prettycutie Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 So I've already posted a thread on this but this post is more about a different set of feelings. I'm not so much sad anymore as angry and irritated and still hurt. Plus getting feedback from more experienced people never hurts either. It's been 2 months since my boyfriend and I broke up. But I don't even think we broke up. I don't even know what happened. My "boyfriend" pulled a houdini act and vanished one night. We were fine up until one night when I wouldn't give into what he wanted. After that, gone. Not a word since. Basically I've known this guy for at least 6-7 years and about 4 of those we hung out off and on. Little did I know he apparently had "always" liked me until about 2 months ago when he randomly appeared back in my life after NC for 2 years. Little did I realize how much of a red flag that was. Might I add he only hung out /texted me when he was single, with him being that guy who always has to have a girlfriend (probably has a small ego).. Anyways, long story short, I dated a deceptive lying jerk, or how I see it. Basically he contacted me out of the blue from 2 years and asked me out. Just jumped right to it and I do believe he just got out of a relationship as well a few weeks or so before. He promised he'd "never leave me" and how I was his "perfect" girlfriend and he'd call me beautiful a lot and all that stuff. Course, with me being as little inexperienced as I am, I feel for it. I felt so happy and as if I was in a dream. Plus he has a reputation of being so sweet and a decent guy. When we used to hang out back in the day, we'd do things that were..different. Basically the things we did while as friends we did when we dated, which leads me to my conclusion... Why would he just vanish? He claimed to never leave me and always liked me yet it's like he never existed. I'm a decent girl and I'm not about to do something I'm not comfortable with just to please someone. I know I've lost my source of happiness but it's still no excuse for him to just take off. I haven't texted or called him since that night. It makes me wonder if he does this with other girls? I know he's dated others for 2 years or so at a time and with me not even a month? Idk it just still hurts me. I feel he used me just to fill a void because he's not over his ex. And he's also on online dating sites now which leads me to believe he was all in it sex and whatnot. I know i shouldn't but I blame myself about it. Like I failed on communication and maybe if i had said something that night he would've stayed. But why didn't he say anything? Is he a coward? A liar? Did he already have someone else in mind? Did he lose interest in me and take off instead of telling me face to face? Did he like me TOO much and feels too ashamed to even talk to me ever again and be friends again? Should I text him someday? Is he immature? Will he ever contact me again? He talked and acted like we'd been dating for months and how we'd last and because I wouldn't sleep with him (because honestly he was moving too fast for me) he just vanished? It makes no sense to me. He finally got the girl he's wanted for so long then he's out of my life. I hate accepting that fact because I fell so hard for him. He's expriencd which makes me think he got bored with me and didn't get "action" he wanted. Idk..I'm just left with so many unanswered questions and don't really know where to go from here. I'm also having trouble adjusting to the single life so it hasn't been a good few weeks. But don't make promises you can't keep which he did and now I don't know who or what to trust. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Just jumped right to it and I do believe he just got out of a relationship as well a few weeks or so before. He's a leapfrogger. A serial monogamist who moves from one 'relationship' to the next, forming attachments and commitments before taking the time to use any degree of discretion, and then moving on when the empty fuel of initial attraction burns out. He's not a criminal, he's unconscious. He's also pretty common, and that's why it's not up to someone we date to 'tell' us that we're not his rebound. It's up to us to avoid buying what anyone 'says' while we're trying to get to know him, but to learn instead from what we observe over t.i.m.e. Anyone who attempts to rush you past that is unconscious. Anyone who's freshly broken from a relationship is simply not dating material. Period. It doesn't mean that these are 'bad' people, it means that they're needy and their judgement is faulty--and so it's always up to us to use good judgement to weed people out. Most people are NOT our match. That's nobody's 'fault,' it's just math. People who attempt to bond without first getting to know one another well enough to determine whether they're a good fit are acting impulsively--and they can just as impulsively drop you on your butt. That kind of rejection isn't about you--none of it was about you. It's all about him running an unconscious agenda. So don't try to figure out where you went 'wrong' beyond dating a rebounder in the first place, and then not allowing yourself to be manipulated quickly enough. That stopped his pictures from playing out--but frankly, that's a good thing. You deserve someone who owns the patience and the right lens to recognize and appreciate your unique gifts--and that requires getting to know YOU, not some fantasy he can cram you into. So any rejection from someone like this is hardly a reflection of any deficiency in you, it's the bullet you dodged. Read up on Rebounding. Learn how to avoid setting yourself up for it. Forgive yourself for your learning experience--we all have them, and we all need to have them in order to grow wise enough not to play with guys who 'love' fast, but will will only derail you from finding the RIGHT guy. Head high. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Why don't you go back and read all the responses to your previous posts. Hon, you keep on asking the same question, over and over. You're are putting in waaaaaaaaaay too much energy into someone you dated a couple of weeks. Stop obsessing over this guy! Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Yeah, I was just trying to get different opinions. But you're right. I'll stop Link to comment
