sophi3 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 So my ex broke up with me. I tried to change his mind, but he was firm. So I let go. I was devastated. I tried communicating with him, so he'd see that I was really doing self improvements. Sometimes I go first, sometimes he goes first. It wasn't helping me feel better so I decided to stop contacting him after he stopped replying to me. It's been almost a month and he sent me a simple how are you? I didnt reply. After a few days he texted again, this time sharing a bit about his life. I ignored him again. I feel mixed emotions. A part of me is saying that oh, he's texting, this is my chance for us to get back together if I play my cards right. Another part of me is saying that I should continue the NC. Another part of me feels like I'm a bad person, I agreed to being friends with him but couldn't even be his friend right now because I'm ignoring him. Link to comment
Lambert Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Could you just text him and say not ignoring you but not ready to talk. Link to comment
sophi3 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 Could you just text him and say not ignoring you but not ready to talk. Wont that feed his ego though? Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 No to 'being friends'.... You can NOT do this with this frame of mind. You're still deeply emotional and can't do that right now. You BOTH need a good time apart and only when all those 'feelings' are gone, can you consider being a 'friend' to him. Think about it, how would YOU feel (as a friend) when he's telling you all abt a new girl in his life? It'd kill,, right? Therefore, this is why we suggest No contact and NO to friends at this time. Whether it be in 6 mos or 6 yrs. tc Link to comment
sophi3 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 No to 'being friends'.... You can NOT do this with this frame of mind. You're still deeply emotional and can't do that right now. You BOTH need a good time apart and only when all those 'feelings' are gone, can you consider being a 'friend' to him. Think about it, how would YOU feel (as a friend) when he's telling you all abt a new girl in his life? It'd kill,, right? Therefore, this is why we suggest No contact and NO to friends at this time. Whether it be in 6 mos or 6 yrs. tc Yes im doing that now thank you It's just that Im wondering what buttons do I have to push to increase him coming back, even if just 1%? Link to comment
doicare Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 The best thing you can do is send him a message and say, sorry you're/Im not really interested in being friends, good luck (or take it easy or something...). I know it sounds crazy, but it's the best thing for you and for him to have any respect for you. Trust me. It will show him you've moved on, otherwise he'll think of you as his doormat or back up plan - which is pathetic. You're obviously in a vulnerable position too, and you need to realize that your power comes 100% from you, not from some dude who broke up with you. Right now you're stewing in self doubt and pain, and you're reliving this hurt over and over again. It's not helping you, your chances, or your long term happiness. He is not your world, you are, and Im sure you're a strong girl so go kick some ass! Life is too short to doubt yourself, go out, be brave and create happiness for yourself, and dont compromise your self love for anyone. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 It's just that Im wondering what buttons do I have to push to increase him coming back, even if just 1%? Your best chance, (if that were to happen) is to completely disappear. That said, if he decides to come back on his own, he knows where to find you. Link to comment
JJoj Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 If you want the maximum chance of getting him back, ignore for 30 days. Link to comment
heartxbroken Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 You said its almost a month... if it has been near 30 days NC, I would respond positively to see if he has intention on reconciling. If the conversation turns negative, I would take it as a lesson learned and go NC again. Link to comment
firefly2613 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Continue No Contact. Texting requires zero effort. It's an easy way for him to reach out to you without having to see you, talk to you, etc. Don't talk to him unless he makes effort. And by that I mean EFFORT. Link to comment
Johnny21422 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Not really recommending this.. You said its almost a month... if it has been near 30 days NC, I would respond positively to see if he has intention on reconciling. If the conversation turns negative, I would take it as a lesson learned and go NC again. Link to comment
sophi3 Posted December 3, 2013 Author Share Posted December 3, 2013 Continue No Contact. Texting requires zero effort. It's an easy way for him to reach out to you without having to see you, talk to you, etc. Don't talk to him unless he makes effort. And by that I mean EFFORT. ohhh this makes a lot of sense. Link to comment
dereitis Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 ohhh this makes a lot of sense. Do NOT go on with the mind games. We all know from experience. Simply be straight forward and tell him you're only interested in speaking with him if it's about getting back together. You'll have your answer sooner or later. You need to heal right now. Link to comment
frc77 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Stay no contact. The exes always attempt to get your attention by sending the famous "hey" or "how are you" text. This is just a ploy to see if you are still waiting. As i've gotten older i look at a person's actions rather than words. Like it's been said before, a text takes minimal effort. If he wants you back he will make it known. Link to comment
doicare Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 Stay no contact. The exes always attempt to get your attention by sending the famous "hey" or "how are you" text. This is just a ploy to see if you are still waiting. As i've gotten older i look at a person's actions rather than words. Like it's been said before, a text takes minimal effort. If he wants you back he will make it known. 1) Do NOT do what Heartx said, it will result in bad things. You can either Ignore him, or two tell him your moving on. I tend to side with my advice, but if you do one, it will backfire in your face, I promise you. Link to comment
heartxbroken Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 1) Do NOT do what Heartx said, it will result in bad things. You can either Ignore him, or two tell him your moving on. I tend to side with my advice, but if you do one, it will backfire in your face, I promise you. I think because I have been trying to look positively at things and hope things would turn around for the best for the OP. Link to comment
firefly2613 Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I think because I have been trying to look positively at things and hope things would turn around for the best for the OP. If that's happens, it'll be clear. Very clear. The only person here who can "turn things around" is that ex, and to do that he needs to show some effort. It's not a game. If you're dumped, you don't owe your ex anything. And if they realize they made a mistake - truly realize it - it will be a little bit more than some simple text messages. Link to comment
sophi3 Posted December 4, 2013 Author Share Posted December 4, 2013 my friend sent me a link about keeping limited contact, letting him know that i really was improving on myself because i've been commited to doing these kinds of activities. that could change his mind right? Link to comment
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