So, all my friends are in HAPPY relationships...

[Xin]

I'm in one, too, but it's not a happy one. It's long distance and my girlfriend is busy, so we don't talk much. Besides that, our ability to solve problems is non-existent because she silently holds resentment everytime she doesn't get exactly what she wants, causing her to treat me in a way that makes me feel disrespected.

 

So why am I still in this relationship? I'm a good-looking guy who is also intelligent and studying in an engineering major. I am also musically talented because I can play a few instruments, and I am decent at singing. I also work out, so I am in good shape. I've been told I'm fun to be around, and girls think I am charming and sometimes make them really nervous. I know that I am, atleast, attractive to women.

 

I know a lot of girls have felt this way, but as a guy it is a little strange for me to say: I feel like other girls are just trying to use me for sex, or just keep me around to make themselves look better. I am almost using the fact that I am in a relationship to avoid women who are trying to be with me just for something temporary. I am only interested in serious and meaningful relationships, but I've been told I give off the vibe of a bad boy/ player, and I have no idea how I am giving off that vibe because I am not even trying to. Whenever I go hang out with my friends, there is always at least one or two girls who are trying to get up in my space, and find moment to "isolate" me from the group. There was one time where I was getting a ride home from a friend after hanging out, and one of the girls from the group was also getting a ride. As we stopped in front of my house, the driver had to use the bathroom, so we all went in. As soon as the driver went into the bathroom, the girl pulled me up against her and the wall and probably expected me to do something, but I told her I was in a relationship. She said she didn't care, but I made some other excuse just so I wouldn't be sucked into meaningless physical intimacy.

 

All of this, and the fact that all of my friends are in serious, long term, and meaningful relationships, is starting to make me feel depressed. I'm in my mid-twenties, so I know I am still pretty young, but with everything else going on in my life, I feel like the best thing I can do is to share what I have with someone else. I've almost retreated from hanging out with friends in general, but it doesn't help with the fact I live in a shared house with 4 roommates, or rather, 2 couples. I don't know why I can't find women with the same mindsight as me and I don't know why I can attract all kinds of women except the ones that want to build a meaningful connection.

[coolgirl]

I know how you feel ! You get the feeling when is it going to be my turn to be in a happy relationship. Your still young and honestly your not missing out on anything. i rather be single rather than getting dragged down being dis respected or used. I came out of a bad marriage 5 years ago had my fair share of heart breaks and a broken engagement recently. Try to make yourself happy dont rely or depends on others to make you happy. For now stop looking and when the time comes it will happen. If you have time go read my recent thread about my broken engagement. hope this helps.

[ally765]

also to add to the above many people seem so happy in their relationship but not everything is as great as it seems. for instance I've even had people tell me they are jealous of me and my ''amazing'' long term relationship and want what i have.. but not everything is always a perfect as it may appear

[pippy longstocking]

also to add to the above many people seem so happy in their relationship but not everything is as great as it seems. for instance I've even had people tell me they are jealous of me and my ''amazing'' long term relationship and want what i have.. but not everything is always a perfect as it may appear

 

I agree with this ...what you think is going on ..isnt always going on believe me .

[Clinton]

Gosh it must be tough having all those women throw themselves at you expecting meaningless sex. Where are the nice girls when you need them.

 

You say you're intelligent but are hanging onto a relationship that makes you miserable. Why not break up with your girlfriend and try and find a girl you have something in common with who lives near you.

 

I'm sure among the hords of women attracted to you there must be at least one nice girl

[Theniceone]

it won't be the first time I tell you this Xin.... let your long distance girlfriend go! really. You two are not working and it is not just her fault. You have a part in this.

 

and I am not too sure ow you can claim not to find a woman that wants a meaninful relationship when technically you are in one. You are not available simply put., so of course you cannot find that woman that wants something meaningful with YOU and would show it. So if that is what you want to achieve, you break up with your girlfriend, who already mentioned her need for space. That way it will give you time and energy to be able to find one that will be more suitable.

[tattoobunnie]

I am only interested in serious and meaningful relationships

...but you're in one that makes you miserable now. If you want to find someone, don't tunnel vision yourself by staying on route to a dead-end.

