Dating experiences getting worse..feeling down, advice please

[Redabc123]

If any of you have been following my post last week, I met a guy and our a second date we ended up going all the way, I thought that I would never hear from him again but he did call ask me out again, that date was on Friday, it went ok we played pool and ate dinner and hung out at his place. I havent heard from him since. Its been 3 days, I know he mentioned work would be busy because he is going out of town this week. But I dont think your to busy to send a text or call. Im bummed because dating for the past year has been a joke, I dont want to give up because I want to find someone but dont want to continue being disappointed or having my feelings hurt especially when I dont know what Im doing wrong. Any advice to get me out this slump would be great thanks!

[missmarple]

Well, for one thing, and if you're looking for a relationship, don't sleep with someone so soon. Go on a few dates first, get to know the other person. You may still get disappointed but at least your feelings won't be hurt.

[Kendahke]

You've just met this guy, gone out on three dates. Right now, you're just dating this guy. This isn't a relationship--and it's only been 3 days. If it was 3 weeks, then it'd be another story. If he's busy with work and going out of town, then perhaps he is too busy for someone he barely knows. You yourself said you thought you wouldn't hear from him again.

 

I think you need to cool your jets and remember this is still in the dating phase and not a relationship phase and you would be well served to understand that distinction.

[valerie25]

You are only dating so you cannot expect him to act like a boyfriend. It looks like his work is the priority to him now so instead of worrying and feeling down try to be busy with your own life ( I am sure you have one).

[saywhatlady]

I agree with the others in this thread. This is just a dating phase and not a committed relationship. You should not be hung up on someone you have know for a few hours. The point of dating is to find someone that you are compatible with and hopefully develop a long term relationship. It is a daunting task but you just have to hang in there. Someone will come along. Do not give your body to someone too soon. Let them earn that part. You should really know the person so you can become comfortable with them. Good luck and enjoy dating! You will know the right the guy...trust your instinct.

[tmp110314]

If he's out of town for work, try to understand that he just might be that busy and doesn't have the time to text/call at a reasonable hour.

 

I have worked very crazy schedules and did a lot of travel for work. Honestly, there just wasn't time to socialize as we were working to a very strict deadline with a crazy workload. My ex-wife never understood, but then, she wasn't there with me to experience the insane work schedule that had to be kept in order to get the work done on time.

 

Give him a little time here and see if he contacts you after the week is passed. What will it hurt?

[Redabc123]

Well, for one thing, and if you're looking for a relationship, don't sleep with someone so soon. Go on a few dates first, get to know the other person. You may still get disappointed but at least your feelings won't be hurt.

 

I agree, thanks

[Redabc123]

If he's out of town for work, try to understand that he just might be that busy and doesn't have the time to text/call at a reasonable hour.

 

I have worked very crazy schedules and did a lot of travel for work. Honestly, there just wasn't time to socialize as we were working to a very strict deadline with a crazy workload. My ex-wife never understood, but then, she wasn't there with me to experience the insane work schedule that had to be kept in order to get the work done on time.

 

Give him a little time here and see if he contacts you after the week is passed. What will it hurt?

 

Ill try and take my mind off of it, thank you for the positive feedback

[lavenderdove]

I don't like sleeping with strangers and frankly if you do so on the second date, that's exactly what you're doing. If you're looking a steady relationship with long term potential, then you need to make that clear on the first date and not just drift into bed until you are are fairly sure the guy is on the same page as you are in terms of relationships and what he is after. Someone who is looking for a partner will not rush that, and will probbaly feel the same way, that dating is about getting to know each other rather than trying to leap into an insta-relationship or just casually sleep with strangers.

 

So i wouldn't write him off if he really is busy with work, and after a couple dates he is NOT your BF and sleeping with him is kind of irrelevant to that, so i would try to relax and pace yourself. If he was a guy who just wants casual dates and not interested in a relationship, then good, better off gone! And if he is interested in a relationship and likes you, he'll be back around again. But i suggest you talk about what your dating goals are, as in you are looking to find a steady BF and not just casual hookups. Once you know that, you'll probably feel better either way, either in knowing he's not right and hence don't waste your time on him, or he is looking for something more so invest a bit more time in him and see where it goes.

