Hmmm is this weird?

[dark angel9]

I "met" a guy on an OLD site 6 months ago. Ever since then we have talked for hours every day. He lives in another country so we haven't met. We plan to meet in 2 months.

 

I video chatted with him so I am pretty sure that he is who he says he is. Things have developed to the point where we both have said "I love you".

 

Recently, I wanted to send him a CD in the post and asked him for his address.

 

He responded that I don't have to do that and it was clear that he was not comfortable with me having his address.

 

I am a bit weirded out...he loves me but doesn't trust me with his address? What the ...?

[mhowe]

He is married, has a gf or whatever. Do not take anything you hear on-line with more than a grain of salt if after 6 months he refuses to give you an actual address or real phone number.

[valerie25]

I "met" a guy on an OLD site 6 months ago. Ever since then we have talked for hours every day. He lives in another country so we haven't met. We plan to meet in 2 months.

 

I video chatted with him so I am pretty sure that he is who he says he is. Things have developed to the point where we both have said "I love you".

 

Recently, I wanted to send him a CD in the post and asked him for his address.

 

He responded that I don't have to do that and it was clear that he was not comfortable with me having his address.

 

I am a bit weirded out...he loves me but doesn't trust me with his address? What the ...?

He is a time-waster.

[missmarple]

If he insists on not giving you his address, something weird is going on. Ask him once more. If he refuses, block him from everywhere and forget about him. As valerie says, he's a time-waster.

[dark angel9]

I am pretty sure that he is not married. He is 26 and lives with his parents.

[valerie25]

I am pretty sure that he is not married. He is 26 and lives with his parents.

 

I would not invest my time into a guy who professes his "love" without meeting me face to face and refusing to reveal his home address. He might not be married or even have a gf but this is not serious. Red flags.

[justagirl123]

What country does he live in? Is he from a culture where his parents expect him to date "within" their expectations? (i.e: indian families often like their sons to marry indian girls, etcc..)

 

Perhaps there's a reasonable explanation for his hesitation, but unless it's about his parents and their beliefs; everyone on here is probably right. He's hiding something from you.

 

Talk to him, if he can't come up with a LOGICAL explanation asap, get rid of him! There's tons of men within driving distance who aren't liars.

[mhowe]

I am pretty sure that he is not married. He is 26 and lives with his parents.

 

Sounds like a winner. His "promise to meet you in 2 months" is worth about 2 cents.

[dark angel9]

What country does he live in? Is he from a culture where his parents expect him to date "within" their expectations? (i.e: indian families often like their sons to marry indian girls, etcc..)

 

Perhaps there's a reasonable explanation for his hesitation, but unless it's about his parents and their beliefs; everyone on here is probably right. He's hiding something from you.

 

Talk to him, if he can't come up with a LOGICAL explanation asap, get rid of him! There's tons of men within driving distance who aren't liars.

 

Nope, he has no religious or family issues like that.

 

I already tried to break it off with him once because I got this vibe that he is not serious about me (despite saying differently). He was a mess, begging, pleading, writing me poems....which led me to think that he may really have feelings for me...

 

I still feel he is untrustworthy. Can't shake that feeling and the address thing only makes it worse.

[valerie25]

Don't listen to him, pay attention to his actions. What are they telling you?

[mbee]

If you already sense he's untrustworthy, plus this whole refusing to give you his address thing... let it go! Seriously! It's not worth your time. Nor is it worth the future flight you will pay and all this long distance nonsense. Him not giving the address is a red flag, combined with other feelings of distrust shows that there is something really off about him.

[SooSad33]

Unless it has something to do with a 'security risk'- which is doubtful.

I spoke with someone in states yrs ago who was within the gov't. Took forever to get many facts on him.

Some do NOT want to reveal all.

 

But- in this case? Not sure it's a security thing.. probably not.

[SooSad33]

why dont u just ask him.. ? Is he iffy about giving you his addy?

or maybe he's just lil 'nervous' about handing it out...right now.

[annie24]

Nope, he has no religious or family issues like that.

 

I already tried to break it off with him once because I got this vibe that he is not serious about me (despite saying differently). He was a mess, begging, pleading, writing me poems....which led me to think that he may really have feelings for me...

 

I still feel he is untrustworthy. Can't shake that feeling and the address thing only makes it worse.

 

i think if you have a bad feeling about someone and you haven't even met them, then you should just walk away. imho. you've never met him, you don't have anything invested in him, time to go.

[Ms Darcy]

This is why it's a good idea to date guys you can actually meet relatively soon. Weed out the non-serious ones.

[dark angel9]

I guess it's hard for me to say that he is not serious.

 

He talks to me for hours every day and has been doing that for months. He is always available if I message him first too.

It's tricky to explain what it is. He had some pretty hard core emotional reactions when I am distant. He is also extremely jealous. He seems very emotionally invested. I even hear it in his voice. I have hard time beleiving that someone would fake all of that. And why would he? What's the point?

[greta96]

He doesn't love you, because he doesn't know you. And you don't know him. All that talk for 6 months created a false sense of familiarity, but the reality is that he could be anybody. You don't know him from Jack.

 

He may be married or in a relationship, he may be in prison, he may be in a mental hospital. He is a stranger from an online dating site.

 

As long as your mind and heart are filled with this person, you are denying yourself the chance to meet a good man who can give you a real relationship, not a fantasy. You are wasting your time, and the older we get, the harder it is to meet someone. Keep that in mind.

[Batya33]

I guess it's hard for me to say that he is not serious.

 

He talks to me for hours every day and has been doing that for months. He is always available if I message him first too.

It's tricky to explain what it is. He had some pretty hard core emotional reactions when I am distant. He is also extremely jealous. He seems very emotionally invested. I even hear it in his voice. I have hard time beleiving that someone would fake all of that. And why would he? What's the point?

 

I agree with Greta. Who knows what the reasons are -boredom, ego boost, scam, interest in meeting for sex, etc. If he won't give you his address then you don't have enough information to be safe when meeting him in person.

[missmarple]

I have hard time beleiving that someone would fake all of that. And why would he? What's the point?

 

I've wondered about that many times as I've been online for years and have heard plenty of horror stories. Of people who talked for YEARS online, not just 6 months like you.

I think the most common reason is that some people like living out a fantasy. The problem is that they hurt genuine people like yourself.

Listen..for the fantasy (because that's what it is at this point even though you feel it's real) to become reality you need something tangible. Sometimes even when someone gives out an address, they're still lying about other stuff. When someone won't even give his address, it's even worse.

Ask yourself (and him) what you asked us here: why won't he give that address? If he comes up with a reason that you can live with, fine. But, frankly, I don't think there's a good enough reason if he is indeed for real and he really plans to meet you in 2 months.