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Boyfriend gave a girl his phone number when she asked for it, help?


MitchellsGirl

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Ok so let me start out by saying, my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years now. A few months ago we've been allowing each other on one anothers Facebook pages to do whatever we wish. Within those few months the first instance of him giving his phone number to another girl was to a girl he actually knew and used to have a "thing" for...she didn't even ask for his phone number, he just flat out gave it to her. I expressed to him as calmly as possible that I don't approve of the giving out of phone numbers to people of the opposite sex unless it's for work purposes and what not...specially since this girl he used to like. Now just today I got on his profile and came accross a message from a girl he doesn't even know, telling him she liked his profile picture (which is of me and him???) and she asked him if he liked piercings (which clearly when a girl asks this, she has them and she wants his opinion because she's interested), and then she said she had to log off and she said "hey leave me your # and we can text!" My boyfriend GAVE her his phone number without hesitation, he did ask in his reply if he knew her from somewhere and told her that he liked piercings depending on what kind. Am I wrong to feel highly disrespected by all of this? I asked him not to give out his number to girls and he goes and does so anyway...I feel very disrespected by this. It truthfully scares me as well that he can do this and not find any problem with it, when, I USED to have friends that were guys but guess what, not anymore because he didn't like it. I don't text anyone but him, LITERALLY. The ONLY time I text anybody else is when a family member texts me or one of my friends that are girls want to talk to me. I don't go handing out my phone number left and right to whomever I please, how do you think HE would react if I just RANDOMLY gave a guy my phone number if the guy asked for it? I'm sure he'd take it the same way I'm taking this. Now, what utterly disturbs me is that he takes HOURS to reply to my texts which finding that he's given his phone number out to yet another girl, makes me feel paranoid that he's texting this other girl instead of me. I feel like he's bored with me or something, I don't know..I just don't understand why he can't respect my ONE simple wish to not give out his phone number to other girls. Please any advice, help, what do you think?

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I think your boyfriend's behaviour is shady at the very least. Not to mention selfish...he can't ask from you not to have male friends and he gives his phone to any girl who asks (or doesn't ask). I would tell him that if I find out he does it one more time, I'm out..and I'll mean it. You have no idea if it's just about texting or if he does more.

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There are two sides to it, I think.

 

On the one hand, in this instance, I think it is fair and reasonable for you to be taking issue with him striking up a friendship with someone who is (IMO) pretty obviously interested in him.

 

On the other, your general standard for what's acceptable and what isn't is (IMO) jealous craziness, plain and simple. If he made you give up your male friends then he's being a total hypocrite, but regardless I think it's unreasonably controlling to "forbid" non-work contact with members of the opposite sex.

 

Sounds like you aren't much of a social texter. He may be, and lots of people are.

 

Honestly I think that you need to reassess your standards of what's acceptable, but you have a fair grievance in this instance.

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I think that having a non approval of opposite sex friends demonstrates a lot of insecurity and mistrust on the part of the person trying to limit their partner. Worse, though, that person usually disrespects themself in the end by not standing behind their own rigid standards. For example, this is the second time he's doing this and you're still there...so what does that say about how much you care about your own standards? Our standards falls somewhere on a spectrum. One end being "I would really prefer my partner not behave this way and it hurts me when he/she does" and the other end being "if he/she does this again, I'm leaving". Only you can say where you stand on the spectrum.

My opinion is that he's being very shady since he doesn't even know this girl and you already had this conversation.

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The reason why he can't respect your one simple wish is because he has no intention on respecting it. He's going to do as he pleases, damb how you feel about it.

 

Also, there are no serious consequences from you because you stay and take it. Why should he change? It's no skin off his nose to hear you whine about it because he knows you're not going to do anything about it but whine.

 

He may be bored, he may be one of those kinds of guys who needs attention from a whole lot of girls, he may be one who is highly social and shallow in his dealings with all girls, you included.

 

I think that you have a lot of thinking to do with this relationship.

 

You willingly gave up your friends because you thought it meant that you respected your boyfriend to do so, not because you would have just chucked your friends anyway because you outgrew them and their interests or you thought those friendships had run their course, which is the only reason why anyone should give up friendships. I have to say that one is on you. Never give up any friendships for anyone unless those friendships are directly damaging or disrespecting your relationship.

 

Your boyfriend is showing you that he is going to do as he pleases despite how you feel about it. That much is plain. So if you want to remain with him, you are going to have to stomach him giving his phone number out to anyone who asks for it--he's already shown you that your feelings about him doing this don't matter to him. You're not his mom and it's not your place to pick his friends for him or to censor what he does/says to anyone. Your job is to not place your person in close proximity to someone who you feel is disrespecting you.