[Redabc123]

Thank you for the advice, I understand in order to get into a more promising relationship it isnt smart to sleep with them so early on, as I indicated in my last post I broke a rule that I wasnt proud of doing, but whats done is done and I cant take it back. But I know not to ever do it again. But I appreciate the positive feedback

[Batya33]

Thank you for the advice, I understand in order to get into a more promising relationship it isnt smart to sleep with them so early on, as I indicated in my last post I broke a rule that I wasnt proud of doing, but whats done is done and I cant take it back. But I know not to ever do it again. But I appreciate the positive feedback

 

My expectations after only a few dates was was that unless there was another date planned -time and place -that was the last date we were going to have. And that mindset was meant to be realistic not negative. That also means you don't wait for any call - you need to be living your life and open to all options to meet other people. If he calls, he calls. I would say that if he wants to see you this weekend he should call you within the next day or so.

[Ms Darcy]

Thank you for the advice, I understand in order to get into a more promising relationship it isnt smart to sleep with them so early on, as I indicated in my last post I broke a rule that I wasnt proud of doing, but whats done is done and I cant take it back. But I know not to ever do it again. But I appreciate the positive feedback

 

I think if you keep sex out of it and keep your expectations low, you will have a better experience next time.

[dangletsbang]

I think you're expecting way too much too soon and when you add sex into the mix, it's a really bad combination.

[732mni]

Thank you for the advice, I understand in order to get into a more promising relationship it isnt smart to sleep with them so early on, as I indicated in my last post I broke a rule that I wasnt proud of doing, but whats done is done and I cant take it back. But I know not to ever do it again. But I appreciate the positive feedback

 

It is too early to write off the possibility of a promising relationship. Heck, it is even too early to worry. Your experiences on the actual dates have been positive right? And this is the guy that told you he is not good at texting, right? So even if you had not slept with him, he likely would not have texted you back by this point either. If he had lost respect for you, he would not have asked you out again, or,would have pressured you to do it again on the last date. So stop lamenting over that.

 

Yes, dating is different than being in a committed relationship. He is into you, but you are not the center of his universe. It takes time to get to know one another on a meaningful level, even with the immediate physical intimacy. Just be patient.

 

From reading your other thread, I am troubled though about the habit of always expecting the worst, even when there is no sign for concern. In the long run, this mentality will sabotage your chance at happiness. I really think that is the part of yourself you need to work on.

[lavenderdove]

btw, i want to make it clear you were not 'bad' for sleeping with him early on and you won't lose a guy who really likes you and wants a relationhsip because you did that, but more that if you sleep with someone right away, you have no clue at all what this guy is about or if he's a player or someone who just wants casual hookups and nothing more, and if you're someone who wants more or believes that intimacy should 'mean' something more than just sex, you've put your heart out there on the line way too soon and may have set yourself up for big disappointment or feeling jaded/bruised by them hooking up with you then disappearing.

 

I see waiting for a while first as more of a litmus test of the guy's interest in you as a human being and interest in a relationship. It really doesn't pay to get all attached to someone who's wrong for you or have raised expectations for someone who will bolt early on because he just wants casual and no commitment.

[Ms Darcy]

While I agree that waiting is primarily a good measure for you and a good litmus test of his interest, I will say that for some guys early sex can encourage them to lose interest. Some male posters on here, who are looking for a relationship, might have thoughts like "does she do this with every guy on a first date" or simply lose interest without understanding why. I am not saying it is fair or right, just that it is what it is and that the early stages of dating can be very fragile. I could curse up a storm on a 12th date and yet run the same guy off with the same cursing on the 1st. Just be mindful.

