24 days of no contact, she texted me. "I need to talk to you."

[sky09]

^What they said.

 

She told me about the guy she dated. How he was the one who wanted to rush in the relationship when she thought it was going to be a friendship. They ended it a while ago. Too many differences between them. I knew that from the start.

 

orly? all those "friendly" online posts and pics... also, what is a while back when you guys split less than a month ago? lol Run, man. It's all about her right now, she could give less than two craps about you.

[DepthOfField]

Brother - I see this as a blessing in disguise. You're seeing more of her true colours now. It's more clear she's not stable nor fit for a healthy relationship.

 

Now is the time to walk away with all your remaining dignity.

[mhowe]

Yeah...that speaks friendship to me!

 

He dumped her and now she wants you back.

 

She hasn't texted me in two and a half weeks now. I checked my phone this morning, and a text from her was the last thing I expected.

 

A little refresh to you guys:

 

We ended it because she didn't think we belonged and she wanted to be with someone else.

 

6 days after we decided to end it, she went on a date with another guy. On Valentine's Day, she posted a picture of her holding hands in a movie theater with the same guy. She was in a rebound relationship, I guess.

 

I haven't said anything to her since January 30. She hasn't said anything since February 7.

 

Now today, at 2 in the morning, she texted me, "I need to talk to you."

 

I'm really curious now what she wants to talk to me about.

 

Should I respond?

[chamachama]

She really is doing a number on you man. So she broke up with you and posted pics of her with another guy to get you to fight for her? Wow. I haven't the words to express what that makes me feel like. You've been going through hell this entire time. She is without remorse. She is basically an immature game playing selfish little girl who had GIGS and acted on it, trashing your heart and self respect in her wake. And once it didn't pan out he way she thought it would, she come crawling back to the safety of her former doormat. Sorry man but you know me by now. I don't sugar coat things for anyone. She doesn't care about you she cares about herself and that's it. That other dude saw her reptilian behavior and probably ran for the hills when she couldn't bully him. Now she wants her doormat back. My thoughts remain the same. She doesn't deserve you. Not by a long shot.

 

You'll do what you want though. God speed my friend. I wish you the best.

[neverknowwhy]

Thank you, chamachama. And I do appreciate you not sugar coating anything when you post. Your thoughts are the same as everyone else in this thread. She's immature, doesn't care about me, only came crawling back when it didn't work out, etc.

 

And you and everyone else have been right this whole time.

 

I've been out of town for the past three days and I haven't really spoken or texted her since that day. My mind's been off of her and it feels good. I'm reaching clarity. But now I'm back home and we'll see if that holds up.

 

I know that what she did was sh*tty. I know that she doesn't deserve me.

 

I might call her tonight and talk this through with her and let her know my thoughts. We'll see.

 

Thank you for your wishes. All the best to you as well.

[neverknowwhy]

It does feel nice that she came back to me. That means she thoughts of me. But why? Because she wants me to be there for HER when she needs it. The attention, the validation, whatever it may be. I find it hard to believe that I was 'plan b.' Call me arrogant, but I don't think she'll ever find someone better than me.

 

She talked about that guy like it was he who wanted the relationship and all that. But she made so many posts about him. Holding hands, the flowers, etc. "This is the man I get to kiss" ... Makes me sick.

 

And I did take everything she said to heart and I still think about it often. When I consider "getting back with her," that's in the back of my mind and I won't ever forget it. And you are right, I am fully aware of her faults. I've shared them with you personally. Deep down, I do realize this.

 

I do still love her. She isn't perfect, but she's far from good, especially TO ME. I know she's had a rough life though. A life of people leaving her and uncaring parents. It's not her fault. She claims she became what was done to her. Could be, I don't really know.

 

I don't plan on never talking to her again, but I don't think it's possible to get back what we had. Time apart is the best thing right now. And who knows? Maybe we can get a fresh start later down the road. Maybe not.

 

Thank you, Denguin. You've been an enormous help to me this whole time and I always appreciate your advice.

