kompakt Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Hello ENA, I'm nearly 31, male and I still live with my parents I used to have a apartment and lived alone since I was 17 but I was "forced" to move back home last year because of health reasons. My health has started to get better lately and now I want my own space again like I used to have because I hate living with my parents. Problem is I just went back to university last year as a full time student and basically have zero savings, so I'm stuck living at home for now. Since I've been feeling better I've wanted to start dating again, it's been awhile and since my health was poor I didn't feel like dating but now I do So my question is would it be a turn off to date some in their 30's who still lived at home with their parents? Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I would think if your situation is viewed as 'temporary' most women will give you a pass. There will always be others who will not tolerate it all, particularly if the have many other options. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Not if you explain the reason like you just did. Sure some ladies will have an issue with it, but others wont. Link to comment
greywolf Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Plenty of women won't mind as long as they think it's a temporary thing and that you're not someone content with living in your parents' basement. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I would think if your situation is viewed as 'temporary' most women will give you a pass. There will always be others who will not tolerate it all, particularly if the have many other options. This exactly. If you just said, "I'm living with my parents." Most woman would not find that appealing. But if you said, "I went through a tough time with my health last year. It cause me to move back home. Thankfully I'm doing much better now. I've even gone back to school. My plan right now is to finish up school and then find my own place." Most woman would be fine with your situation. Link to comment
superfan Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 That is one of my major deal breakers. That being said, there are always exceptions to everything. If I were dating a guy and he said to me "I had some health problems last year and had to move back home with my parents temporarily. I am starting to get back on my feet now and should be moving out soon". As the others have said as long as you make it clear it is temporary and you take steps towards that end, I am sure most women wouldn't mind. It's not so much the 'living at home' thing that is unappealing (at least for me) as the guy who clearly has no ambition or desire to take care of himself. So if you had been living at home for years content to play videogames and let your Mom do your laundry, then no that would not be attractive. But someone who has had a setback in life? Not the same thing. My husband had to live at home with his parents after he sold his house and while we waited for the immigration paperwork to go through. I didn't think less of him for that. Link to comment
fifregister Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 But....if you are living at home and are a busy student with no savings, what would the quality of your dating life be like? Why do you want to get back into dating? Usually people do it for companionship, a good time, or life partnership. But you need to seriously evaluate your goals for "dating" and how your situation can hinder what you & your potential woman want out of a relationship as well. Link to comment
kompakt Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 Trust me guys I hate living at home, it's killing me inside not to have my own space. It is only temporary I hope but as I said I'm a broke student so there is not much hope in the short-medium term which really sucks. Why do you want to get back into dating? Because I'm feeling better health wise & have finally got over my EX and so I want to find someone I guess for the companionship, good times and sex. But most of all to feel happy again and share a life with someone. So if you had been living at home for years content to play videogames and let your Mom do your laundry, then no that would not be attractive. But someone who has had a setback in life? Not the same thing. I'm the total opposite, I love being social with friends and going out and having a good time but because of my health problems I've had to keep indoors, but I don't mooch and don't play video games. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Trust me guys I hate living at home, it's killing me inside not to have my own space. It is only temporary I hope but as I said I'ma broke student so there is not much hope in the short-medium term which really sucks. Because I'm feeling better health wise & have finally got over my EX and so I want to find someone I guess for the companionship, good time and sex. Most women will find your reasons for living at home completely acceptable. Its not like you have never lived on your own or are still expecting mommy and daddy to take care of you. Of course will will the the occasional woman who is judgmental about it but just throw those back to sea. You don't want to date a woman like that. Have your time line planned out for moving out. How long will you be in school? Could you work part time to save money? Link to comment
kompakt Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 How long will you be in school? Could you work part time to save money? Will probably be at university for another 4 years. At the moment I can't work because of my health, but I'm getting better so I hope that changes in the future. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Will probably be at university for another 4 years. At the moment I can't work because of my health, but I'm getting better so I hope that changes in the future. See, as long as you are moving forward, taking active steps, and being honest, most women will not have an issue with your situation. I would look into way you could reduce the amount of time your in school. Could you test out of some classes? Take some over the summer? BTW, I'm glad your getting better! I hope that you make a full recovery soon. Link to comment