[Redabc123]

While I agree that waiting is primarily a good measure for you and a good litmus test of his interest, I will say that for some guys early sex can encourage them to lose interest. Some male posters on here, who are looking for a relationship, might have thoughts like "does she do this with every guy on a first date" or simply lose interest without understanding why. I am not saying it is fair or right, just that it is what it is and that the early stages of dating can be very fragile. I could curse up a storm on a 12th date and yet run the same guy off with the same cursing on the 1st. Just be mindful.

 

Im sure thats what happened, this is 6 days in and I havent heard anything, its fair to write him off, and I blame myself. I really know better and dont know why I did it, I wasnt embarrassed before but I am now. I will now have to awkwardly remove him from all my social media.. This is by far the dumbest thing I have ever done, but I have learned my lesson

[Redabc123]

I was also thinking maybe I should send him a text wishing him a safe trip since he leaves today, but the I was thinking that if he doesnt respond or I dont get the response I want I will feel worse, what do you guys think should I write him off or try the text?

[JA0371]

What else do you have going on in your life? Do you work? Have friends you go out with? I ask because it's easy to get caught up in one person, and especially after you sleep with them. My advice is to forget this guy for now. He's not your b/f. Pretend it was a one night fling ....and if more comes of it, then great! This is more of a mind over matter thing. You're feeling the rejection because a stranger hasn't called you. But you have nothing invested.....so no loss.

Work out. Go shopping. Clean your house. Buy yourself flowers. But no.....don't text him. He has your number. He can call you when he's ready, and THAT is the key.

[Batya33]

I was also thinking maybe I should send him a text wishing him a safe trip since he leaves today, but the I was thinking that if he doesnt respond or I dont get the response I want I will feel worse, what do you guys think should I write him off or try the text?

 

I would not send him a text because then you won't know if he didn't get it before he left, etc. If you choose to contact him call him and don't leave a message -if you get him on the phone, fine. If you're uncomfortable doing that then you have your answer already. I don't think you need to write him off -because your mindset should be -try this! -that you never wrote him on in the first place -this is someone you went on a few dates with right? No expectations so no need to "write off". If he ever gets in touch again you can figure it out then.

[732mni]

I was also thinking maybe I should send him a text wishing him a safe trip since he leaves today, but the I was thinking that if he doesnt respond or I dont get the response I want I will feel worse, what do you guys think should I write him off or try the text?

 

If you text him, ask him if hed be interested in going out when he gets back, or do something more general to guage his interest. Calling is fine too.

 

There still isnt any sign that he has rejected you on any way is there? Again, this is the guy that flat out told you he isnt into texting. And if he is going on a trip right now, that would explain why isnt contacting you to set something up. He is actually busy and going out of town. Just because his life does not revolve around you does not mean that he isnt interested in you. To write it off and flake at this point is sabotaging your chance.

[missmarple]

I was also thinking maybe I should send him a text wishing him a safe trip since he leaves today, but the I was thinking that if he doesnt respond or I dont get the response I want I will feel worse, what do you guys think should I write him off or try the text?

 

If he doesn't respond or you get a response you don't like, you may feel worse but at least you'll know.

If I was very much into him, I would send the text.

[Redabc123]

Update:

I gave in texted " I hope you have a safe and fun trip!" He texted back and said " You too! I hope you also have a good trip, I know I really suck at texting Ill try to get better at it", I responded " LOL I hope so and thank you, I hope to hear from you soon" I dont know why I wrote that haha, so I hope I didnt sound to eager but he did respond so thats a plus

[missmarple]

He did respond and, in a roundabout way, he apologised for not having texted you, too. From now on, just wait for him to contact you when he's back from his trip...I believe he will.

[Batya33]

I don't think you wait for anything. Assume that if he wants to see you again he will ask you out. Until then go on with your regular life. He is officially off the radar unless you hear from him. And you do know why you wrote that -because your purpose in texting was not to wish him a safe trip but to figure out his interest level.