I'm clueless, more depressed than ever.

[Dougie_D]

I recently got a full time job where I work a night shift. (5pm -2am) I had my family help me out with bills before the job. They gave me X amount of dollars each month. My current monthly salary makes just shy of the X so the only thing that changed was my parents give me less money and I work full time.

 

I'm 32 and it's harder to make friends and my current friends are so scattered, or they can't actually go out on my days off. They are either working or if they are a single guy friend, on a date.

 

I used to have all this free time and I can't. I'm not used too it and it bums me out extremely. I feel like my life is going down the hill faster.

 

I used to go the bars and try mingle with women. But recently, I'm coming to a conclusion that's not even worth drinking (wasting money) and trying to hook up with women (starting to feel like I might look desperate)..

 

So what am I suppose to do? What do people like me do? I feel like I'm spending all my life in my room playing video games, watching TV, playing guitar, internet, etc..

[Bunney]

I recently got a full time job where I work a night shift. (5pm -2am) I had my family help me out with bills before the job. They gave me X amount of dollars each month. My current monthly salary makes just shy of the X so the only thing that changed was my parents give me less money and I work full time.

 

You are saying that like it's a bad thing. Look at it from another perspective; you've become more independent, you make money of your own, you dont rely as much on your parents support (at 32, that should be a given...), and they have more money for themselves (I'm sure they cut back in some areas because they lack the money they give you each month).

 

 

I know what it's like to feel like none of your friends have time, but it happens sometimes. I doubt they dont ever have time - maybe you dont try often enough. And maybe it's time to make some new friendships instead of only relying on the old ones. My brother is your age and he still makes new friends regularly, goes out to bars with his mates, etc. So your age doesn't necessarily have much to do with it. I somehow have a hard time believing that every time you call up a single male friend, they are out on a date. What, do they go on dates for a living or...?

And, do you expect them to have time for you the exact day that you call? When I make plans with my friends it's usually atleast a few days in advance. So if it's Monday and you know you have Friday off, call one of these single guys and suggest going to the bar that Friday.

 

 

 

A lot of people in your age have steady jobs and a busy schedule, I am a bit surprised that it is only now that you notice working is taking up a lot of free time.

"I used to have all this free time, I'm not used to it and it bums me out" makes you sound like an 18 year old who just got his first job and hates the fact that he can't spend as much time playing video games anymore.

 

If this job is making you really unhappy though (I'd HATE to work a 5pm-2am schedule), keep it while looking for a new one with shifts that are more suitable for you. I dont know what kind of degree or education you have,. if a lack of degree is what's making it impossible for you to get a really good job that you'd love, maybe it's time to get that degree..better late than never.

 

Playing video games and watching TV is something that you CHOOSE to do.

This life holds so many opportunities, so many ways so spend your time with, learn new things, get new hobbies.

Wasting your precious life time in front of the screens is a choice that you make.

[Silverbirch]

I've been a shift worker for a long time, and it is my preferred choice to mostly work evenings. I'm not really a sporty person, but I'm happiest when I'm outdoors. It's been a long winter, and winter is not so good for me, but now the sun is back, I'm so looking forward to all that time outside. Over the years, I've come to know lots of people like myself. I'm not into the dating scene. Not sure that it is such a good thing - that I have never been long out of relationships even though that wasn't something I planned. I suppose my life isn't social in the way it was when I was younger, but I'm not sure if that is really because of work or the age thing. Then again, I'm truly over the types of places I used to go to when I was young. I've done many day classes during this time. There are some things I like which I enjoy more when most folks are at work - like going to the beach or on bushwalks.

 

Your family must have been either very generous or you are on extremely low wages. I'm not on great money myself, but I can't imagine anyone in my family could ever afford to give me what I earn.

[Batya33]

I would find volunteer opportunities to do during the day that involve interacting with people or I would find some kind of work that is a few hours during the day that will make up for the $ your parents are giving you so you can prepare to move out sooner.

[Silverbirch]

I've been a shift worker for a long time, and it is my preferred choice to mostly work evenings. I'm not really a sporty person, but I'm happiest when I'm outdoors. It's been a long winter, and winter is not so good for me, but now the sun is back, I'm so looking forward to all that time outside. Over the years, I've come to know lots of people like myself. I'm not into the dating scene. Not sure that it is such a good thing - that I have never been long out of relationships even though that wasn't something I planned. I suppose my life isn't social in the way it was when I was younger, but I'm not sure if that is really because of work or the age thing. Then again, I'm truly over the types of places I used to go to when I was young. I've done many day classes during this time. There are some things I like which I enjoy more when most folks are at work - like going to the beach or on bushwalks.

 

Your family must have been either very generous or you are on extremely low wages. I'm not on great money myself, but I can't imagine anyone in my family could ever afford to give me what I earn.

[Dougie_D]

Maybe I need to explain my situation a bit more.

 

I have a Bachelor and Associates degree that mean NOTHING. I didn't get my first job until I was 24 which was at Sam's Club. (retail warehouse) During the times I was working for 5 years I spent the first 4 years part-time back home (so old highschool and family friends) and then transfered back to my college town for 1 year FULL time. My social life was better at least but I was still EXTREMELY depressed because my HEART and PASSION was still trying to do something with music. My job had NOTHING to do with music.

