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New Marriage and Now no sex!


Landers14

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So we were married in August and ever since have had sex 2 times both times it was hurry up and finish. Prior to this we had a baby in December of 2012 and up until the wedding I figured she was still recovering hormonaly from having a baby. But to no end our sex life has dried up and its not just that she is incredibly moody all the time she is now on depression pills and i have begged her to go in and get her hormones checked in case that is it. Its not just that i miss sex(but i do) I miss the bond the romantic connection and i have tried to express that but any time i bring anything up she gets so mad its stupid. I'm 22 years old she is 20 this cannot be the end of our sex life i love her to death but this will be the end of our short marriage. With dating we have been together for 5 years and initially or the first year or 2 it was great but its dead now.

 

 

What should I do? I do not want my marriage to end or be another statistic.

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Well i understand its not all about sex, we have been through everything together. And a side note to the first post she was on the birth control shot since giving birth but has since stopped cause she did go get initially checked for low libido. And about counseling that's one of those taboo topics that as of late drive her up the wall she says she wants more kids and now that she is off the shot we will just see what happens but that's rather hard with no sex what so ever.

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My ex-wife and I had little to no sex life (her choice) before we got married, and it only got worse from there. I was too stupid to know a red flag when I saw it... but you're not!

 

Sex is a big part of a relationship, and it's 100% unfair when one side unilaterally discontinues it as she is doing.

 

There's three possible solutions as I see it:

 

a) If she doesn't want to have sex with you, then she is in no position to keep you from having sex with other women, and you should feel free to do so.

 

b) She should get counseling / therapy / medical help and work on being able to have sex with you again.

 

or barring those two options,

 

c) Get a divorce.

 

So don't feel guilty about how you feel - it's totally normal and justified.

 

Good luck brother.

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counseling that's one of those taboo topics that as of late drive her up the wall she says she wants more kids and now that she is off the shot we will just see what happens but that's rather hard with no sex what so ever.

 

This is ridiculous, immature and selfish.

 

If she's not willing to get help, I say DTMFA and let her have a test tube baby on her own if she hates sex so much.

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Yeah when we were talking about it yesterday i said "I am all for more kids but first we need to figure out whats going on with your sex drive". Once again that led to an argument but I'm getting fed up. More or less i need to vent there is no one in my life i can vent to. I do appreciate all the responses and interest in helping me I really do.

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I think that you need to tell her that you do not intend upon staying married to someone who cannot have a conversation about a very central issue to your marriage--sex--without her losing her mind over it. The fact that she does lose her mind tells me that she needs to be talking to someone because you cannot be expected to live out the rest of your life subsidizing a house full of children and only allowed in next to her to sire the next child. That's ridiculous.

 

She's going to have to come to some agreement with you on how you're going to proceed and if she only gets one child out of you, then that's the way it's going to be.

 

But I must say: you knew what you were getting into at the 3 yr mark with her and still you went ahead and married her. That was a huge mistake on your part. If it was me, I wouldn't have planted a baby in her belly based upon how she was esteeming you and your needs.

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I've read that antidepressants can screw with sex drive, so that may be the reason. Alternately, if she just isn't a sexual person...well, she may have just put up with it to get a baby. This could be a preview of the future, sadly.

 

If she isn't "consummating" the marriage, you may be able to get it annulled, but only if you do it quickly.

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My two cents:

 

You sound like a good guy who was/is trying to be understanding of what having a baby does to a woman's body. Now, here is the secret all men what to know: How to do I get my wife/gf to have more sex. Well fellas here is the answer: Do the dishes. Seriously, especially for a mom, women would rather men do something to make their day easier than to get roses. So do the dishes, do the laundry, offer to watch the baby for a couple of hours so she can workout/take a warm bath/read. If that doesn't work than you guys have some big problems to tackle.

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My two cents:

 

You sound like a good guy who was/is trying to be understanding of what having a baby does to a woman's body. Now, here is the secret all men what to know: How to do I get my wife/gf to have more sex. Well fellas here is the answer: Do the dishes. Seriously, especially for a mom, women would rather men do something to make their day easier than to get roses. So do the dishes, do the laundry, offer to watch the baby for a couple of hours so she can workout/take a warm bath/read. If that doesn't work than you guys have some big problems to tackle.

 

Great advice.....when you show a woman you really care for her by doing the above things she will be very, very grateful!!!

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Thats just it though, She is an ultra clean freak and what I do isn't to par in her mind that being said she has always done everything. But in hopes of getting her to relax more and turn things around i have been doing things around the house from dishes to laundry. Tomorrow I plan on pending my day off going through everything in our home and cleaning/winterizing everything.

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I think I would make an appointment with my family physician if I were you. Both you and your wife would meet with the doctor and explain everything that you did here and get an opinion from him. Maybe your wife would be agreeable to seeing a medical doctor and the doctor is in the best position to determine what is due to hormonal or the medication or what and effectuate a change in what needs to be corrected... chi

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I have to disagree.. Dishes don't help to raise low/non-existent libido. Going to the doctor to get her hormones checked could have more tangible results..

 

In any event, for women sex is quite mental. You have to set the stage long before you get into the bedroom. It's difficult to engage when she seems adverse to affection but express to her often that she looks beautiful to you, offer massages (start with feet. Nobody turns that down! If she's receptive then a week from now graduate to offering back massages), get used to touching her in nonsexual ways (brushing up against her when you're close, wrapping an arm around her when watching tv, playful teasing, etc). The point is to get back to touching regularly and to convey to her that you're interested in her; not what you'd like to do with her body.

 

For a lot of men (and some women) sex is an expression of feelings and love. The connection is so clear in your mind, that you're shocked at the thought that she doesn't get that. But her primary way of expressing love is likely different, hence the physical intimacy disconnect. Find out what conveys love to her. Show her love in the way that she can receive it and you two should be able to get back on track with physical desire.

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Thats just it though, She is an ultra clean freak and what I do isn't to par in her mind that being said she has always done everything. But in hopes of getting her to relax more and turn things around i have been doing things around the house from dishes to laundry. Tomorrow I plan on pending my day off going through everything in our home and cleaning/winterizing everything.

 

Ah. I see, yes I know this kind of person. Only she can do all the chores correctly. This puts you in a tough spot since (in her mind) you may just be creating more work. I suggest sitting down and have a very frank but non-judgmental conversation with her. "I miss being intimate with you." not "Why won't you have sex with me!"

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