Should I just ask him to be my boyfriend or wait til he asks me?

[doglover95]

Okay, so I am back. If you want to take the time and read what me and this guy have been thru in my other thread you can, if not its cool..we have worked out a lot of those problems so yeah. Anyways.. We've been talking, dating, whatever.. for almost 2 months now..and to me I think that's a long time.. however I am 18 and hes 26 so our outlook on this might be different. I however think its time to make things official. and me along with the rest of the other girls in the world want the guy to make the first move! I am a firm believer in this..I waited for my previous boyfriends to ask me out, blah blah..but yeah he says he does want to continue this and sees things going in the right direction like talking long term and , besides the label that we are official we basically are...but I just want the security of knowing we are official, ya know? So should I wait it out til he asks me or just go out on a limb and ask him? or maybe just be like "soo what are we?" "you want me or naw?" haha jk on that one, but like ughhhh things are frustrating me and I wanna be his girlfriend so I have room to talk and tell him. Just let me know what yall think ..thank yaaaaaaaaaaa.

[delicous]

I'd find a moment when you 2 are being all cutesy and playful with each other and straight up ask him...... Smile and be yourself. I am sure he considers you his girlfriend, although I don't have the entire background. Does he hang out with you often? Have you met any of his friends or family? ...Those are answers I think a lot of us may need before really knowing what you should do. I'd just go with the flow with him though.... He sounds like he wants to be with you.

[doglover95]

He does want to be with me..welll so it seems, and he is really into me ..and yes we hang out almost every single day, we are never tired of each other.. I've met almost all his friends, and the ones I haven't met know about me.. he like thinks I am really really beautiful, he says he likes to brag lol.... and he like mentions me to his mom & sister ...so I am pretty sure his family knows about me.. Like literally everything is perf! Idk what hes waiting for???

[delicous]

Maybe he's just "DUH about it..." You know like "clueless" and assumes... I'd just bring it up in a playful matter and say something like... "Am I your giiiirlfriend?" And kiss him on the cheek and down to the neck.........He should say, yes ofcourse or he might just simmer in the question because he's been wondering the same thing about him being your "boyfriend". This is so cute and enlightening. Once you know for sure........Try to still keep it light and playful and make sure you give each other space. The space one I CAN NOT stress enough about.......... It is pertinent for the both of you to have space in order to keep not only "each other healthy" but ...."yourselves as individuals..."

 

I wish you lots of luck hun. I think you got it!

[Moontiger]

Two thoughts:

 

1) In my experience it doesn't matter how dumb a guy is, if he is into you he will lock you down within 2-3 months at the most.

 

2) I would ask him where he sees things going. Just be prepared for an answer you may not like.

[Feast]

Nope don't, handle it this way, my last GF did this: tell him you are only goin out with him only and that you aren't interested in seeing anyone else. Don't pressure him just tell him what YOU are doing. It'll work much better, worked well with me. He'll feel pressure to respond similar but won't feel forced and you wont look needy, actually it comes off confident. He's probably where you are anyway, but good to get that worry off your mind.

[Batya33]

Two thoughts:

 

1) In my experience it doesn't matter how dumb a guy is, if he is into you he will lock you down within 2-3 months at the most.

 

2) I would ask him where he sees things going. Just be prepared for an answer you may not like.

 

Completely agree.

[Feast]

He might assume she's locked down but hasn't told her. I've done that. I've just assumed that once a certain point is reached, physical basically, seeing each other very frequently, you are exclusive. He doesn't think he has to formally announce "this girl is my girlfriend!". The age difference is the only thing complicating this one at all, he may be worried about the difference and that's slowing things down but I don't think so. I go with he just hasn't communicated well with you, either use the light funny approach that delicious mentions or what I like about telling him what YOU are doing (above) Either way keep it light, it'll be easier for you and him. I wouldn't go "hey, am i your girl or not?"

[Moontiger]

He might assume she's locked down but hasn't told her. I've done that. I've just assumed that once a certain point is reached, physical basically, seeing each other very frequently, you are exclusive. He doesn't think he has to formally announce "this girl is my girlfriend!". The age difference is the only thing complicating this one at all, he may be worried about the difference and that's slowing things down but I don't think so. I go with he just hasn't communicated well with you, either use the light funny approach that delicious mentions or what I like about telling him what YOU are doing (above) Either way keep it light, it'll be easier for you and him. I wouldn't go "hey, am i your girl or not?"

 

This is really interesting to me because ever guy I have ever know has been very explicit when it comes to locking down a woman. From my experience t starts with physical touches in public, sort of an outward express of "She is with me. Other males go away." Then being introduced to friends, establishing the woman in his life, letting those closet to him know about her, and then an explicit statement of some kind.

