Am I being dramatic or do I have a right to be upset?

[Blueeyedgirl]

Let me go ahead and say that I know there are parts of this that are probably a little over dramatic but hopefully everyone can understand the back story and why I feel this way.

 

Many of you have read my thread about the guy on my softball team who SEEMED pretty interested in me.

 

To start, about a week and a half ago, I fractured my hand playing first base in a softball game.

 

From there, the flirting persisted and I continued to feel confused. Well, a few weekends ago, Jason and I and a number of other guys (I was the only girl), went to a professional soccer game. All the guys were super helpful and accommodating, carrying my purse and jacket, opening doors ... basically just doing their best to make my life easier since I had a cast on my dominant hand. And what does Jason do? Give me his things to carry - so very sweet of him!

 

Later that night we all went back to our friend's condo to get ready for the night. By the end of the night we were all pretty hammered and Jason and I left together and he took me home. On the ride home, I expressed my interest in him but he pushed back that another guy on the team was interested in me and our friend Whitney (the one he is basically BFF with) was interested in him and he didn't want to mess up the team dynamic. So I left it at that, got out of his car and went up to my place.

 

About 2 minutes later, he calls me and asks if he could stay at my place, that he didn't want to try to drive home. I said that was fine and let him up. He got settled on the sofa and I half laid down on the other end and almost passed out until he reached over and pulled me to cuddle with him. We fell asleep together and that was that.

 

The next morning he tells me that he thought it was best if we didn't tell anyone that he stayed. I'm not sure if he expected me to react differently but when I said "No worries, its cool", he gave me this weird look and said "I feel like you are a loose cannon". UM, WHY?! Because you are used to girls pursuing the crap out of you and something must be wrong with me since I'm not?! Obviously that didn't sit well with me. I walked him out and that was that.

 

....until he called me 5 minutes later to reiterate that the ONLY reason he didn't want anyone to know that he stayed was because he didnt want to mess up the "team" dynamic, blah blah. He seriously said it over and over and over. In fact, he called me again about an hour later to re-reiterate AGAIN that it was nothing other than not wanting drama. I said "From now on, I think its best we only hang out in group settings". He paused and said "But I like hanging out". I said "Yea, but I'm not going to be someone's secret so to avoid being dishonest, its best to hang out where people can see us".

 

After that, I saw him in group settings but I honestly didn't pay him any mind.

 

Fast forward to this past weekend - we put together a flag football team. I planned on playing and he was on board with that. I dedicated my Sunday afternoon to go play some pick-up, cast and all. The problem was, he kept making these snide remarks and I felt like he had a problem with me playing.

 

Yesterday was my follow-up appointment and I got my cast off (wooohooooo). Later that afternoon, Jason calls me. He starts the conversation with "So I heard you got your cast off - that's nice - but I've been thinking about it and I think you need to sit this season out. His rationale? Not once did he communicate any concern about not wanting me to re-injure it or lets rest it so you can be good to play the following season. His problem was that it wasn't fair for me to get playing time over the other girls and how I would only give 50% blah blah.

 

My problem with this is - I've played competitive sports my entire life. I've played through many injuries. I'm also better with one hand than our other girls with 2. And if I pay my money to play, do I not have just as much right to play as the other girls?! I wasn't even given a chance to try!! To me, that is like telling this one girl we have on our softball team that she can't play because she sucks and its not fair for her to have playing time over girls that are actually good.

 

The other thing is, I'm really good. I have had multiple teams who have literally begged for me to play with them. Why would I want to play on a team with someone who has such little disregard for my feelings or my well-being?

 

So I basically said I wasn't going to be on the team anymore.

 

And maybe that is a bit dramatic but after the way he has treated me over the last few weeks, I don't exactly want to be on a team with him.

 

Thoughts??

[Edmund Exley]

Find another team to play for. Your expressed interest in him has probably made it uncomfortable for him.

[JGintheOC]

I think you have every right to be upset. It's like my situation with the guy at work. I don't know if there's interest there because he's such a clueless guy but he treats me the same way almost. I'm his little secret but In Group settings I don't exist.

 

I think he's upset because of the whole "argument".

 

For all you know he's probably dating other team forks in secret.

[JGintheOC]

Girls not forks lol

[Blueeyedgirl]

Find another team to play for. Your expressed interest in him has probably made it uncomfortable for him.

