Missing my Ex

[Marketa]

Steve,

Wouldnt you want a woman to stand by you and help you be all you can be? Its getting through the tough spots that help a relationship get stronger but if they bail when times get tough then that says something. A friend is okay but sometimes we never get over a lost love and only being friends makes it worse because we see all we THINK we are missing out on with them. You say you want her to see you are stronger and can take it but why do you have to be so strong? Life brings us places where we are not always strong.

 

I am sorry to sound so harsh but is seems like you are saying If only I can be better than she will want me and why do you feel like its something you are lacking did you ever consider its something she is lacking not being able to stand by you during some change in your life or offer advise rather than just remove herself from your problems? Its not you its her. There is no reason you should be beating yourself up over the things you think she left for. A friend is some one who sticks around for the good times and the bad times.

 

You miss her, you feel lost with out her its okay, it will pass. The fact that you stayed on the computer all day even when she cooked and ate you need to be honest that you were just waiting and hoping that you would speak and that she would log on again. You are creatng your own rollercoaster. We all have done it so please dont feel like I am bashing you. We all have called to ask something stupid to see if there were any changes on their side but just think about it before you continue this behavior.

[Steve_uk]

 

You miss her, you feel lost with out her its okay, it will pass. The fact that you stayed on the computer all day even when she cooked and ate you need to be honest that you were just waiting and hoping that you would speak and that she would log on again.

 

 

 

 

It was a bit different than that, she just popped off for 5 mins here and there as did i, she never logged off or anything.

 

Yes i know what you in general are trying to say, but 6 months into our relationship she said i had changed a bit, then again she said i did a bit further down the road, she tried to warn me and tell me, she tried to talk to me about it but nothing, she did stick by me for a while but in the end i didnt do anything about it......and now its probably too late.

[SuperDave71]

OK..I can't stand it any more. I ahve read an followed this post since the beginning.

 

Steve,

 

I have heard you use EVERY excuse in the book and you are NOT helping your situation at all. You constantly make excuses to chat, IM, text, call and send smoke signals to your ex. So what this tells me is that you don't care about how SHE feels. You only want what YOU want. The truth is by your actions. You are so desperate for tehis woman's attention and affeections that you can't even see why you separated in the first place. You have solved nothing. You way of fixing things is to get her back....If you do....It will be short lived because you keep using yoru HEART instead of your head. WAKE UP!!! You are pushing her away my friend! If you want to push her away forever...keep it up. There has been EXCELLENT advice posted here yet you choose to do it your way. If you knew the answers, why post?

You are so messed up right now that you are loking for those here to tell you ( even just one post) to call her, or e-mail her. etc etc) . Its an excuse. You want someone to confirm what you are thinking is right so you can jump at the chance. WAKE UP!!! Look at what your doing!!! I don't care if she put an"X" on her e-mail etc etc...You are scaring the crap out of her and showing her that you are weak and needy. Do you want that impression. You haven't worked on yourself....you have devoted all your time desperately trying to find an answer to "get her back". In my opinion, you haev done EVERYTHING you can to push her away. Is begging and pleading and trying every day to gain affection love? NO! Look at it from HER side. Why would she want to be with a needy, desperate man? I wouldn't want to be with a woman that way.

The famous dance song "Where's your head at" said it best...

 

You are allowing her to consume you. Its your fault. I know you hurt, I know you ache. I feel your pain. We all do. We are all here for a reason. We all hurt...have you read the forum? Have you read the pain other's are feeling? Get a grip on yourself and relax. Do not try to see her or IM her. etc etc. Yo want her back? Allow her to miss you and gain back the Man you once were. I know I am harsh but you knw..you have asked for advice over and over again...they have given it to you free of charge. You haven't followed any of it. You do what you have wanted to do. When you post a reply saying " Not a good day" You messed up. If what YOU are doing doesn't work...DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!!! Simple and plain. Why would you continue to put your hand on the eye of a HOT stove and espect it NOT to get burned?

Take a break and realize what you are doing. Take a deep breath and learn to respect YOURSELF first. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you will be alright no matter what happens. Let her come to you if that is what she wants. Odds are if you keep it up.....she will run far far away or even worse..in teh arms of another.

 

You can do this because we have all done it or are doing it as we speak.

We are here to HELP not criticize you. Please take this advice in a positive manner and forgive my tone. I know you can do this my friend...have faith in your abilities and yourself.

 

God be with you...

 

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[Steve_uk]

So what this tells me is that you don't care about how SHE feels. You only want what YOU want. The truth is by your actions. You are so desperate for tehis woman's attention and affeections that you can't even see why you separated in the first place. You have solved nothing.

 

Wow, yes when you put it like that.....thankyou.

 

There wont be any contact between us for a while anyways....I will just say that when we talked online that things did seem ok, I wasnt being pushy and stuff, just friendly, and she was doing the same...lots of "lol" and stuff.....

 

Its going to be a lonely time

[San123]

You will get through it.... The more time that passes the easier it seems to get. Good Luck!

[baddasslegend92]

Wow man I feel your pain, Just don't give up..Trust me I am in the same boat because I broke it off with her because she didn't want to spend time with me..So I broke it off...She calls me at least once a day about something stupid just to call me but I never call her...But when we was together she hardly called..Let her know that she is not the only thing you worring about..When she's not able to contact you trust me she will come running if it ment to be..If she don't Let her get the hell on.

[Steve_uk]

Its so difficult, I miss everything...everything about us being together.

 

The thought of her being out, other guys trying it on with her, her being with someone else, getting to know someone else.....