[chamachama]

Honestly, if I had a wish tonight it would be for you to tell her to go taking a running leap off a short peer. "This is the man I get to kiss"? Really?! Then go f'ing kiss him!!! What else did she say to you? Basically you're boring or you don't do it for her or something like that when she dumped you right? Please please please decided to choose the best most fitting words to tell her in the best possible way (a way she will never forget) to "PISS OFF!!".

 

Have a good evening.

[greta96]

If you call her, she will talk you into giving her another chance, and you will, because you have feelings for her.

And you know what's going to happen? Next time she gets the GIGS, she will do the same thing all over again, because now she knows she can. Once a safety net, always a safety net. Wanting a safety net is human nature, and hey, if the wronged party is game, then...why not try?

 

Don't look for the truth in her current words, but in everything she did when she thought that guy was going to pan out. Where was her love for you when she was happily flirting and daydreaming about that guy? Where was her loyalty? She was more than happy to throw what you had in the garbage, for a chance with this other guy. And you are being awfully naïve if you think the guy was behind all this, and he was the instigator. As a single guy, he was free to express his interest in her. But she was the one in a relationship, she was the one who should have said no. Instead, she dumped you in order to see how things worked out with him, hurt you in the process with zero concern about your wellbeing, and when things didn't turn out the way she had hoped, all of a sudden she remembered how much she "loved" you, and came up with a not-so-believable story to try and justify her actions.

 

You need to understand that what brought her back is not love. It's the fear of being single, the fear of uncertainty...she figured it's best to try to get back to the same old trusty boyfriend, at least until she finds a new object of desire. Basically, by entertaining her, you are setting yourself up for being used and discarded at a later date, when someone she fancies more than you comes along. And, she will lose all respect she has left for you in the process, because let's face it, when we treat someone badly and they take it and come back for more, we can't help but wonder "what the heck is wrong with them?". You can watch out for yourself and tell her you no longer wish to have anything to do with her, or you can do as she wishes, and have your heart torn apart in the not so distant future. The choice is yours to make.

[Kakoki]

Is it still Considered as GIGs if She left you for another guy because she feels attraction for this him?

[sky09]

Is it still Considered as GIGs if She left you for another guy because she feels attraction for this him?

 

"GIGs" is not some scientifically-proven term. It's just what "dumpees" use to soothe their pain. What it is, is somebody's immature ways of handling the "falling out of love."

[greta96]

To me, GIGS is when one of the partners starts wondering what it would be like to date/be in a relationship with/have sex/kiss/etc someone else other than their current partner. They feel things might be more exciting, they would be more loved, sex might be better, etc, with a new person, so they end their current relationship in order to experience someone new, whom they have either met or are looking to meet.

If things don't go smoothly for them, then they crawl back to their original partner.

Other people get GIGS and cheat, because they don't want to end or in any way disturb their current relationship.

[neverknowwhy]

We're going to talk tonight.

 

You guys are making really good points. Ones I didn't consider and now I'm rethinking everything I wanted to talk to her about.

 

Should I even mention to her the idea that I'm just a backup to her and why that's not at all going to work?

 

If I do what I think I should and what you guys suggest, she won't be in my life. Not even later down the road.

 

 

 

F*ck.

[neverknowwhy]

Honestly, if I had a wish tonight it would be for you to tell her to go taking a running leap off a short peer. "This is the man I get to kiss"? Really?! Then go f'ing kiss him!!! What else did she say to you? Basically you're boring or you don't do it for her or something like that when she dumped you right? Please please please decided to choose the best most fitting words to tell her in the best possible way (a way she will never forget) to "PISS OFF!!".

 

Have a good evening.

 

I can walk you through the whole break up, word for word. I have it memorized.

 

And let me preface this by saying the night before the morning we ended it, she made tweets about making some guy from her past her boyfriend. This isn't even the new guy she dated. Give me a break.

 

Late at night

Her: Wake up. I don't want to get attached to you being so far away.

 

Morning

Me: When you get up we can talk about it.

Her: No, I don't have time to talk about bullsh*t.

Me: Talking about us is bullsh*t? K. But here it goes. I'm more interested in you than you are in me and it's probably been that way from the start. You're more interested in that other guy, Matt. If that's the case, good luck to you. But I won't stick around.

Her: You're boring, to be honest. I'm bored.