 

I don't think you should have given anything up just because you were in a relationship with him. You are as entitled to your friendships as he is.

 

If I was you, I'd quit being so accomodating to him and quit trying to be the perfect girlfriend to him. He doesn't appreciate what you've done, so stop doing it.

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He obviously don't know this girl and is seeking attention maybe the relationship has gone a bit stale.

I would deffinately have it out who him as this is disrespectful. Either he wants to be with you or he wants to act like he is single bit either way he needs to make a decision.

This is totally disrespectful as he is fully aware of this other girls intentions and he is willingly giving out his number x

Also you should both be allowed friends of the opposite sex there is a huge lack of trust and major control issues that need to be addressed Hun x

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If your SO is giving out his or her phone number to members of the opposite sex it is time to run for the door whatever their BS reason is. He's looking to hookup with other women, face it and leave. Fine for business, but there's zero reason for your guy to be giving out his digits to strange women or women he had a crush on. Although if that's the way it's going to be and he has any cute friends sure, go ahead and ask them for their number. Maybe one of them wants a monogamous relationship with someone who isn't mentally 12.

 

Yes, he's not just disrespecting you, he's flat-out chasing other women in front of you. Tolerate it and take it as a sign for an open relationship if that's what you want or leave now. And tell him double standards of what's good for him isn't good for you went out with the viewpoint that women can't vote or own property. Tip: any relationship with someone who has a double standard on anything isn't really a relationship, it's a slave/master kind of deal. Also so not 21st century.

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He cannot be trusted. Major red flag. I would have dumped him yesterday and started moving on with my life. Simple

 

Well gee that sounds like the easy way out, fortunately, I love my boyfriend and he loves me and I know if two people care about each other and truly want to be together they'll work out their issues and the relationship will be stronger. But thank you for the input.

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I talked with him about the situation finally, and at first he seriously had no idea what I was talking about until I showed him his own Facebook message, he then explained to me that it was like 2 o'clock in the morning and he was falling asleep at that time and truthfully didn't remember sending or recieving that facebook message. In which, I do believe him because I know how incoherent he becomes late at night. Sometimes I'll be talking to him just before bed and he won't remember the conversation we had before we went to sleep...so yeah everything is ok now.

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Well gee that sounds like the easy way out, fortunately, I love my boyfriend and he loves me and I know if two people care about each other and truly to be together they'll work out their issues and the relationship will be stronger. But thank you for the input.

 

If he loves you then he'll choose to prioritize respecting you and behaving appropriately over the momentary thrill of giving his phone number to a woman who wants to date him. Your reasoning is a bit circular -of course if two people want to be together and love each other they'll most likely work out their issues. But the issue here is what his values and priorities are and whether they are compatible with yours. You're not his mother - you can tell him it makes you uncomfortable when he gives out his phone number to another woman in that context but it's his choice how to react- and then your choice whether to stick around if the answer is that he will continue doing it or doesn't see a problem with it.

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Well gee that sounds like the easy way out, fortunately, I love my boyfriend and he loves me and I know if two people care about each other and truly want to be together they'll work out their issues and the relationship will be stronger. But thank you for the input.

 

So you would rather stay with a cheat then find someone faithful?

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I talked with him about the situation finally, and at first he seriously had no idea what I was talking about until I showed him his own Facebook message, he then explained to me that it was like 2 o'clock in the morning and he was falling asleep at that time and truthfully didn't remember sending or recieving that facebook message. In which, I do believe him because I know how incoherent he becomes late at night. Sometimes I'll be talking to him just before bed and he won't remember the conversation we had before we went to sleep...so yeah everything is ok now.

 

You bought that? LOL

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I talked with him about the situation finally, and at first he seriously had no idea what I was talking about until I showed him his own Facebook message, he then explained to me that it was like 2 o'clock in the morning and he was falling asleep at that time and truthfully didn't remember sending or recieving that facebook message. In which, I do believe him because I know how incoherent he becomes late at night. Sometimes I'll be talking to him just before bed and he won't remember the conversation we had before we went to sleep...so yeah everything is ok now.

 

I think typing a message is far different than saying something half in your sleep. The process of sending the woman his phone number (which he had to remember at the time) on Facebook is not the same thing. Sure, he might have been very tired and his defenses were down but he chose to type what he typed. JMHO.

 

Edited to add that I read your original post and I'm sorry but his story makes no sense - he had an entire typed conversation with a female stranger and knew enough to ask if he knew her from somewhere. Again he might have been exhausted but he knew exactly what he was doing because obviously he knew enough to ask how they knew each other and to express how he felt about piercings. And of course if he was that tired he could have logged off as soon as he saw a stranger messaging him.

