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regretted msg sent, opinions please


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So the other night I was drunk and upset and sent one last msg to the ex. first thing in the morning i regretted it, not because of what I said but because i sent anything at all. anyway no unsending it. wondering on some opinions if it was too emotional or rude. have to work with her tomorrow first time since. hopefully dont see her much and theres no small talk. here's what i sent:

 

look I know I said I wanted to be friends and I did but I realize that's too much for me. I'm glad you're happy and I hope you stay that way but I hate seeing you. It feels like daggers in my chest every single time. You were all I ever wanted in a partner and whatever I did you ended up going on to someone else like it was nothing for you. I think you can understand how tough that is to experience. Until I find another job or have enough to move to bc I'd appreciate it if we could cut the small talk. I'm glad you're happy but this has been hell for me. I know we don't talk much and I appreciate that and I'm glad you found someone you can have a normal relationship with but talking to you brings back so many dead emotions and breaks my heart all over again. I know you gotta be back there to get but let's leave it at that. I know you don't mean anything by being friendly and i wish i could maintain a friendship with you but i end up hurting a lot after we talk. it's stupid and I've tried to ignore it but that's the way it is. I wish you the best. Goodbye so n so

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I don't think you made a mistake. I think you were being completely honest and are doing the right thing for yourself. It's something I wish I could have said a few months ago but I was afraid i was making the wrong decision. I'm now realizing that it would have been best for me if I would have said something similar. I'm completely content not speaking to her ever again but I feel we shared so much I just couldn't do it. This time is for you my man. You will heal a lot faster this way and soon enough the roses tinted glasses will come off and you will find someone who wont up and leave you like it was "nothing to them"

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I can sympathize here; I work with an ex of mine, and though it's been two years since we were last "together" in any sense (and we weren't even in a relationship at that point, just sporadically spending time together) and I no longer have any hope of any sort of relationship with him (haven't for a long time), it still hurts to hear him mention his new girlfriend in conversation with others (he does not talk about her with me), and he even brought her to work with him one day, which was pretty awful for me.

 

I did kind of what you did -- back about six months ago, I was having a very bad couple of days, and I sent him a text saying that I missed him, that it made me sad that we didn't talk much anymore, etc. I regretted it right after I sent it; he responded, but very coldly, and then he brought it up the next time I saw him at work, and when I tried to explain to him that it was hard for me sometimes because we were no longer close but I still had to see him, his response was to tell me, rather coldly, that some things just don't work out and that I needed to "move on." OUCH! Pretty awful stuff. I said a few choice words back -- called him condescending, told him he was being harsh with me -- and I ended by assuring him he would never hear about any of this again, that I would never bring it up again. Since then, things have gotten easier, actually. His cold dismissal of me actually helped me in the long run; it was what I needed to REALLY start to move on, rather than just going through the motions of moving on. I'm still not 100% over him -- I may never be, really -- but I am open to finding someone else, and I no longer hope or expect for him to come around.

 

You need to not be too hard on yourself for sending that message. Yes, in hindsight, it probably wasn't the BEST idea (it wasn't in my case, for sure), BUT...you got it all out there, and regardless of how she responds, maybe this will help you to move forward. Be prepared that she might ignore you OR that she might respond coldly to you (as happened to me). Regardless of how she responds (or doesn't), tell yourself that, starting at this moment, you are moving forward -- that you said what you needed to say, and now you need to let it go.

 

I hope you really can find another job soon. I will not give up my 15+ year career just to avoid my ex, but in situations where it's feasible to switch jobs, I would highly recommend it.

 

You didn't do anything wrong. You said how you felt. If she doesn't like it, that's too bad. From today on, tell yourself you need to focus on the future and NOT look behind at the past.

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thanks man, we've been broken up for awhile so it's a little weird i guess. shouldve sent it sooner. i did try to be friends though then friendly lc but small talk from her was killin me. though i probably wouldnt have sent it if i wasnt drunk and upset. thanks for your opinion. want those rosey glasses off but it's been really tough. hope i meet someone who makes me feel like she did and have it actually work out

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thanks brown eyed girl for sharing your experience with me. since i sent it i have been feeling like you described. "from this moment on.." she didnt respond which i expected. it's past. still sucks but hopefully i can find a new beginning that isn't drudgery. im heading out or i would respond more specifically to your msg. ill come back and reread also. thank you very much for your opinion and experience

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It sounded like a man who had thought things through and was firm and decisive. Stick to it inside your head.

 

If she approaches you in work stand your ground, tell her that you meant what you said in your text then excuse yourself and get on with your day. Good luck!

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Instead of considering the message a mistake, why not consider it your liberation and allow every small shift in your strength to replace anything you believed was a weakness?

 

In other words, instead of setting a role for yourself to follow of some sad sap at work who needs to duck from an embarrassing text, lean into the better path you've laid down. You told her you're done attempting friendzies--so good, now surprise everyone--including yourself--with new resiliency and an ability to roll past her and be friendly and even enjoy your work, your coworkers and your life again.

 

You may believe that you've set yourself up to behave a certain way at work now--withdrawn and sullen. Skip that. Adopt a convenient form of amnesia and treat her as distantly but as kindly as you would a stranger. More importantly, treat your Self like your own hero.

 

Head high.

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Thanks everyone for taking the time to respond. bit of a relief to find the opinions that I did. Am deffinately sticking to it. still hard. been really hard to lose the rose tinted glasses for this one though i really want to. she didnt respond and today at work was just indifferent to me. an attitude she's held right from the BU. worked out twice that i was going out the back door and she was right there carrying a lot of stock so i held the door open and got a polite thanks. this whole turn of events has been so weird to say the least. and continues to be so. thanks to those of you who have offered advice etc. been the worst year of my life and if i wasnt able to vent on here id probably be even crazier. here's hoping something gives in the not too distant future

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