I can take a non-response as a "no", right?

[boltnrun]

I've been planning a trip to a pretty cool place where I used to live. It's a destination city with tons to see and do. I'm planning to visit friends and catch up on new developments in the city. I'll be staying for a few days. Hotel rooms booked, rental car reserved, vacation time approved at work...it's a go.

 

I invited a friend to accompany me. I gave two weeks' advance notice of the trip. This friend as a rule never answers his phone but will call back (usually the next day). This doesn't bother me as I also seldom answer my phone but will return calls promptly. I got his voice mail and left a message explaining that I was inviting him to accompany me (as friends of course). I gave the dates and also a few details regarding the fact that I will not be spending the entire trip glued to his side since I have a couple lunches and a dinner scheduled with friends. However, I will be doing all of the driving and we would have plenty of time to explore the city together. I asked him to let me know either way (yes or no), making it clear that even if he said no I would still be going...so his response wouldn't affect MY travel plans.

 

I can't have my phone on me at work, but about an hour after I left the message he had apparently called me back (had a missed call on my phone) but he didn't leave a message, just hung up on my voice mail. In the two days since I left my message he hasn't called again and has not texted or messaged me in any way with an answer.

 

So, I can take the "non-response" as a "no"...correct? I feel I am not obligated to contact him to ask for a response. I feel that if he either wanted to go or had additional questions it would be up to him to contact me.

 

To be honest, I really don't care if he goes or not, I just thought it would be nice to have someone along for the drive (it's a few hours) and to go have some fun dinners and do some fun activities. I'll be doing those things anyway on my own, but to have a traveling companion would have been nice...but again, I'm going anyway and will have a great time, I'm sure.

 

So, my plan is to just go on my trip as planned without contacting him further requesting a response. Does this seem like the right plan of action? Or should I contact him again to ask for a response? Not sure of what the etiquette is when you've invited someone and they don't respond.

 

Thanks for any opinions.

[mhowe]

You are correct. Proceed with plans solo.

[boltnrun]

Thanks, I thought so but wanted to make sure I wasn't breaking some rule of etiquette lol. Not that this friend seems to know anything about manners! TBH, I'm a bit miffed at the non-response. How much effort would it take to text "Thanks for the invite, but I'm going to pass"?

 

I had another friend whine to me about how she was going to be all alone on Thanksgiving, so I invited her to my house for dinner. She said she'd let me know and then I never heard anything back from her for over a week! In the meantime she'd been posting pictures on Facebook of her trip to the mountains to go four-wheeling over the Thanksgiving weekend, but she told me she'd fallen and hurt herself and had been unable to leave home, and that her phone had died...but the pics stated they were posted from her mobile phone.

 

Looks like I need to weed out the flaky "friends" from my life!

[DancingFool]

Eh....your friend sounds like he has some serious hang ups about using phones. Either way, he called back chose not to leave a message. You saw that he responded but chose not to call him back. So you are both creating an awkward impasse where he is probably thinking you've changed your mind and you are sitting thinking he is rejecting the offer. Problem is that you are both making assumptions without actually communicating. Either call him or get new friends with fewer issues with communication.

[Andrina]

I would never travel with someone unless I knew they were on the same page as me (a compatible travel buddy). It doesn't sound like you know how he would've been in that situation, so it's probably best he didn't respond. As far as your flaky friends, I've come to the realization that so many people are highly flawed and often have no manners or common sense. Sometimes I feel like being a hermit, myself, but little bits of joy now and then from the the people in my life always reel me back in.

[HeartGoesOn]

Did he already book his own room?

[boltnrun]

I don't view a hang up call as a proper response. He could very well have left a voice mail or sent a text, but since he chose not to I don't feel like playing a guessing game. I suppose if I did play games I could call him back and hang up on his voice mail and expect him to view that as my response to his response lol.

 

I should add that he and I had made plans last month to go to happy hour and he was very diligent with his responses. He called several times to confirm (didn't just call and hang up and expect me to view that as a response). So he's capable of making calls and leaving messages. So I've just decided to assume that since he didn't in this case, he's not interested in going.

 

We have traveled together many times in the past years and years ago. And you may be right, I don't know if he would have been ok with being left on his own several times during the trip. If that was an issue he could decline the trip.

 

As far as whether or not he booked a room, I have no idea. I can't imagine why he would. If he did, I don't understand why he wouldn't tell me he planned on going.

 

I just know that if someone invites me somewhere I respond with a yes or a no. I don't call and hang up on their voice mail and I don't NOT respond. But then, I'm assigning my code of behavior onto someone else, which we all know is an exercise in futility.

 

But anyway, I will make the trip and I'm expecting to have a great time. So no biggie.