If someone tells you they have never kissed....

[jonny15]

I just noticed the drunk thing.

 

OP, you should not being going after drunk women at all. That's sick.

 

Have you ever been to Europe? A kiss can absolutely just be social with nothing else attached.

 

No, I have never been to Europe, or even out of my region.

 

I've never seen a woman in person ever kiss a guy in a friendly way.

 

I'd turn blood red with blushing if a woman ever did that.

 

It would be rather hard for me to see that as just friendly.

[annie24]

I just noticed the drunk thing.

 

OP, you should not being going after drunk women at all. That's sick.

 

 

 

No, I have never been to Europe, or even out of my region.

 

I've never seen a woman in person ever kiss a guy in a friendly way.

 

I'd turn blood red with blushing if a woman ever did that.

 

It would be rather hard for me to see that as just friendly.

 

well, i mean, a kiss is just not serious - not like, "ok - we are going to date now." it's more just, 'hi - you're cute and attractive!"

 

anyway.

 

yes, like the other posters say, stop telling women about being kissless or a virgin. IMHO, not really their business. when the time is right, go for the kiss!!

[jonny15]

well, i mean, a kiss is just not serious - not like, "ok - we are going to date now." it's more just, 'hi - you're cute and attractive!"

 

O....OK. I thought you meant in a way of greeting someone.

 

A kiss to let someone know they are attractive is a good thing. I need that. LOL

 

 

yes, like the other posters say, stop telling women about being kissless or a virgin. IMHO, not really their business. when the time is right, go for the kiss!!

 

It's a self fulfilling prophesy, with him telling them these things and expecting it to change.

[annie24]

O....OK. I thought you meant in a way of greeting someone.

 

A kiss to let someone know they are attractive is a good thing. I need that. LOL

 

 

 

 

It's a self fulfilling prophesy, with him telling them these things and expecting it to change.

 

sure, a kiss on the cheek is a common greeting in many cultures.

[Fudgie]

sure, a kiss on the cheek is a common greeting in many cultures.

 

I have European relatives and have been to Europe and I'm always kissed on the check, men and women, when greeting. They do it to everyone. To be honest, it's way out of my comfort zone but I grin and bear it. It's as normal as a handshake for them.

 

In Europe, people are a lot more physically close . they don't have giant personal zones like we Americans have.

[Dougie_D]

You guys are contradicting yourselves. You say that "kissing" in general is not a big deal but you say that if I kiss a drunk girl I'm taking advantage of her? I'm not trying to have sex with her and it's not like she is passed out. Plus, I wouldn't even have the strength to try to lean in for a kiss if I'm not buzzed or drunk either. So what does that mean? She's taking advantage of me if she's sober? So confused... I think you guys are over exaggerating what the circumstances are. I'm constantly at a bar. Every girl there has had at least 1 drink. Majority of people kiss under having some sort of alcohol consumption.

[abitbroken]

You guys are contradicting yourselves. You say that "kissing" in general is not a big deal but you say that if I kiss a drunk girl I'm taking advantage of her? I'm not trying to have sex with her and it's not like she is passed out. Plus, I wouldn't even have the strength to try to lean in for a kiss if I'm not buzzed or drunk either. So what does that mean? She's taking advantage of me if she's sober? So confused... I think you guys are over exaggerating what the circumstances are. I'm constantly at a bar. Every girl there has had at least 1 drink. Majority of people kiss under having some sort of alcohol consumption.

 

kissing someone on the cheek is no big deal.

 

No - the majority of people do NOT kiss after alcohol consumption. It is just that you hang out and bars, etc, or hang around bands at bars and if kissing after drinks happen, it happens there. The majority of women I would say are not barflys. But you tend to only like women who are at bars.

 

And you will get rejected if you lean in for a kiss with just any woman you meet elsewhere. She has to really like you and go on a few dates at least for her to accept a kiss. You want to take a short cut. AND you need to stop meeting women at bars. That is part of your problem. The other part is that you are obviously marginally employed yet you spend your money going to bars. The other part is confidence. You have to get your act together before you will meet a woman who will want to kiss you because she has feelings for you.

[SilverFactory]

AND you need to stop meeting women at bars

 

Where else can a guy meet a woman? online dating the women just won't reply regardless of how wonderful the profile is and how thoughtful the message is... speed dating.. forget it. How else are we supposed to meet women??

[pl3asehelp]

Where else can a guy meet a woman? online dating the women just won't reply regardless of how wonderful the profile is and how thoughtful the message is... speed dating.. forget it. How else are we supposed to meet women??

 

You need to try eHarmony where your picture and your messages are not important until much later on. All of the other dating sites are exactly like a bar where you approach strangers based on looks then try to impress them with words.

