Ladytmt Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 So I ran accross this guy online last year that I took an interest to. His profile said he was seeking a long term relationship and some other things we appeared to have in common. We chatted for several weeks online then exchanged numbers. We texted mostly and talked on the phone on occasion. We met each other in person about 2 months ago and had our 3rd date a few weeks ago. He came to my house and picked me up on that third date and afterwards we were intimate and now it appears he is ignoring me although he just says it's due to work and told me his work schedule changed. I'm not sure what to believe but to me it just seems like a lie because he went from texting or calling me in the mornings when he got off work to nothing! If I text him he responds sometimes. I keep asking myself what did I do to cause this? What did I do wrong? What's wrong with me that he's not interested? What do other women have that I don't? I beat myself up with these questions whenever someone ignores me but in reality I didn't do anything we had fun all 3 times we went out and he even told me this and that he thinks about me often. I think my previous relationship still has me beating myself up since my ex cheated on me and left me for the person. SO its like now in a sense when someone ignores me I take it personal and beat myself up and call myself stupid. Again in this situation I know I shouldn't blame myself for someone cheating but I still do and maybe this is why I'm taking this situation with this new guy so hard. This really has me down and I've been down for a few days because I'm so tired of things not working out and like and always pick the wrong guys. Should I follow my gut in that this isn't the one? If someone is interested wouldn't they find the time or do men like to be chased? Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted June 19, 2013 Share Posted June 19, 2013 My guess is you slept together without really knowing eah other, so you really should have no idea what to expect o someone you don't know. Link to comment
lifesatrip Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Yes, you should always follow your gut in my opinion. Based off of experience of friends of mine, men seem to often loose interest when chased. In my own life, if a guy cools down toward me and stops making effort, I do the same. With space sometimes the interest is rekindled. If he were really interested, he would find the time to make you a priority. Three dates in two months is not very much! It makes it seem like he was not that interested from the beginning. I'm sure there is nothing wrong with who you are, but it is likely you are drawn to the wrong guys if you are consistently having bad experiences. Being cheated on does not mean that you are inadequate. All sorts of people get cheated on, and there are some guys who will cheat no matter who they're with. Sometimes people even cheat because they feel inadequate or inferior to their partner. So it doesn't mean other girls have something you don't. And there's a good chance this guy will wind up cheating on the girl he left you for. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 My guess is you slept together without really knowing eah other, so you really should have no idea what to expect o someone you don't know. I agree, just doesn't seem like he's making an effort or maybe i'm being impatient Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 Yeah, I agree with you about them loosing interest when they are chased...which is why I kinda wait to hear from him, however if it's to long I guess I will just delete his number. I don't want to feel like I'm hounding him or bothering him especially if he is not interested. the reason there was only 3 dates because there is a distance and his work schedule is like 12 hour nights. As far as my ex you are right about him cheating and so many other people have told me the same thing I'm just so hard on myself....he really hurt me. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 delete! next! Yeah, I know I should. I also see that he has time to be online on the site I met him on but doesn't seem to have time to even bother to text and say hi anymore. I mean that doesn't take much to say hi or good morning...but again like I said it must be something wrong with me and the other women online must be great or he's looking for something perfect that he will never find... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Many people change their minds -often nothing personal -after three dates. Typing and talking before you meet and having intercourse really doesn't affect that simple reality. On to the next ,I agree! Link to comment
kuteknish Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 were we dating the same guy? do you live in NY? lol Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 were we dating the same guy? do you live in NY? lol lol no I live in south carolina Link to comment
