I went into hospital with heart scare wife did not come?

[top bloke]

I have always kept my cards close to my heart but this is bugging me. I had heart attack in 2006 and that night wife didnt come her reason was she had no car. I let it slide but since then I have become aware how I feel like I am living alone due to a lack of respect for my thoughts feelings. Last week I had terrible chest pain went to hospital that day but again she made no effort to come tohospital. Its like she did not take it seriously. I got out next day and she had gone to work. Once home I had taken myself home after an all clear pending more tests that I get results for Wednesday.I asked her why she did not come and she replied because she didnt think it was so serious. I am 45 this year and wonder if Iwill die alone if I was worse. Also I know Iwould be going crazy if she were in hospital. I am seriously considering my future now. I value you guys and this forum so I would appreciate honest opinions.

[Edmund Exley]

Have you actually discussed with her how her not being there for you has made you feel?

[SapphireNoir10]

I understand where you are coming from. My boyfriend is the most laid back guy on the planet but when it came to my pregnancy and my health he was very protective and anxious over things.

 

If he were to have a heart attack or heart pains I'd be by his side every step of the way. That to me is what a marriage is about, caring about one another and looking after one another 'in sickness and in health'

 

I'm sorry I hope your results are ok and that your health continues to be ok. I really feel for you.

 

Could you put accross to her just how bad your feeling about this? How is your relationship otherwise?

[Seraphim]

I think that is horribly disrespectful. If I thought my husband was having a heart attack in the hospital I wouldn't care if I didn't have a car. I would be calling a friend ,I would be calling a family member ,I would be calling a cab ,heck I'd walk. I would drag myself by my tongue over broken glass if I had to.

 

When my husband was in the hospital with chest pains and he thought he was having a heart attack he was 300 miles away I dropped everything in the grocery line up that I was in and ran out of the store drove there as fast as I could get there. It turned out to be a panic attack and nothing to do with his heart.

 

I cannot imagine not running to your sick spouse.

[top bloke]

I have spoken to her about it and she rationalised it. I said to her what if Iwere in danger? She replied but I did not think you were. This amongst quite a few things over the years make me have second thoughts. This is not the way a woman should love a man...?

[pinkelephant]

It depends. Why didn't she view it as serious? Don't get offended, but are you a hypochondriac? do you get sick or scares often?

 

My boyfriend is like that and so is most of my family, they cry wolf often and wonder why after the first couple of times people don't come. Just a thought.

 

 

If you're not and this was a one time thing, ask her why she didn't view it as important and communicate. If she understood the gravity of the situation, but is still not taking it seriously then it's probably time to say goodbye.

[top bloke]

Victoria my mother was in tears,my brother ran to my side. You have hit the nail on the head disrespect sums up too many times I took it. I have awakened that I too deserve better treatment than that and even seperation is a possibility because I feel stripped of dignity by these actions.

[Roadkill]

I am sorry and really sorry for being blunt but she does not love you or care about you. You know this.

If she had a fear of hospitals then she would have been home to help you. She was not. Her actions speak loudly. Did she even get you a gift, take you out, show appreciation?

Now. That said. Do you run to the doctor a lot? My soon to be ex always is going for pain pills etc but I do take her to the hospital. Just in case.

Get yourself in shape and healthy. We are the same age my firend. We are too old and dont have enough time left to be unhappy and unloved. Leave her and do it for a better future. Maybe she will realize what she's lost.

[Seraphim]

Victoria my mother was in tears,my brother ran to my side. You have hit the nail on the head disrespect sums up too many times I took it. I have awakened that I too deserve better treatment than that and even seperation is a possibility because I feel stripped of dignity by these actions.

 

Yes ,I think it is disrespect. I have been at my husband's side anytime he's been in the hospital for any reason. I am horrified of hospitals even to the point of shaking and hyperventilating but being at the hospital is for the person that is ill. You do it to support them and you do it because you love and respect them.

[SapphireNoir10]

I don't think he is a hypochondriac if he has had a heart attack in the past. That would make me even more anxious to be by his side in the event of heart pains etc. This isn't meant to scare you but to put it in perspective. My boyfriends friend had heart pains and troubles a lot. He went to hospital and they said he was fine so his wife stayed at home and his son went to pick him up and then he died on the way home.

 

You can never be SURE if someone is fine especially with a history of problems and that is why i'd always want to be there for support and for a hand to hold.

 

I'd never forgive my boyfriend if he did what she did.

[wolflovesmoon]

your wife is not staying true to her vows, and one will find it hard to fully understand why she did not come to the hospital to be with you, i am afraid you are not her priority, no man will fake his sickness or having a heart attack just to prank someone, those things should happen naturally, you don`t talk to someone about them, you don`t tell them what to do, when we care so deep about our spouses, we know exactly what to do when they are in danger, we know how to act

[SapphireNoir10]

Maybe this will help in a way to see that life is too short to waste on someone that disrespects you and doesn't appear to care very much. I'm sorry you are going through this.

[top bloke]

Im not a hypochondriac and can distinguish pain from heart pain but this was too scary to not go.The first time in 2006 Iwas close to dying. Im afraid she did not take it seriously pink elephant. That has been a recurring theme I am seeing but letting it slide for years. Not anymore. This life is not forever and I ask if its better to be alone in time of need with or without someone who isnt there in important times in life? I have alot of thinking to do

[top bloke]

Roadkill I have to visit doctors as part of the care and get the heart medications I need to keep going as healthy as possible. Insaying that I have been doing treadmill 4 times a week at 4killometers distance each time. I pushed a bit harder that night which triggered the pain

.Victoria you have your finger right on the pulse and its kind of scary after all these years to acknowledge what the truth is.

