Is wanting to date others/having doubts always a bad sign?

[sidburn]

I am in a very happy relationship and we have discussed marriage, but lately, I've been feeling like something is a bit...off. I've found myself seriously questioning whether I'm ready to dedicate myself to one and only one person for the rest of my life, and whether she really is the one, even though she has pretty much all the qualities I desire in a girlfriend. I've also found myself missing single life, wondering how Tinder works, wanting the excitement of going on a first date again...and I'm just completely confused as hell. Is it normal to have these pre-commitment jitters? Are these doubts always harbringers of relationship doom? I'm 26, so not super young, but still young enough to want to try the dating pool a little more.

[DancingFool]

To me that means that I'm not dating the right person. Even though they check all the marks on the list, something serious is missing on a deeper level. The relationship, even though it seems good and happy, is ultimately superficial. When I am with the right person, I have zero desire or interest in others. To me personally, it's not about commitment jitters, it's a clear sign that I would be committing to the wrong person and would cause to end things and actually go ahead and keep exploring my options until I meet that person where I lose interest in looking. Personally, I think it's crucial if your marriage is to last, to have that feeling deep down that this is right and you have no desire to play and look for more. You know what's out there and you know the person you are with is right for you without a doubt, not just intellectually, as in checking all the boxes, but on a deeper emotional level as well.

[freewill1234]

It's normal to have pre-commitment jitters and 26 is still relatively young by today's standards. As exciting as dating sounds, it becomes old and stale very fast. I'm not sure how much dating you've done in the past so tough to say if you haven't gotten the ants out of your pants yet or so to speak. Also keep in mind, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

[Clinton]

Could just be cold feet as the idea of your single life fades away.

 

Or you could truly not be ready for a commitment. Only you know for sure.

 

Just be careful though as ending a relationship at this stage and going out into the singles scene usually means there's no going back.

[patterned]

Your doubts are normal. Being curious and wanting to experience things is normal. The grass isn't necessarily greener on the dating side. In my experience 26 is young for marriage. I still had some growing to do so that the person I was dating and I, were no longer a good match in our late 20's.

[lavenderdove]

>>but still young enough to want to try the dating pool a little more.

 

Most people when they are with the right person, are just thrilled to be with them and are relieved to not have to worry about being in the dating pool anymore.

 

So you're not ready for marriage and to get serious. And you might well not be enough in love with your current GF to consider marrying her. If you really love someone, you won't risk losing them or letting them go.

[m444]

to be honest, I don't believe in that kind of cold feet. marriage is something that you willingly do and desire, not an obligation or prison.if you don't feel it like this now, I don't know how long that marriage you think is going to last.

if you truly love someone, you don't care about first dates and that stuff. you had that, you scored big time, you found love.

you care about your togetherness, your new life and stuff..

[sidburn]

>>but still young enough to want to try the dating pool a little more.

 

Most people when they are with the right person, are just thrilled to be with them and are relieved to not have to worry about being in the dating pool anymore.

 

So you're not ready for marriage and to get serious. And you might well not be enough in love with your current GF to consider marrying her. If you really love someone, you won't risk losing them or letting them go.

I felt that way about her, afraid to let her go and relieved to be out of the dating pool, until these doubts started popping up recently.

[lavenderdove]

Then give yourself some more time to see if this feeling grows or diminishes.

 

and ask yourself, how am I going to feel if i never see or talk to her again? Will dating other people be worth losing her? Because most likely, she will have nothing to do with you ever again if you break up with her. Most people lose trust and you may not get a second chance with her if you discover dating isn't as fun as you thought it would be.

 

Don't assume she's going to stay friends with you either, and make sure you understand how important she is to you in your life before you go down that road. You've got to be sure that your life will be better without her being in your life as a GF or a friend.

 

I dated a guy for a long time who did something similar to me... where he thought he could wander off and be with another women who he thought at the time offered him more, and I'd still let him stay in my life no matter what happened because we had been so close and 'best friends' before he did this. I didn't, and he was heartbroken and continued to try to rope me back in as a friend/romance/any way he could get me for years and years and I wouldn't have any of it. He totally misjudged how much i meant to him until i was gone and he felt the void.

