Am I the other, other woman?

[la unica]

Hey! Thanks for reading my post!

 

I am new this forum, but I just had to find somewhere I could get advice. Heres my story...I will try to not overindulge in details to save time

 

 

I first saw "BOY" when I was about 7-8 years old. He is the nephew to my uncles wife's friend. Since my uncles wife always hung around with BOY's mom he always seemed to be at their house when my family came to visit. I saw him a few times but we never were formally introduced until I was about 13. My uncle was having a party and for some reason BOY's parents were adamant that we meet to see if we "like each other" (yes it was awkward). We talked but that was really it. A few years later when I was 16 I ended up getting transferred to the same school BOY when to. We really connected this time and hung out a lot. BOY had a girlfriend and I was sort of dating someone one but we were sort of just flirty friends. Things began to get serious although we were still "just friends"...he would tell me that he thought I was his soul mate and we just shared this weird bond that neither of us could really explain. We have never had sex only made out here and there . So over the years we have always kept in touch albeit off and on. He had kids, but never got married...I got married and had kids but for some reason this BOY keeps coming in and out of my life. No relationship has ever really gotten in between us communicating with each other as the years have gone by. The relationship just seems to get weirder and weirder as time goes on tho...He reaches out to me and seems like he wants to renew the friendship which I totally embrace because I dont really have a lot of friends in my life from when I was young, but then he sort of just backs off which I cant understand. We actually got in to an argument a few months ago because I felt that the relationship was very one sided. I unfriended him on facebook and just went about my life. Yesterday he messages me and requests me on facebook again. I guess my question is what the hell kind of relationship is this? Am I the other other woman? This has just gone on for years and years and one way or another we end up finding each other and reconnecting. There will be times that we dont talk and I will think about him or have a dream about him and sure enough he will end up getting in touch with me. I have tried to put this thing to bed and leave it as it is because he just seems so awkward towards me (wanting to talk to me then all of the sudden not even acknowledging my presence). I will purposefully ignore him or not contact him and he will continuously contact me and when I finally do respond he just has a quick convo, text, or chat and then I wont hear from him.

 

What is your take on this? Any ideas or advice would be super helpful!

 

Thanks a bunch!

[ParisPaulette]

It's a toxic relationship where the two of you can't seem to let each other go completely, but also can't move anything forward. And there are people who will feel compelled to reach out to someone periodically for all the wrong reasons. I'd say this is one of those. Block and delete him or accept that he will drift in and out of your life with little more than a, "Hey, how ya doing." It's likely that he feels bored or maybe nostalgic and that's why he reaches out to you and quite probably other people too. There isn't anything else there and certainly this is not someone who is relationship material.

 

I'd classify this as "old friendly acquaintance who sometimes likes to get in touch" and leave it at that.

[Capricorn3]

I wouldn't say you're the other woman at all. I see this more as an odd, up-and-down acquaintance which doesn't ever get off the ground, so to speak. You have two choices - if this "friendship" is no longer working for you, then you have to block him and delete all contact addresses and number. If it's not bothering you that much, then continue on as before and accept that it will always be one of those odd friendships that don't really go anywhere.

[la unica]

Thank you for your insight. I have tried so many times to block him and never contact him again but he just always seems to come back and find anyway possible to get a hold of me include calling my parents house looking for me. I guess I was hoping that there was more to this because the friendship and memories meant so much to me. Its amazing what others can see when they are not all mixed up with all the feelings. Thank you all for helping me see things thru "clear eyes" (no pun intended lol)

[chitown9]

I think this guy has issues with intimacy, and when it becomes too intense for him he backs off. It will just continue like this if you let it. chi

[la unica]

I definitely agree...something is up and I am tired of trying to figure out what it is. I mean I am all for being there for a friend in time of need but when the only time you come around is when you are feeling down what does that leave me with. Maybe I just tell him things that make him feel better and after he hears that hes done which is why I blocked him several times b4. Maybe I need to really let this one go in my heart.

[SooSad33]

" We actually got in to an argument a few months ago because I felt that the relationship was very one sided. I unfriended him on facebook and just went about my life. Yesterday he messages me and requests me on facebook again. I guess my question is what the hell kind of relationship is this? Am I the other other woman?"

- I don't understand your hostility and remove him from your friends on FB? What did he do?

Can you not feel you two can be 'friends'? YOu feel he owes you or something?

Is he supposed to be a friend here.. or not?

 

I think.. you have gotten too close & emotional with him. But he hasn't, so you're venting.

How about you remove him from your list of expectations and just have him as a friend? If you can't then yes, remove him from your life for good.

[itsallgrand]

I think once you put your expectations about him more to how the reality really is, you'll be fine.

You gotta lower them when it comes to him. Expect very little, almost nothing.

 

And from that standpoint, decide if it is worth it to put effort in now and again or not.

 

The main thing being, you take the gaming out of this. Where you are trying to 'manage' him by trying different tactics; ignoring, defriending, talking, whatever.

 

Just adjust to how he really is. Emotionally unavailable for you. Period.

[Iggles]

OP, are you still married?

[la unica]

My issue with him is that he always contacts me and tells me (and this is a direct quote) "I think your are the perfect one for me" and "lets just get married". I try to dismiss it as just talk but he always contacts me and says the same thing. The right after that he will post on FB about being with someone else or just stop talking to me until the next time he decides to call. Thats why I blocked him before, because its like we cant be friends and we cant be more than friends so then lets just go on with our lives and leave each other alone. At the end of the day it is up to me and I cant really stand the way he is just so back and forth. Guess its just time to walk away, but I find it so hard because he was truly like my best friend growing up.