lostandhurt Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Wow this thread is long! You have gotten some great advice and have taken some of it and also learned the hard way other times. There is no right or wrong in this stuff, only the easier way and the harder way. The facts are that you suddenly became boring and all those other things once the new guy entered her life and now that he is gone you are looking better all of a sudden. Remember the Seinfeld episode where he went up and down on the girls speed dial? You are simply a place holder until she finds someone she thinks is better. From what you have said I am not sure if she even knows what love is. You love(d) her and love doesn't just get turned off like a switch, well maybe by her but not by caring people so it will take time to heal from all this. The thing is if you keep picking at the scab it will never heal. Talk to her one last time if you must but draw the line and tell her that you are getting on with your life and she is not going to be part of it, girlfriend, friend, text buddy or acquaintance. Take the high road and wish her well and then hang up and get back to healing like you were. One day soon like has been said you will wonder why the heck you wasted so much time on her... Lost Link to comment
neverknowwhy Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 Hey, haven't heard from you since the first day I posted. Good to hear from you again. Of course I remember that Seinfeld episode, it's my favorite show. I do still love her. And I don't think that will change anytime soon. But she and I are two different people. Our views and actions speak volumes about the differences we have. And yes, you are right. I will wonder why I wasted so much time on her. She is the first girl that I have EVER felt the way I do about her. That's why it's hard for me to let go. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 This just shows you have a heart. The heart is a funny thing, it just wants to be loved and will ignore all kinds of dangers just to get that love, or in this case what passes for love in her heart. Time for your heart to take a back seat to your mind and logical thought. Your mind can win but you have to be vigilant. I tell people all the time to make it easy on themselves. NC is a great way to do that. Keeping busy with friends and family is another great way to feel loved and share good times. You will be fine and I am sure in a month you will feel even better but you need to stop talking to her for that to happen and you know this. You have been in a tough spot and have gotten great advice here but I know it can be hard to take when you love someone and people are telling you to just give up and stop talking to her. That is a choice you have to make for yourself and for your healing. There are far to many checks in the cons column for this relationship to continue. I am sorry it worked out this way but it is for the best for both of you don't you think? Lost Link to comment
neverknowwhy Posted March 2, 2015 Author Share Posted March 2, 2015 It appears that way, Lost. I do think that if she and I were not distanced, this would not have happened. And that's the trouble. The part I can't change because I lack the money to make it work. It is hard to listen to all of your advice. You guys know better than I do as to what is right in this situation. I'm emotionally invested and it clouds my judgment. I do feel bad though. I haven't shared with you guys the things that I liked about this girl. The things she did and said that only make me smile. I know that at one point in time I was everything to her. But I've only shared the negatives with you all. I've shown one person on this forum everything that I have saved of her. Everything she said that meant the world to me. I hope he can understand why I'm having trouble letting go. Link to comment
greta96 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 So yesterday on the phone, I talked to her about that instagram quote post. She said that what she wanted was to get Matt to like her back so she could just have the satisfaction and move on. See, this right here is your answer for why she's called you and wanted to talk to you so urgently. She's just looking for ego boosts from whomever she can, she clearly doesn't truly care about any of you guys, she's just playing with all of you in order to "get satisfaction". She has obvious issues, and she's measuring her worth by the amount of attention she gets from guys and by how much she can get away with. She doesn't love you, she just wants to reassure herself that she can have you take her back despite the pain she's put you through. She needs puppets, not boyfriends. Don't fall for her trap, or you'll find yourself hurting 10 times worse than you are right now. Link to comment
chamachama Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Dude, she broke your heart because she was BORED of you, and told you that? She told you that she wanted to hurt you? She told you that your personality is not what she envy's??! That you can't fulfill her? And that's NOT the worst of what she has said to you? Please explain what could possibly be worse than that aside from flat out cheating on you... I honestly can't believe you are wasting anymore thoughts at all on that piece of garbage. She's got no class, no respect for you or herself... she is an immature selfish as all hell little child who plays little games and has basically no sense responsibility or honor. Her actions with you and how she treats a GOOD man is nothing short of appalling. And when you step out and look at her horribly predictable behavior.... SHE is the one who is boring. She has no depth man! Who the hell says that stuff to someone they were with for so long?!? And as far as envying of a personality... I would sooner envy the personality of a wet shoe than her personality from what you've explained... Cut all ties. Delete all pics. Block her number. Filter her emails to junk. Defriend and delete from all social media. And never ever look back. The world is chock full of women who are beautiful inside and out that can offer up plates of experience to you that you never even knew existed...yet find that you're super attracted to. Every second more that you waste on that filth is a second you could have used finding a real actual person to be with. She isn't one of those. Someone who is actually close to your level. She is no where near it.... not by a long long long shot. Dude...SHE SUCKS! Period! Stop it with her already. She's poison. Seriously. Just stop.... Toss her aside like she tossed you. Only the difference is SHE DESERVES IT! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 . . another thought. If I trashed and humiliated a man the way she did you. .then had a selfish second thought and wanted to take you for a spin around the block again, I would ultimately have no respect for you. So, in the moment it seems like a good idea . .because I am lonely and need some attention but when that wears off I will ultimately look at you as the guy I can stomp all over and will come back for more. In the end I will want a guy that has enough self respect to tell me to F* off and not take me back. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 . . another thought. If I trashed and humiliated a man the way she did you. .then had a selfish second thought and wanted to take you for a spin around the block again, I would ultimately have no respect for you. So, in the moment it seems like a good idea . .because I am lonely and need some attention but when that wears off I will ultimately look at you as the guy I can stomp all over and will come back for more. In the end I will want a guy that has enough self respect to tell me to F* off and not take me back. Link to comment
