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Hi everyone.

 

I text my ex earlier on to apologise for being cold when he ended it with me. Yes I know this sounds ridiculous; he'd put me through hell and de valued me so much but I thought being kind was the decent thing to do. Turns out I am being unkind to my own self worth. I even unblocked him on Facebook because I felt petty doing it and now he has blocked me.

 

Just two weeks ago he was saying he couldn't live without me and loved me so much. He was in tears holding me. Then he changed his mind and has cut me off completely again. He told me I had done nothing and was perfect. So what the hell?!

 

I've literally had enough. I'm getting off this crazy train. I've been angry before but never like this. He has no idea how cruel he has been to me and I literally hate the sight of him right now. I will never take him back, all his pleas were lies to stop me moving on and to bed me. He's a jerk and I can finally see it and what others have told me.

 

I'm SO ANGRY I wasted 2 years of my life letting him build me up and ditch me like I'm nothing over and over when he's bored or rejected. I don't want to speak to him. I don't want to know him. I used to think I was being stubborn and cruel in standing up for myself, no more. I hate him.

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I am. I feel livid that I let someone do this to me. I'm a strong person who's gotten through a lot and I believe I've done well for myself to let an ass clown like him mess it up. None of my friends like him. My family hates him. I have no what ifs left now, thank god, just a view of a manipulative little bastard. I'm so glad I didn't get more serious with him in the past. My skin literally crawls when I think of him now. How did I, a strong and caring girl, let a person like that treat me like nothing?! Am I insane?!

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To anyone reading this who has been hurt by someone they loved who showed them no empathy or remorse: Don't EVER take them back. Even if they beg and send you flowers like mine did. Just don't...or you will be where I am when the thrill of the chase dies down and they have you where they want you; dependent on them. You are worth more. I have this guy so many chances and now he can well and truly kiss my ass.

 

I'm done. And it feels good to finally be angry and not upset ... Like a new stage or something.

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You are not insane.... We all make excuses for the ones we care about. Somehow we feel like devaluing ourselves is ok, as long as it gets us what we want. But I am slowly and painfully learning, this is the opposite. If we demand better and only accept what's best, then that's what we get.

 

It's a long roller coaster breaking up.... There's pain, anger, sadness, regret, loneliness and eventually peace and happiness. Surround yourself with your friends and family. And don't talk to him for a while. Let this just be for awhile. It will help you find clarity and strength.

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Your not insane but you blatantly ignored all the red flags from the start it seems. Sounds to me like this guy has not been a catch from the beginning. Everyone who cares about you hates him and you didnt think that maybe they were all right about him and you were wrong?

 

Im not trying to make you feel bad-im just giving you a reality check. In future dont ignore any red flags. Never ignore red flags and look up infatuation and what it does to your brain so you avoid making these mistakes again. Keep your heart far away from your sleeve. You cannot trust your own judgement with men so use your head and follow your instincts. Good luck

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Good rule of thumb...your friends and family love you. If they can't stand the guy you are seeing...there is generally a valid reason.

 

Mhowe, you and I are on the same page tonight! I seem to be right behind you on a lot of these threads and loving your good advice!!

 

OP: I've been there- with the guy everyone hates.... Ugh! I say love who you love but get a clue-- everyone can't be wrong. Boy did I waste my time on that one!!!

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I have to agree - even when it's close friends who ALL can't stand a boyfriend - there's usually a good reason. Often it's because they see you being treated less kindly than they feel you deserve - and watch you permitting it, which makes them feel powerless and angry.

 

My first "true love" - my parents hated. I adored him. And I became his doormat a piece at a time. He broke dates at a second's notice to hang with friends, KNOWING that after the tears, I'd forgive him and be ok with him rescheduling me like an inconvenient meeting.

 

And even though it hurt, it felt almighty good when I finally got po'ed enough to respond to one of his reschedules with "no, you know, we're not going to have these issues anymore at all. I am DONE with you, because I deserve better than this."

 

In the following weeks - I still had the urge to call and beg for forgiveness. But ironically, the things he did to show interest - all of a sudden showing up at the clubs he'd never had time for, for example? It just made me angrier, because it made it crystal clear that when he WANTED to make the time, he could. I'd just never been important enough to him while he HAD me.

 

Realizing that - oh boy, does it smart. Ouch. But there's also a sense of freedom that comes with realizing that IT WASN'T YOU. And it reinforces that you are absolutely, exactly right to close the book and move on.

 

Now get out there and kick your world back into shape

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My family used to adore him, and he got on so well with my dad. But now they want me to stay away because of everything that happened. His parents feel the same about me, but they never really got to know me. They arnet social at all and hate everyone new including his sisters partner at the start, but his father HAS to get on with him because he works with him.

 

I want to forget this guy so bad. I felt on top of the world 4 years ago when we got together and now so much bad stuff has happened that I feel like nothing. The past year on many occasions he has been particularly cruel to me which was the turning point for my family and friends to dislike him.

 

I'm so mentally exhausted and just want to erase him from memory. How he can go from calling me the love of his life to ditching me over and over in the space of days has well and truly effed my mind. He said he wanted kids and a house just 2 weeks ago and now he's blocked me and I have no idea what I've done. I'm sick of this roller coaster and I just want to get off.

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God I've never felt so messed up.

 

Who tells a girl she's the love of their life and plans a future then blocks communication with them in the space of a week. He said I was perfect and hadn't done anything wrong and now he won't speak to me.

 

I can't stand this anymore. The extremes. I know I need to break away but I don't want to go through the months of agony. I hate this. What can I do to make it better...my mind is always so conflicted and I just want peace.

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Hon, there's no way to avoid ALL the pain. However, look at it this way. Apart from him, you have some control over what's causing the pain, and can take steps to keep busy, rebuild your self esteem, and find support.

 

With him? You're basically putting yourself back in the hands of someone who didn't see, or didn't care, that he was tormenting and torturing you with his back and forth attitudes and closeness/distance. You're always subconsciously waiting for the next emotional blow and desperately clinging to good moments waiting for it to end.

 

So first, take a day to take stock of your place. Look around, see what reminders there are of him and the relationship - and start making a plan to change things. Move furniture, take down pictures and replace them with posters or prints or things from your childhood if it was a good one. Open windows, even cracked - let some fresh air in. Pull back curtains and shades and let the sun in. Move your bed and items in your bedroom. Put away anything he gave you. Block or disable social media sites. Block his number. Reconnect with any friends you've lost touch with, or just plain connect and make some plans that are things that sound good. Get out for a walk EVERY DAY, no matter how crappy you feel. Work on eating a balanced and healthy diet and take your vitamins - a run down body is throwing down a welcome mat for depression - and conversely - getting healthy actually combats it. If there's foods you loved and he didn't, indulge yourself. Set some small and easily reachable goals every day to start building your confidence. (Just as an example, I'm pretty reserved - so mine was "talk to a complete stranger every day." I would open a conversation with someone waiting for a bus or standing in line at the store and try and give them a smile.)

 

Come here whenever you have the urge to contact him or feel yourself weakening. There's a "post here instead of contacting your ex" thread - which is miles long, reading it is a nice time killer and reiterates - you're NOT alone, and you WILL get through this.

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