My experience with attraction: can anyone relate?

[Blue Spiral]

My god, my thread lives again!

 

Robotic women? you need a psychiatrist.

 

Well, at least I want the whole (robotic) woman. Now, women and vibrators, they're basically saying "take the phallic part and forget the rest".

 

The need of regular sex it's all bs. Excuses.

 

If not for that need of regular sex, our species would be extinct, I'm sad to say. I've got over six billion pieces of evidence that the human sex drive is surprisingly strong.

 

A guy in a decent in a relationship have that everyday, if not multiple times a day.

 

This is not what I have experienced or heard. I have a feeling that America's divorce rate would be much lower if this were the case.

 

But you, single, can't afford.

 

I...what? So my problem is that I need to make some money to attract women, who are apparently gold-diggers? Let's not cast aspersions on genders.

 

You want sex, but don't want to date, is like wanting a ferrarri but too lazy to learn how to drive. Doesn't make any sense.

 

No, it's more like wanting a ferrari (I'm not a car guy, no idea how to spell that) but not wanting to pay for it. I know how to drive, but I don't want to buy it or rent it, I just want to test-drive for a while.

[intolerable]

In response to your original post, Blue Spiral, I do agree that everything just seems more natural when the attraction is there. I personally never entered a relationship with someone I'm not sexually attracted to, and would often make excuses about incompatibility to men who've approached me when the blaring truth is that I just can't see myself ending in bed with them. Though I did have one experience where the guy sort of just... crept up on me. I did nothing about it though, since we're both already very comfortable with the relationship we have with each other.

 

I also agree that human sex drive is remarkably strong, but it's something that I, personally, can resist. With much persuasion from my brain, of course.

[ycmanvs]

You're right, I don't have much respect for humanity as a whole. (I'm a misanthrope, not a misogynist.) I'm working on that, but it seems to go against my nature. I treat people well, but if I woke up one morning and everyone but me was dead, I wouldn't think it was any big loss. It's hard for an asocial person to find non-sexual value in other people.

 

You are hilarious. I tend to agree with most of your crazy ideas, but I try to keep them to myself...

[Blue Spiral]

You are hilarious. I tend to agree with most of your crazy ideas, but I try to keep them to myself...

 

Thank you, but I'm being deadly serious, honestly.

 

Thread update: a past FWB candidate sought me out, but she's still in a shady situation, so I'm keeping my distance. My pursuit of FWBs is wavering between moderate and lethargic.

[ycmanvs]

i am serious too, but i tend to laugh at life...sex is fun and i don't see anything wrong with consenting adults doing it as often as possible...emotions tend to complicate things so FWB's are great.

[Blue Spiral]

Emotions definitely complicate things, as do relationships. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed a couple having some problem and thought, "Thank god I don't have to deal with that." Fights over petty crap, problems stemming from their kids, jealousy/possessiveness issues, lack of free time...yikes.

 

I can't even begin to understand how people do it. And, logically, I understand why they do it, but it's not something I want, so I just can't relate. Call me a robot, but I look at risk versus reward.

[annie24]

Emotions definitely complicate things, as do relationships. I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed a couple having some problem and thought, "Thank god I don't have to deal with that." Fights over petty crap, problems stemming from their kids, jealousy/possessiveness issues, lack of free time...yikes.

 

oh yeah, i've seen that too. i go home so thankful to be by myself, single!!

 

but then i have other friends - ones who are in such great, solid relationships. i don't believe in 'soulmates' - but some people I know really are like soulmates - two people just made for each other. i know one such couple. they even own a business together, they are together all day, and you can just see how happy and content they are - they are truly best friends.

 

it's such a nice thing to see. so rare. i would love to have that. not necessarily to be together 24/7, but to have that sort of "team spirit" where both people are 100% supporting each other/

[ycmanvs]

i just got dumped...tonight...after having a great night of sex...with the guy i had been seeing for the past six weeks...and all i can think of...is...i am going to miss the sex...we did it five times a night....ugh....

[Blue Spiral]

i just got dumped...tonight...after having a great night of sex...with the guy i had been seeing for the past six weeks...and all i can think of...is...i am going to miss the sex...we did it five times a night....ugh....

 

Yikes, I'm sorry to hear that. Why did he dump you?

[tiredofvampires]

but then i have other friends - ones who are in such great, solid relationships. i don't believe in 'soulmates' - but some people I know really are like soulmates - two people just made for each other. i know one such couple. they even own a business together, they are together all day, and you can just see how happy and content they are - they are truly best friends.

 

it's such a nice thing to see. so rare. i would love to have that. not necessarily to be together 24/7, but to have that sort of "team spirit" where both people are 100% supporting each other/

 

I'm with you, Annie.

 

Yes, if you look at the ugly examples, you'll get an ugly picture. It 1000% depends on which examples you want to look at.

 

I see wonderful examples. Maybe they are fewer in number, but there they are. Not kodak-perfect, as no one's relationship is like that. But relationships where there is true communion and a growth together that would not have been possible separately. Seeing those cases is enough "scientific" proof to believe that it not only exits, but that you can't foreclose on it happening. Unless you don't want any part of such an idea.

