Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I'm hoping he doesn't think I'm "next level crazy". He expressed that he understands how terrifying facing homelessness is. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Did he express this before or after he told you he was feeling suffocated? Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I've decided to make a judgment call. I need to make a definitive decision in order to properly restructure my life. I understand you are not in a position to be comfortable with making any decisions right now. I hope my doing so does not cause you any discomfort. I am not in a position to be in any capacity of relationship, be it proximal or long distance at this time. I can't give of myself and trust in such a way that should be in a healthy relationship. I need to do me and focus on my son work and school. I do miss the easy days of our friendship as well as ease and grace of our proximal relationship. I care deeply about you and I want you to be happy. You have my blessing to go forth and pursue whatever it is that your heart desires. If it is too difficult for you to remain friends with me, I understand that as well, though I hope that is not the case. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 That was before his expression of feeling suffocated. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 As he has likely decided you guys are no longer IN a relationship, telling him he has your "blessing" to find his happiness is a bit ---- self important of you. And since finding his "hearts desire" will likely be with another woman, I don't think remaining friends is a good concept either. Best to stay silent and move on with your life. Should he feel like reaching out, he knows how to reach you. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 You used events that were occurring outside of your relationship to need his constant reassurance. From your original post, there is no indication that you guys had any problems until you faced homelessness and went "next level crazy." Hence, his need for radio silence. He used the word suffocating. Your potential homelessness put your anxiety on overdrive, and you aimed it directly for your boyfriend, and he couldn't cope with it. And he shouldn't have to. Helping you through a rough time is one thing, but constantly reassuring you about a relationship that sounded good is unfair to put him through. The anxiety is your issue, not his. I'm hoping he doesn't think I'm "next level crazy". He expressed that he understands how terrifying facing homelessness is. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I sincerely believe that he doesn't think that I am "next level crazy". I sincerely believe that he thinks neither of us is in a position to be in a relationship right now. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Sorry, but this is not genuine. This is further attempt to get a response out of him. You hope by telling him you are moving forward, that he will come crawling back. You told him you were going no contact. You really should have stuck with that. Now you are acting "next level crazy". Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 If he didn't believe it before, he will now. He hasn't texted you or responded to you, and you keep texting him. That is very bad form, coming from someone who used to let her anxiety dictate her actions. I sincerely believe that he doesn't think that I am "next level crazy". I sincerely believe that he thinks neither of us is in a position to be in a relationship right now. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I sincerely believe that he doesn't think that I am "next level crazy". I sincerely believe that he thinks neither of us is in a position to be in a relationship right now. I don't think you should be thinking for him. He may be ready to be in a relationship that is where he lives, and with someone who has less drama. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 Therefore, I am taking time to work on myself and letting him go with the blessing to do whatever makes him happy. If he hasn't cheated and wants a proximal relationship when he comes home, great. If he or I meets someone else in the interim that is a better fit, then great. If he decides he wants to be celibate for the rest of his life, than great. I really just want him to be happy. I also want to be happy. I just want the whole damn world to be happy. That is all. For the longest time I was so afraid of being single. For the first time I'm accepting I need time to work on myself, so I can be a better person. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I think that if he wanted to be in a relationship with someone where he lives, he would tell me. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 You can't let someone go who is already gone. Therefore, I am taking time to work on myself and letting him go with the blessing to do whatever makes him happy. If he hasn't cheated and wants a proximal relationship when he comes home, great. If he or I meets someone else in the interim that is a better fit, then great. If he decides he wants to be celibate for the rest of his life, than great. I really just want him to be happy. I also want to be happy. I just want the whole damn world to be happy. That is all. For the longest time I was so afraid of being single. For the first time I'm accepting I need time to work on myself, so I can be a better person. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I have not kept texting him. I sent him this message "I'm sorry I made you feel suffocated and overwhelmed. I don't think my initial suggestion of no contact is a good idea, as the purpose of no contact is to get over someone and move on. I understand reducing communication out of love and respect for the other, especially if stress is hindering our ability to communicate in a healthy, positive or humorous way. I am going to continue to step back a bit because we are both overwhelmed. I understand that it's my responsibility to handle my own stress and not to subject you to it or have it cause me to get frustrated with you. I don't want you to feel pressured, and at the same time, I don't want you to think I'm throwing this relationship away so I will say that I love you and I'm here for you. You're my favorite fruit loop. Monday after not texting him since Thursday. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 How do you know he's already "gone"? Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 You told him you didn't want a break. All you were thinking of were your feelings. Then you told him you were going no contact. Then you texted him again. Then you texted him the most recent one, about letting him go. That's several texts after he said he feels suffocated. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 Sorry, but this is not genuine. This is further attempt to get a response out of him. You hope by telling him you are moving forward, that he will come crawling back. You told him you were going no contact. You really should have stuck with that. Now you are acting "next level crazy". No, this is genuine because I wouldn't send it if I don't mean it. As I shouldn't speak for Joe, you shouldn't speak for me. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 You started this post September 3rd, and have not heard from him since before that. You haven't heard from him. He said he needed a break. You said no. You've continued texting him, with no response from him. If you loved a man, would you let that much time pass? How do you know he's already "gone"? Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 And I haven't sent that message that you think is not genuine. It is a draft. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I'm telling you all of this as someone who once let her anxiety dictate her actions. I can see you in the me I used to be. He told you he feels like he is suffocating. You've texted him with no reply. Would you want to be with someone who made you feel like you are suffocating? Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 Good, DO NOT send it. It will come accross as desperate and needy. He has already gone silent. Anything you say will sound desperate. And I haven't sent that message that you think is not genuine. It is a draft. Link to comment
mhowe Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 I think that if he wanted to be in a relationship with someone where he lives, he would tell me. Since he isn't speaking to you, since he said he needed a break ---- I don't think he thinks he needs to check with you to get on with his life -- whatever that entails. Link to comment
t1lersm0m1 Posted September 9, 2014 Share Posted September 9, 2014 It's not genuine, it's your anxiety hoping for a reply. He hasn't texted you. There's no need for you to send a break up text. You are broken up. No, this is genuine because I wouldn't send it if I don't mean it. As I shouldn't speak for Joe, you shouldn't speak for me. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 I did not continue texting him to a point that is "next level crazy" I let him know a package is on its way and I told him that I thought MY idea of no contact was a bad idea. I didn't want him to think that I was giving up. Link to comment
Run1103 Posted September 9, 2014 Author Share Posted September 9, 2014 If I needed a break to get my head on straight, then yes, I would let as much time elapse as I needed. Link to comment
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