Blue Spiral Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 i don't really buy this because i do know people in long term, committed relationships who choose not to marry and are perfectly happy. you can commit to someone without marrying them (and there are married people out there who are very much uncommitted). I think that you weren't looking to make that commitment which is why the relationships failed. not necessarily the marriage part of it. just my opinion.... The "them" part: these were "marriage-minded" women. One of them left me for her future husband (after she found out that my "I don't believe in marriage" thing wasn't just a phase), and one asked me to marry her and then basically vanished. The "me" part: I admit, I don't appear to be cut out for monogamy, and I'm a solitary person by nature. The on-topic part: I did find them online, and they were the two best/only real relationships I had, so I still maintain that even non-impressive guys can find women online. If I'd been a more traditional guy, things would have worked out just fine. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 My unwillingness to get married was a big part of what caused my relationships to end. LOL, no, I'm pretty sure it was this: when I was in a relationship, the two most common thoughts in my head were "Why aren't we having sex right now??" and "Why is she talking to me??" Link to comment
goodheartlady Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Female posters should realize that "Blue Spiral" often writes dramatic and borderline commentary on this forum. He really just want to get your attention. Engaging him is pointless. We should just all wish him good luck on his life and solitude! Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 LOL, no, I'm pretty sure it was this I said a big part, not the only big part. But thanks for being presumptuous enough to think that you know more about my relationships than me. Link to comment
BigKK Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 The best idea is to drink in front of a mirror so that you never drink alone! fifregister...resonates my thoughts exactly. Online dating is not like the stock market, it's not an "upswing" or "downsing" online dating economy, and suddenly all these perfect matches for deejay74 have disappeared. It's just like fifregister says...it's a lottery, your lucky numbers are floating around in there, but you may have gotten lucky to draw them a few times, but you try to account some kind of logic or reason to it. "I have gotten 3 dates a month, etc" and suddenly you don't have anything, it's because a lot of its random. I would bet some of the girls you have messaged, have read your message, liked you, were attracted, but didn't respond simply because of bad timing in their lives, also add in 1 million other reasons. So I think the sooner you accept online dating for what it is, the less frustrated you will be. Sure we can try to draw some kind of online dating algorithm to determine the current state of online dating...I can come up with a few theories based on personal experience and observation. But you are trying to catch fish only with ice fishing, I am not sure if you are but expand the horizons and try some spear fishing, and also all kinds of other multitudes of ways to catch fish. (link removed, joining clubs, networking with people) All of these will increase your chances, or just roll with the punches of the non-logical, non-linear way online dating operates and keep your head up. I will throw in my last thought, I hate the whole "out of her/his league" comments. If we have chemistry, both are attracted to each other, a kind person, but one has a great job and the other doesn't...one should judge himself and not even attempt it? That is so self-defeating its sad. I hate that people define themselves by such things, and whose to say that Mr. "inferior job" doesn't have something brewing that will outshine the others. Link to comment
happpybear Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I will throw in my last thought, I hate the whole "out of her/his league" comments. If we have chemistry, both are attracted to each other, a kind person, but one has a great job and the other doesn't...one should judge himself and not even attempt it? That is so self-defeating its sad. I hate that people define themselves by such things, and whose to say that Mr. "inferior job" doesn't have something brewing that will outshine the others. I so totally agree with you, 100%. I think that often when people refer to "leagues" they are referring to appearance, particularly when it is directed to women. I often wonder (for the people that subscribe to leagues) if you meet someone that is really great and you feel chemistry, but you think that their looks or station in life puts them in a lower league than your own perceived league, would you still date them? Would you think "well, he/she is really awesome and fun and I feel a spark, but they are only a 6 in looks or salary when I am clearly a 9 so I just can't date them..." I sometimes get the impression from threads like this, and in how people describe their OLD experiences, that this is EXACTLY what is happening, and that's why it depresses me. Why can't people go beyond the superficial nonsense and look for depth, and compatibility and chemistry on a deeper level? Link to comment
Thorshammer Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 Online is always hit or miss. I just came back from 2 weeks of all my online accounts blowing up that my phones battery kept fading - and now i am down to none. Online dating is like business, especially in the city. You have to be cut-throat sometimes, its them saying; "what can you give me?", and you playing along enough to keep her attention going until its stage one and you reach the actual "date" - but really just cycling from different texts and calls and trying your best to remember their names. Last woman i talked to claimed to be with her friends - we chatted every night, now shes gone... im sure her "friends" was probably an online guy. I never got to the real world date, and out i go, i lost out in the rat race. THAT is online sometimes. Then there were the last two women who fell for me on webcam... and looked nothing like their pics. They are being picky... and unless i mixed up your private message to me with another guys - then so are you. You might have to extend your range, and that includes the race/style of women you want to focus on. Try to copy the way your profile was back then - that was when you were successful. Change your pics sometimes, this will put you on the front of the website sometimes because they think you updated your profile. Jump in the fire and mass message women - dont let it sting you, remember online dating can be cut-throat. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted February 18, 2014 Share Posted February 18, 2014 I will throw in my last thought, I hate the whole "out of her/his league" comments. If we have chemistry, both are attracted to each other, a kind person, but one has a great job and the other doesn't...one should judge himself and not even attempt it? That is so self-defeating its sad. I hate that people define themselves by such things, and whose to say that Mr. "inferior job" doesn't have something brewing that will outshine the others. I think part of OLD has created this they ask you to openly display your job so that you can be judged by it. on PoF I have noticed lots of guys say things like "I have one" or something vague about the industry they work in. I completely understand that...my job title make me sound like a math nerd and that really isn't who I am. lol I don;t think any one job is better than another....but I have found that guys in some professions are harder for me to be with...those who work nights or do 24 hour shifts for example. I avoid those because I start to feel ignored while they are working...even if they aren't ignoring me at all...it's my issue but I don't think it's worth putting more men through that...So they might think I don't date cops or bartenders b/c I think they are not in my league but that's not the case at all. It's just if they are always working when I'm not I get lonely. I so totally agree with you, 100%. I think that often when people refer to "leagues" they are referring to appearance, particularly when it is directed to women. I often wonder (for the people that subscribe to leagues) if you meet someone that is really great and you feel chemistry, but you think that their looks or station in life puts them in a lower league than your own perceived league, would you still date them? Would you think "well, he/she is really awesome and fun and I feel a spark, but they are only a 6 in looks or salary when I am clearly a 9 so I just can't date them..." I sometimes get the impression from threads like this, and in how people describe their OLD experiences, that this is EXACTLY what is happening, and that's why it depresses me. Why can't people go beyond the superficial nonsense and look for depth, and compatibility and chemistry on a deeper level? OLD is more superficial b/c that is how it was set up they give you all the information you need to be picky and superficial....except maybe eHarmony they make you focus on other things first. What's funny to me is I hated eHarmony they kept matching me with guys who on paper were a great match but none of them had a smile or face that gave me glimpse of a spark. Even on PoF and OKC the guys I choose to meet aren't all super hot...average is more like it...I just look for something in their smile that makes me think I could connect with them. This is why guys - PLEASE use a current photo with a genuine smile if all your pics are old or you're not smiling in any of them what are us women supposed to think? We need to see how your eyes light up when you laugh...it says a lot about you. Link to comment
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