 

I've had a small epiphany with this thread...it's not a new thought, but it's got new clarity. Which is, I guess for me, it's not the purpose of life to remain "uncomplicated." It's not the point of being here, of experiencing this realm, to keep things "unmessy." Maybe because I'm into art...I see life like that. It's a big art studio and you can create anything in it, but you can't really get into the fullness of it without getting colors all over you. I don't want a life without color, immaculate...clean and sterile of the human experience in its palette.

 

I honestly don't see how having the same experience again and again and again -- which is sex without a personalized connection -- can't start to feel like a complete bore for its lack of character. I fail to see how having great sex and then getting "dumped" right after is a better experience, less painful, or more rewarding than building a life with someone who has your back, who is there for you, but who you have to work out compromises with and learn the art of communication with. One is just a string of repeat motions, the other actually takes you on a journey.

 

Sorry if this posts sounds "judge-y", but I'm just thinking aloud, and I guess, wondering. Wondering why people actually want their lives to contain less, not more. And why a life without emotion is a life at all.

[ycmanvs]

Yikes, I'm sorry to hear that. Why did he dump you?

 

I started a thread with the email that he sent me...basically he said that he was not falling in love with me, but he has feelings for some married woman, that he could never be with...

[Blue Spiral]

I'm with you, Annie.

 

Yes, if you look at the ugly examples, you'll get an ugly picture. It 1000% depends on which examples you want to look at.

 

I try to look at the whole of the examples. Just going anecdotally, well over 50% of the married couples I know have gotten divorced, and that percentage is even higher for unmarried couples. The rest are either dealing with problems that I don't want to deal with, or living the sort of lives that I don't want to live. I've never seen a couple together and thought "That looks fun." Outside of the sex issue, I just don't get the appeal.

 

I've had a small epiphany with this thread...it's not a new thought, but it's got new clarity. Which is, I guess for me, it's not the purpose of life to remain "uncomplicated." It's not the point of being here, of experiencing this realm, to keep things "unmessy." Maybe because I'm into art...I see life like that. It's a big art studio and you can create anything in it, but you can't really get into the fullness of it without getting colors all over you. I don't want a life without color, immaculate...clean and sterile of the human experience in its palette.

 

I honestly don't see how having the same experience again and again and again -- which is sex without a personalized connection -- can't start to feel like a complete bore for its lack of character. I fail to see how having great sex and then getting "dumped" right after is a better experience, less painful, or more rewarding than building a life with someone who has your back, who is there for you, but who you have to work out compromises with and learn the art of communication with. One is just a string of repeat motions, the other actually takes you on a journey.

 

Sorry if this posts sounds "judge-y", but I'm just thinking aloud, and I guess, wondering. Wondering why people actually want their lives to contain less, not more. And why a life without emotion is a life at all.

 

Wow, I'm helping a lot of ENA women have epiphanies and realizations, lately. Go me!

 

I like "uncomplicated" and "unmessy" in my personal life, and my emotional needs are pretty minimal. My life contains a lot--it just doesn't have much to do with other people, and I like it that way.

[Blue Spiral]

I started a thread with the email that he sent me...basically he said that he was not falling in love with me, but he has feelings for some married woman, that he could never be with...

 

I'll go look at that, thanks.

[tiredofvampires]

You seem to be one of the more self-accepting (or self-acquiescing) posters here, Blue Spiral, so all the more power to it. An vital component of life is not being crippled by our limitations -- or else to effectively learn how to authentically reframe them so they are not "limitations".

 

Wow, I'm helping a lot of ENA women have epiphanies and realizations, lately. Go me!

 

And go all of them for being aware enough to have epiphanies! Like orgasms, not everyone experiences them, however good the lover.

 

In a sense, I almost have no business being on a "relationship forum" at the time, since I'm not in a relationship and am currently neutral about finding one. I have too many other front-burner issues on my plate I'm having to focus on. But one reason I stay on ENA is because of the myriad mini-epiphanies and the greater self-understanding I reach through conversing with others from many walks of life, whether that's directly or indirectly about relationships. I see this forum as a "life and related subjects" forum, at least for my purposes, and so having this community has been elucidating for me on many fronts. I'm glad you're part of this community that helps me shape my understanding.

[Reflective82]

I definitely don't think you are anti women Blue Spiral- I just think you're very honest and blunt coming from a sex motivated guy's point of view. I agree with quite a lot you say!

[Reflective82]

I have experienced chemistry with a guy who hasn't made much effort- but for me to act on it there does need to be effort from the guy to "prove" he is into me- so I disagree partly with this x

[Blue Spiral]

I definitely don't think you are anti women Blue Spiral- I just think you're very honest and blunt coming from a sex motivated guy's point of view. I agree with quite a lot you say!

 

Thanks, Reflective.

 

For the record, I do believe in making some effort--but I've been in too many situations where I was expected to make all the effort, and the woman basically did nothing. I'm never going to be a "go to great lengths to woo her" guy, but I do believe in being considerate and treating others the way I'd like to be treated. (Except I want to be treated like a sex object, just for the sheer novelty of it, which is where I run into problems. "I'm not disrespecting you, I want you to treat me the same way!")