someone could give me advice on whether or not I should marry him (Trust me I won't if he doesn't stop with the pills) and I didn't write it so people would tell me he's a shady drug addict. I wrote it to ask two things: if anyone knew the best way to go about weaning off. YEs I have the doctor's idea but I wondered what other people had done how long it had taken how bad it was, etc. I did get someone answering that. thank you to that person. I was also inquiring as to the Seboxin thing. I had heard, BEING AS IT IS so strict here, that if drs./pharmacy's see you have gone on seboxin to get off pain pills, that you would have problems getting pain med in the future. My concerns are a) a healthy way to get him off of this (clearly he's willing albeit grumpy) and b) the seboxin issue preventing him from pain med in future. He is not resisting drs. when I set up the appointments. he just hasn't been aggressive himself about getting the appointments.

 

Yes it sucks that I have to push him to do these things but he is listening and not refusing. He knows I'm right. it was just easier for him to not doing anything/take pain med.

[relevart]

I love how people are assuming he's a liar addict going to 10 different drs....

I hear what you're saying and as I was catching up on the thread, I thought kinda the same thing. Not just about this thread, but ENA as a whole. We read the OP and then like Perry Mason or Jack McCoy -- or better Aaron Hotchner, Jason Gideon and Spencer Reid -- we then figure everything out in the matter of a few posts and then beat it over the head of the poster until they get it.

 

Although, in reality, you did kinda the same thing labeling your BF as an addict without the benefit of a degree in that field.

[septembermourning]

Well he is an addict. I am an addict. Just because I have been 8 years sober (drinking), I will always be an addict as will he despite being 17 years sober. Acknowledging this ensures that we do not become complacent and think we are "cured" because temptation can come calling especially if you have that attitude. So that's what I meant if I said he was an addict or when I said he's addicted to pain pills well he is. Not to the point where he's driving to other states going to 10 drs but give it some time and who knows. He clearly is addicted in the sense that it's uncomfortable to come off them. precisely why i'm trying to nip this in the bud. But thank you for recognizing that people make dramatic judgments based on very little information. I wonder if these same people even post on here or if all they do is go around telling everyone what to do in dramatic fashion. I know that when I post on other's statuses I often read back to see if there is a history of them talking about this person on here or whatever or I ask a bunch of questions. If they have like 18 posts complaining about the same guy, I"m thinking ok, this may not be a good situation.