So my gf of two years broke up with me...

[BrokenGator]

Like any other friend. You can't pretend you are strangers.

 

Yeah I think if I ignore her, then it will come off as i'm being stupid and still mad.

[IAmFCA]

Yeah I think if I ignore her, then it will come off as i'm being stupid and still mad.

 

Exactly. You treat her like a normal friend. Not an extra special one, and not a distant one either. Use neutral behavior, and use other friends as a buffer until you are comfortable you are able to strike the right balance (which often requires practice).

[BrokenGator]

Exactly. You treat her like a normal friend. Not an extra special one, and not a distant one either. Use neutral behavior, and use other friends as a buffer until you are comfortable you are able to strike the right balance (which often requires practice).

This is all so difficult. I wish I could just snap my fingers and have her back.

[saluk]

Sometimes I ignored her. Sometimes I tried way too hard to be friends. Sometimes I tried to treat her like one of my many female acquaintances that I do not have feelings for.

 

I don't know which approach worked better than the others. Things finally got better, to where I don't have to think about what the best approach is. It's just natural, and I think time was really the deciding factor here. Time and a commitment to the idea that no matter what I do, she is her own person able to make her own choices, and even when I disagree with them, from her perspective they are valid. Nothing I can do would ultimately change her mind. I wouldn't even ACCEPT her back unless I knew for sure that she made up her mind on her OWN.

 

None of those varied approaches made her suddenly want me back. You might as well wish to snap your fingers and not want her anymore. That might actually happen in time, and you will be just as happy as a result.

[IAmFCA]

There are many things in life about which I wish I could snap my fingers and get results.

 

The challenges we face serve to prepare us for the rewards that will come later. Snapping our fingers would only give us callouses.

[BrokenGator]

I agree. If she comes back I want her to be back because she wants to be back for good.

[BrokenGator]

Now my exgf is trying to alienate me from our common friends. She invited all of our mutual friends to go out and she didn't tell me. And she basically told everyone not to tell me. But some told me anyway. How stupid can this get?

[saluk]

Organize something with them another time that doesn't include her - and start looking for other friends too. Sorry it is like this, but with common friends, it's going to be a concern for most group events. "Do we invite x or not?" Sometimes the answer may be yes, and sometimes the answer may be no.

 

She most likely isn't trying to alienate you on purpose. It will feel like that, but it's just awkward in general. And everyone in the group is going to have a different idea of the best way to deal with the situation.

 

With you still feeling so strongly about her and thinking you can get back together and work out, it's actually a blessing not to be invited. Because if you are invited, then you have to decide if you should actually go. Which is a huge decision. Every time I was invited to things and not invited, there was anguish. But I prefer the times I wasn't because there was no decision to be made.

[mhowe]

It can get a lot worse. Join the gang. Don't play her games. You have no reason to shy away.

Be the bigger.person and she will look the fool.

[BrokenGator]

It can get a lot worse. Join the gang. Don't play her games. You have no reason to shy away.

Be the bigger.person and she will look the fool.

 

Some of the mutual friends told me so I think I'm going to go. I'm not going to let her control my life and manipulate my friends. I thought she was a nice, sweet person but I think in the end, she ended up being conniving. Honestly, I am no longer interested in her because it seems like her true self is coming through.

 

If she wanted to spend time with friends alone, she could have spent time with her own friends that aren't mutual. She's playing games with me right now. I also understand that she's probably pissed off that I am going.

 

Also, she lives about 60 miles away from where we are going to out. When we go out, I am always the one taking her home to make sure she makes it safe. I wonder who she's recruited to take her home! lol

[misssmithviii]

Oooh yeah the mutual friend thing is tough...

 

My ex and I were together for 4 years and really grew close to the same people. When we broke up, his friends actually preferred to hang out with me more, but I made it easy by making sure I only hung out with them when it could be without my ex. I cultivated other friendships too so that if our mutual ones were busy, I still had options of people to go out with.

 

If I were you, I would go and make sure to focus on your friends and not her or whomever she's "recruited" to take her home.

 

I agree completely with mhowe... when you're the bigger person, she'll just end up looking silly. In fact, that's what happened in my situation. Our mutual friends were so off put by how much my ex would insist I not be anywhere near any of them, that they started inviting me and me alone. Now, half of the mutual friends actually invite me and my current boyfriend (of a year+) because they legitimately were MY friends too.

 

Things always work out when you do your best to be unaffected by post-relationship drama.

[BrokenGator]

soooo... I just got home from the outing.... and going was the best decision I made! I pretty much ignored her all night and barely looked at her. The only time we talked was when she said something to me and I always replied with something short, respectful, yet not bitter. "Oh that's awesome!", "Cool! Thanks!", etc... and then turned my attention to someone else. MANY times during the night, I could see her attention was just drifted away either staring at the floor or the wall. A few times, she seems to just walk away on her own, where someone would end up like running after her like they were consoling her or something. I continued having fun with all my friends and had a great time. I NEVER looked upset. As a bonus, one of my friends brought her female cousin and I talked to her a good part of the night.

 

You know, I have been nothing but respectful and loving to my exgf and her family and I did everything I possibly could. I didn't deserve what she did to me. She will regret her decision sooner or later, but at the end of the day, she missed out on a super awesome guy! I deserve someone who appreciates me and my awesome qualities.

