Is it ever "ok" to contact the guy first after the first date?

[Redabc123]

Hey Everyone,

 

So I went on dinner date with a guy on Monday. Great coversation, alot in common, even had the same favorite movie. Overall a good date in my eyes, but Im starting to think maybe he didnt think so since I havent heard from him since. Its now been almost 3 days. Usually a guy contacts me right after the date. I was wondering if its ever ok to contact someone after the first date. He honestly might not have been that into it, even though he made it seem like he was. Feedback would be great. I dont want to come off as desperate or needy.

 

Thank you

[missmarple]

It's ok to contact him but, in my experience, when a guy doesn't contact you in the next 3 days after a first date, he's either not interested or he has other issues (very shy, already dating someone else, etc). However, a text to ask how he's doing, won't hurt.

[DancingFool]

It won't hurt, just don't hold your breath for anything coming out of that. It's one of those things where you should just do it, so you don't look back and wonder what if.

[Thorshammer]

I agree with missmarple. I usually don't contact if I wasn't feeling the date, most guys know they have to reach out or lose out, if he doesn't, then he might not want to. Usually women I go on dates with get the hint when I don't call them.

 

Now, if you didn't show interest, then its different. I was on a date once, and even though we kissed two times, her being so beautiful and successful made me a bit intimidated when I woke up sober the next day. I replayed everything, and I read a lot of disinterest in me as a person, but some interest physically. I couldn't tell if my thoughts were motivated by intimidation, or if that was actually what I was picking up. I reached out, and I was right, she wasn't feeling me.

 

Reach out, who cares if he wasn't feeling you (if that's the case I mean).

[BrianH46]

Dang... I've always gotten a text on the drive home or when I arrive at home from women after a first date. I felt it was very thoughtful and cute. Didn't know I was doing it wrong all this time, all the meanwhile conveying disinterest.

[Redabc123]

This made me alittle nervous lol I think maybe I kind of showed disinterest when I ended the date. I told him that I had to go which I did, it kind of seemed like he wanted to continue talking. He walked me to my car and said "Im sure we will be contact soon". Im going to guess he isnt interested. Thank you for the advice

[Redabc123]

Dang... I've always gotten a text on the drive home or when I arrive at home from women after a first date. I felt it was very thoughtful and cute. Didn't know I was doing it wrong all this time, all the meanwhile conveying disinterest.

 

Im the opposite. I have never texted a guy and thanked him. I usally thank him after the date before we say good-bye.

[Redabc123]

It won't hurt, just don't hold your breath for anything coming out of that. It's one of those things where you should just do it, so you don't look back and wonder what if.

 

If nothing will come out of it, I think Ill just let it go. I was going to but I hate rejection. Thank you for the advice

[greta96]

A short 'thank you I had a great time' text would be ok, right after the date, but in my experience if they think the date went well, they will be the first ones to text. And they do it usually by the time I get home.

 

If you haven't heard anything in 3 days, I think there's no point in sending anything, he didn't think it went as well as you thought and is hoping his silence would speak for him.

[Redabc123]

A short 'thank you I had a great time' text would be ok, right after the date, but in my experience if they think the date went well, they will be the first ones to text. And they do it usually by the time I get home.

 

If you haven't heard anything in 3 days, I think there's no point in sending anything, he didn't think it went as well as you thought and is hoping his silence would speak for him.

 

Well that sucks thank goodness I didnt embarrass myself lol

[BrianH46]

Im the opposite. I have never texted a guy and thanked him. I usally thank him after the date before we say good-bye.

 

In my experience it is usually men who initiate contact, get the number, then set up the date. Obviously we are interested going through all of that just to get a chance to know you better. Generally both parties can tell if a date is going well, if you have a good time, throw the guy a bone and let him know that you had fun.

 

But that is just my opinion as a man.

[Kendahke]

I always thank them and give them a hug/kiss on the cheek, then send a thank you text within half an hour of leaving telling them I had a good time (if I did) and that I'm looking forward to the next time. I generally get a "thanks, I had a great time, too.. call you soon" and never hear back from them. Oh well... at least I showed that I had manners.

[Thorshammer]

This made me alittle nervous lol I think maybe I kind of showed disinterest when I ended the date. I told him that I had to go which I did, it kind of seemed like he wanted to continue talking. He walked me to my car and said "Im sure we will be contact soon". Im going to guess he isnt interested. Thank you for the advice

 

Did you end the date suddenly? It seems like you did. I wouldn't have contacted you either. Regardless, send a text because you believing now that your actions ruined things might bug you now. I would text a "hey what happened to you, you ok?'

 

How the blunt and honest are titled as bold for doing the simplest of things now....