 

I know its not that. Many girls express interest in him. It wasn't weird until I told him we could only hang out in group settings

[sophie274]

Is he in charge? Does he get to make that decision all by himself? If you can get the team to at least let you try to play, I'd stay on and just be polite to him. After all, you like the rest of the team, and it's the middle of the season, no? Then you can switch for next season.

[Natasha24]

You expressed interest in him, he said no thanks, you backed off. He likes to be chased so he stayed over at your house to get your attention again. Now that you've made it clear you don't want to chase him and aren't interested in him, he's mad and trying to "punish" you by not letting you play. The reason he wanted to keep it a "secret" is because he wanted you to continue to chase him, but he still wanted Whitney to chase him as well.

 

If you PAY to play these sports, he has no right to tell you that you shouldn't. I would just say "Thanks for your concern, but I will be playing"

 

But if I were you, I would find another team. I imagine a guy like this will probably start some rumours/stories that you don't want to be on the receiving end of.

[Blueeyedgirl]

Is he in charge? Does he get to make that decision all by himself? If you can get the team to at least let you try to play, I'd stay on and just be polite to him. After all, you like the rest of the team, and it's the middle of the season, no? Then you can switch for next season.

 

This is an adult league. There is no waiver. They pretty much don't care, haha

[Blueeyedgirl]

You expressed interest in him, he said no thanks, you backed off. He likes to be chased so he stayed over at your house to get your attention again. Now that you've made it clear you don't want to chase him and aren't interested in him, he's mad and trying to "punish" you by not letting you play. The reason he wanted to keep it a "secret" is because he wanted you to continue to chase him, but he still wanted Whitney to chase him as well.

 

If you PAY to play these sports, he has no right to tell you that you shouldn't. I would just say "Thanks for your concern, but I will be playing"

 

But if I were you, I would find another team. I imagine a guy like this will probably start some rumours/stories that you don't want to be on the receiving end of.

 

I haven't paid for the team yet. But I was on the email and roster and everything. I think he was banking on me not getting my cast off so he would have a valid reason to tell me I can't play.

 

The thing is, he isn't into Whitney. I personally think he didn't want her to know because if she found out, she may take away the gf benefits she gives him without the boyfriend benefits from him. He tells her all the time he only views her as a friend but then takes advantage of her by asking her to do things for him all the time. At the same time, though, its her fault for allowing him to do it.

[t1lersm0m1]

Listen, if you enjoy this, then don't let him push you off of the team because of his ego. You handled things well, he didn't. I guess he is used to women pursuing after he says no.

[sophie274]

Look, is there any chance he has a point? That you wouldn't be able to really play?

 

The reason I think you may be causing this drama is that you have lots of threads on here with these two-, three-, four-player dramas that you're somehow involved in. Maybe you do try to stir things up? Or knowingly get involved in sticky situations? On your last thread, most people told you he was not interested and for you not to pursue him. It's not totally surprising this has gotten awkward vis a vis the team.

[laninaperdida]

I play on a lot of co ed teams and we always instil a no banging each other rule, lol.

Bang the soccer bunnies, but it DOES mess up the team dynamic if two people are starting out and are not an established couple.

My theory is the season lasts a few months which is not making you wait until marriage to bed the guy.

Waiting until the season ends is a good way to see if a relationship even has a chance because you've changed the order of the things.

It's easy to spend time with a guy when you're committed to each other 2x/ week, but will your schedules mash up after that?

Wait and see!

Also, you did pursue him, in fact you we were quite blunt so donors to go hating on him and how girls chase him because that's exactly what you did.

Finally, if another guy on that team likes you he's backing off for one of two reasons.

He's using the hat guy as an excuse to get you away from him and it totally not interested or the guy who is interested is more genuine than he is.

Men are a little more respectful with that,,. If he just wants to bang you and another guy genuinely likes you he'll back off.

Regardless of the scenario this guy is just not that interested.

Stay in the team,

Like I said, he's not interested so he won't care to think about this situation again, he'll be more focused on binning or banging the ref, whatever.

You're so not central to this 'issue' no need to make it a big deal.

I'd try and filter out who WAS interested in you,

[Blueeyedgirl]

Look, is there any chance he has a point? That wouldn't be able to really play?

 

For the entire season? No. I'd be playing the first few games with a brace on but I don't see how a brace on my hand is any different than an elbow brace or a knee brace.

[annie24]

um, yeah, i'm kind of confused - is he the team captain? why does he get to decide whether or not you play (shouldn't that be a decision you make with your doctor?)

[Blueeyedgirl]

um, yeah, i'm kind of confused - is he the team captain? why does he get to decide whether or not you play (shouldn't that be a decision you make with your doctor?)