[SilverFactory]

You need to try eHarmony where your picture and your messages are not important until much later on. All of the other dating sites are exactly like a bar where you approach strangers based on looks then try to impress them with words.

 

Honestly I am sick and tired of the online dating sites... the women just do not respond and IF a response does come its from a Nigerian scammer.

 

I would like to go to a club or bar or any other place and have face to face interaction with women. Other than bars and clubs where else can I go to meet single women?

[blueidealist24]

No. That internship was years ago. The grunt work is the same as it ever has. You can't make money if not a lot of money is coming in. I'm trying to get connected with the "big boys" because they can provide salary. And the job that I interviewed for was actually mis-leading but I would have taken it if I got hired

 

Oh, I always thought that the record label you're working at was still the internship.. it had just decided to pay you a bit..

[blueidealist24]

You guys are contradicting yourselves. You say that "kissing" in general is not a big deal but you say that if I kiss a drunk girl I'm taking advantage of her? I'm not trying to have sex with her and it's not like she is passed out. Plus, I wouldn't even have the strength to try to lean in for a kiss if I'm not buzzed or drunk either. So what does that mean? She's taking advantage of me if she's sober? So confused... I think you guys are over exaggerating what the circumstances are. I'm constantly at a bar. Every girl there has had at least 1 drink. Majority of people kiss under having some sort of alcohol consumption.

 

Maybe it's because of the kind of people I have hung out with too, but I actually agree with you. Drunk people always start making out with each other.. it's not a big deal and it's not really taking advantage if both people want to do it.. usually both people are drunk.. I would say it's taking advantage if you took a girl home and had SEX with her while you were both drunk, or while she was, but kissing? Nah. Some of my friends have made out with hundreds of guys while drunk! I actually had my first kiss while drunk because I was too shy to do it while sober (if a guy looked like he might kiss me on a date while sober, I'd all of a sudden get standoffish, move a few feet away or maybe make an excuse to leave).

[Dougie_D]

You need to try eHarmony where your picture and your messages are not important until much later on. All of the other dating sites are exactly like a bar where you approach strangers based on looks then try to impress them with words.

 

eHarmony is actually VERY SELECTIVE. They want to be a clean site so they weed out people who they think might not be "stable" or whatever. I got a message that said something like this : 1/5 people will not benefit from our services, bla, bla, bla...

[Dougie_D]

Oh, I always thought that the record label you're working at was still the internship.. it had just decided to pay you a bit..

 

I had 2 internships. One was at a record label. The other was a management team. I ended up going on tour for 6 plus months with a band they managed. When I came back the management team went under and both owners split. Now, I'm a complete freelancer.

[Fudgie]

Don't feel bad about eHamony. I got rejected from there too, saying they have no matches for me.

 

I think eHamony works when you're wanting to find someone for marriage/kids and you're pretty conventional with "normal" interests. But if you're weird and/or not wanting to pop out kids, they reject you.

[pl3asehelp]

eHarmony is actually VERY SELECTIVE. They want to be a clean site so they weed out people who they think might not be "stable" or whatever. I got a message that said something like this : 1/5 people will not benefit from our services, bla, bla, bla...

 

Exactly, which is why it works if you're got yourself together and are seriously looking for a relationship. They're not going to reject you based on how you look or how boring your messages may be though. If you don't take your time to answer all of their questions in a well thought out way that demonstrates you know yourself and what you're looking for, they don't want to include you because you'll just end up being a bad date/relationship for someone. My interests are far from normal.

[Fudgie]

They reject you if you're difficult to match. Simple as that.

 

I answered absolutely everything. I'm a young, child free adult who would only date someone with either no children or children over 25 (and out of the house so I don't have to get to know them), I myself didn't want children, wouldn't tolerate smokers, at the time was looking for someone 35+, and didn't want to be with someone who was religious, very liberal, or vegetarian.

 

Boom, rejected. I'm pretty sure if I were online dating now I'd be rejected again.

 

It's not a sign of anything other than you're a bit of an odd duck. So it's not like I would have met anyone worthwhile on the site anyway.

[jonny15]

I have European relatives and have been to Europe and I'm always kissed on the check, men and women, when greeting. They do it to everyone. To be honest, it's way out of my comfort zone but I grin and bear it. It's as normal as a handshake for them.

 

In Europe, people are a lot more physically close . they don't have giant personal zones like we Americans have.

 

I would be weireded out by that. Espically if a guy did it. LOL

 

If a woman did it, and I had no clue why, I would take it as she liked me. Which probably makes me stupid, but I wouldn't know how to take it otherwise.

[Fudgie]

Guys and girls do it to both genders in some cultures.

 

I think the key is that if you know a girl follows the European tradition and you see her give cheek kisses as a greeting to others, then it's clear that it has no romantic attachment for her so you shouldn't assume that she likes you based on that alone.

