Peony19 Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Before this guy and I have been talking (let's call him Steve) for the past year & two months, he had been dating his ex for five years and she became his first love with in that time. They did everything together, went to the same high school and he even lived at her family home for a while. They broke up when we found each other and by that time I was going through a break up with someone I thought I loved. Anyways, me and Steve recently just started talking heavier and he says he loves me but doesn't want to be with me for the excuse that he doesn't have s job get or that he's not going to college and think he wouldn't be able to do anything for me. I started loving him also but the problem I'm having is that he still loves his ex very much even though he wants to deny it. It's been a year and two months and he still misses her, mind you shes cheated on him with our whole entire town (and is currently cheating on her man), lied to him & broke his heart. She has a man & they've been dating for a year & she doesn't want Steve back but for the past 6 months I've been having nightmares that they get back together & right now this second I had another one. Today is also her birthday so in the back of my mind I'm thinking he's thinking about her more than ever today. However today is one of those days I need to vent & just wanna talk to him but he doesn't want to talk to me at all right now because of his show on Netflix & becuase he was having a rough day. I took that harshly. When I went to sleep after cursing his ass out, I had a dream that his ex was over and sat in the bed I was sitting on (in between him and I) we were laying down and she had get back up against the bed head. I knew who she was & Steve started feeling sad & like missed her a lot and was trying to slightly touch her & get her attention. I saw this and was crushed. When he left the room for awhile me and his ex started talking like we were best friends! I fell in love with this girl as if though she had been my best friend. When he came back, he didn't feel as tense & started playing with her & she kinda played back (she knows about us too). Then out of no where right in front of my face he kissed her & she took it. She was tickling him & you can just feel the love escaping his pores. You could just tell that he was madly in love with her, no denying it. I got up and went to the next room, had a panic attack & balled my eyes out because he didn't even consider my feelings or care. My dead aunt entered the room & told me to stop being a baby basically. I calmed down and went back to the room & told them how I was feeling. She totally understood but he didn't seem to kinda care, as long as him and his ex were on good terms that's all he cared about. Other things happened but this is all I remember..... What should I do? My dreams are known for coming true. Is it because today's her birthday & I'm scared he might reach out to her & miss her more which will ruin our relationship more? Do you think it's because I was thinking about that??? Help because now I can't sleep & I need answers also tell me what you think of our relationship please, because I'm thinking about walking away. Link to comment
charity Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Well the dream is obvious. This is your perception of how you see the relationship. These are exactly your worries, fears and insecurities and yOur head is trying to figure them out. It doesn't mean anything is going to happen, dreams are not magic...simply that this is what is happening in your mind. When you say what do we think of your relationship, what exactly do you mean. I thought he said no to a relationship? Link to comment
Peony19 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Yea he did but only because of his situation, he doesn't feel like it's right timing but we don't know what to call this because we act like a couple, his family thinks we are and friends, that's what I meant. hes very moody and makes me feel like crap sometimes and doesn't call me beautiful and has never taken me out, I'm always the one. At the same time, he's never left my side, always been there for me when I needed him physically for the most part & gave me a place to stay when I needed one. He's done a lot for me emotionally & is my first so it's 50/50 & I'm stuck on whether or not I should just give up and walk away or keep fighting for us. Link to comment
Miss Firecracker Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Walk Away Tell him when he is ready for a relationship to call you. Link to comment
charity Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I'm sorry but o be honest it sounds like all he wants from you AND is willing to give you is friendship....you're there for him so he takes you while you're there but he does not want a relationship with you. I don't believe its about timing at all. In my experience no matter how poor or busy a guy is, if you are special to them, they show it and more importantly YOU KNOW IT. I advise you to walk away from this thing. You'll be a mass of insecurity and confusion if you stay. Link to comment
Peony19 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 I don't blame him for wanting to take things slow but I don't wanna be pushy. He's gonna lose more than me, they have 5 years together that's why I'm still around. Does that make sense? I'm so confused.. Link to comment
Peony19 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Wow....I don't even know what's say. It's truly heartbroken to know that he's my first and we've been through so much together & this is how it has to end. You're 100% right. I just can't trust myself to ever speak to him. Every time I say I'm done I go right back. What can I do to change this? I've met someone else & like him & he spoils me but because of work and school we barely see each other so I feel not only abandoned by Steve but I'm starting to feel the same with the new guy. I'm comfortable with Steve but you're right Link to comment
charity Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 If he is someone that you've tried to stay away from and you keep going back then the only choice is to go complete NC which is very difficult especially as you feel he is your best friend. But I don't think you would regret it. Girl life is long and you will meet so many boys/men. You will learn something from all of them. Be glad of the time you've had with Steve, learn from it, learn what you don't want and what you Do want. Link to comment
Peony19 Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 I know I know smh just hard, when he's the only friend I have at that but I'm gonna take your advice and really try, I'm moving to Miami and I'll never see him like I do now so that'll also help me get over it. I cursed him out last night and he hasn't responded so when he does I'll read it, respond accordingly and then block him & focus on the new guy a little more. How's that sound? Link to comment
Man with Dog Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 A year after a 5 year relationship is not a great length of time. He probably is still partly hung up on her but is also partially healed. Things could work. It depends on whether he considers you more attractive or not (which he may well do). I bet he is also scared of losing you, too. People do go back to exes when in a relationship with someone else but the stats suggest that someone is far more likely to cheat with or move on with someone completely different. I understand why he's unwilling to commit. Most men would not unless they were working or working towards working. It could still work out for you. Good luck. Link to comment
relevart Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 What did you cuss him out for in your OP? Link to comment
daisybush Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Dont be confuse about anything just ask him whether he is interested or not and ask him if he is really wana start new realtionship with you or not else you should move and start new relation or move on. Link to comment
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