Sapphire thank you for your measured honest thoughts.I appreciate it.

I am pretty gobsmacked over this because love is a feeling to be there for each other when it counts.. Its a scary thought

[Seraphim]

I am sorry she is doing that to you top bloke. Heart issues are very serious indeed.

[top bloke]

Victoria I will only die once and so need to seriously consider whats next in this life because this is not a good thing

[Seraphim]

I agree because at our age we have less than half our life left.

[top bloke]

Thank you all so far for your replies too

[top bloke]

You are dead right Victoria. I put this story up because in my heart I see the truth but know after all these years I get valuable real respectful thoughts here. This is the best forum on the net

[Kendahke]

My mother just recently had a heart attack and triple by pass surgery. I flew from one side of the country to the other to be with her and I didn't have the money to do so. I called, begged and borrowed the money I needed to be by my mother's side.

 

I completely understand that you are seriously considering your future. Your wife doesn't care that she may become a widow--and it's not out of the ordinary for a man of 45 to die of a heart attack--it happens quite a lot. That your wife can't be bothered is alarming--is she waiting around for the insurance check or something? Yeah, I'd be reconsidering my future with her, too.

 

I think you need to tell her how her callous attitude made you feel. I would keep an eye on her and watch her behavior from now on and if she is continuing in the pattern of not having enough effs to give that you've been having heart issues, then you need to put that reconsideration of your future into practice and drop her off at the mall. Would she stand around and watch you die on the floor if you had a heart attack at home while she's there, too?

[Kendahke]

I have spoken to her about it and she rationalised it. I said to her what if Iwere in danger? She replied but I did not think you were. This amongst quite a few things over the years make me have second thoughts. This is not the way a woman should love a man...?

 

Is she a doctor or something? Does she have pulmonary expertise? What she thinks is immaterial---you were in distress and she couldn't be bothered to care. Don't ignore that or sweep it under the rug. You are in danger with that woman around. If you were having a heart attack, she has already let you know that what she thinks is more important than what is happening to you.

[Kaytie]

I can't imagine. I can't imagine not dropping everything to be by any of my loved ones' sides if they were hospitalized for ANY reason. That would be a deal breaker for me, especially since it's a pattern with her.

 

And her being by your side has nothing to do with what SHE determines is serious or not. It's about supporting YOU, plain and simple. Even if it were a hangnail and you were afraid - that should be enough reason for her to be at the hospital with you.

 

It's about love and support, not the actual reason why you were there.

[agent1607307371]

How is she towards you the rest of the time?

[DN]

A couple of years after I had an angioplasty, I experienced more chest discomfort and since I had an annual check up appointment with the cardiologist I reported it to him. He ordered a stress-test, EEG, ECG etc. and nothing showed up, all clear.

 

A few nights later, I had much more severe pains and was concerned because they got worse when I was lying down, which is counter-intuitive. So I googled the symptoms and it appeared to be unstable angina and it recommended immediate hospitalisation as a full scale heart attack is highly likely. Called 911, was admitted, had an angiogram and then another angioplasty and this time two stents were inserted. Bear in mind that this occurred a few days after a battery of tests showed nothing wrong.

 

My GP's opinion is that no test except an angiogram is infallible so you might want to check out your condition further.

 

As for your wife's reaction - if my wife had reacted like that, she would no longer be my wife.

[superfan]

....wow. I cannot imagine how I would feel if that happened to me.

 

Even if you WERE a hypochondriac (and I don't think you are based on your health history what you did was very smart), I would still hope that your wife would be there for you. You could be wrong a million times, and then be right once and if you don't have your partner there for you supporting you it could be the difference between life and death.

 

My Dad had a triple bypass last year...he has had several heart attacks and something similar happened one night with him. He and my mother have never had the best marriage. I have never seen them express ANY kind of physical affection for one another (never seen them hug, kiss - not even hold hands). He has had a history of heart problems and only 2 weeks after the triple bypass he started to have chest pains. I was over at my parent's that night and he was really worried. She didn't seem concerned at all and was brushing it off.

 

I insisted on taking him to the hospital (since he couldn't drive himself and my Mom wouldn't take him). They took him immediately the second he mentioned his heart condition. They ran a bunch of tests and thankfully it was not another heart attack (although he did have another only a month or so later). What really bothered me was that it COULD have been something more serious and if I hadn't been there, she would not have taken him in.

 

This is NOT a healthy marriage.

 

I suffer from migraines - have for decades. Every time I get a REALLY bad headache, my husband is there for me. Sometimes I know he feels like I am making more out of it than it is, but if I say I need to go to the hospital (as sometimes they get that bad), he will be there for me getting ready and taking me in no matter what time it is. He has missed more than a few days of work just to sit with me at 4AM when I am in pain.

 

If something ever happened to him I would do the same.

 

This is fundamental. I would suggest counseling (that old chesnut) but honestly if that is a constant attitude, I would say leave. You deserve someone who is going to be there with you when you are in sickness and in health (hmmm, where have I heard that before???)