How do you always be the "Alpha Male?"

[Thorshammer]

IMO - i think most guys try to let the girl down slowly, not many men want to hurt a female. Id rather smack the guy who stepped on my old boots then tell a girl i have zero interest in her and her constant attempts are annoying the hell out of me. We are supposed to take the brunt of pain and rejection because we are men and they believe we are used to it, or have zero concept of insecurity and hurt, sucks.. but this is how it is for some people. Sometimes i just so happen to look at a girl when shes eyeing me and she scoffs at me and turns away - and yes, there were times that i got mad and yelled at her that no one was looking at her ugly-***... sorry... thor doesnt play nice, and these are times where i break my rule above, though it doesnt happy often... so dont barrage me with hate pms.

[Scorpion Fury]

Being alpha will come naturally. If it doesn't, you're not alpha. It's your personality and who you are as a person.

[John John]

THANK YOU. This is what I have been trying to say.

[John John]

I get that; that's a non-issue, but from your posts in this thread I've gathered that you feel girls who get hit should see the attention as a positive thing, and that they should take greater care to protect the feelings of someone who approached them in the first place than to ensure their own safety.

 

Which bit of that is incorrect?

 

That last bit is incorrect. I never said anything (nor did I mean to imply) about women having to be nice to protect their own safety. I guess that's a separate issue...I was just suggesting they should be cognizant of the feelings of the person they are rejecting. And yes, I do believe they should be flattered by the attention, aren't we all? I mean, I know I'm flattered when girls check me out or hit on me...but if I see a girl who I'm not attracted to eyeing me, I don't stick a finger in my mouth and turn to my friends and make fun of her. Similarly, if she approached me, I would be nice in that scenario as well.

[Capricorn3]

Being alpha will come naturally. If it doesn't, you're not alpha. It's your personality and who you are as a person.

That was always my belief too. It's like sex appeal - you've either got it, or you don't.

[tiredofvampires]

I don't see what that pizza girl said as being remotely rude or whatever. She said she was constantly busy and doesn't have time. That's about as decent and matter-of-fact as it gets.

 

I've said this before on this board, but I find guys who approach in this way tacky. I try to be civil and decent, but to be honest, asking me out based on knowing nothing about me makes me feel like you're just out to get SOMEONE, it doesn't really matter who, and I just happen to be here in front of you, and that's an EXTREMELY annoying, almost offensive feeling. That's why some women get hardened about their rejections -- it's tiring to feel like you're just an object in the right place at the right time, with no specially redeeming features except maybe a pretty face (which could make you interchangeable with any other face in the crowd) again and again.

[John John]

Yeah, I can see that being the case. I guess it also depends on how/why the guy approaches. But let's just all be civil to each other! Lol

[Dragunov-21]

That last bit is incorrect. I never said anything (nor did I mean to imply) about women having to be nice to protect their own safety. I guess that's a separate issue...

 

So when you found simple neutral/firm rejections like "No" or "I'm not interested" unacceptable because they weren't sugarcoated for the approaching party, what did you mean?

 

I was just suggesting they should be cognizant of the feelings of the person they are rejecting.

 

I suspect they probably are and that most girls say the things they say out of a need to rebuff unwanted attention rather than to be a b*tch.

 

And yes, I do believe they should be flattered by the attention, aren't we all? I mean, I know I'm flattered when girls check me out or hit on me...

 

As a male, probably. As a male you're also unlikely to be subjected to abuse or violence based on the fact that someone else is attracted to you. Put in those terms, the inherent value of sexual attention seems a bit less obvious, no?

 

Yeah, I can see that being the case. I guess it also depends on how/why the guy approaches. But let's just all be civil to each other! Lol

 

So to bring it back to your earlier comments, do you still feel that the pizza-girl's reaction was b*tchy or otherwise unacceptable?

[Blue Spiral]

People should be nice to each other, regardless of the circumstances.

 

This rejection stuff sounds terrifying. I mean, I've been ignored by women, and had them turn down FWB offers, and been abandoned by two girlfriends...but nothing like what's being described here. I am really, really glad I never bothered asking any women out. What little self-esteem I have would have been destroyed after about the third or fourth time.

[Dougie_D]

I didn't really read what happened. Things apparently got crazy.

 

I mentioned this girl before. She was the one that commented on my looks during Halloween. She liked my spiked hair and motorcycle look. The next day, I didn't have a spike and she said something like "hey, what happened to your hair?" This is FIRST time I've ever had a random chick say she liked my beard, hair, clothes, etc... I honestly thought she was flirting w/ me.