[jonny15]

Guys and girls do it to both genders in some cultures.

 

I think the key is that if you know a girl follows the European tradition and you see her give cheek kisses as a greeting to others, then it's clear that it has no romantic attachment for her so you shouldn't assume that she likes you based on that alone.

 

That is true. But it wouldn't stop me from turning red in the face like a 14 year old boy. Which probably wouldn't go over well.

[blueidealist24]

Guys and girls do it to both genders in some cultures.

 

I think the key is that if you know a girl follows the European tradition and you see her give cheek kisses as a greeting to others, then it's clear that it has no romantic attachment for her so you shouldn't assume that she likes you based on that alone.

 

I don't know many girls who do that..

[Fudgie]

When I spent time in Europe and with my relatives, yeah, it was pretty common in those cultures, at least in my experience.

 

Americans? Not so much, no.

[Slimpee]

I'm not going to go back and read through all 5 pages so if this is redundant, I apologize.

 

I know people have said this already but you HAVE to stop bringing up your lack of experience at bars and w/ women you don't know well. 1. It's totally a buzzkill. 2. If a 32 yr-old woman told me that she had no experience, and it wasn't because of religious/moral beliefs, I may run for the hills in fear of a stage-5 clinger. I would be afraid that if I were girl's "first" anything she may get super attached and it would be drama city.

[JorduSpeaks]

The way you need to look at it is this: kisses are all a sign of romantic affection (at least in the US). Each one is special and meaningful, no matter how it is done. If you tell a girl that you have never been kissed a certain way, that's like saying that you have some complicated secret code and will reject her if she doesn't comply with it. After all, if only french kissing has value to you, maybe you like everything done a particular way. It also sends the message that you don't value her for who you are.

 

Okay. So, here's the plan. First, the kissing thing is no big deal. Don't talk about it. Don't think about it. Don't care about it. There is no reason to bring it up. Ever. It won't make her feel special. It won't make her feel wanted. Also, as a conversation topic it's kind of boring.

 

Second, the virgin thing. When you just volunteer the information early on, it just makes you seem like you're a virgin because nobody wants to sleep with you. Maybe that's true. I don't know. Even if it is, though, here's a statement that is just as true: there are lots of women who would really enjoy sex with you, but YOU WON'T LET THEM. All your life, you've been sending out "keep away" messages from women. You won't let them near you. That's fine, too. I do it. Lots of people do it, especially if they've been hurt. What you need to do is OWN IT. People value things more when they can't have them. You already keep people from having what you have to offer, you might as well send out the message that it's YOUR choice.

 

From now on, try this. I'll try it, too, and if it doesn't work, we'll forget about it. First, if the topic of sex comes up, say "I'm pretty selective about who I let get close to me." Leave it at that. You don't have to say any more about it until the night you are going to have sex. Second, we all know that sex on the first date is a possibility. A lot of pick-up artist guys will even tell you to push for sex on the first date in order to manipulate the girl into staying with you. What you and I need to do is the opposite. Actively decide that there will be no sex before date seven. That's right, SEVEN. That is, from what I've been told, way longer than most people wait. Every date before that, if things start to go that way, tell her, "not tonight" or "not yet". If you go into a date thinking, "I really hope I get laid", that makes you a beggar, begging for sex, and that is not attractive. If you go into a date thinking, "I won't let her have sex tonight, no matter how much she begs", that makes you a chooser. It completely changes the power dynamic, and men with power are attractive. After a while, she will begin to wonder why you don't want to have sex with her. That's when, if everything goes according to plan, you'll get your big makeout kiss, because she should be dying to know if you think she's attractive. Afterwards, tell her she's an incredible kisser, but kissing is as far as it goes tonight.

 

When date seven comes, and you're about to have sex, that's when you tell her you're a virgin. Phrasing is, of course, very important. DO NOT say something like "Nobody's ever wanted to sleep with me before". Instead, say something like "I've never let anyone get this close to me before". She'll know what you mean, but instead of it sounding like she's nobody special, just the first person willing to settle, now it sounds like she has a special honor out of all the women in the world.

 

One of the worst things about dating is feeling powerless. It's time to take the power back.

[Dougie_D]

Actively decide that there will be no sex before date seven. That's right, SEVEN

 

Ok...yeah, I like your plan and I understand it. But for me personally, I've NEVER been pass a 2nd date! And now I've been thinking that these dates were NEVER dates to these girls in the first place.

 

My problem is actually getting a date. Then a kiss. Then losing my virginity. I'd rather admit not getting a kiss and losing my virginity than having a difficult time getting a single date.

 

If I think I have a chance with a girl, then I will never tell her. It's only when she tells me directly I'm in the friendzone, or I get that impression.