kitkat620 Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 It seems you met, chatted, had sex, then he lost interest, it happens. I have been involved off and on with the online dating world for awhile. In the beginning I became very offended when I would chat with someone, get to where I thought we hit it off, and then, for no reason known to me, they would completely disappear. But over time, I have learned to deal with that, move on and NOT take it personally. There is nothing wrong with you, you just haven't met the right guy yet. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 He's lost interest after only three dates, probably not much you could have done. He just wasn't excited about you and he determined that you were just hook up material and not gf material. I am sorry that happened. As always, wait on the sex until a relationship to help you not get so hurt if a guy loses interest. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 He's lost interest after only three dates, probably not much you could have done. He just wasn't excited about you and he determined that you were just hook up material and not gf material. I am sorry that happened. As always, wait on the sex until a relationship to help you not get so hurt if a guy loses interest. If that's the case, that's a poor determination on his part. Maybe he wasn't interested to start with and just stuck around for the sex. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 Maybe. Or maybe he wasn't thrilled with the sex. Hard to know. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 Maybe. Or maybe he wasn't thrilled with the sex. Hard to know. wow? ok thanks. that makes me feel great! Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 I'm sorry ... just trying to be honest with you since he won't be. Link to comment
shellyf62 Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 There are a lot of guys on dating sites that say they are after relationships/dating etc, but really only want sex. Once they get it, they move on to the next woman. Dont take it personally, he was just one of these guys. Delete his number and start looking for someone else. In all honesty, 3 dates in 3 months isnt good. You should have deleted contact with him way before that. If a guy is interested in you, he will find time, trust me. Start talking to others, dont chase them, let them contact you, and see how things go. If they are too busy to talk to you, delete them, and keep searching til you find someone who is looking for the same thing as you. Good luck Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 I'm sorry ... just trying to be honest with you since he won't be. well I'm sure something is wrong with u as well other wise you would not be on here! you haven't slept with me so you can't really say that and attack me. Link to comment
Ladytmt Posted June 20, 2013 Author Share Posted June 20, 2013 There are a lot of guys on dating sites that say they are after relationships/dating etc, but really only want sex. Once they get it, they move on to the next woman. Dont take it personally, he was just one of these guys. Delete his number and start looking for someone else. In all honesty, 3 dates in 3 months isnt good. You should have deleted contact with him way before that. If a guy is interested in you, he will find time, trust me. Start talking to others, dont chase them, let them contact you, and see how things go. If they are too busy to talk to you, delete them, and keep searching til you find someone who is looking for the same thing as you. Good luck Thanks, I've deleted his number Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 20, 2013 Share Posted June 20, 2013 No one attacked you. I just it was possible the sex was not good for him or he knew he did not want a relationship from the beginning. People come here to give advice or get advice and not necessarily because something is wrong. Calm down girl. Link to comment
kitkat620 Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 There is something that helps me a bit when someone I have an interest in is obviously NOT interested in me; I have grown to accept that some guys are just not going to be into me, just like I am not going to be into certain guys. Such is life. In may be a hard pill to swallow at first, but once you've accepted that it is easier to deal with rejection when it does happen to you. Link to comment
savignon Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 There is something that helps me a bit when someone I have an interest in is obviously NOT interested in me; I have grown to accept that some guys are just not going to be into me, just like I am not going to be into certain guys. Such is life. In may be a hard pill to swallow at first, but once you've accepted that it is easier to deal with rejection when it does happen to you. Perfect mindset and something I've also come to the conclusion of after years of that "what did I do?" feeling. Once I started realizing there was nothing wrong with the 100s of guys *I* wasn't interested in, I realized there's nothing wrong with me either and they're not thinking about my faults...I am. They're thinking about the next person they're interested in. It'll all work out.... Link to comment
star111 Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I took a step back from online dating because this happened to me on more then one occasion. It's frustrating when you think there is a connection and then they disappear once they get what they want. I almost feel like the guys have all these girls at their finger tips and it's so easy to just have sex and move on to the next. Don't beat your self up over it. Learn from it and remember how you don't want to feel the next time and choose to do things differently. Maybe just hold off on sex until you know what the situation is? Depends on what you want too of course, some people are fine with casual sex others want relationships. I've learned having sex with guys is certainly not getting me the relationship I want, so I'm learning how to hold back until I find someone who is on the same page as me. Link to comment
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