Asking a man out?

[Lorem Ipsum]

Hi everyone!

 

I am considering doing something rash... well, rash for me anyway! But given the level of thought I'm putting into it, it's not very rash at all

 

Long story short, I have recently become reacquainted with someone in my work environment. We have worked together extremely occasionally over the years, I hadn't seen him for at least 10 years. We do not work together in the same office or anything like that, we're both contractors. The job that we were on together has ended and I can't seem to stop thinking about him. I'm absolutely terrible at reading signals or interpreting interest -- I mean I am The Worst, completely clueless -- but based on some of the things he's said to me, I think he is somewhat interested in me. So I figure I have two choices: I can either do what I've always done and just sit around and wait for him to call me (and get nothing) or I can take the bull by the horns (so to speak) and ask him out on a date.

 

However, I've never done this and I'm torn over how badly I want an answer. To be turned down wouldn't kill me but it would sting a little, which I guess is only natural. And if I'm being completely honest, I'm sort of expecting the "thanks, but no thanks". We're both in our 40's and so it shouldn't matter so much but I'm really afraid of coming off as a pathetic, desperate woman of a certain age (if you know what I mean). It's not like if I were to call him up and he said no I would have to look him in the eye the next day, he hasn't given me the impression that he's mean/cutting and yet I'm still hesitant. Unfortunately, our industry is pretty tight-knit and on his side of it, they gossip worse than fish wives on market day, he could say something and it is possible that that could get around, which I wouldn't like.

 

Maybe what I need to hear are some encouraging stories from you lovely people. Perhaps you are a woman who was somewhat in my shoes and it went well... or you at least found it empowering? If you are a man reading this, would you like it if some woman in your general sphere called you up and asked you out? I know the knee-jerk answer is: of course, if she's hawt but humour me! Would it matter to you if it was a phone call? Would you prefer it? I mean men are "supposed" to do the pursuing, maybe it's a turn-off to flip the dynamic around? Although that probably depends on the individual.

[mhowe]

At "our" age and I think I have you by a decade... we know what we like. My bf "courted" me for almost 2 years and finally got up the nerve to ask if we could move our friendship to the next level. I didn't see it coming and can only identify the courting rituals in hindsight!!

 

I say go for it...a simple "would you be interested in grabbing a bite to eat" should suffice.

 

Life is too short not to dance. Sadie Hawkins is alive and well...go for it.

[sara-pezzini]

I asked my BF out first as well, and we worked in the same office as well, though in different departments, he said yes....so go for it!!! life is too short for regrets...

[missmarple]

Do you know if this guy is single?

[Lorem Ipsum]

Yes, he's divorced and moaned an awful lot (but in a funny way) about how single he was and that every woman in his tiny town was married.

[ThatwasThen]

I don't see anything odd about asking a guy out. What I do see as odd if you keep being the only one who is initiating. After you've asked him out, it should be clear to him that you're interested in him so if he's interested in you back, he should do some pursuing of you next time. Don't fall into the trap of chasing him like the girls in the book "He's Just Not That Into You."

 

Ask, enjoy (if he accepts ) let it be known through body language cues etc that you're into him and then step back and see if he's just as interested by letting him ask you out. It's a fine dance and should never be one sided by either you or him.

 

Have fun.

[JA0371]

You can be kinda sneaky about it....and say you're having a little get together with friends, like a barbecue or something and ask if he wants to come? I think a 'date' might be less effective. Do you have his number? If not say 'hey, Id like to invite you to this barbecue/party/etc...I don't have your number. I'll text/call you when I get the details." If he agrees, then give him your number too....

[KORG]

Perhaps some guys prefer to do the pursuing, but I rather like it when women ask me out. I generally ask women out more often than they ask me out, as that seems to be de rigeur most of the time, but I have no actual preference for being the pursuer vs. pursuee.

 

If I'm interested in a woman who asks me out, I say yes. If I'm not interested, I decline the invitation but I'll still be flattered. As far as I'm concerned, it's really that simple. I wouldn't think less of a woman after declining a date, nor necessarily feel awkward about the situation; I'd mostly feel good about the date invitation, because it's really a compliment.

 

If you're worried about it becoming awkward if he declines, you could simply ask him to get together for a drink. A drink invitation is sufficiently ambiguous that it could be construed as a date or as simply a meetup between friends and occasional coworkers.