Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I wouldn't say I need a break. I would officially end the relationship. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 You can rationalize all you want. The only thing you can do is stay no contact, and if he wants to, he will reach out. As mhowe said, he knows how to get a hold of you if he wants to. If you haevn't heard from him after a month, you will know it's over. No one can expect anyone to wait around. I personally wouldn't wait more than a week, which it's been. But that's just me. Please do not send that draft. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 He said he needed a break, you refused, saying a break leads to a break up. You haven't heard from him since. Have you? I wouldn't say I need a break. I would officially end the relationship. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 It's just juvenile. I don't understand why he wouldn't just say "I'm sorry, this isn't working". Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 Why is he not being direct? Being indirect is disrespectful and mean regardless of if that is his intention or not. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 He tried when he asked for a break and you refused. Maybe the break would have let you get your emotions under control. None of this is coming from me being judgemental of you. It's coming from me once letting my anxiety control my actions. No action that comes out of anxiety is good. Trust me. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 He moved ----- and didn't tell you. He hasn't responded to any of your communication since he said "I need a break and am suffocating". He basically said --- "this isn't working". You just figured since you told him a break is a break up, that he would respond. Instead, he accepted it as a break up. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 For some men, ignoring you is being very direct. It should be sending a clear message. Why is he not being direct? Being indirect is disrespectful and mean regardless of if that is his intention or not. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 You really think he isn't thinking "she needs time to deal with her "? I should just close the book? I'm getting a bunch of different opinions from everyone. Your opinion sounds rational but others' do as well. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Why is he not being direct? Being indirect is disrespectful and mean regardless of if that is his intention or not. He was direct. He said: I need a break. You said: No, a break is a break up. He accepted that and has gone silent....because he considers this NOT a break, but a break up. YOUR choice. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 My draft was my definitive thing, and you called it not genuine. That was me moving on. Just because you or him may interpret it one way that draft IS my way of letting go. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 If you want to wait, then like I said, wait the month that you proposed in your first post. If you havent' heard from him by then, I'd say that's pretty clear. I personally would not wait. I'd start working on healing and learning and growing from this experience. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 You really think he isn't thinking "she needs time to deal with her "? I should just close the book? I'm getting a bunch of different opinions from everyone. Your opinion sounds rational but others' do as well. Well, you aren't known for "dealing with your stuff", so I don't think that is what he is thinking. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I'm sorry, but its a means to try and invoke a response out of him. He has not been in contact, so no reason to send a "letting go" text. You just simply let go. No need to tell him, since he didn't tell you. My draft was my definitive thing, and you called it not genuine. That was me moving on. Just because you or him may interpret it one way that draft IS my way of letting go. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 So there is no point in saying that I am fine with a break and that it doesn't have to lead to a break up? Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I am working on healing learning and growing. I just think it's respectful to be direct and definitive. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 My reply was "Id rather not take a break, as people don't get back together after breaks. Have you thought about or even care about my needs? This situation is just weird to me. Let's just stay together. I'm not going to contact you (via Facebook, phone or email) until further notice. Does that work? I love you, and good luck with your endeavors" I then sent another text 5 minutes later that said "Id appreciate an 'I love you' if you still do and confirmation that staying together and not contacting you works (as weird as that is). once I receive confirmation, I'm halting all communication until you initiate it". He did not respond to these messages. I've decided to halt contact anyway. From your original post. You are not fine with a break. And no one can promise that it doesn't lead to a break up. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 He has not replied. Trust me, any further communication you try sending, no matter how genuine you feel about it, will come off as desperate. He has not been in contact. You called him four days in a row with no answer. He texted you that he is suffocating and wants a break. If he wants to try again, he will be in touch. And NOTHING will stop him, if it's what he WANTS. He wanted you before. He paid to fly you to Alaska. If he wants you now, he can find two minutes to text or call. So there is no point in saying that I am fine with a break and that it doesn't have to lead to a break up? Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 You told him you'd appreciate an I love you if he still did, and confirmation that you guys were not broken up. He did not reply. You are broken up. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 It just sucks because I work with his sister and I'm trying to figure out if it is appropriate for me to continue to do so. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I need closure. Should I just give notice? I don't want to put her in the middle, either, but I would like to know. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 It's very difficult. Part of me wants to ask her "does he think I'm crazy" ... She's saying that I should still give him time to adjust to his schedule... I don't know... Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 It would be nice if it were simple and not so gosh darn complicated Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I still think "I'm sorry I made you feel suffocated and overwhelmed. I don't think my initial suggestion of no contact is a good idea, as the purpose of no contact is to get over someone and move on. I understand reducing communication out of love and respect for the other, especially if stress is hindering our ability to communicate in a healthy, positive or humorous way. I am going to continue to step back a bit because we are both overwhelmed. I understand that it's my responsibility to handle my own stress and not to subject you to it or have it cause me to get frustrated with you. I don't want you to feel pressured, and at the same time, I don't want you to think I'm throwing this relationship away so I will say that I love you and I'm here for you. You're my favorite fruit loop. was an ok thing for me to send. If that's the last thing that I ever sent then I know I did good on my end and I can rest easy at night because of it. If he can't be direct, that is his problem, not mine. I made an effort to make amends for acting irrationally. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Dont quit a job over this....she isn't upset by it and there is NO need to put her in the middle. It is simple. You have broken up ---- or are at least on a break of unknown length. He is on the other side of the country. Just get on with your life and growth. Link to comment
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