Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 Why is it the people I know and know him say he is just taking space? My friends don't sugarcoat things. If they thought it was over, they would say so. Some things you guys are saying make sense. Some things don't. I don't think it is wise for anyone to surmise the outcome of the situation based on a few paltry texts. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Do you hear yourself? You haven't heard from JOe. He moved and didn't tell you. You asked him to tell you he loved you and that the no contact was OK, and he has not been in touch. You are still quoting texts from him. Tell me honestly, how many times have you read those texts over and over and over again? You are putting yourself in emotiona limbo. Joe is not doing that, you are. I'm not saying this to hurt you, but because I've been there. Joe can't get you out of limbo, only you can, but you are choosing to be there. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Maybe your friends don't want to get into an endless debate on the topic? Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 He also just put money in my account. Just saying. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 My friends don't mind debating endlessly. They will agonize over anything I agonize over for hours. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 I think the situation is more complex than you guys know. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 He told me he was moving, he was just waiting on things to be finalized. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 So you are saying regardless of anything, it seems like I have a propensity to put myself in emotional limbo because of fear of the unknown? Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 I think I should give him time to adjust to being on his meds again, and if he isn't in contact after that, then I know it's over. Doesn't that sound more logical? Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 I know where you're coming from, I went through almost the same thing two years ago. I let my anxiety push a good guy away. Then I kept needing reassurance. The more reassurance you seek from him, the more you push him away. Hence your desire to keep texting him for reassurance. Your reassurance has to come from you. You have to know that if things don't work out with this guy, it's OK. You will heal and love again. You will find another good man. I really think you need to figure out a way to get out of your own head. You keep reading and posting your texts and his texts. You are obsessing. I know, because I've done it. There's no need to further communicate with him, if he wants to talk to you, he will. If you can't focus on the fact that there's a good possibility you guys are broken up, then find something else to focus on. You are going to drive yourself crazy. I know, I've done it. Delete all of your texts to and from him so you can stop re-reading them. Get out of your own head. Right now, you are your own worst enemy. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Don't you feel like you're in limbo? You can't stop thinking about him. You don't like what we say so you keep posting texts, which I can only assume you've read dozens, if not hundreds of times. So you are saying regardless of anything, it seems like I have a propensity to put myself in emotional limbo because of fear of the unknown? Yes, but I would not give it more than a month. It's already been a week since you've heard from him. You started this thread September 3 and haven't heard from him since then. So give it three more weeks. Then move on. I think I should give him time to adjust to being on his meds again, and if he isn't in contact after that, then I know it's over. Doesn't that sound more logical? Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 I haven't read his texts dozens or hundreds of times, lol. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 I can and do stop thinking about him. I get obsessive with EVERYTHING in my life. I need to quash the obsessiveness, not the caring and passion. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Yes, because the obsessiveness will drive you crazy. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 Maybe it's trauma onset coping derived OCD? Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 The worst of it is I have a legit pharmaceutical question I want to ask him. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 I feel like it's the content and and the quantity of the texts I send him that would push him away. I think if I sent him informative texts or ones asking for information they would not be construed as "smothering". Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Any contact from you when he has asked for space constitutes smothering. Call your local pharmacist or Google. Asking him will been seen as the flimsy excuse it is. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 You are LOOKING for excuses to text him. You told him five texts ago you were going to stop texting him. ANYTHING you send will be seen as desperate, because it is desperate. There are other ways to get the answer to a pharmaceutical question. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 Everyone that comes to this board feels this way. Everyone thinks their situation is special or unique. It's really not. You pushed him away, he asked for space, you failed to give him that space. And now you are looking for excuses to text him. I think the situation is more complex than you guys know. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 Google will feed into my obsessive worry and I don't want to talk to some rando pharmacist because of my trust complex. But yeahhhh I won't ask him. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 ANY text you sent after you said you were going to stop contacting him, is going to push him away. ANY text..... I feel like it's the content and and the quantity of the texts I send him that would push him away. I think if I sent him informative texts or ones asking for information they would not be construed as "smothering". Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 10, 2014 Author Share Posted September 10, 2014 I didn't fail to give him space. I'm giving him space. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 You have a serious case of the "yes....but"'s. If you can remember that you told him you would give him space...and until he contacts you you must be silent....maybe this will be easier. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 10, 2014 Share Posted September 10, 2014 "My reply was "Id rather not take a break, as people don't get back together after breaks. Have you thought about or even care about my needs? This situation is just weird to me. Let's just stay together. I'm not going to contact you (via Facebook, phone or email) until further notice. Does that work? I love you, and good luck with your endeavors" I then sent another text 5 minutes later that said "Id appreciate an 'I love you' if you still do and confirmation that staying together and not contacting you works (as weird as that is). once I receive confirmation, I'm halting all communication until you initiate it". He did not respond to these messages. I've decided to halt contact anyway." You told him you would not contact him. You then contacted him asking him to tell you he loves you. You also contacted him when you mailed something and were angry that he didn't acknowledge that contact. He asked for space. NO CONTACT. You said you would give him space. Give it to him. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.