I'm moving on from betrayal but some days are still difficult.

[havannahg]

hey guys last time I posted I shared the story of my ex bf and my best friend whom started seeing each other behind my back and my friend not having any remorse.

 

I've moved on and I've discovered the light and I've strengthened myself... I'm also on the right track to healthy healing but some days are still tough.

 

although he did this to me sometimes I sink in sadness for a little while because i miss him but I try to figure out if I miss him or just our memories. he didnt want to be with me anymore I accept that ...my friend is a w***e who doesn't care about anyone but herself ive accepted that. but some days I still miss them both and I question if they ever think about me and my broken heart.

 

when my ex first came to confess to me abt him and her he started off honest but then retracted his statements and said he's kidding they are not together and my friend would never do that to me. since I cared so deeply for him and we've been on this on and off thing or rather... he was all i wanted and he was always there for me no matter what everything I needed etc. oh and whenever I wanted sex...yea. anyway, he says he was kidding so I felt better though I knew better and got closer to him that day. he wanted to have sex but I refused because I was uneasy abt something's but I still kissed him, touched him, allowed him to do what he wanted to me. in my mind this is just us... not paying attention to the fact that before we did all this he said to me "this is between us"...which I thought was strange cuz its always just btwn us though I told my "best friend" everything I never told her intimate details about my relationship with him. moving on, when he left my house that day that's when my friend texted me and told me everything about him and her... that they've been seeing each other for a few wks etc. though she just confirmed what I already knew I just felt used by him. who does he think he is. how can anyone be so cruel.

..

 

I began feeling a long time ago though its only been 8 months since we've met and began dating the past. couple months I began feeling as if our relationship was only abt sex to him...cuz I cared about him deeply and would only want to be with him. I was very loyal to him.

 

after everything came out and I expressed to them exactly how hurt I am as if I they don't already know. it was like nothing... all of a sudden my friend didn't seem to care though just before she was do sorry and was crying over it. but my ex knowing the attachment I had to him asked me a couple times if I wanted him to leave her...i told him no be cause I knew he wouldn't. and I deduced that some how he's afraid of being completely honest with me...not necessarily afraid of hurting me but he can't man up and face me. I've blocked all contact from them but i noticed still a couple wks ago (its been a month btw) he texted saying if we could talk and he'd do anything I want. I never responded. when I go out I see him and her together and its like he wants me to see him,, look at him etc... and she wants me to see them. its strange.. I went out once n I even saw him with other girls. I just laughed.

 

some days I miss him so much I still have dreams of him...smell him...etc. but I love myself way too much. I know my previous post is similar but this is just my difficulty right now this situation...and I don't vent to anyone as I am trying to remain strong and focused.

 

why do I miss him? u guys think he cares about me in any way?... don't worry I'm not stupid enough to go back. but I know when I'm fully healed and no longer confused and can bare it I wont mind being his friend again. I just loved him and this situation is beyond me.

 

can you guys please speak on what kind of person he is and give me some sound advice on his character... or mindset and what I should expect from him moving forward. I'd appreciate it. I just need to talk sighs.

 

with love, H

[Clinton]

So your ex betrayed you by having an affair with your best friend and you want to remain friends with him??

 

I'd say time to grab some self respect and ditch both of them permanently.

 

You sound totally desperate to stay connected at any cost. That's not healthy. You need to totally let go and heal

 

You want to know what kind of person he was? He's a slimeball, a sleeve bag, a @

 

Be his friend at your own peril.

[havannahg]

oh no. trust me. I've blocked all contact with them I don't talk or seem them at all. I am completely over their presence in my life

like I said the road to healing gets kind of sad some days and I get these feelings so I'm. rlly just venting. other advice is helpful still. like I said when I lve completely healed myself and moved on... maybe i be friends with him again...it will depends if i even have the urge when the times comes. but don't get it wrong... I've removed them from my life.

[ParisPaulette]

I think you were betrayed in a way your ex and best friend should and did know better than to do, but did it anyways. I know it hurts, but as more and more time passes you will see that that sort of toxic individual is nothing but a liability to have in your life. Him contacting you is about him easing his conscience and/or seeing if he can get two girls for the price of one. Again, a very selfish unmanly, cowards way.

 

I think you dodged a serious bullet and this guy doesn't know how to be faithful to anyone, but his own desires. It was for eight months and in that eight months you witnessed the mask come off and his true nature shine through. Ditto the friend. Even if either one apologized and begged for a second chance I wouldn't give it to them, because the chances they would do it again, that they are both just too willing to toss someone close to them under a bus says more about their character and basic natures than any words ever could.

 

Stay NC with them both, refuse all contact, act like you could care less if you see them in public--they have no way of knowing if it's an act or not--and move on. You are healing, and you will continue to heal. They on the other hand will continue to be the sorts of people who toss their friends and loved ones under a bus--not a good thing to be, right? Sometimes we get tangled up with toxic people, I guess the trick is in whether you allow that toxicity to become a part of your life or not. And I'd say you're emotionally healthy and mature enough, confident in yourself enough, to decide you want no part of it.

 

You will be fine as long as you keep both of them and anyone like them away from you. And I would never be friends with someone who did that to me, because they've already proven themselves to be disloyal when the chips are down. That sort of person will continue to sabotage and stab you in the back every chance they get, so being friends with him OR her again at any future date, even if you forgive them and move on, is really, really bad idea. You'll get burned again, trust me.

[lostandhurt]

What you described is two very selfish people. As you said they only care about what makes them feel good no matter who it hurts, even a best friend.

 

I think you are lucky they have both been exposed as what they are. Liars and cheaters. Do you really want people like this in your life? I doubt it.

 

Healing always has its ups and downs. That is how you know it is real. If you said "Okay I am going to heal and move on" and then went about your life without thinking about them and always feeling great then how real would your healing be? It is like the person that jumps right into a new relationship without going through the process of healing.

You had strong feelings for him so you are grieving not only the loss of a him but the loss of a friendship. You trusted them and they betrayed you. Not hard to figure out their character is it?

 

Stay total no contact on them both, spend time with people that love you and your healing will continue. The good days will get longer and longer and the bad days will get farther and farther apart.

 

Best wishes

Lost

[havannahg]

you all are amazing. thank you for truly understanding. I will definitely continue on strong. thank you again