Redabc123 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Hopefully Im in the right thread. I have known this guy for about 5 years. We dated briefly for about 3 mon. I broke it off because I felt like he just wasn't ready for a relationship. We continued to be friends ( more like kissing buddies) for 8 months until he met someone that he began dating. It completely crushed me. We had a falling out and didn't speak for a few months. We began being friends again after he reached out. We then began being friends with benefits and that was a complete mistake because I got pretty attached and was crushed again when he began dating someone else. We had another falling out and I didn't speak to him for 2 years.( I ignored for phone calls, text, messaging). I had enough and he would always say that he was scared of commitment and we were so perfect together that it made him run away so he would have these empty relationships with other people that didn't last. It made no sense to me. So I figured I needed to time to get over him. 2 years later he reached out one last time. He wrote this long email about how sorry he was and he really missed me and although he wasn't ready for a relationship he wanted to keep in contact. I was really hesitant at first 1) because I hadn't dated in a while and was scared that I would get feelings for him 2) because I didn't know if things go in an awful circle as they had in the past. We have began a friendship but its so weird. We flirt all the time and he always tells me how beautiful and perfect I am which intimidates him. I know we will never be anything so I don't let it get to my head. But we have this amazing connection where I am so comfortable with him and we can laugh about the silly things that we can only understand, We have been there for each other through deaths and the family to break ups, but he always says how he doesn't want to hurt me and it makes him hesitant . We hang out maybe once a month which most of the time is initiated by him. When I go to initiate a hang out he always seems really hesitant and makes up that he has plans. I feel in my gut he is doing this because he thinks Im gaining feelings for him which Im not I just care for him as a friend. I don't know how to say this to him. I would like to hang out more and I know nothing will come out of it and Im ok with really being friends. It bothers me that he doesn't want to hang out because of this. Although he hasn't said it I can tell. Any suggestions on how to start the conversation? Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 He is right...he knows you will develop feelings...it has happened multiple times. So...he sees you on his terms. You would be best served to move on. You talk of his dating and getting in other relationships...have you. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 He is right...he knows you will develop feelings...it has happened multiple times. So...he sees you on his terms. You would be best served to move on. You talk of his dating and getting in other relationships...have you. The reason I developed feelings before is because he led me to believe more would happen. I think I know myself by now. He has been honest and told me that he isn't ready for a relationship so why would I develop feelings for him. Im want to tell him that I'm good with being friends and I want him to understand that and not be hesitant. And yes I have had relationships and have dated in between knowing him Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 The reason I developed feelings before is because he led me to believe more would happen. I think I know myself by now. He has been honest and told me that he isn't ready for a relationship so why would I develop feelings for him. Im want to tell him that I'm good with being friends and I want him to understand that and not be hesitant. And yes I have had relationships and have dated in between knowing him Move on from being his friend? Link to comment
jjkk Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Imo the urgency in wanting to explain this to him and spend more time with him seems like there's a bit more to it than "just friends" feeling. I suggest being 100% honest with yourself about what you want or any hope you have that something more could develop with this guy. From my perspective if you're truly 100% comfortable with just being friends, why does it matter if you only see him once a month or less? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 Imo the urgency in wanting to explain this to him and spend more time with him seems like there's a bit more to it than "just friends" feeling. I suggest being 100% honest with yourself about what you want or any hope you have that something more could develop with this guy. From my perspective if you're truly 100% comfortable with just being friends, why does it matter if you only see him once a month or less? Thanks for the reply I guess its not so much as seeing him is it is as I don't feel like like he 100 % comfortable with me Link to comment
JA0371 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 This guy sounds exhausting.....sorry.i would just stop taking his calls. Link to comment
jjkk Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Thanks for the reply I guess its not so much as seeing him is it is as I don't feel like like he 100 % comfortable with me Maybe he's not and that's his deal and there's really nothing you can do about that. As far as how to go about the conversation...personally I don't think I would but if you really must I suggest being direct and honest. Don't beat around the bush, it leaves too much to be interpreted. Be direct in a way that makes where you're coming from clear. Link to comment
weathergirl Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Clearly he prefers keeping you at a "safe" distance and there is a reason for that. He's either not that into you, is seeing someone else or others or is afraid of getting too close to people. If you're okay with this once a month arrangement and can sincerely say in your heart of hearts that you're okay being friends, then I would not suggest talking to him about your "feelings" .... cause with guys like him you might, and probably would, push him away for good and lose the friendship. If you want more than friends, and frankly it sounds like you do, then just walk away. He is who he is and no amount of talking or sharing your feelings is gonna change that... Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Oh jeez, this guy sounds just like my ex. Do yourself a huge favor. Look back over your long history together, ask yourself why you keep getting suckered back in by a guy who has never committed to you, and feeds you the most stupid lines about why he won't commit to you, but will to other woman, and then end things once and for all. Don't go six years like I did before I finally pulled the plug, because while they may keep running back to you they also keep running away from you. And that's not a relationship, it's a train wreck. You'll climb out of the wreckage when you're ready to stop being backburnered and want to find something real. And it will have to be with someone else, because this guy will never give you that. Sorry. Link to comment
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