Hollyj Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Do it for you! You've already wasted enough time on this guy. You said your life was empty, why not try some new activities to meet new people: Classes, meet ups dancing, volunteering etc... It's up to you to make your life full. Also, if someone says in the initial dating period that you are the one, or that they see you having kids together. RUN!!!!!!!! Huge red flag! Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Yeah I've been working on getting myself out there more. It'll be worth it. But hey at least now I've learned and know what to expect for future dating! Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I think you should vent as long as u have to. Thats the point of this forum.. Dont let anyone tell u that u cant post about something. U dated for 2 weeks but u known him for 6 years. Not only that....this post is more about your other issues which are bringing u down so people need to learn to be more sensitive on here and not just say "get over it". Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Yeah I've been working on getting myself out there more. It'll be worth it. But hey at least now I've learned and know what to expect for future dating! Hey just to let u know i was trying to respond to ur emails and it says ur mailbox is full and that in order for me to answer u, u have to delete ur old messages. lol dont want u to think i left u flat. I was answering but they denied me until u delete ur messages haha ttys Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 They will stay unanswered. You are in no way responsible for his behavior. Yes, he seems like a coward. Heal and move on. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Thank you. It's been difficult moving on but I'm getting there, slowly but surely. He doesn't deserve me. Many girls will give him what he wants but he missed out on a decent girl because he wouldn't and couldn't wait (not to sound cocky) Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Guess my punishment for not giving him what he wanted was him dumping me. His loss! Link to comment
JulietBravo Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 The answers to the questions you posed in the title to your post are Yes and Yes. He had no right to come into your life, mess with your head and then disappear again, leaving you wondering what you did wrong. Take comfort in the fact it's happened to most of us and know that a bit of time cures everything. In my opinion, the reason you are finding it so hard to move on is you have no explanations for why he behaved like he did and that can drive anyone crazy. You suspect you know the answer, in fact what other people have written already gives you the answer, but it isn't the same as hearing it from the guy himself. This isn't going to happen though I'm afraid. Try to keep smiling! Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 @mandeelove clear ur inbox lol I can't send u anything Link to comment
Misskitty16 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I like Cat's term of "Leapfrogger" and it fits here. That is what he is. And don't worry that you are struggling with this. Some of us get attached easier than others, some more quickly than others. Not saying it is good for us, but it happens. Post as much as you need to and there is good advice on here. You beat yourself that he didn't get "what he wanted", but what if you did and he still vanished? Then how would you feel? Sleeping with someone is no guarantee they will stay with us, at least not long term. It is very hurtful when they disappear like that - and I think it has happened to so many people here. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Yes exactly. What if I had given him what he wanted and he vanished. Guys like him can't be trusted. I'm so glad I joined this forum. It's honestly helped me so much to know I'm not alone. We are all not alone and so many of us have gone through the same thing. The pain and sadness and the unanswered questions. It's comforting to know we are not alone. Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Lol omg @prettycutie. I deleted it all. Try now . Haha Link to comment
Hazyillusions Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Sucks he had to vanish but since you only dated for 2 weeks you really shouldn't be so fixated on this. Lesson learnt for sure though! Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 @mandeelove lol u need to delete more!!! I can't send anything Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 @prettycutie. Something must be broken because they r all gone!! DEleted. Im flipping lol let me try again Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 You asked the same question in your other thread and as was pointed out a guy who can randomly ask someone to be his girlfriend (as I recall he did) without so much as having had a conversation with her for two years let alone a date or two is always going to be the type of guy who is capable of disappearing in the same way too. It isn't anything you said, there isn't anything you could have done differently. He was never genuine. He would have still moved on eventually whether you'd had sex with him or not. At that point, you would have been really mad at yourself for trusting that he wanted more than sex. I hate to say this but if you really were the girl he had always wanted then I am pretty sure you would have heard something over those two years and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have bolted after two weeks. He was telling you things he knew you would want to hear .... but it seems he wasn't clever enough to get what he really set out to get. You won. He lost .... now he has moved on to his next victim. Be proud that you stood your ground. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Yeah, I was just trying to get different opinions. But you're right. I'll stop There are no different opinions. This guy is a joke. You don't randomly ask someone to be your gf and you certainly don't tell someone WITHIN the two weeks that you dated that you will NEVER leave them. Red flags aalllllllll the way. When you really think about it, the way in which he went and the reason why should be no surprise. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Well it was a bit more than 2 weeks but in the long run that was the majority of the time things sky rocketed I guess. I know i keep ranting on and on about the same thing but I thought he was different. I really trusted him and thought he was something sweet and decent which I myself and everyone else thought. Everyone knew him through mutual friends and such. But I know many people have had worse breakups and dated way longer so I feel stupid to keep ranting. But still. As a person I was hurt. But you are right though. I won and he lost. I know the way and the reason he went. But I just didn't expect it from him. People are two faced but at least it's experience. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 There are no different opinions. This guy is a joke. You don't randomly ask someone to be your gf and you certainly don't tell someone WITHIN the two weeks that you dated that you will NEVER leave them. Red flags aalllllllll the way. When you really think about it, the way in which he went and the reason why should be no surprise. And I probably mentioned it before but the reason he didn't contact me for 2 years was because he had a girlfriend. So I am or was non existent until he was single. That's how it always was. I should've seen these flags longgggg ago. Link to comment
prettycutie Posted March 24, 2015 Author Share Posted March 24, 2015 Hey just to let u know i was trying to respond to ur emails and it says ur mailbox is full and that in order for me to answer u, u have to delete ur old messages. lol dont want u to think i left u flat. I was answering but they denied me until u delete ur messages haha ttys Did u delete your sent mailbox too? That's what I had to do Link to comment
mandeelove Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Omg ur right. How do i get to my sent box? @prettycutie Link to comment
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