When Your Sparkle Fades and You Feel Plain

[Silverbirch]

This is something I have experienced since my teens and I dare say that most women feel it at least at some stage of their lives. After the breakup which got me here, I was the worst physical mess I have ever been in my life, and of course, no sparkle there. I REALLY looked like a person in mourning. I recall looking back at photos of when the ex and I were first together. People, including waitresses used to tell me I was beautiful. Of course, I'm a bit older now with more lines, but even aside from that, I FEEL so much older these days, and there is not much sparkle there. Do other people know what I am talking about. Can anyone remind me of the things we do to bring back our sparkle. Thanks.

[mhowe]

Exercise...change up your clothes and add some flair...hair style change.

Blast the music and dance like no one is watching.

Rent a funny movie and laugh your butt off.

[The_Seeker]

This is something I have experienced since my teens and I dare say that most women feel it at least at some stage of their lives. After the breakup which got me here, I was the worst physical mess I have ever been in my life, and of course, no sparkle there. I REALLY looked like a person in mourning. I recall looking back at photos of when the ex and I were first together. People, including waitresses used to tell me I was beautiful. Of course, I'm a bit older now with more lines, but even aside from that, I FEEL so much older these days, and there is not much sparkle there. Do other people know what I am talking about. Can anyone remind me of the things we do to bring back our sparkle. Thanks.

 

I don't know about other people but for me.

 

- Going to a spa once a month.

- Riding a bike

- Write what I love about myself and post it on the mirror

- Dress my own style to feel beautiful about myself

- Treat myself out on the weekend

- Go to a comedy show and laugh

- Learn about who I am

- Interact with others instead of being behind the screen an arguing with idiots on the board all the time

- Give myself a hug and a kiss on the hand because I'm special

- Volunteer with homeless children

[quirky]

I think it is about preserving a sense of wonder about the world, trying to see things afresh. Instead of hoping, try wondering.

 

I hope he calls me/I wonder if he'll call me

I hope it's sunny tomorrow/I wonder if it'll be sunny tomorrow

I hope the movie is funny/I wonder if the movie will be funny

 

'This bush has been here forever, where are its roots, what's next to it?' How many trees are there down my street? What would my hair look like if I try a different style (follow a youtube video with instructions, I did that and tried it on my mum and she looked fab!)

 

Basically..keep experimenting, keep being creative with life, there are lots of little miracles everywhere around us, just spend 10 min a day to notice them. Some years back I learnt how to tell the time by looking at the sky by approximate 15 min out.

[Silverbirch]

These are great tips! Thank You very much.

[ParisPaulette]

You find something, anything, that brings that spark of passion back into your life. Be it a makeover, a new type of music, exercise that boosts your mood or my personal favorite: a new skill or activity that I love doing. After bad breakups I found nothing, and I mean nothing, makes me look prettier to myself and others than racing a horse accross the open desert. Or losing myself in painting.

 

Find something you love that brings you joy inside and it will spill out of you. You won't think about the sparkle, because it'll just be there. That's when you have zero makeup on, no sleep and some stranger taps you on the shoulder and pays you a compliment.

[muchacha_abril]

I know exactly how you feel. I guess, as many have pointed out, this feeling has to do with a lack of motivation. It's hard to sparkle when you feel like life doesn't make sense or you don't have that thing which used to give you joy. Usually these things are within us and we have to explore them. I know I was the happiest when I used to paint or create something with my hands, or design something. For others, writing helps. Being creative and exploring your own power to create is a source of happiness, it keeps your mind busy and it feeds your spirit. It's similar to being in love, I guess, but with yourself.

 

Have you tried something artistic?

[Silverbirch]

Thank you Paulette and Mucha! I'm hoping to get to my dance class this morning. That was something I was always loved, but due to tiredness from work and time constraints, I let that drop off. I used to go to a drumming class afterwards which I REALLY liked a lot too, but I can't go anymore or in the foreseeable future due to work. I was going to pick up an extra shift this Saturday, but have cancelled . . . I'm too tired and I have things I have to do at home. There is so much I would like to do, but not enough time.

 

I'm a little bit better since I posted, but still, I wouldn't say I'm sparkley at all. It's been raining and overcast for a week, and the prediction is for another week at least of this weather apart from one sunny day on Monday. We are supposed to be in mid-spring, but this weather is not really typical for this time of year. I'm sure that has something to do with it. It seems like such a long winter here, and most people look forward to seeing some sun and being able to spend time outdoors. I'm very much an outdoor person. There are things I have to do here outside and tomorrow, I will have to do them regardless of whether or not it rains.

 

My hair has gone frizzy with this weather which doesn't help. I've used a straightener, but the effect doesn't last long right now.

 

[MMT]

Useful thread. tnx everyone... Silverbirch, I feel the same....

[Silverbirch]

Hi MMT. I'm feeling and looking somewhat better. I have been putting these suggestions into practice. My energy level is still not as high as it usually is. I caught up on a lot of sleep over the weekend, and made my hair look much better as well.

[journeynow]

I love the ideas shared so far, and Silverbirch it's good to know you're feeling a bit better.

 

For feeling that sparkle make plans for and do something just for the fun of it, especially something new.

 

 

Something like the Artist Date recommended by Julia Cameron in her book "The Artist's Way" (which you don't have to be an official artist to benefit from)

link removed

Artist Dates are assigned play.

The Artist Date is a once-weekly, festive, solo expedition to explore

something that interests you. The Artist Date need not be overtly

“artistic” — think mischief more than mastery. Artist Dates fire up the

imagination. They spark whimsy. They encourage play. Since art is about the

play of ideas, they feed our creative work by replenishing our inner well

of images and inspiration. When choosing an Artist Date, it is good to ask

yourself, “what sounds fun?” — and then allow yourself to try it.