chamachama Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 The decisions that you make in life, and how you treat "yourself" and the good people around you... define exactly who you are. Never forget that man. Decide to do what needs to be done with her. Erase her completely from your life and never look back. Link to comment
neverknowwhy Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 So yesterday on the phone, I talked to her about that instagram quote post. She said that what she wanted was to get Matt to like her back so she could just have the satisfaction and move on You are the new "Matt". See, this right here is your answer for why she's called you and wanted to talk to you so urgently. She's just looking for ego boosts from whomever she can, she clearly doesn't truly care about any of you guys, she's just playing with all of you in order to "get satisfaction". She has obvious issues, and she's measuring her worth by the amount of attention she gets from guys and by how much she can get away with. She doesn't love you, she just wants to reassure herself that she can have you take her back despite the pain she's put you through. She needs puppets, not boyfriends. Don't fall for her trap, or you'll find yourself hurting 10 times worse than you are right now. I'm pretty sure this is exactly what's happening right now. That's such a sh*tty thing to do. But I guess it's expected from her at this point. It's only a matter of time before she finds some other guy that she wants to jump on and then where am I? With my tail between my legs tossed to the curb another time. The week after we ended, I found this forum as a way to cope with the loss. She moved on, dated someone else, and came back. I think that alone shows the differences in how differently we cared for each other. I expect no sympathy from you guys. You've been there from the start and you've been right this whole time and I chose to do what I wanted. I think it's important for me to learn that, though. But it's really hard right now. She's controlling my thoughts again. If only I didn't respond to her text. Who knows where I'd be? Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 A few weeks into healing and finding yourself again. Start now. Link to comment
neverknowwhy Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Looked at her instagram again. Don't ask me why. 6 days ago guess what was posted? Her and that guy. I'm ending this tonight. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Looked at her instagram again. Don't ask me why. 6 days ago guess what was posted? Her and that guy. I'm ending this tonight. This isn't new news, not really. Now just happens to be the time you have chosen to accept it. Good on you. Link to comment
neverknowwhy Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 This isn't new news, not really. Now just happens to be the time you have chosen to accept it. Good on you. She messaged me 8 days ago with all that bullsh*t about missing me. Then 2 days later goes on another date with this clown. F*ck her Link to comment
mhowe Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Honey --- there is nothing to end. Simply block her. She messaged me 8 days ago with all that bullsh*t about missing me. Then 2 days later goes on another date with this clown. F*ck her Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 She messaged me 8 days ago with all that bullsh*t about missing me. Then 2 days later goes on another date with this clown. F*ck her Missing someone is not the same as wanting to be with them. And you choose not to be with someone who is using you as a crutch. Interpret her maintaining a connection with you for what it is - a safety net. Past time to close the door on being of service to her. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 She messaged me 8 days ago with all that bullsh*t about missing me. Then 2 days later goes on another date with this clown. F*ck her It's a reflection of her and has nothing to do with you. Don't let this take anything away from you. As hard as it may be, consider this recent round as a gift. The gift of knowing who she is, what she is capable of and knowing she doesn't deserve a guy like you. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Don't beat yourself up. We all stumble during times like these. If it were easy this forum would be empty right? PS You may want to watch your language on here, swearing is frowned on even if you leave letters out Redirect your thoughts with friends and family. To much time alone leaves the door open to the thoughts you are trying to avoid. Lost Link to comment
neverknowwhy Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Don't beat yourself up. We all stumble during times like these. If it were easy this forum would be empty right? PS You may want to watch your language on here, swearing is frowned on even if you leave letters out Redirect your thoughts with friends and family. To much time alone leaves the door open to the thoughts you are trying to avoid. Lost Yeah, sorry. I'm just furious right now. The fact that I fell for someone so self-involved, bratty, and immature. Doesn't care about me. Not one bit. I don't have any friends where I am right now. They all live hours away. And my parents and I barely speak to one another despite living together. I'm alone during the day and have nothing but me and my thoughts. It's a reflection of her and has nothing to do with you. Don't let this take anything away from you. As hard as it may be, consider this recent round as a gift. The gift of knowing who she is, what she is capable of and knowing she doesn't deserve a guy like you. It does not make sense how there can be someone like her. I cannot imagine a worse person to be in a relationship with. Link to comment
sky09 Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 And my parents and I barely speak to one another despite living together. Perhaps, you could focus on this relationship instead. Link to comment
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