[Xin]

also to add to the above many people seem so happy in their relationship but not everything is as great as it seems. for instance I've even had people tell me they are jealous of me and my ''amazing'' long term relationship and want what i have.. but not everything is always a perfect as it may appear

 

I understand that my be true, but I wouldn't say that if I didn't know for sure I live with 2 of these couples, and the rest are my close friends. It's ironic because I was the guy out of the group that was popular with girls in high school, and now that we are adults, we are all not so different in that we're all smart, intelligent, and on the road to success, but somehow I ended up not being happy in my relationships because I'm still attracting people with a mindset that is less mature.

 

I know for certain that they never argue. They have disagreements, and my friends sometimes talk to me about the disagreements they had, but they always manage to solve the problem without any yelling or anger. I would say that it's good that my friends and I are all capable of solving problems and settling disagreements before fights in relationships. However, most of them found women who are willing to compromise and also talk things out, while I found women who didn't seem to appreciate compromise so much.

 

Gosh it must be tough having all those women throw themselves at you expecting meaningless sex. Where are the nice girls when you need them.

 

You say you're intelligent but are hanging onto a relationship that makes you miserable. Why not break up with your girlfriend and try and find a girl you have something in common with who lives near you.

 

I'm sure among the hords of women attracted to you there must be at least one nice girl

 

 

it won't be the first time I tell you this Xin.... let your long distance girlfriend go! really. You two are not working and it is not just her fault. You have a part in this.

 

and I am not too sure ow you can claim not to find a woman that wants a meaninful relationship when technically you are in one. You are not available simply put., so of course you cannot find that woman that wants something meaningful with YOU and would show it. So if that is what you want to achieve, you break up with your girlfriend, who already mentioned her need for space. That way it will give you time and energy to be able to find one that will be more suitable.

 

...but you're in one that makes you miserable now. If you want to find someone, don't tunnel vision yourself by staying on route to a dead-end.

 

For these three comments, I am not even sure we're together anymore. I know that in the culture of some Asian countries, people find confrontation very uncomfortable. So they prefer to just disappear instead. And I seem to be on the receiving end of that from my foreign girlfriend. So currently, I am stuck in a limbo where I'm not sure of my relationship status, and even if I told her I wanted to break up, my message would be ignored. We haven't talked for about a month. I pretty much feel single. I sent one message a month ago, and it was ignored. I sent another one about 2 weeks later asking if we could talk and figure out what we will do, and that was ignored.

 

But, my conscious is yelling "betrayal" in my ear is I think about doing things with other girls, and I find it convenient that I can use the 'relationship excuse' if I am confronted with a girl that isn't looking for the same thing as me. There was no closure; she simply just disappeared.

 

And @Clinton, haha. Yeah, I'm sure a lot of guys would be totally fine with that. I wish I could be fine with that, but for some reason I just feel wrong doing those kinds of things. I guess, however weird it may sound, I have to be emotionally interested in a girl for me to even contemplate or feel comfortable being physical with a girl.

[catfeeder]

So are you hanging onto a bad relationship until you can leapfrog over to a better GF?

 

That makes no sense, because any decent woman worth her brain cells isn't going to demonstrate an interest in you while you're in a relationship.

 

So using the lousy relationship as a shield against women only screens away the good ones while the lunatics try to break in.

 

Think.

[Xin]

So are you hanging onto a bad relationship until you can leapfrog over to a better GF?

 

That makes no sense, because any decent woman worth her brain cells isn't going to demonstrate an interest in you while you're in a relationship.

 

So using the lousy relationship as a shield against women only screens away the good ones while the lunatics try to break in.

 

Think.

 

 

 

What you said makes sense. I don't think the relationship even exists anymore. We haven't spoken for a month, so I really don't have any idea what's going on. When people ask, I don't even know what to say. Thinking is difficult because I never received closure from this relationship.

[Capricorn3]

We haven't talked for about a month. I sent one message a month ago, and it was ignored. I sent another one about 2 weeks later asking if we could talk and figure out what we will do, and that was ignored.

Sounds like the relationship is finally over. This "relationship" was pretty incompatible at best and I am surprised you guys were still hanging on. I think she finally figured it all out and is moving on. So should you.

[catfeeder]

What you said makes sense. I don't think the relationship even exists anymore. We haven't spoken for a month, so I really don't have any idea what's going on. When people ask, I don't even know what to say. Thinking is difficult because I never received closure from this relationship.

 

Closure is overrated. It's an internal decision that you can make at any time.