 

I noticed something on days I took Artist Dates. I'd be walking down the street in my town and strangers would catch my eye and smile at me. Not just one, and not just one day, and this isn't a common phenomenon for me, so I figured there must be something to these Artist Dates. I felt happy and maybe a bit more sparkle? I haven't done one in awhile, so it may be time. The Date can be anything that inspires you, and I think the key is to consciously make it a date with yourself.

 

Here are some ideas from a blog about The Artist's Way and another blog:

link removed

link removed

 

I also vote for the tub and massage idea!

 

And perhaps some extra B vitamins.

[Silverbirch]

These are fantastic ideas JN! Well, funny because last night, I started thinking again about gypsy caravans and looking at images. Even though I can't have a caravan right now, I was thinking I would like to do some gypsy/bohemian type things on my patio. I have some tools somewhere for mosaic tiling. A mosiac tabletop would look great. On Thursday, I will see if I can find my things for tiling and I'm quite certain also that there are classes near here. Girl I used to work with got me interested, and I just made a pot planter, but a table top would be more practical for me. Cutting the tiles is very noisey of course, and I don't like that part much but the tiling is fun and relaxing. Another thing I would like to do which is beautiful is Indian Sari Patchwork Quilting. I have 2 wall hangings made from them and you can make them from just scraps of fabric or old clothes, ribbons, sequins and beads. Just gorgeous!

 

I love all the ideas on that blog. Thanks again. You have all helped me feel a lot better.

[Silverbirch]

Uh, I think one of my exes has my tile cutter. I might get in touch with him over the weekend and get it back.

[MMT]

I always look at it when I forget myself.

 

 

 

 

Hi MMT. I'm feeling and looking somewhat better. I have been putting these suggestions into practice. My energy level is still not as high as it usually is. I caught up on a lot of sleep over the weekend, and made my hair look much better as well.

[Silverbirch]

Thank you Johanna!

 

MMT, that was truly beautiful and inspirational. She looked like a different person when she was dancing. It was, I think, the loveliest poem and presentation of poetry I have ever seen or heard. Thank you MMT.

[Silverbirch]

The weather here is warm and sunny today so I put on a summer dress. I had to go to the General Store and just put on lipstick before I went. Some people there noticed and told me I looked very nice. More importantly, I felt better for making that simple effort.

[mhowe]

Totally get that SB...I have been growing my hair out since June and now...5 months later am getting many compliments and it does make you feel better!!

[Fudgie]

I think change can help too. I have extremely long hair, over half way down my back, dark straight hair. I haven't changed my look in 12 years. I am definitely the definition of "blah".

 

In some ways, I feel like physically, I am stuck. The last time I really loved my body was when I was 10. When the depression and the hormone problems kicked in, I said F it and started to grow out my hair. Then the weight gain started.

 

So here I am, 14 years later. I need to rejuvenate myself. I am set to get weight loss surgery before the year ends. I am going to take off some of this hair. I am going to slowly emerge from this cocoon.

 

I am excited yet scared too. Scared for how life is going to change. I have managed to drop 7 lb recently. Big deal for me. Sometimes you need to do scary things to change.

[LillyLooWho]

It's easy to get in a rut, especially in middle-age or at least that's what I tell myself. I have been in a rut for awhile. It is true that doing just a few fun things can change your outlook. I find it's hard to make the effort but when I remember how good I felt when I did make the effort, it makes it seem like it will be easier this time. Of course I write this while plopped on the couch! ha!

[Silverbirch]

Hi MHowe, Fudgie and Lilly! I'm one of those people whose looks do actually change a lot. People get surprised when they see my box oof photos. It's amazing how changing hair really changes a persons appearance. My hair was past my shoulders, but due to over-coloring and damage, I decided to have it cut a few months back and stopped having the blonde highlights. Now my hair is much healthier, I'm letting the length grow just a small bit. I have a short bob, but I've decided to go back to a bit more blonde in my hair. I have a hairdresser now who uses much better quality colorants which do not contain ammonia.

 

With this warm weather, I've decided that I would like a spray tan, especially on my legs so that I won't feel so self-conscious about wearing shorts. I've started walking my dog, and I see lots of other people walking, some with dogs, other people running or jogging.

 

I haven't gotten my camera out yet though I did remember to get some batteries. I used to love taking photos, especially portraits.

 

Oh, I just remembered something else I did today which made me feel better. I went through my music collection. When I get in a rut, I stop playing music at home - just the radio in the car is mostly all I do. Anyway, I found lots of music I really like so I played some of it today and will do that again tomorrow. I also found 2 CD's of Turkish bellydance music so I might even dance on my own tomorrow and have a good time with just me!

 

I've got some good things planned for the weekend too. It's good that I looked around to see what is happening rather than just letting the weekend creep up on me! Hope you are all sparkling!

[Silverbirch]

Just thought I would check in and post something I have on another thread. I had the best weekend I have had in a long time. Went to a local ballet production on Saturday. Then yesterday, I joined the local yarn-bombing (removable graffiti) group and helped decorate one of the trees in Main Street. After that, I went to a Xmas performance of local amateur groups of singers, dancers and musicians. Saw a lot of people there I know. I had so many people tell me I was looking great - as if I had been on a holiday and looked refreshed. I definitely feel after this weekend that my sparkle is coming back.

[journeynow]

Good to hear, Silver. Sounds like a good weekend!

[Silverbirch]

It was really lovely JN. It has reminded me not to just let weekends creep up on me, but to look about well beforehand and see what is going to be on. I'll have to start checking things out for my next weekend off work soon.