 

Of course not all men are the same, this has just been my personal experience.

[Batya33]

This is really interesting to me because ever guy I have ever know has been very explicit when it comes to locking down a woman. From my experience t starts with physical touches in public, sort of an outward express of "She is with me. Other males go away." Then being introduced to friends, establishing the woman in his life, letting those closet to him know about her, and then an explicit statement of some kind.

 

Of course not all men are the same, this has just been my personal experience.

 

Same here- they have all wanted to make it perfectly clear because to do otherwise risks that that person will date or pursue dating others.

[missmarple]

This is really interesting to me because ever guy I have ever know has been very explicit when it comes to locking down a woman. From my experience t starts with physical touches in public, sort of an outward express of "She is with me. Other males go away." Then being introduced to friends, establishing the woman in his life, letting those closet to him know about her, and then an explicit statement of some kind.

 

Of course not all men are the same, this has just been my personal experience.

 

Same here. I've never had to wonder if someone wants to be exclusive with me or not.

[5ivemonths]

This is really interesting to me because ever guy I have ever know has been very explicit when it comes to locking down a woman. From my experience t starts with physical touches in public, sort of an outward express of "She is with me. Other males go away." Then being introduced to friends, establishing the woman in his life, letting those closet to him know about her, and then an explicit statement of some kind.

 

Of course not all men are the same, this has just been my personal experience.

 

Agreed 100%.

This is how I see it, if a guy really likes you, he will come get you.

Of course, I know there are exceptions to this rule. My friend asked out her last boyfriend, but they ended it because he wasn't as serious about the relationship as she was.

In my opinion, I think guys who are serious about you will make some sort of officializing confession/statement.

[LoveSoDeep]

Yeah I would say you are young there's no harm in just asking. I actually had a similar convo with the guy I'm seeing last week...kept it light and joking and he at one point said "Do you want me to write you a note 'will you be my gf yes or no?'" At that point I realized the whole conversation was a little silly for 2 30-somethings and I dropped it. The next weekend he referred to me as "his girl" while at a party with a bunch of his friends and when one woman asked if I was his gf he didn't bother to say no or try to correct her. So I think I have my answer and I'm okay with that... my point is if you need a definitive yes or no then just ask. However, all signs seem to point to the two of you being in an exclusive relationship....IMO.

[hodgeheg]

No offence ladies, and I don't know about 5ivemonths, but you are slightly older than the OP, and from my experience (nearer to OP's age) younger guys don't necessarily act like that anymore.

 

If you want to know and it's making you anxious not knowing, then you could ask. But I don't think his lack of initiative is a sign that he doesn't want a relationship with you.

 

I've been dating my guy for 3 months, we have no label, but I've met friends/family and we're going away together and I'm invited to a friend's wedding. I have enough self-confidence to not need a label, we see each other often enough and I trust his personality enough to know we are exclusive.

[abitbroken]

Honestly, based on your last thread, I would not ask to be "official" yet..

 

 

 

Now to the point..everything is wonderful except the fact he lives with his ex & other roommate as of now, I know huge red flag, and I have ignored red flags in the past and been burned... but anyways he signed a lease, but then they broke up so he has to finish the lease which is up at the end of this month.. he will be moving out then. Which I am happy to hear, but some stuff has happened that irritates me...

 

 

He is saying he knows that it hurts her to see him with another girl, so hes trying to be respectful..I get you care for her, I care for my exes too..but when you want to move on with someone you have to focus on them. He doesn't get that, and I don't think he's considering my feelings. And when I asked him about communication w/ her after hes moved out and he said their might be some.. he told me she doesn't really have anyone because she is a foster child blah blah, like yeah thats sad but she can make friends. I told him I don't think their should be any contact.. and I know for a fact this is going to be a problem and one day its going to come down to me saying its her or me.

 

What is going on with all of this? I don't care how long they have been broken up and "sharing a lease" - he is putting her feelings ahead of yours - HER comfortability with your relationship and is justifying why he needs to protect her from it. I honestly wouldn't be so quick to "lock down" this guy. He could also, being a bit older, taking advantage of your perceived naivete'. Most women wouldn't put up the "i still live with my ex" and wouldn't start anything until he has truly cut the cord.

[BigKK]

good call abit,

 

Be prepared to deal with Mr. I care about my Ex a lot, I've been there, and trust me...it's not very fun. You're okay with a little bit, but then it becomes out of control...I learned this the hard way. "Oh she has a big heart, that's a positive, right?" Well her big heart went from wishing him good night via text, to make him lunches and texting me that we ran out of sandwich stuff, so I should buy a lunch.

 

You ignored red flags for "love" so did I, they're red flags for a reason and prepare for more burn.