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Boyfriend's video gaming habit has crossed the line and I'm emotionally drained.

MReeses

By MReeses
in Relationship Advice

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MReeses Newbie

MReeses

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We're both 21. My bf and I had issues with him video gaming in the past such as him getting really angry over it and even lashing at me if I was to say something about it or laugh at it. For an example, he plays Call of Duty (a first person shooter) and he plays online a lot. I love video games too, but the way he acts drains me emotionally and even somewhat ceased my love of video games... He would yell at me if I commented or laughed if he died in the game.

 

This video game issue has been going for 2 years and today, he crossed the line. I was playing the game with him and his little brother who is 15 was sitting there. Then, at the end of the round, I accidentally killed him and he called me an idiot three times in front of his brother which really pissed me off. I walked away to his room and he doesn't bother himself to get up and talk to me. So I sat thinking for 10 min. and decided I wanted to go back home. I did and then he wanted to send these sappy texts of how he's sorry and such about an hour after that... Then I said I felt like he didn't care about me cuz I am going through a lot (full time student who's broke and looking for another job and today, my car battery is messed up and worrying about money for that) and it makes things worse when he treats me like crap then that's when he snapped and turned everything on me like I was the one with a problem. We were texting the whole time and I tried calling 3 times and he never answered.... Come to find out, he was playing the game the whole time and ignoring me which is why it took 10-15 min. to answer a text. I confronted him about it and when he finally answered the phone, I asked him if he was playing the game and he was like "yea" and I instantly hung up because he chose playing the game over me and decided to ignore my phone calls. I figured that's what he was doing and I was right.

 

The last thing he said was this "That's fine and if you wanna get mad cuz I'm playing the game that's fine. Good night and don't respond cuz I'm not even looking at my phone the rest of the night and I'm putting it on silent"... Like he totally crossed the line today and tonight and I am so crushed right now. We've been together for 3 years and he just gave me a promise ring on Christmas day...

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chitown9 Experienced

chitown9

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It sounds like he has a video addiction, and that is a real problem. Just like any addiction, it takes precendence over EVERYTHING ELSE, and that unfortunately includes you. He needs to get treatment for it, but again, just like most addicts, he will resist treatment. He does not see it as a problem, he sees you as a problem because you are interfering with addiction. Maybe you should just show him this thread. I feel for you.... chi

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savignon Collaborator

savignon

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I agree that he's not taking the relationship seriously and is clearly not ready to be a husband or partner. It's juvenile to put a video game above any of your real life relationships and your relationship should rank particularly high in priority.

I'd also give him the ring back and move on.

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MReeses Newbie

MReeses

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I agree that he's not taking the relationship seriously and is clearly not ready to be a husband or partner. It's juvenile to put a video game above any of your real life relationships and your relationship should rank particularly high in priority.

I'd also give him the ring back and move on.

 

Here's an update, I talked to him and I told him to choose me with the ring he gave me or the video game and he chose me over it.

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MReeses Newbie

MReeses

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ok, what does that mean...?

 

I told him that and he said he wouldn't play it around me anymore and that he wouldn't bring it to my house anymore and if we were to move in together eventually, there is no gaming system allowed at all and he agreed. Also, that was the main problem in our relationship was the issue with the game.

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MReeses Newbie

MReeses

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really? he's going to go cold turkey?

 

sorry if i am doubtful. he sounds like he is addicted and i am curious to see if he can actually uphold his end of the bargain.

 

He said he's still going to play, but not around me which is fair. With his work and school schedule, he wouldn't be playing much anyway. It just sucks that the enjoyment of video games that I once had isn't as strong as it used to be before all of this crap... I am really sad by that.

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MReeses Newbie

MReeses

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video games are fine in moderation. and when you don't go ape poop over it. if he could play around you for 30 minutes, act normal, and then do other stuff, that would be fine, but this isn't.

 

Yea, I know which is why it makes me so sad.

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Lonewing Enthusiast

Lonewing

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He learned ho to play with other gamers or his brother, but he's not yet learned how to play with his woman...

 

I wish you the best on this, you're just going to have to teach him how to be a better gamer. He's never HAD to do it, but now he has to learn how to control the energy of his emotions and not be quite so vindictive.

 

Good Luck!

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Fudgie Grand Master

Fudgie

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Does he admit that he has a bit of a video gaming problem? I do think it's a problem because it seems to be impinging upon your relationship, he seems unable to control himself, etc. How does this affect his schooling and work schedule? Do they suffer due to his video gaming?

 

The issue with "no video game system" if you guys moved in together is that it can be easily bypassed. My boyfriend gamed exclusively on the PC until we bought a used console. Now he uses that too in moderation. But you can't really ban a PC computer though, you know what I mean? And someone who gets addicted to video games may have an addictive personality. Does he? Does he get addicted to other things in his life?

 

Just things to think about.

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MReeses Newbie

MReeses

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Does he admit that he has a bit of a video gaming problem? I do think it's a problem because it seems to be impinging upon your relationship, he seems unable to control himself, etc. How does this affect his schooling and work schedule? Do they suffer due to his video gaming?

 

The issue with "no video game system" if you guys moved in together is that it can be easily bypassed. My boyfriend gamed exclusively on the PC until we bought a used console. Now he uses that too in moderation. But you can't really ban a PC computer though, you know what I mean? And someone who gets addicted to video games may have an addictive personality. Does he? Does he get addicted to other things in his life?

 

Just things to think about.

 

He hasn't really admitted he is the problem until I told him that he is the problem with his attitude towards me when he plays the game. It has gone on long enough and the promise ring brings another level of seriousness that you can't take back which is why I asked him to choose between me and the game. Also, that there is no system allowed if we were to move out b/c I know how he is with that since I dealt with it for 2 years.

 

The gaming doesn't affect him with work and school at all. He's actually a hard worker and a great student.... He doesn't even play PC games at all and no, he's not addicted to anything else. This stupid "gaming" issues is the main problem in our relationship. If there wasn't a video game the whole day. everything is fine. As soon as he starts playing the game, things go downhill and he acts erratic as I described.

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