Long distance relationship -- need advice

[Run1103]

I don't think it is smart to assume ANY type of decision will be made. If I want to know something I will ask him directly. He is going through a lot. I know him and I understand him and I know from personal experience and from his sister and mother that he pulls away if he isn't doing ok (e.g. he was sick and missed a week and a half of work and did not call ANYONE) If I don't hear from him in 3 weeks, I am calling because I want to check in and reassess our situation, and I am SURE he will be open and honest as to what he needs, wants and what he thinks is best for us. He has a lot of weird quirks that would prob drive you guys bonkers but I am willing to deal with them because I love him. Space for 3 weeks. Then calling for reassessment. It's appropriate, logical and ideal.

[mhowe]

I'm not going to contact you (via Facebook, phone or email) until further notice.

 

Or for 3 weeks because I can't accept that you won't reach out to me.

[t1lersm0m1]

Why can't you wait for him to reach out to you? Why set a date to call him? If he wants to be with you, he knows how to get a hold of you.

 

When you call, he doesn't answer, and doesn't text you, it is going to crush you.

[t1lersm0m1]

You need to go and REMAIN no contact. If you don't hear from him in three weeks, move on. Grieve, mourn, heal, recover, move on.

 

DO NOT CALL HIM.

[Run1103]

I've been dumb, stubborn, naive and in denial before. Not this time. This time I am being logical. More logical than I have been in a relationship situation. 3 weeks of space and then phone reassessment is appropriate.

[mhowe]

Why would an adult call and tell anyone 3,0000 miles away that they were sick? There is nothing anyone can do.

[t1lersm0m1]

You already asked him directly. You asked him to say he loves you. You asked him to not break up and to just go no contact. You asked for a reply. You got no reply. You are broken up. He has made no effort to reach out to you. It's really not as complicated as you are making it. This is all in your head.

 

When you call and don't hear back, it's going to crush you. You are still banging your head.

 

If I want to know something I will ask him directly. He is going through a lot.

[t1lersm0m1]

If this thread is logical, then please, you need to be single for a long long time. Because we are telling you, that you are NOT being logical. You are banging your head against the wall. You are keeping yourself in limbo.

 

I've been dumb, stubborn, naive and in denial before. Not this time. This time I am being logical. More logical than I have been in a relationship situation. 3 weeks of space and then phone reassessment is appropriate.

[Run1103]

Well jeez, based on that, I should just say screw it then and assume we are broken up we aren't getting back together instead of being open minded.

[Run1103]

So why don't you just say he isn't going to reach out? How do you know? How do you know he doesn't just want space?

[mhowe]

Well jeez, based on that, I should just say screw it then and assume we are broken up we aren't getting back together instead of being open minded.

 

YES!!!!!

 

You are being closed minded. There is no "open minded" here at all. He is not responding to you. In your last 4 attempts to reach out to him, he has ignored you.

[t1lersm0m1]

I tried telling you he isn't going to reach out, and you didnt' want to hear it. You then got angry and said why can't he be direct. You then changed and said you are not assuming anything and that yu guys are not broken up. Go back and read your posts. You are all over the place.

 

This thread is not logical. You are all over the place.

 

You considered quitting your job over this. None of this is logical.

[Run1103]

I'm so bloody confused.

[Run1103]

It's a side job. I have 2 other jobs.

[t1lersm0m1]

He ASKED for space and you flat out REFUSED. Go back and read you first post. You then asked him to confirm he still loves you and that you guys are still together. He DID NOT confirm that. He has not been in contact since.

When he was crazy about you he was paying $1000 to fly you to Alaska. Now he can't be bothered to text you.

 

The writing is on the wall, if you can just get out of your own head and see that.

 

So why don't you just say he isn't going to reach out? How do you know? How do you know he doesn't just want space?

[Run1103]

Am I supposed to be open minded or close minded ????

[t1lersm0m1]

You are supposed to see what is right in front of your face. What mhowe and I have been trying to tell you. You pushed him away. You are broken up. Start moving on and healing. Be single so you can figure out why your anxiety got so high that you needed reassurance from him about your relationship when nothing was wrong with your relationship. And why when he asked for space, you couldn't give it.

[mhowe]

You are supposed to be realistic.

 

Being "open minded" as to the possiblity of a future with him is fantasty. He isn't in contact with you and hasn't been.

 

Being "closed minded" to what everyone is telling you is completely apparant makes you dillusional.

[itsallgrand]

Just don't contact him. Period.

[Run1103]

You guys are not him and you are not me. When I say I know he'd be direct I know he'd be direct.

[t1lersm0m1]

Then call him in three weeks an be crushed.

[Run1103]

I am giving him space. I don't think he made a decision yet. I'm pretty sure he would tell me. I need to work on me that's a given.

[itsallgrand]

Yup, he'll call you if he wants to talk to you. Til then, just let him be.

[Run1103]

I won't call him in 3 weeks then. It's stupid to assume ANYTHING either way.

[t1lersm0m1]

You have not given him space. You told him you would not contact him. You then contacted him. How have you given him space?

 

You just said today you want to ask him a pharmaceutcal question. How is that space?