So my gf of two years broke up with me...

[BrokenGator]

What were all your fights and arguements over?

Usually misunderstandings or because she didn't think I took her out to dinner enough (yet we are almost always doing something together like cooking, zoo, hobbys, etc), sometimes I have to work late during the week (and I always make sure to make it up to her any way I possibly can), sometimes we get annoyed with each other for petty things but we apologize to each other and get over it and we go back to being loving and caring to each other and remind each other that we are better than that.

 

There are times where we had to make decisions between two important events that are happening at the same time. So that would start a discussion where we have to figure out how to make both events to meet commitments for both hosts.

 

We were always together doing something together so she should have never been neglected. I have never said to her "hey I'm going to hang out with my buddies instead of us doing X.". We enjoyed being together in each others presence.

[mhowe]

She sounds very immature.

[BrokenGator]

She sounds very immature.

Yeah... I think it really comes down to that. She wanted to live a fairytale life and couldn't handle the "real world". The honeymoon phase waned a bit and she jumped ship. Her loss

[chamachama]

First off, some of that is not in the past tense. Its not "yet we are" it's "yet we were". And whether you want to admit it right now or you are so deep in denial that you can't even see the tiniest bit of reality yet, your relationship with your gf was not perfect....at all. She wasn't perfect to or for you, and you weren't perfect to or for her. Or you would still be with her.

 

And it wasn't something you did or something she did. It just wasn't there between the two of you to last longer than it did. When I re-read your post I see someone who is trying desperately to make sense of things and put some sort of "I was so amazing to her that she will totally come running back no doubt!!!" spin on it.

 

Your relationship failed man. Probably about and equal split of incompatibility, mixed with some resentment, inability to communicate, and a splash of GIGS... But whatever the reason, the future is the same. The girl is your ex now and you are no longer in a relationship with her. Start accepting.

[BrokenGator]

I've already accepted she's gone. I don't bother trying to communicate with her or reach out to her in any way whatsoever. All relationships have issues, only mature people are able to keep a relationship going. I was amazing to her, I put her and her family above myself and my family almost always. Accepting she's gone and recognizing all the effort I put into her and the relationship are not mutual exclusive. She took me for granted. I would pretty much always open doors for her, even when she's driving her own car. If for whatever reason I get distracted or my mind is else where and I forget to open her door she would complain I wasn't opening her door. This is the same person who said no one has ever opened a door for her before. If she was pissed off at me as we were walking to the car, she would try to walk ahead of me and beat me to opening her down door... kinda like a way to stick it to me... lol who does that kind of stuff??? then even after all of that, I would try to make peace with her so we would get on with our lives.

[chamachama]

Dude, your so called amazingness has a name. Its called co-dependency. And it completely destroys relationships everyday. Start looking it up if you want to learn why no one should "always" put their sig others above themselves. And it looks like she knew it too. Because what you basically describe as her cute way of running to the door before you can open it, was her way of involuntarily showing you that there was a real issue. And she knew how to exploit it when she wanted to.

[mhowe]

She never carried her weight in the relationship. She acted like a princess and you put her on a pedestal. Recipe for disaster.

[BrokenGator]

Dude, your so called amazingness has a name. Its called co-dependency. And it completely destroys relationships everyday. Start looking it up if you want to learn why no one should "always" put their sig others above themselves.

 

I just read what codependency is. I'd hate to tell you, but I don't think that is the primary reason why the relationship failed. If I had to work late, I tell her I couldn't hang out with her then. Or if I had to work on my car on Saturday, I tell her that I won't be able to visit her that day, but she's more than welcome to come help me on my car. I don't drop my life for her. But if her grandma is having a birthday, I prioritize that over a dinner with my parents.

[BrokenGator]

She never carried her weight in the relationship. She acted like a princess and you put her on a pedestal. Recipe for disaster.

 

Yeah, and the fact that she has the personality where she wants to be 100% happy 100% of the time. As soon as a wrench is thrown in there, she can't seem to handle and resolve conflicts easily.

