Girlfriend hanging out with another man in another state for a weekend.

[notalady]

How dare you bring up a 2 year old thread... I was already getting ready to Private Message my boi to get this hotel info of theirs and make a quick visit....

 

I resent you right now bigger -_-; now to go watch some kitten or puppy videos to calm myself down!!

 

Yea I was like what the hell? I thought all is going well with j.man and his lady? Then realised it's an old thread..

[Cherrybomb3]

Isn't this the current gf? Just looked at some of this past threads lol. All this is so inappropriate. I wouldn't stick around like that, it's just not what you do when you're in a relationship.

[PICCOLLO]

Have you met this guy?

 

Most of the issue here could be resolved by all three of you going out to dinner together. It gives you the chance to face the issue and gauge how she is around him.

 

Taking this approach is a positive way to go about things. Youre taking an interest in her and her friend.

 

If he's keen and making a tilt for her affections then it should nip it in the bud. If she wont accomodate your idea then you know she's cheating in some capacity (emotionally or whatnot).

 

I was in a similar situation with my ex. I stopped by her place while her 'friend' was staying for a couple of days. I knew almost instantly they werent just friends. Id tried to make plans to meet them together and was shot down with lame excuses.

[Sportster2005]

I would feel the same way.

 

I think you have to communicate your concerns. ALL concerns in a relationship are valid. Period. I think not saying anything ultimately would do more harm in the long run.

[Liraele]

Yeah...no. I don't think there is any rational justification for this. If you guys are exclusive, she shouldn't be spending weekends with another guy....and if there's nothing in it for him, why is he paying to fly her out, etc? Doesn't add up.

 

Edit: Darn thread bumpers.

[Sportster2005]

I would feel the same way.

 

I think you have to communicate your concerns. ALL concerns in a relationship are valid. Period. I think not saying anything ultimately would do more harm in the long run.

 

Since it happened two years ago, I guess it don't matter much now

[j.man]

Good to see I've got fans digging through my posts a couple years for no discernible reason.

 

This was a toughin', and ultimately Sportster's right. A big lesson in boundaries for me. I've always been pretty loose on boundaries, so up until this point, I was fine leaving them implied. You don't do anyone any good trying to compromise on things you can't compromise on. You end up deluding yourself and struggling and you're not being fair to your partner by being honest and conveying just how much it matters to you.

 

In the end, this came down to me saying I can't do it and that I don't want to control her, so if this is important to her, I wasn't going to argue over it and we may have to part ways. I was pretty checked out at that point. She ended up not meeting with him and we've outlined boundaries we both agree to. Not an issue involving them since.

 

So I guess if you want to learn from my experiences, you're sometimes better off for both yourself and the relationship to stand by principles and letting your partner gauge their own against them rather than compromising on what you know you can't. However, she was lucky as there's no way in hell this would get entertained today.

 

I'll probably ask this be closed though.

[HeartGoesOn]

Thread closed per member request.