 

THANK YOU!!!!

 

He was telling me how I wouldn't be able to do this or that yet, I haven't even had the opportunity to try yet. He could have just as easily said "why don't you play the first game and we will see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, we will fill your spot and you can play next season".

 

And yes, for flag football he is the team captain. Not for softball - which is why I'm still on the team.

[eskimobobseal]

You expressed interest in him, he said no thanks, you backed off. He likes to be chased so he stayed over at your house to get your attention again. Now that you've made it clear you don't want to chase him and aren't interested in him, he's mad and trying to "punish" you by not letting you play. The reason he wanted to keep it a "secret" is because he wanted you to continue to chase him, but he still wanted Whitney to chase him as well.

 

If you PAY to play these sports, he has no right to tell you that you shouldn't. I would just say "Thanks for your concern, but I will be playing"

 

But if I were you, I would find another team. I imagine a guy like this will probably start some rumours/stories that you don't want to be on the receiving end of.

 

This is pretty much the perfect answer right here.

 

All I have to say is this guy sounds like a tool , stay away

[JGintheOC]

I agree. He's just being a tool. I mean really. He's scared about ruining the team dynamic when the season didn't start yet. He's already ruining the team dynamic by not letting you play. So he's contradicting himself.

 

I think he's just banging multiple girls or whitney and doesn't want to be caught.

 

Typical actions of an immature individual.

[BigKK]

I think you handled it right up until the point you just want to quit the team.

 

Sure you COULD and join another, and probably have just as much fun. If this guy makes it un-fun for you, then maybe that's the answer.

 

 

You obviously like the guy and will be watching his actions closely for the whole season and it might get "weird" so I'd say join the team, although I'd be a tad concerned that a girl with a recently fractured hand is playing flag football...if it was soccer, I wouldn't care. Some people take their sports seriously

[Blueeyedgirl]

I think you handled it right up until the point you just want to quit the team.

 

Sure you COULD and join another, and probably have just as much fun. If this guy makes it un-fun for you, then maybe that's the answer.

 

 

You obviously like the guy and will be watching his actions closely for the whole season and it might get "weird" so I'd say join the team, although I'd be a tad concerned that a girl with a recently fractured hand is playing flag football...if it was soccer, I wouldn't care. Some people take their sports seriously

 

No - I don't like him at all. It wouldn't be weird.

[tattoobunnie]

Sounds like he has a girlfriend, not on the team. We already told you he wasn't showing interest. This just seals the deal.

[BigKK]

No - I don't like him at all. It wouldn't be weird.

 

In that case, if you don't think you'll be a detriment to the team with a bum hand, then just join the team. I agree with everyone, he's a douche and wants to push you away and punish you for not acting how he wants. I liked the way you handled the whole situation =D>

[Blueeyedgirl]

In that case, if you don't think you'll be a detriment to the team with a bum hand, then just join the team. I agree with everyone, he's a douche and wants to push you away and punish you for not acting how he wants. I liked the way you handled the whole situation =D>

 

I'm not sure if I would be or not, but I wasn't even given a chance. I know I was catching balls just fine with my cast on on Sunday. And the bum hand isn't my problem - its how he handled it.

 

And thanks I refuse to let him treat me poorly

[lavenderdove]

I wouldn't play ball right after I got a cast off. I broke my wrist, and the orthopedic surgeon said you need to be really careful for a while after a cast comes off because it is very easy to re-break the bone while it is freshly knitted/soft, especially if you slip and fall and use your hand to stop the fall. The cast may have prevented you from moving your hand in angles that put stress on the bone, but if you fall or slide or hit the hand wrong, you might break it again. I'd sit out the rest of the season to protect your hand.

[Blueeyedgirl]

I wouldn't play ball right after I got a cast off. I broke my wrist, and the orthopedic surgeon said you need to be really careful for a while after a cast comes off because it is very easy to re-break the bone while it is freshly knitted/soft, especially if you slip and fall and use your hand to stop the fall. The cast may have prevented you from moving your hand in angles that put stress on the bone, but if you fall or slide or hit the hand wrong, you might break it again. I'd sit out the rest of the season to protect your hand.

 

I totally understand that but I'm not upset about not playing per se. Its the way he has treated me before and after.

[BigKK]

I totally understand that but I'm not upset about not playing per se. Its the way he has treated me before and after.

 

so eff him, but don't risk your hand to "show him" and smite him that you are ignoring his advice