superfan Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Will probably be at university for another 4 years. At the moment I can't work because of my health, but I'm getting better so I hope that changes in the future. As long as you have a plan I don't think a woman would (or should) judge you. Going back to school in this economy is tough and adding health problems to the mix make it tougher. I would hope that a decent woman would see your desire to improve your position as a positive thing. (At least I would). Link to comment
kompakt Posted January 17, 2014 Author Share Posted January 17, 2014 Yes one would hope so if she's decent I don't want any old trash bag , though after my last relationship I vowed never to date someone who lived at home again because having parents there all the time made it awkward. Now I'm that position I see things differently, funny that. Link to comment
Rosti87 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Yes one would hope so if she's decent I don't want any old trash bag , though after my last relationship I vowed never to date someone who lived at home again because having parents there all the time made it awkward. Now I'm that position I see things differently, funny that. I'm quite sure you can avoid 'trash bags,' but considering you presently have finanacial challenges you will probably not attract high-end either. Be realistic about what you can attract in your present set of circumstances. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I would try meeting someone through a friend. That way you have someone who vouches for what a good guy you are and there is its strongly likely that your friend will the the lady a run down of your current state. Link to comment
peter Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I would rather ask about your health problem. Also lack of savings and probably bad employment status (?) might be more serious issue. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I think you may find it difficult. Your situation is that of a freshman in college...usually 18 yr olds. Except that you are 31. By that age...most women are looking to settle down and find the man they will marry...who has a career/financially independent. I think you should focus on health and school. First things first. Link to comment
greta96 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 It wouldn't bother me. I have nothing against a guy living with his parents, as long as it's not because he's a pothead who has no ambition to have a job and do something with his life. As long as you explain the situation the same way you wrote here, you should be fine. Although yes, you will bump into that woman who wants the guy to be rich, have his own house, no kids and his own business, and looks down on those who still live with their parents. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I'd see it as a red flag. I'd wonder why at 31 you have no savings. I'd focus on a career right now instead of dating. I'd also worry about how to plan to finance school since you're broke and wonder if you already have some debt from going to school when you were younger. Link to comment
fifregister Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Yes one would hope so if she's decent I don't want any old trash bag , though after my last relationship I vowed never to date someone who lived at home again because having parents there all the time made it awkward. Now I'm that position I see things differently, funny that. So.....what are you bringing to the table that a decent woman and "not any old trash bag" would be interested in pursuing a relationship? If you come into dating fresh off of a damaging situation (health, no job, living at home) but carry previous judgemental notions, you may be disappointed. Realize that your previous criteria are no longer valid because you're at a different punching weight. Link to comment
laninaperdida Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Living @ home is the least unnattractive quality, for me personally. Being a student @ 35 is something I wouldn't touch. As harsh as it is, I wouldn't bother with someonme who had health issues, either. I want to live my life notbe brought down. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 How are you funding your schooling? Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I'd see it as a red flag. I'd wonder why at 31 you have no savings. I'd focus on a career right now instead of dating. I'd also worry about how to plan to finance school since you're broke and wonder if you already have some debt from going to school when you were younger. That would be my thoughts too. Link to comment
Catherine_3 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I just want to step in here to say that I think everyone is being really harsh on you. I guess if nothing else, it should prepare you for the fact that some women will not be interested in you. But the same goes for any guy getting out there in the dating scene. Nobody can attract every woman. You just have to find one person you have chemistry with, who is fine with your background and your situation. You'll find her. Don't let this thread shake your confidence. You're actually in a pretty good position being in university. Best place to meet people. Link to comment
kompakt Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 First off I own my apartment, so that's where all my money went. It's not like I wasted it on booze and drugs. But as I said I had to move back home for health reasons. Second I've already have a degree from a previous university course I did when I was 21, this will be my second degree. So I'm not dumb. Third I used to be a Social Worker and worked for 6 years in the industry, if you know the industry it doesn't really pay that well for the stress it puts you through. It was a very hard job and financially not worth it that's why I'm back studying. 4th I'm not some loser with zero intelligence and who look's like Shrek. I'm smart, cute and somewhat attractive, intelligent, caring, affectionate, ambitious because I want to start my own company after I finish university and the list goes on. So why can't I date and find someone? Should I just lock myself away until I finish university? Link to comment
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