Me: Judging by what you've said before makes me think otherwise. One day you'll realize what could have been possible. But if that's the way you feel, that's way you feel. Have a nice life.

Her: Possible, maybe not good or right. Maybe for you. I don't think I'd be fulfilled. Your personality isn't what I envy. I'm not drawn to you. I love you and I love you as a person. But that's it. We don't belong.

 

Damn. That's cold.

 

 

As for what I'm going to say, I'm not going to be cold, rude, or anything like that despite what she's done. That's not how I would like to end it.

[mhowe]

So why are you seeing her tonight? To hand her another knife?

[neverknowwhy]

So why are you seeing her tonight? To hand her another knife?

 

Not seeing her, talking on the phone. We're long distance.

 

And I'm going to tell her where I'm at and why I need time apart.

 

I never told her the night she called.

[mhowe]

You are apart. You need to disappear.

[Brotherhood67]

Man,

 

I just read your entire story and since I see some similarities with my own (LDR, banging another dude, etc.), I simply wanted to tell you something.

 

Get the F*ck out of her life. Now.

 

She is a selfish, immature, revengeful, bloated piece of a girl waiting to get her way with anyone she meets (or will meet, for that matter).

 

She is going to hurt you again, and again, and again, behaving like a friggin' brat and insulting you each time a little more, a little more, a little more....

 

Until you either throw her out or die of an overdose of "doormatism".

 

Chamachama, Mhowe and the others are not simply telling you that you probably should get the hell out and block her, they are telling you that YOU NEED to do it in order to stay alive emotionaly. It's called self-preservation at this point.

 

And from what I see, you are trying to reason a T-Rex looking at you with saliva dripping from its mouth. Ever watched Jurassic Park ? Yeah, well, this strategy rarely pays off...

[greta96]

Wow...it's not only cold, it's plain rude, how can you possibly continue to want someone like this in your life, when she talks to you like that? She makes me ashamed for the womankind.... You asked everything in a nice way, and her answers had nothing to do with your questions, and they were aimed at insulting you. Plus, she told you that you were boring! And that she didn't like your personality and she wasn't drawn to you. And that you didn't belong. And after all these slaps in the face, you're still buying her moronic excuses and are willing to discuss anything with her?

Well that's sad, and to be honest, I can see why she's being so disrespectful towards you, and why she thinks she can use you as a safety net whenever she pleases. Once you let someone get away with murder....you're done.

 

I hope you didn't go through with your planned phone conversation, and that if you did, you ended things for good, but I have my doubts. I wish I could make you believe that there are so many nice, polite, loyal and loving girls out there, who would make you much happier that this one ever would, but until you let go of this woman, you won't be able to meet one of those. Seriously, I rarely say this about fellow women, but your girl is trash (and talks like trash too).

[neverknowwhy]

She called me last night and we talked for a while. I'm not going to repeat some of the things she said. They pissed me off and would certainly make you all hate this girl even more.

 

But we talked about what happened that morning, January 30th.

 

By me saying that first part, "I'm more interested in you ... you're more interested in Matt," she said that really pissed her off. I don't know why, I didn't intend it to be rude or hurtful. She said that pissed her off and she wanted to hurt me back.

 

That whole conversation we had that morning, she was mad because of the distance between us and she thought I'd never see her. So she went into attack mode because she thought I was leaving her.

 

She told me again about the guy, and again, I won't repeat what was said because it makes me furious just remembering it.

 

But she told me that there isn't a guy out there that she likes/feels the way she does about me. Her voice was mostly inaudible (she was sad/tired), but I remember her saying that I was her soulmate on the phone. I didn't respond to that comment.

 

There's a lot about this girl that I haven't shared with you guys because it would do her no favors.

 

And to your last points. I KNOW that there are girls out there who would treat me with 1000x more respect. I KNOW that there are girls out there who are loyal and trusting. I KNOW that there are girls out there who would have actually felt sad and sh*tty after the breakup.

 

Before the breakup happened, she did something that again I will not repeat. I talked about it on some other forum, and EVERY SINGLE person's reply was that she was trash, bottom of the barrel, etc.

 

I just wish there was a way to get over her quickly. It's not possible though.