 

I basically got the feeling she was into this new "style". That was the first time we started talking and getting to know each other.

 

I was supposed to ask her out before X-mas, but I chickened out until the other day.

 

Here's the other thread.

[Dragunov-21]

Guess she wasn't interested. From the thread, I'd say she was being extra nice because she works in a service industry.

 

Nothing wrong with you asking her out. Nothing wrong with her saying no.

[Slimpee]

You gave it a try...good for you! Someone will say yes sometime.

[icetea]

Dougie_D reading your posts it comes off that you are very desperate for female attention, big time. Any girl who even talks to you, you automatically think she's keen. This is not how the world works my friend. If you can not tell the difference between small talk and flirting then you need to learn the difference If girls are calling you a "jerk" then maybe you need to adjust your personality and stop being so desperate. Women can smell desperation from a mile away, so it's only natural that they run from you. My 2 cents.

[Dougie_D]

Dougie_D reading your posts it comes off that you are very desperate for female attention, big time. Any girl who even talks to you, you automatically think she's keen. This is not how the world works my friend. If you can not tell the difference between small talk and flirting then you need to learn the difference If girls are calling you a "jerk" then maybe you need to adjust your personality and stop being so desperate. Women can smell desperation from a mile away, so it's only natural that they run from you. My 2 cents.

 

 

Not the talk...it's only if she "compliments" me when I get very surprised and think she's flirting. This was the FIRST time any girl said something nice about what I was wearing or how my hair looked.

 

Majority of the time I EXPECT it to be just a friendly conversation.

[agent1607307371]

That is friendly conversation.

[Dragunov-21]

That is friendly conversation.

 

Yup. This x1000

[abitbroken]

Dougie, I think you should put yourself on a ban of 6 months from asking women out. You should focus only on having friendly conversations with people with no end goal of asking a woman out. When you get good at it, you will get better at understanding when there is actual interest or you won't come accross as desperate - because the pressure is off. Also, i would always turn down men who asked me out while I was on the job, btw.l

[tiredofvampires]

I agree with the poster who said that Dougie, you're probably not distinguishing well between friendly conversation and flirting.

 

Someone complimenting you is not necessarily flirting. A woman being nice, or talking to you is not necessarily flirting. I think because you want it to be, you jump to that conclusion.

 

This gets back to the business about not being able to read people well. This has come up before in your posts. It seems that your "sensors" of what others are feeling aren't really attuned. I'm not sure I can give you suggestions on how to sensitize them more, but at least this is something you should be aware of, before just going for a knee-jerk. Maybe make a conscious effort to note what you're sensing from the other person first.

 

There are things to look out for. A woman who is flirting with you has a different look in her eyes than just a friendly one. There will be a COY quality -- a little "come here, but stay there", like she's teasing or testing you a little (not mean testing -- I mean you get the feeling that she's challenging you a bit to engage with her, or prompting you with slightly provocative questions or comments, again of a light and playful nature.)

 

It's a vibe that you should be feeling, that she's giving you a little smirk, a little wink, or a little mischief is there. A touch of female "cockiness", if you will. It can be just a glance, and she'll often look directly into your eyes with a kind of intensity (but not for long) that's not just average, "Hi, how're ya doing today" looking. The body language might involve doing something with her hair (though if she's at work, it's not a good time to do that), or trying to make light physical contact that would not be done just in the course of what's necessary, but again, of a playful nature.

 

Someone just smiling at you is not enough.

 

But I'm sure this is written about in all sorts of PUA tomes, and you may have heard all this before. It just doesn't seem like you're observing cues so well.

 

On the other hand, we weren't there. It's possible she was lightly flirting with you -- but even then, that doesn't mean she seriously meant it to go anywhere. Most of the flirting that goes on in the world is not meant to go anywhere, so you need to keep that in mind, too. You can try, if you feel it's worth a shot and that's happening, but be prepared that a lot of flirting is without any intention or agenda, and if you take it seriously and ask her out, that'll be her cue to shut down her end of it because that was as far as she wanted to go with it. Which is to just enjoy a moment of feeling feminine and enjoying something she felt at the moment about you, no more, no less.