[Lonewing]

and it shocked and devastated me. When I asked her why, she told me it was because her feelings changed and it had nothing to do with my actions. My exgf was always telling me how much she loved me, how lucky she was to have me, etc. We had a serious relationship where we were constantly visiting each other's families, our families were visiting each other, and we had talks and plans on marriage. I feel like she faked the relationship for two years... I feel so used. I don't know what to do in terms of trying to get her back. Any ideas?

 

It happens, man. Once people change their hearts, there's usually very little to get back by following them much further.

[BrokenGator]

Anyone have any feedback/thoughts on what happened? Just trying to make sense of the situation.

[BrokenGator]

It happens, man. Once people change their hearts, there's usually very little to get back by following them much further.

 

I'm not definitely not going to chase her. I made it very clear to her my thoughts and feelings and what I want. The ball is completely in her court.

[mhowe]

It was the best possible outcome.

[BrokenGator]

It was the best possible outcome.

 

In what sense? Why do you say that? Can you elaborate?

[mhowe]

You acted normal...she, who broke up with you was seen as not the upset, manipulative ex trying to alienate your mutual friends. If she keeps this up she will find herself excluded.

[BrokenGator]

You acted normal...she, who broke up with you was seen as not the upset, manipulative ex trying to alienate your mutual friends. If she keeps this up she will find herself excluded.

Of course no one really knows what was going through her head. What do you think she was thinking? Do you think she could be questioning her decision after seeing me act like myself and have fun? I think if I broke up with someone and then I see them acting like they don't care anymore, I would start questioning if it was the right thing to let them go.

[mhowe]

No, she isn't questioning. She is likely upset that you don't seem phased by the break up.

Some girls like drama. And the posting and walking away from the group...just childish.

Continue in the same manner...join up with the group when you are inclined...and expand your social circle. You don't need to prove anything to her....she excused you from her life.

[BrokenGator]

No, she isn't questioning. She is likely upset that you don't seem phased by the break up.

Some girls like drama. And the posting and walking away from the group...just childish.

Continue in the same manner...join up with the group when you are inclined...and expand your social circle. You don't need to prove anything to her....she excused you from her life.

We will see how it goes. I think at the end of all of this, she will want to be back. I hope she does it before I fully move on and have someone else in my life.

[maccerz]

and it shocked and devastated me. When I asked her why, she told me it was because her feelings changed and it had nothing to do with my actions. My exgf was always telling me how much she loved me, how lucky she was to have me, etc. We had a serious relationship where we were constantly visiting each other's families, our families were visiting each other, and we had talks and plans on marriage. I feel like she faked the relationship for two years... I feel so used. I don't know what to do in terms of trying to get her back. Any ideas?

 

Unfortunately this absolutely does happen. I was completely obsessed with my ex boyfriend for 2.5 years and practically over night my feelings changed. I hated myself for it because he was wonderful and if I there was anything I could have done to get those feelings back I would have.. I kept the relationship going for a few more months but it became very clear for both of us that things just weren't the same anymore.

I'm so sorry this has happened to u, I wouldn't wish the situation on my worst enemy but let me assure u that if she's anything like me then she definitely loved u, none of it was fake.. sometimes feelings just change sadly!

Give her some space, let her think everything over, this may not be the end she might just need a bit of time to figure things out!

[BrokenGator]

Unfortunately this absolutely does happen. I was completely obsessed with my ex boyfriend for 2.5 years and practically over night my feelings changed. I hated myself for it because he was wonderful and if I there was anything I could have done to get those feelings back I would have.. I kept the relationship going for a few more months but it became very clear for both of us that things just weren't the same anymore.

I'm so sorry this has happened to u, I wouldn't wish the situation on my worst enemy but let me assure u that if she's anything like me then she definitely loved u, none of it was fake.. sometimes feelings just change sadly!

Give her some space, let her think everything over, this may not be the end she might just need a bit of time to figure things out!

Thanks for the feedback. We will see how it goes. I'm giving her space no matter what. If she decides to come back to me it has to be because she wants to nor because I convened her.

[maccerz]

Thanks for the feedback. We will see how it goes. I'm giving her space no matter what. If she decides to come back to me it has to be because she wants to nor because I convened her.

 

Yep you're dead right, you're handling the whole situation really well from what I can see, well done! And just keep reminding yourself that whatever is meant to be will be, maybe this will work out, maybe it wont but either way you will be absolutely fine! You just focus on looking after yourself and continue being the kind person that you obviously are, it'll really stand to u in the long run!

[BrokenGator]

Unfortunately this absolutely does happen. I was completely obsessed with my ex boyfriend for 2.5 years and practically over night my feelings changed. I hated myself for it because he was wonderful and if I there was anything I could have done to get those feelings back I would have.. I kept the relationship going for a few more months but it became very clear for both of us that things just weren't the same anymore.

I'm so sorry this has happened to u, I wouldn't wish the situation on my worst enemy but let me assure u that if she's anything like me then she definitely loved u, none of it was fake.. sometimes feelings just change sadly!

Give her some space, let her think everything over, this may not be the end she might just need a bit of time to figure things out!

I think it's normal for feelings to change seemingly overnight after two years because at that point that puppy love honey moon phase is practically over. I think many people mistake the end of this period with the end of people in love.