[Batya33]

I contacted after the first date only if I forgot to say thank you (which was extremely rare and happened only if there was a last minute distraction like needing to get back to work or catch a bus on time, etc). Or, if the man asked me to contact him to follow up on something we'd discussed on the date.

[Redabc123]

Did you end the date suddenly? It seems like you did. I wouldn't have contacted you either. Regardless, send a text because you believing now that your actions ruined things might bug you now. I would text a "hey what happened to you, you ok?'

 

How the blunt and honest are titled as bold for doing the simplest of things now....

 

Not suddenly we there for 2 hours, I ended it politely. I sent a text not as bold thanking him for the date again and hoping his week is going well. Which was probably a bad idea since it doesnt give a reason for him to reply. At least I tried lol

[amipushy]

If they dont contact you after the date, they are not interested in meeting again.

 

The guy has no problem contacting you to set up a date or texting you repeatedly before the date so why anyone would think that he has suddenly gone shy or waiting for you to contact them after the date is beyond me.

[BrianH46]

If they dont contact you after the date, they are not interested in meeting again.

 

The guy has no problem contacting you to set up a date or texting you repeatedly before the date so why anyone would think that he has suddenly gone shy or waiting for you to contact them after the date is beyond me.

 

Well you see... women are assuming disinterest if the man doesn't contact right after a date. Correct? Is it not likely that perhaps men are also assuming disinterest and don't want to come off as too desperate or "creepy." Enough with the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus bull

[amipushy]

Well you see... women are assuming disinterest if the man doesn't contact right after a date. Correct? Is it not likely that perhaps men are also assuming disinterest and don't want to come off as too desperate or "creepy." Enough with the Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus bull

 

Its got nothing to do with 'Mars Venus' bull, its about how it is with online dating.

 

This, in my experience, is how it goes....

 

A woman usually says "Thank you I had a lovely time", the man then usually says "Blah blah, I will call/contact/text you". The woman says "Ok, bye". If the man doesnt then call its obvious that they were just being polite or they have second thoughts on returning home. If the woman doesnt reply to the mans contact after the date, then she isnt interested.

 

Its almost like an unwritten rule, and its just much easier that way because nobody gets 'hurt' or feels rejected.

[happy_snapper]

The problem with assuming that everybody follows these unwritten rules, is that not everybody will.

[amipushy]

The problem with assuming that everybody follows these unwritten rules, is that not everybody will.

 

People soon learn not to.

 

So glad I'm out.

[pl3asehelp]

If you're interested, contact him. If you won't put as much work into dating as your partners, you'll just be left with scraps.

[Redabc123]

People soon learn not to.

 

So glad I'm out.

 

All in all the women were right. I texted but he never texted back. Its ok now I know that if a man does not call or text after the date he isnt interested in another date. Thank you guys for the advice feedback. Ill let the rejection absorb then on to the next

[Batya33]

All in all the women were right. I texted but he never texted back. Its ok now I know that if a man does not call or text after the date he isnt interested in another date. Thank you guys for the advice feedback. Ill let the rejection absorb then on to the next

 

I'm sorry you're disappointed. I never texted when I dated (no cell) but I do agree that sending a thank you text within a half hour at least isn't a transparent "please ask me out again" in the same way, because the text is not in response to days of silence. I do think it's ok to ask a man out for a second date (or in this case for a first official date) if you're comfortable being that type of initiator but I'm not a fan of the transparent "thank you" text.

 

When I was dating -about 9 years ago at this point - I found that men were most comfortable initiating the first number of dates and that it worked best if I showed enthusiasm and interest in other ways. I completely agree that you should move on to the next ASAP because you shouldn't take this personally -you have no idea why he decided not to ask you out for a date so assume it has nothing to do with you personally.

[IAmFCA]

I feel good about myself when I text a thank you. Then I try to ignore my phone. If he texts back nothing, or nothing more than a "you're welcome, I had fun too," I assume he is not interested or not available. He will ask me out a second time if he is interested. I will ask him out for date #3.

[Batya33]

I'm not sure what the point is of a thank you text if you thank the person in a meaningful and sincere way on the date. I think it's often overkill and doesn't give the guy a chance to reflect on the date and how he's looking forward to the next one - nothing wrong with space and absence making the heart grow fonder. I also would be concerned that the guy would have the impression that the woman hadn't thanked him earlier or thanked him enough. Too often I think the recipient simply believes "wow she really likes me and can't wait for me to ask her out again" -and that's not always a good thing. If the two people have specific time and place plans to see each other again and the woman wants to text "thanks again" a half hour later that's a bit different - at least it can't be interpreted as "please ask me out again!".