[chamachama]

I just read what codependency is. I'd hate to tell you, but I don't think that is the primary reason why the relationship failed. If I had to work late, I tell her I couldn't hang out with her then. Or if I had to work on my car on Saturday, I tell her that I won't be able to visit her that day, but she's more than welcome to come help me on my car. I don't drop my life for her. But if her grandma is having a birthday, I prioritize that over a dinner with my parents.

 

Don't hate to tell me lol. Even your last post says co-dependent man. And again with the past tense thing. The first step in fixing something is admitting it in the first place. You bent over backwards for her. You say it in many many of your posts. Bending over backwards for someone is never a healthy dynamic in a relationship and eventually you become addicted to bending over backwards....which basically becomes co-dependency. I know its tough to fathom that all that effort was too much freaking effort but, it was.

 

And she sounds like she has a bit of a narcissist disorder to be honest. And she sounds a bit like an ex of mine who was the same way. She never wanted to argue EVER (not that anyone should want to but thats life) And as soon as the seas got a bit rough....BOOM she would run. That's classic narcissism. You're not worth the fight. "Life is beautiful and don't you even think about messing up my beautiful day... or I don't want to know you anymore." No bueno.

[BrokenGator]

Yeah, we probably dated the same ex. lol What do you mean by the past tense thing? I bent over backwards for her because I wanted to be there for her and fer family as much as I could. However, I didn't do it to make myself feel better or to fill some kind of insecurity in me. I did it because I genuinely loved spending time with her and being around her and her family.

 

And don't get me wrong, she put in effort for me. She would do little things for me or buy me a shirt she thought I looked good in, etc..

 

She also left me for someone else. Two days after breaking up with me she started hanging out with the same person I asked her if there was something going on between them. Which means she emotionally cheated on me.

[chamachama]

Lol maybe, did your ex have an accent? And if so where is she from?

 

It takes time to really understand what happened and why man. Sometimes you never understand everything that went wrong. But you do put her on a pedestal still and you're without a doubt in denial of what occurred, while you're beginning to accept that its over. But that's fairly standard for the course. Eventually you'll be more like "whaaaaaat the flipping hhhhcccheck was I even thinking being with her?!?!

 

For now, just try and start doing things for yourself like working out, eating healthy, and meeting new people doing new cool things...

[BrokenGator]

Lol maybe, did your ex have an accent? And if so where is she from?

 

It takes time to really understand what happened and why man. Sometimes you never understand everything that went wrong. But you do put her on a pedestal still and you're without a doubt in denial of what occurred, while you're beginning to accept that its over. But that's fairly standard for the course. Eventually you'll be more like "whaaaaaat the flipping hhhhcccheck was I even thinking being with her?!?!

 

For now, just try and start doing things for yourself like working out, eating healthy, and meeting new people doing new cool things...

 

No, she didn't have an accent.

 

You're saying I'm still putting her on a pedestal? Not really, I don't see her the same way I saw her in the relationship. I had high respect for her, but now that she broke up with me to be with someone else, I see that she's has low character. Also, you didn't explain what you mean with my and "past tense" ?

[BrokenGator]

What were all your fights and arguements over?

 

I just remembered something she got upset over close to break up day. Her grandma sent her to the market to buy a few things and I tagged along to keep her company and to just hang out. So she gathered all her stuff and I decided to grab something separately. When we got to the cash register, I pulled my thing to the side so I could pay for it myself. Afterwards she got all upset at me telling me that I wasn't being enough of a gentleman to just pay for the rest of her grandma's stuff. ?? lol

[chamachama]

Past tense is that in some of your posts you say "we are like this" instead of "we were like this". You're still writing like you're with her involuntarily.

[BrokenGator]

Past tense is that in some of your posts you say "we are like this" instead of "we were like this". You're still writing like you're with her involuntarily.

Yeah I understand what you mean now. I always think of her in the past tense now.