BoredGary Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 After 2 years, as of late my gf keeps pestering me to move in with her. We have lived together before within the first month of us meeting (young and stupid mistake). It's not that I don't want to, but I keep thinking of when we did last. The only time I had to myself was when I was at work. I'd come home late at night and she wouldn't leave me alone. Couldn't even eat dinner without her being all over me, and not in a sexual way. I don't have a reason to move out. I live at home, I have my own car so I can visit her whenever. I'm saving atm and I can't do that paying huge amounts of rent etc. Basically it would cost me MORE money just to have the novelty of living with her. Am I being childish? Also I get the feeling that she thinks that this is a step, and the next one, children or marriage (ugh). At the current point we are at in the relationship, I have absolutely no intention of moving in, getting married, having kids etc. There are ALOT of things that need to be worked on. Link to comment
1Love1 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 You're being smart and perfectly reasonable. You have valid reasons for not wanting to move in. I get that 2 years seems like a long time to some, but if its not right then it's not right. Be honest with her and tell her your concerns. If she's mature and rational then she'll wait Link to comment
Heavy Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 You need to be honest and sit her down and have a talk about where you see things in the future with her. Tell her that you are not ready to move in as you are saving and like things the way they are. If you don't see a future with her because she wants to take the next step in your relationship you need to look within yourself and see if this is what you both want.... Link to comment
Lady Amalthea Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 The fair thing to do is to be honest with your gf and tell her how you feel, and that you cannot see moving in together/marriage/kids in your near future. Don't give in to the pressure, and focus on repairing whatever weak spots you see in your relationship. Best of luck. Link to comment
BoredGary Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 The fair thing to do is to be honest with your gf and tell her how you feel, and that you cannot see moving in together/marriage/kids in your near future. Don't give in to the pressure, and focus on repairing whatever weak spots you see in your relationship. Best of luck. I have told her I don't see myself having kids until I'm at least 28 and she said that that was way too long to wait. "I'll be 25 that's way too old". *rolls my eyes* Link to comment
Denguin Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 What exactly are the things that you feel need to be "worked on"? Moving in after two years shouldn't seem like so much of a chore (rent aside). Link to comment
BoredGary Posted March 12, 2015 Author Share Posted March 12, 2015 What exactly are the things that you feel need to be "worked on"? Moving in after two years shouldn't seem like so much of a chore (rent aside). To sum it up in one word. Lazy. She's very lazy. I'll go into more detail if needed. Link to comment
1Love1 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Laziness (whether its job, home-life, or relationship wise) doesn't really change unless realization is made somehow. Maybe let her know what is lacking. Hearing a SO tell you a flaw usually hits harder than a friend saying so Link to comment
pippy longstocking Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 gary what the hell is going on .. she doesnt have sex , when she does she is creul and rude to you , she is happy to lay there and get and never give , she asks you if you are done yet ... I said on yesterdays thread that IMO she is happy to just be able to say she has a boyfriend , she likes the security , but has given up attempting to show you her love and certainly her desire ... now you are saying she is lazy .. There are so many issues to work on , I know you are not going to move in , but the more that unfolds the more I have to ask ..why ? why are you even with her . Link to comment
catfeeder Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 You don't have any incentive to move into a bad arrangement. If she's not taking no for an answer, it's time to question why you're staying involved with her in the first place. There are millions of people in the world to date--go find them. Link to comment
relevart Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 25? Too old for kids? That's a great age to start *thinking* about having kids. You're right to not want to move in with her just based on this thread. Apparently there is stuff going on mentioned in othert hreads. It sounds like you're being entirely reasonable here not moving in with her. Link to comment
JA0371 Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Didn't you just create a thread saying this woman doesn't even ever want sex with you?? How is she supposed to have kids without sex?? Immaculate conception?? My vote is do NOT move in!!!!! Link to comment
jimthzz Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I'd question the whole relationship at this point. Does she want you to think that you two would have more sex if you moved in with her? Would you feel less suffocated at the dinner table if you did? You two are in completely different places in life. Do not move in with her until and unless you two resolve your differences. Link to comment
BoredGary Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 I'd question the whole relationship at this point. Does she want you to think that you two would have more sex if you moved in with her? Would you feel less suffocated at the dinner table if you did? You two are in completely different places in life. Do not move in with her until and unless you two resolve your differences. Idk. My guess is the novelty of it. And she always says she misses me not being around all the time. I'm the opposite. I need my space and my time with my mates. I was miserable when we lived together at the start and apparently so was she. So it doesn't make sense her asking me to move in again. Link to comment