 

Some roads when you go down them, there is no going back, whether that is marriage, or breaking up with someone to chase someone else. And if you do toss her out, she will be unlikely to let you come back once a short window of time has passed and she has moved on as well.

[annie24]

I think that doubts are normal and it's good to weigh the pros and cons of either option before making any serious decisions.

[m444]

if you really love someone, there should not be pros and cons. just pros.

[flying guy]

I came on here to ask the same question.

I am 32 and broke up with the 3.5yr gf 3 weeks ago. It ended real sh1tty. She wanted to get married and have kids with me. I was honest from day 1 with her. I dont want that until earliest at 35.

I love and care for her so much and I am having a hard time since the breakup.

 

Like mentioned earlier she checked several boxes but not 100%. I do not believe in perfection.

 

Thru the relationship I had the same wonders and wanted to experience what other girls are like from all angles. I am wondering why this was?

Like mentioned before there was not that deeper connection from her. I tried but she would not open up in a way. And there was no romance or passion but other things made up for this like how much our interests aligned etc.

 

I don't know what I want and I am not afraid to say this but I am having a hard time with the breakup.

 

If one meets the right person will the urge and wonders to date other (girls) still be there?

[lavenderdove]

I think you need to really evaluate your own value system and what it really important to you before deciding what to do.

 

In my own case, the guy I was with met a really rich woman, and he'd always wanted a nice lifestyle and dazzled him with it. So he told himself, 'this woman will set me up for life and i'll never have to worry about money again and we'll have a great lifestyle' blah blah blah. What he wasn't evaluating was that she was basically a pretty boring person, drank way too much, was shallow etc., whereas with me he had a deep bond on multiple levels emotionally/physically etc.. But he'd never have that luxurious rich lifestyle with me, but he thought he had it all figured out where he could marry her and still work on me to keep me in his life (and the offers were as a mistress, best friend, whatever, all of which i found insulting and wouldn't buy into it and told him he'd made his choice and had to live with the consequences of that, which meant he didn't get to keep me as well). It also deeply disturbed me that he'd sell me out for money/lifestyle and toss the great thing we had in the dumpster, so i wanted nothing more to do with him. So he got all his toys and treats but lost the emotional support, affection, closeness, caring, excitement, all those things he had with me. I told him, too bad, should have thought about the value of what we had before you went trotting off in search of the yellow brick road!

 

So if you are evaluating whether to stay or go, you need to really analyze what you think is 'missing' from your current relationship, and where that fits on your list of priorities. And DON'T underrate a strong emotional connection. It's not like moving out to go to college where you get to keep your parents and siblings in your life even if you do, it's usually a hard stop and the total end of any connection to your former partner and a whole lot of bitterness, tears and anger on their part for you tossing them over to chase someone/something else.

 

If you try to evaluate your current GF against 'perfection' or your perfect dream girl, you may be being unrealistic because there are usually trade offs to every relationship and every person and nobody is perfect. But if you are happy most of the time, then that would argue for staying and working it out.

 

And i would think long and hard about dumping someone you basically had a really good relationship with and strong feelings for. If the relationship is only so/so and you're missing a lot of what you want and need, then that's a different story and you should leave if you don't feel it will ever get better.

[j.man]

I had similar thoughts with my current girlfriend for a bit. I think it's a natural thought for most people in any stage of a relationship. I just moved to NYC, so of course there are a ton of women about and I did wonder what I could find in a brand new location for me. But I think it's very easy to assume you can find something better than you have now when you overlook how lucky you were to date around and find this person who you, for all intents and purposes, are happy with.

 

And really, what does dating around accomplish? Getting to know another woman for a few weeks or even several months isn't going to give you enough insight to compare her to the woman you're currently with.

 

Basically, don't take a break because you want to see if there's something better. Take a break if you're seeing the relationship you're in right now as something worse.