Still can't leave my boyfriend who doesn't respect me, and is not responsible

[elliecharles]

This guy, who I've been dating for half a year now, used to want me a lot, and even told me he could give up everything just for me. He needed to text me all the time and always wanted to see me.

 

Things just changed after we had sex, I lost my virginity to him, and he just became my whole world at that time. He, on the other hand, started to pay less attention to me, and neglected me feelings often.

 

Then I started to realised he's not the person that I would consider reliable to be a partner. He talks about his ex a lot (even though they broke up 4 years ago), especially his sex life with her. And apart from me, he texts other girls a lot, one of them basically everyday, even in front of me. He checks out interesting, attractive and sexy girls pictures, and tells me he thinks which girl is attractive.

 

I feel sad that he neglects my feelings so much, so I talked to him. He just told me that honey moon is over we should be back to normal life. He can't always give me that much affection. Then he flirts with one close girl friend in front of me, and I found out he let a girl hold his hand on a night out. I was so sad by this things and it led to a big fight. After that fight, he told me he's fed up and need some space alone.

 

But he is not alone, I found out he's texting and hanging out with another girl friend a lot these days, but he hid this things from me. After I found it out, he told me they're just friends and he didn't tell me just because he didn't want me to be upset.

 

Well, at this point, I'm really disappointed on him. I thought about breaking up, but I just can't make the decision. I still want to be with him, still care about him a lot, still try to do a lot for him. I don't even understand myself. Can this be something about losing my virginity to him?

[misssmithviii]

I hate to say this but it sounds like he got what he wanted from you and is stringing you along for the ease of it all.

 

The moment feelings become consistently neglected - it's safe to say it's not even a relationship anymore.

 

Leave him, pick up your dignity and self-respect and find someone who loves and respects you. The things he's doing with regards to other females is just garnish - the bottom line is he's not invested in you anymore.

Think about how much time you're wasting.

[Mellie]

You can leave him. It sounds to me like he's either pushing you to do that, or testing your boundaries by being emotionally abusive. He's being deliberately disrespectful to you - of course he's responsible.

 

What's this honeymoon is over nonsense? What was normal life like before? I'll bet he didn't treat you like that. He sounds like a complete idiot. Look, I get that you lost your virginity to him and that's a big deal, but that doesn't mean you have to stay with someone who treats you badly your whole life.

 

If flirting and holding hands progresses to making out and having sex, are you going to turn a blind eye to that? He's seeing how much he can get away with. And all the time you sit back and put up with this behaviour, not does his respect for you diminish, but you have less respect for yourself. I say this with love and from experience (I was with a guy from 17 who was emotionally and physically abusive... for 9 years!), scrape up every ounce of self-respect you still have left and walk away now, otherwise he'll just wear you down and it'll get harder and harder.

 

Every relationship I've ever been in, I always went in wanting it to be forever. I saw my first love on Facebook the other day and just cringed. Every breakup feels like the bottom's fallen out of your world. We can't see the future after all. If I'd known what a decent relationship felt like I doubt I'd have stuck around for nine months, let alone nearly a decade.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm not trying to minimize your feelings, but obviously he's not the person you thought he was. At this point he's clearly demonstrating what he's all about, therefore it's time to ask yourself why you would settle for this magnitude of disrespect?

 

Keep in mind that we teach people how to treat us. It's all about choices.

[Curly sue]

Sorry it does sound like he used you. He's a jerk and has no honor. If he is willing to do these things in front of you I would be pretty sure he's having sex with other people sorry to say.You need to get away from him. You need to find a man who has respect for you.

[weathergirl]

Well, at this point, I'm really disappointed on him. I thought about breaking up, but I just can't make the decision. I still want to be with him, still care about him a lot, still try to do a lot for him. I don't even understand myself. Can this be something about losing my virginity to him?

 

No it's not that. When you had sex with him, you "bonded" with him, which happens sometimes after women have sex. That's why it's always best to really KNOW a man first (and whether or not he's a good guy whom you can trust) BEFORE having sex.

 

Hell...I know some women who didn't even like the guy after sex, but for some reason they felt emotionally connected and bound to him after having sex with him. Something about when a woman has sex with a man, she releases certain hormones (oxytocin) that results in her bonding to him.

 

Problem now is...he treats you like crap, doesn't respect you... and you know this, yet are at a loss on how to leave him because of this "bond" you have to him. You have to break it sweetie...somehow, someway, you have to break the bond with him and the hold he has over you, otherwise this unhealthy and toxic RL will eventually destroy whatever self-esteem you have left.

 

Unfortunately, and there is no other way to say this...you will have to go through a "withdrawal period" just like if you were getting off a drug. He is your drug. You know he's toxic for you (as many drugs are)...but you're addicted to him physically after having sex.

 

It may be the hardest thing you ever did, but PLEASE do this ASAP. He doesn't respect you, and the longer you stay the more miserable you will be.

 

Good luck sweets, we're pulling for ya!

 

((hugs))

[Sedrick]

Maybe you aren't leaving because you think it's going to get better.

 

It's not going to get better, it's only going to get worse.

[a800w]

I understand where you are coming from. I am on the verge of breaking up with the guy I lost my virginity to and I do think there's something to do with that. I feel that the person that you lose your virginity to always has some sort of a strong emotional impact to. Just my opinion. Sending you love

[ParisPaulette]

I have been there. My first serious relationship was with a guy who dated me for a year, during which time I got treated like a queen. When I was legally an adult (he was older) he was my first. And I think it only took about a month before the emotional abuse started. That was 30-some odd years ago. I am happy to say that I've fallen in love several times since then, dated a number of men--some good, some bad, some great, some terrible, have three lovely young men I'm proud to call my sons and found love again at an age when many think they'll never do so. I've also experienced life in all its permutations and gone through several career changes too as well as growing wiser (I hope anyways) through the years.

 

And none of that involved the guy I lost my virginity to a long time ago. He simply became a catalyst and a blueprint for the way I did not want someone who said they loved me to treat me and the type of guy I decided I did not want or need in my life. You can do the same right now, end things and walk away regardless of what he says. And find someone who is a million times better. Not to mention going on to live a happy life full of your own accomplishments and experiences with or without someone by your side. We seldom stick with our firsts and it's really a myth that you owe the man anything simply because he's the first one you had sex with. Consider him a lesson in the type of man you don't want in your life and move on. There will be others who won't treat you the way he does, plenty of them actually. You just have to send this one packing and learn to stand up for yourself, because no one else in life will. That's on you.

 

There's a saying that I can vouch as absolutely true. "No one ever regrets leaving a bad relationship, only that they didn't leave it sooner."