[mhowe]

It IS possible.

 

She is not part of your every day life. If you block her, and refuse to contact her, you WILL get over her.

 

Write down every single horrid thing she said and did. Put it in a drawer, and when you start to get nostalgic, pull it out and read it.

It will and should be painful to feel that level of disrespect.

 

Since we humans more toward comfort and away from pain, you will teach yourself that happy thoughts of her bring pain. And one day --- you will find that you don't have to pull out that piece of paper that shows what utter contempt she has for you.

 

"It pissed her off so she wanted to hurt me". That is one messed up child.

[sky09]

Imagine yourself as an addict and her as your fix. What do you do if you want to be sober?

[greta96]

It IS possible, as long as you want to do it. First thing you need to do is cut all contact with her. She sounds very toxic, so any kind of contact will be doing you a disservice.

I don't know the things she said to you, but they must be pretty awful, if you don't even feel like sharing them. Bottom line is that if a bunch of complete strangers off the internet saw the same thing, that she's trash, without knowing too many details, there must be some truth to it.

You sound nice, but hey, it's usually the very nice guys who get stuck with that type of woman.

 

So what was the conclusion, how did you leave things after your latest conversation? To me, everything she said doesn't hold any water, she's just throwing dust in your eyes to prevent you from seeing the bitter truth. I don't know if it's just games to her, or if she's really scared of being alone for a while, or she's just pissed because that guy she wanted probably pulled a "hit it and quit it" move, all I know is that what she feels for you is not love - far from it.

 

If you want to get over her, block her from everywhere, so she can't contact you. Then go out, do things, meet up with friends, heck, do online dating if you want, and you'll be over her in no time. There's really not much to get over, from where I stand. Pretty much any woman out there should be able to give you something more meaningful than she ever will.

[jennylove]

I've been known to put up with a lot of sh!!t from my ex. But even your story makes me livid!! Even I eould tell her to Leave me the hell alone, then block or change your number!!

[neverknowwhy]

It's going to make me sick, but here we go. A brief history of the last parts of our relationship.

 

January 29th, the night before the morning we ended it, she made a post on her instagram. It was a picture of a quote. Something along the lines of, "I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone." Her description for that post, "How do I unf*ck things up?"

 

This post was not about me. It was about Matt, the guy from her past that I found out she lied to me about. I told her I'm not going to be an option and she ended things with him. Earlier in our relationship, around mid January, we had an argument. In this argument, she said, "I'm not 100% committed because I still like Matt." She mentioned how I was the one who ruined their relationship. On twitter, her posts went like this. She posted a picture of Matt, some tall ginger. She said, "This is the guy I'm going to get back and make my boyfriend." "I never thought I'd fall for a ginger."

 

So yesterday on the phone, I talked to her about that instagram quote post. She said that what she wanted was to get Matt to like her back so she could just have the satisfaction and move on. Makes me steam just typing that. That's why I said what I did the morning we broke up. The part about her being more interested in someone else.

 

She had my attention and my love, but she wanted something else. Why does she need someone else's attention if she has my attention? Why did she post that when she knew I'd see it?

 

So we end it the next morning. We say what I've already shared and we go our own ways.

 

A few days later, a guy she's met before accepts her request on facebook. It's the guy she dated a week after we break up. She told me last night that SHE THOUGHT HE WAS CUTE AND JUST WANTED TO HOOK UP. I seriously cannot f*cking believe she told me that. SHE WANTED TO F*CK SOME GUY NOT EVEN A WEEK AFTER WE ENDED IT.

 

But guess what? The guy's a devout Christian. He won't swear, won't have sex until marriage, whatever else he believes, I have no idea and don't care. Her dreams are crushed. Everything she did was wrong to him. So they end it.

 

So she comes crawling back. I'm her safety net.

 

I could throw a dart out of my f*cking window and hit someone better than her.

 

I do not know if what she is doing with me right now is a game to her. She lost me and know she wants me back. Why? So she can have what she can't?

 

F*CK

[mhowe]

So yesterday on the phone, I talked to her about that instagram quote post. She said that what she wanted was to get Matt to like her back so she could just have the satisfaction and move on

 

You are the new "Matt".