 

So my family and I discussed that if I decided to quit my job, they would help me out financially until I learned music biz and possibly get a job. So I quit my job (29 yrs) and left to explore my options. I traveled to my way to Los Angeles and got 2 INTERNSHIPS. One with a management team and the other a record label. I learned a lot. The label didn't hire me afterwords but I was able to do a lot with the management team. I was able to get paid off commission but no STABLE pay. I went on tour with a band for more than 8 months and everything which was cool. Unfortunetly when I came back from tour, the mgmt team went broke.

 

So right now, I still do my own thing w/ music. but the $$$ is low. So I really needed a job with stable income. I was LUCKY enough to get my job now, which doesn't really do work with music DIRECTLY but more of a third party. So at least there is some comfort there. No day shifts are available right now and I won't be able to get a raise until another 4 months...ugh.. I work Monday through Friday. I get Saturdays and Sundays off. Majority of my SINGLE friends are out on a date or working. Most of time they are working. Majority of my friends that are "couples" work during the week and spend their weekend with other "couples"...

 

Also, to top it off. I've NEVER been in a relationship. Never kissed or anything. So the combination of not having time to hang out with anybody and even hearing people my age having more money than me is starting to REALLY bother me. The cost of living in LA is obnoxious. I actually MAKE the same amount of money that I was making back home but instead of rent being 250 it's now 650!! So I really struggle with that. My co-workers are ALL younger than me. The oldest one is 5 years younger than me...

 

I just feel like things were going great but now I'm worse where I started maybe???

[annie24]

If you have a full time job in the music biz, that sounds great. And you have sat and Sunday off. What's the problem exactly? You can at least see friends on weekends. And have time during the day to run errands. Maybe find other part time work like batya suggested. Yes, you have less free time but that's just being an adult. You are lucky to have your parents. A lot of people don't have that.

[chitown9]

deleted post....not revelent.

[Dougie_D]

If you have a full time job in the music biz, that sounds great. And you have sat and Sunday off. What's the problem exactly? You can at least see friends on weekends. And have time during the day to run errands. Maybe find other part time work like batya suggested. Yes, you have less free time but that's just being an adult. You are lucky to have your parents. A lot of people don't have that.

 

I don't work directly with the music biz, labels, or even their artists. My job is to claim videos all day on YouTube through a company that just happened to make a deal with the labels.

 

Having saturdays and sundays off are great I guess? but I have NO clue what to do on my days off. I don't get friday nights off. Everytime when I want to make plans with a friend they either are working (because they are in food industry) on some date, or don't want to go out (especially if I want to hang on Sundays because in this case those friends have M-F dayshifts.)

 

I do other activities to get paid but it's basically in pennies. That's how the music biz is in reality. Nothing really changed on that part. I still find bands and such to get barely paid for nothing...but if 1 of those bands happens to strike a label deal, I would get paid better.

 

Honestly, I think I'm being forced to have certain days. Before I had this full time job I was WAY more flexible. So whenever my friends and I decided to hang out I didn't have to worry about it. I was most likely always available.

 

Also, I seems as if these meet-up groups and classes (like cooking) or workshops(songwriting) tare never on a saturday apparently. At least what I've been interested in. Maybe I haven't found that class yet.

 

For my entire life, I've never been in a situation with JUST having Saturdays and Sundays. I'm so new to this world. It's gonna take time for me to adjust. When I worked at Sam's club, I ONLY worked Saturdays and/or Sundays w/ no 2 days off in a row.

[annie24]

When you have been at the company longer, do you have the option to ask for a day shift? It's not uncommon for a new employee to get bad hours but I suspect that would change with seniority. It sucks not seeing your friends but at the same time, that's kind of what being an adult entails.

[Dougie_D]

When you have been at the company longer, do you have the option to ask for a day shift? It's not uncommon for a new employee to get bad hours but I suspect that would change with seniority. It sucks not seeing your friends but at the same time, that's kind of what being an adult entails.

 

Yes and no? I know that after 6 months you have the option of applying for a new position and possible raise. I think it really depends on when you get hired. We work on company computers and there is only a certain ammount. If a day shifter quits then I believe it's whoever is on the waiting list. And I can't even imagine the waiting list because for nightshift alone, there are more than 40 employees.

[greywolf]

Dougie, how long have you been with at this job? It does take a few weeks to adjust to working full time, but once you get used to it, you'll be bored on your days off!

[Dougie_D]

Dougie, how long have you been with at this job? It does take a few weeks to adjust to working full time, but once you get used to it, you'll be bored on your days off!

 

Almost 3 months. I'm bored right now. Trying to think of things to do that don't involve being with friends. I live in L.A. I forgot to say that I never saw my friends that much anyways because of how L.A is scattered, and traffic.

 

I think it's more of my work shift hours too. When I worked full time at Sam's club back in TN I would get a sundays off anyways. BUT there were 3 things that I had in TN that I don't have with this other job.

 

1. When I switched over to part time to full time, instead of mostly 5 - 6 hours shifts I would work 8 hours shifts.

 

2. Sam's Club closes at 10. Sometimes I had to work over-time to get things done, so I wouldn't get home until a lot later..sometimes even 1 am.

 

3. Nightlife doesn't close until 3 a.m in TN. So even when I didn't get home until 1 a.m, I could easily meet up with my friends that were at the bar. L.A bars close at 2 a.m.