Dating in your 20's and early 30's: Is it harder for men to attract an "equal".

[radiohead20]

I have seemed to notice, that, in general, it is much harder for men to attract their equivalent "equal" when it comes to dating, ESPECIALLY in your 20's and early 30's.

 

Now of course, people have different preferences and therefore you cannot generalize qualities accross genders and accross people, but lets say for the sake of discussion we did draw that line, stereotypes and lines exist and leagues exist for reason.

 

Let me pick an example where both preferences are usually common accross both genders and most people:

 

A man who is physically very fit who has at least an average face will find it much more difficult to attract a women who is physically very fit with at least an average face

 

Let's add another one that is universal: Intelligence (cognitive/social)

 

A man who is:

-Very physically Fit (visible muscle definition)

-at least average looking face (nothing special but nothing bad)

-good social intelligence (good social circle, can put himself out there with ease)

-good cognitive intelligence

 

A women who is:

-Very physically fit

-At least average looking face (think "cute")

-good social intelligence (good social circle, can put herself out there with ease)

-good cognitive intelligence

 

(The above qualities are as close as I thought I could get to describe qualities that are universally acceptable accross genders and individual people)

 

I know, from experiences with friends/acquaintances, that the main complaint among men I know that fit the above criteria (which is not TOO difficult after a few years of self improvement), is that they are unable to attract a women that possess the above characteristics. These women are usually the minimum level required by them to want to pursue a relationship, and that is definitely unreasonable considering they possess the same characteristics. I NEVER hear this complaint or this as an issue from the female point of view.

 

Does anyone know why this is the case? thoughts? I have my own on the matter but want to hear other peoples' opinions and experiences.

[poetryandlyrics]

Harder for males? Nothing to do with gender.

 

I don't see this about looks. If everyone looks decent but cannot find anyone, then perhaps it's the personality or the way they're going at it in the dating scene.

[Seraphim]

My husband met his equal when he was 20. I don't think it was particularly hard for him to find me.

[oitnb]

I think it's hard for anyone to find there equal regardless of age or gender.

[jenny_mcs]

No. You, personally, are having a very difficult time dating.

 

From your past threads, it seems like you'd rather pretend it's some general problem men have, instead of dealing with the fact that your dating issues are about YOU.

[Ms Darcy]

I tend to agree with jenny.

[Realitynut]

I guess for some men, it's more important to have 'muscle definition' than for woman. When i was in my 20's and 30's, no one that i knew was going to the gym and working out. We were just dieting and trying too not get too fat!

 

I feel it's easier for men to get all buff....and maybe it's more important. I (and i think most women) look for the man that is more thoughtful, kind, sense of humor, same interests, etc.

 

I do think like attracts like. Maybe some males have an inflated sense of 'self'. I've known many a man, who was WAAAY overweight, and had a very 'off' personality, but still wanted and expected the 'hot' girlfriend.

 

I also know 2 men very personally. My ex husband...and my brother. I would never touch either of them with a ten foot pole. (hehehehe...i guess i did with my ex husband!) But anyway, ex h got on pof. Met a woman, and was married in 8 months. He married me in 10. (ugh) My brother is controlling and can have a temper when he doesn't like something. He just got married recently to someone he said 'is really hot (she's pretty hot for 50) and the best thing he ever had in bed!!

 

 

But then again, these are people older than 20's and 30's. I got married at 32. I think we were equal on looks, but soon found out we were NOT COMPATIBLE anywhere else.

 

My opinion? Find out where her heart lays. I've known many a beautiful woman, with a nasty heart. And vice-versa.

[Blue Spiral]

I think it's easier for women when they're younger, and easier for men when we're older.

 

However, it's harder to find attractive women as you get older, because your peers are also aging. I weigh about twenty pounds more than I did when I graduated high school (from 100 to 120, for those keeping score), whereas the women in my age group have mostly gone through pregnancy, or gained (much more) weight for other as-yet-unknown reasons. They look like they're in their forties...

[Batya33]

It depends on whether you define equal as someone you subjectively believe to be equal to you in looks. If that's a priority for you or a particular person that's fine- we all have different priorities. It was not my priority, my focus or my belief that really there was such a thing or that even if there was it was at all relevant (thank goodness!). Exception -I believe I felt that way at times as a teenager.