BoredGary Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 Didn't you just create a thread saying this woman doesn't even ever want sex with you?? How is she supposed to have kids without sex?? Immaculate conception?? My vote is do NOT move in!!!!! You know. The one time we do have sex that year Link to comment
BoredGary Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 25? Too old for kids? That's a great age to start *thinking* about having kids. You're right to not want to move in with her just based on this thread. Apparently there is stuff going on mentioned in othert hreads. It sounds like you're being entirely reasonable here not moving in with her. My friends said the same thing. I personally think she is only fascinated with kids because her sister has 4. She can see them, then when shes had enough she can leave. So she thinks they're cute etc. She doesn't think it through. Link to comment
Denguin Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Sounds like you think quite... well... lowly of her. Are you sure you want this relationship? Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 At the current point we are at in the relationship, I have absolutely no intention of moving in, getting married, having kids etc. There are ALOT of things that need to be worked on. I think that says it all right there. You don't want to just move in for the novelty. Also, I think it IS a good idea to move out and move in with male roommates or a room for rent at some point. Even if you are still saving money, its good for general development to do it - to manage your own bills, to get that sense of seperation from parents and love interests before even considering anything as well. I, like others, would review this relationship if her goal is to have kids before 25 and you are not on that bandwagon - but more so, are not on the bandwagon with her. if you don't see long term potential with her, I would rethink this. There are people who are not ready to have kids but know they have found the one that they would like to have them with when the time is right, even if that's down the road. You don't feel that way. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Let me ask you, why are you still with her? How old are you both now? Link to comment
BoredGary Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 Let me ask you, why are you still with her? How old are you both now? It will sound cheesy. But I love her. We're both early 20's Link to comment
BoredGary Posted March 13, 2015 Author Share Posted March 13, 2015 I do see a long term potential with her. I want a family etc. But I just don't feel she's ready. She feels immature to me. For example. She told me just yesterday that it was the 4th day she had taken her pill a couple hours late. She found it amusing where as I found it the complete opposite. IT'S MY LIFE TOO if something happens. She doesn't understand the consequences and now I don't even want to have sex anymore because she seems too irresponsible to trust. And before someone tells me to use condoms, we can't as she finds them painful and doesn't like them. I'm not a huge fan either. Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 You and she are just a mess. Irresponsible sex, lousy in bed, etc...... I honestly don't see any merit in continued relationship. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I do see a long term potential with her. I want a family etc. But I just don't feel she's ready. She feels immature to me. For example. She told me just yesterday that it was the 4th day she had taken her pill a couple hours late. She found it amusing where as I found it the complete opposite. IT'S MY LIFE TOO if something happens. She doesn't understand the consequences and now I don't even want to have sex anymore because she seems too irresponsible to trust. And before someone tells me to use condoms, we can't as she finds them painful and doesn't like them. I'm not a huge fan either. Ok, this woman clearly wants babies and clearly doesn't respect you. How do you see long term potential in a young woman who thinks missing birth control is a joke and is clearly irresponsible, is untrustworthy, is pressuring you to move in? And on top of it, you don't have the same timelines. Sometimes "love" is not enough. Ever hear of that saying? It has merit. Its nice to have warm squishy feelings for somebody, but if you are not compatible, it makes for an unstable long term relationship and marriage. There is just nothing else to sustain it if attraction is lost. I think not having sex is the best move you can make. All of the bonding hormones, and not to mention sexual gratification confuses the issue for you - and the issues will become more aware to you when you are not having sex with her for an extended period of time. A good "long term potential" happens when there is a foundation of mutual respect, common goals, etc. You guys don't gave much real, solid foundation aside from "time in" that you have done in the relationship and sexual attraction. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 IT'S MY LIFE TOO if something happens. She doesn't understand the consequences and now I don't even want to have sex anymore because she seems too irresponsible to trust. And before someone tells me to use condoms, we can't as she finds them painful and doesn't like them. I'm not a huge fan either. Yes, it's "your life too" if something happens, but it's unfair to label her "irresponsible" when you're not taking measures to prevent an unplanned pregnancy, either. You're both equally responsible for birth control. You need to own your part in this... Link to comment
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