 

"hey leave me your # and we can text!" My boyfriend GAVE her his phone number without hesitation, he did ask in his reply if he knew her from somewhere and told her that he liked piercings depending on what kind."

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He is not acting like he's in a relationship- he's behaving as though he's a single player. A man that truly loves and respects his woman would NEVER treat her like this. He's conducting himself like a filthy pig so let him roll in the mud with the other scumbags and find yourself a man that will treat you the way you deserve- with love, loyalty and who will honor you and your relationship.

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Are you really that gullible?

 

I don't think so. I think she's deciding that everything's good because although she knows he's lying the alternative -being without him -seems far worse. Reminds me of that scandal in NY where that man running for mayor was texting random women while his wife stood by his side.

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I talked with him about the situation finally, and at first he seriously had no idea what I was talking about until I showed him his own Facebook message, he then explained to me that it was like 2 o'clock in the morning and he was falling asleep at that time and truthfully didn't remember sending or recieving that facebook message. In which, I do believe him because I know how incoherent he becomes late at night. Sometimes I'll be talking to him just before bed and he won't remember the conversation we had before we went to sleep...so yeah everything is ok now.

 

LMAO. Seriously?

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Are you really that gullible?

 

Trusting and gullible are two separate things my friend. I trust his word because I know him so well...not all guys are the same, my boyfriend's always been loyal, he just has his moments where he crosses "the line" as in some men don't know that girl's are flirting...and yes, it is possible to respond to a message while half asleep. I don't see any reason for drilling him for a message that I saw when he swears up and down that he was half asleep and didn't know what he was doing, nor did he remember the message or anything else.

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I trust his word because I know him so well...not all guys are the same, my boyfriend's always been loyal, he just has his moments where he crosses "the line" as in some men don't know that girl's are flirting...

 

You make a lot of excuses for him.

 

Let me quote your opening post:

 

Now just today I got on his profile and came accross a message from a girl he doesn't even know, telling him she liked his profile picture (which is of me and him???) and she asked him if he liked piercings (which clearly when a girl asks this, she has them and she wants his opinion because she's interested), and then she said she had to log off and she said "hey leave me your # and we can text!" My boyfriend GAVE her his phone number without hesitation, he did ask in his reply if he knew her from somewhere and told her that he liked piercings depending on what kind. Am I wrong to feel highly disrespected by all of this? I asked him not to give out his number to girls and he goes and does so anyway...

 

He gave his number to some random chick who contacted him online. In what world is that ok???

 

What motive could some chick who he DOESN'T KNOW have to contact him? How could he not interpret that as flirting? Even if she wasn't flirting, it's not okay for a man in a committed relationship to give out his number to establish new "friendships" with random women who contact him online.

 

Stop fooling yourself. Even in the best case scenario you two have structural issues you need to fix!

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1 he knew exactly what he was doing

2 he is lying about it now

 

you sound extremely naive. Look up denial. Your bf can no longer be trusted. Maybe he was loyal for 3 years. People do change. Sometimes people get bored and instead of trying to fix the relationship-they seek outside attention.

 

That is not long term material. Its garbage material. Toss him in the trash. This is just red flag number 1. There will be plenty more and dont say we didnt warn you.

 

Plus it is unusual for random girl to contact random guy on FB.. I would bet he contacted her first and deleted the evidence

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1 he knew exactly what he was doing

2 he is lying about it now

 

you sound extremely naive. Look up denial. Your bf can no longer be trusted. Maybe he was loyal for 3 years. People do change. Sometimes people get bored and instead of trying to fix the relationship-they seek outside attention.

 

That is not long term material. Its garbage material. Toss him in the trash. This is just red flag number 1. There will be plenty more and dont say we didnt warn you.

 

Plus it is unusual for random girl to contact random guy on FB.. I would bet he contacted her first and deleted the evidence

 

It's Facebook, women for scamming "porn websites" and all sorts of crap join Facebook all the time and do exactly that. I don't know anybody in their late-20's that just up and creates a random new Facebook profile with only one picture to their profile, and 7 friends and counting that are all men, and is never active on the account, she's clearly either a scammer or a random chick looking to cause trouble. That's just my opinion. And no, my boyfriend wouldn't contact her first, yeah of course you're saying I sound naive, and I sound like I'm in denial but I seriously DO trust him and believe that there really were no intentions behind any of it except for maybe on the girls behalf, considering she WAS at least 10 years older than him. Is it a problem for me to try and defend him now? I'm just saying that in my boyfriend's defense he honestly DIDN'T know what he was doing, as I tried to say before I HAVE talked to him in person and/or online or through text really late at night when he's dead tired and does begin to make barely any sense and say things he doesn't remember saying the next day.

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