[Doc Blaze]

Dougie, I think you should put yourself on a ban of 6 months from asking women out. You should focus only on having friendly conversations with people with no end goal of asking a woman out. When you get good at it, you will get better at understanding when there is actual interest or you won't come accross as desperate - because the pressure is off. Also, i would always turn down men who asked me out while I was on the job, btw.l

 

this..just go out have a fun time...go to the bar when a girl is up there buying a drink..say hi how is going...ask a few random questions..maybe a sarcastic joke to make her smile..nice talking to u...i didnt catch your name...Amanda..oh nice to meet you amanda,..maybe i will see you around...have a great night...walk away...bam...keep doing it then things might become a little more natural..to be honest..most girls at bars etc dont want to hear your life story..keep it fun..straight to the point small talk lots of laughs...

[tiredofvampires]

I actually don't think Dougie's problem is not being able to be friendly and chat up women with small talk. He's not socially anxious and unable to banter for the sake of banter.

 

His problem is that this is the centerpiece of his meal, what he's bringing to the table, with no context about himself for women to get intrigued by, no conversation that goes beyond small talk (which gets old/boring fast), and no atmosphere to cultivate a more meaningful conversation in. x1000 for cold or nearly-cold approaches. Even suave guys know that.

 

Doing more of what he does isn't going to get him anywhere. He has to DO something differently to create a different dynamic, in a different place, with a different kind of crowd, girl, scene, and type of conversational content. More blah blah blah blah blah is going to regurgitate more threads of this kind, which is just another variation of the ongoing theme.

 

If he can't offer more than this, then something to enrich your life is needed, and if that doesn't appeal to you...well. Then these will be the continuing results. Which is just skimming on the surface of interchanges with generic fare that doesn't tend to offer much for a woman to become interested in.

 

I do think the over-eagerness to ask women out reads as desperate, but I don't think the problem is desperation per se. The problem is a reoccurring assumption that someone will be interested in going out with you when you haven't presented anything for them to want to know any further, based on too little interaction and of a kind that tends to be a dead-end of mundane monotony, and has a shelf life of about 15 minutes with no chance of progression at some other time.

[Dougie_D]

this..just go out have a fun time...go to the bar when a girl is up there buying a drink..say hi how is going...ask a few random questions..maybe a sarcastic joke to make her smile..nice talking to u...i didnt catch your name...Amanda..oh nice to meet you amanda,..maybe i will see you around...have a great night...walk away...bam...keep doing it then things might become a little more natural..to be honest..most girls at bars etc dont want to hear your life story..keep it fun..straight to the point small talk lots of laughs...

 

I can do that to 3 girls in one setting. My problem is the length of the conversation.

 

If I feel like when the conversation goes over than 10 minutes, than she has to be somewhat interested in ME. It's the lengthy conversations with women when I feel like I have a "shot" w/ her.

[Thorshammer]

I had a date last night with someone who didnt look like her pics, she asked me... "do i look my pics?" It reminded me of this post about how men might hold back from being too blunt - i just told her she did and changed the subject. Then she asked me if i shaped up to look nice for her, and i gritted my teeth and said 'just a little bit'. A lot of men believe women are delicate and that they need to tread carefully, while men are rough and they can handle a beating - the problem is... that the men who are rough and can take a beating usually dont have problems with women - they thrive in that environment, while those who dont... will take rejection at the level of anyone else.

[itsallgrand]

I had a date last night with someone who didnt look like her pics, she asked me... "do i look my pics?" It reminded me of this post about how men might hold back from being too blunt - i just told her she did and changed the subject. Then she asked me if i shaped up to look nice for her, and i gritted my teeth and said 'just a little bit'. A lot of men believe women are delicate and that they need to tread carefully, while men are rough and they can handle a beating - the problem is... that the men who are rough and can take a beating usually dont have problems with women - they thrive in that environment, while those who dont... will take rejection at the level of anyone else.

 

Yeah, that is an obnoxious stereotype.

 

Considering we are dealing with individual unique people, and individual and unique personalities.

[Doc Blaze]

I can do that to 3 girls in one setting. My problem is the length of the conversation.

 

If I feel like when the conversation goes over than 10 minutes, than she has to be somewhat interested in ME. It's the lengthy conversations with women when I feel like I have a "shot" w/ her.

 

 

so any girl that shows you attention, in your head you think you need to make a move before the end of the night?

[Rosti87]

This is slightly off the topic, but my recollection of bars and stuff is that there is always a percentage of guys who take politeness or light conversation from women as somehow immediate attraction. After experiencing pushy guys who misconstrue friendliness for flirting I found myself behaving more aloof when I started smelling that aura. I was guilty of sometimes being cold or even rude when men have that attitude.

 

You see that stuff more with adolescent males but it is not very attractive in grown men. It makes for awkward situations for both parties.