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dating 4 months; how to break it off?


tina24

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hi all, well iv been seeing this guy for about 4 months now. i was looking for something casual at the start but now the longer i see him the more i see that im developing feelings and that he just wants a casual thing. wev gone on plenty of dates and have had sex. i have needs and it suited me because i didnt want a boyfriend until the last week or two when my feelings changed. he has met my family briefly (not on purpose, they just happened to come over) and my friends on nights out. i have met a couple of his friends and relatives. we have never had the talk about exclusivity or being official. in most ways we seem like boyfriend/girlfriend when we hang out but in the months wev been seeing eachother he has never once called me just for a chat. i phoned him a couple of times and saw that it was one sided and stopped calling. he only texts. hes not putting in any effort and i dont think hes worth my time anymore.

 

i should mention that we live a bit over an hours drive away from eachother. well he sometimes goes days without texting me like this week for example. i can be bad for texting myself. anyway my point is that now the casual arrangement doesnt suit me anymore i dont know how to break it off with him, whatever this is... i mean i really dont know if i should drive to his to meet him and do it but then given the level of effort he has not put in to our "relationship" i dont feel i need to put myself out. i wouldnt end things by text so do you think a phonecall would suffice or am i being a total b**** if i dont meet him?

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For 4 months, no, I don't think you need to do it in person. Especially if you live an hour away from each other. But don't do it via text. A phone call is best. Make sure to ask him first if he has a minute to talk or if it's a bad time. You don't want to tell him when he's about to go into a big meeting at work or something.

 

Just tell him what you told us here. It was working at first but now you realize you want something more serious and it's obvious he's not interested in that. He might be snarky with you, but just keep a calm head and thank him for the last 4 months and wish him the best.

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A text that says, "After careful consideration I've come to the conclusion you and I want different things, best of luck to you though." I think a text is fine in this case, in part because he already doesn't really seem to reach out to you except to go out and hook up and also because it just hasn't been that long. No need to drive to see him, what's the point and as you said you're already the one doing most of the heavy lifting so to speak. Also don't overthink things and worry about how he'll think of you. The fact is he already doesn't except as maybe a friends with benefits and that's it. So you don't really owe him anything but the truth, it just isn't working out. And don't buy any "Well, I'm not ready now, but maybe in the future..." only to find he still keeps you on a backburner.

 

Just end it cleanly and move on and don't remain in contact with him or your feelings will likely get hurt when he still doesn't reciprocate.

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