 

jeez

[MrLonely]

Hey steve,

 

Hang in there dude. We're all in this together.

 

You can see my story here link removed

[SuperDave71]

Not that this will make you feel better but:

 

"It is better to have loved than to never loved at all."

 

 

What have you learned from all of this...THAT is the question?

 

 

I would like to hear your opinions.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[MrLonely]

That girls are evil....

 

Seriously, to appreciate the time that we have, and that the stupid stuff really doesn't mean anything.

 

I made the mistake of fighting about stupid stuff and not focusing more on her.

[SuperDave71]

What else?

 

 

 

 

PS. Sounds liek your on the right track!

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

[Steve_uk]

Not that this will make you feel better but:

 

"It is better to have loved than to never loved at all."

 

 

What have you learned from all of this...THAT is the question?

 

 

I would like to hear your opinions.

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

 

Losing love sucks biiiiiiiiiiiiig time.......rejection urgh.

[Steve_uk]

So she has text me a couple of times lately, she has broken no contact, Mainly to do with things we had planned before we split, which we are still going to try and do, a concert on 14th dec being one of them. Still its tough though.

[Steve_uk]

Feeling very down today.

 

She has still been sending texts, .....I dont know what to do, the last one she sent at 11.15 last night, I didnt reply and havent.

 

I miss her so much.

[baddasslegend92]

Buddy I know its hard, but you must stick to your gunzs..It seems like everytime I get over my girl she will call me to see how im doing and the pain starts all over again..Be tough man you can do it, just make sure whatever you decide that this is your own decision..Only you was in the relationship and only you know whats best.

[SugarNSpice]

Wow. I've been sitting here reading your posts and cringing every time you break NC. I know how you feel... I really do. I've just gone through a break-up myself and a few nights ago, I called my ex and completely lost it. I cried, I begged, I pleaded... i basically humiliated myself. He told me to "Stop being a drama queen" and to pull myself together. I felt like I'd been slapped in the face.

 

He was right, you know. I do need to pull it together and so do you. I've now made it through 2 full days of NC. Yes, I know it seems silly to feel proud of that, but I am. I'm proud that today I didn't let myself get hurt and feel overwhelmed and cry my eyes out.

 

I really hope that things work out for you. In some ways, you've helped me to see how important NC is, so thanks for that.

[baddasslegend92]

im curious to know the outcome of this tread!!!

[Steve_uk]

No outcome as of yet, although we are talking and getting on. I went to see her last night, its a long story, she wasnt sure if it was a good idea if we met up but we did, just talked and it was nice to see each other, she was giving me hints that in the future who knows what may happen, for example i was saying that "you know what id like but i cant change your mind" and she responded with "you can, we just need to change things" and she was talking about us communicating better and compromising more instead of having stupid arguments. When i left her's she wanted me to send a text when i got in so she knew i was home safe (30 mile drive at 2am) which was nice, she still says she just needs this time at the moment. Her words were, "when you touch something hot, you are wary of touching it again", I guess time will tell.

[baddasslegend92]

Yeah only time will tell,I been doing the nc with my girl for a while, but she always finds ways to call me for stupid reasons,But I found when I respond to us getting back together she pushes away.So I just learned to just let her go..If its ment to be we will be back together.There are just too many woman out in this world to be stuck on one.I don't know why I feel so bad because im the one who did the breakup.. Well all I can do is say good luck and hang in there.Don't let her take you for granted.

[Steve_uk]

I dont really know where to begin with the latest, but last week she was texting me loads just like when we were together, even putting an 'x' at the end of texts which she stopped doing when we split. On thirsday she sent a a photo message of her new hair cut out f the blue. On friday i text her, first time i had initiated contact, she was busy doing some coursework, anyways i called her in the end as i was at work and couldnt text alot, and mentioned if she was up to anything that night, she said no, and asked me the same i said no plans, well anyways it ended up me going to her's for the night with a bottle of wine.... just sat and talked, chilled out and had a laugh..... she had work on saturday but i waited for her and again e chilled out, she said what am i doing this evening, i said i could stay if she wanted me to but didnt know how she felt, she said you wouldnt be here at all if i didnt want you here. So i stayed for a 2nd night. Both nights we had to share a single bed together which was awkward from my point of view as i wanted more, i did try but she said it wasnt right at the moment and to behave! i said to her you are very strong willed or you h ave no feelings for me now and she said "im strong willed", she still says she just needs a bit of time, and to be patient. When i said i need tog et on with my life and meet new people etc, she said "why? coz i have asked for a break and a bit of time?", she says she doesnt mean months and months, but just a little time.....really confusing. Things were friendly and flirty, but relaxed between us. We are meant to be going to 2 events in London at the start of next month on consecutive days, we were both on the same wave length and thought of getting a hotel room for the night.....she wants to as it would be easier, id like to aswell but id want to as a couple, it wouldnt be right i dont think to do that as friends.....I meant to be booking a hotel room but im unsure.

[baddasslegend92]

ok whats the outcome of this tread, did you hook back up?

[Steve_uk]

Yes we did hook back up, kind of. We were never officially back together. We spent xmas time together, and it was amazing, but then soon after new year things went downhill, she had all the same thoughts as before, she wanted time and space away from me, to be single, to do her own thing, concentrate on her college and work etc.....so now we have separated again, I got pushy after xmas time n wanting us to be offical in getting back together, she wanted to take it slow still. I made quite a few mistakes which i regret, she now says she doesnt have the same feelings for me as before, I find it hard to believe as i was trying so hard for us to try again that i feel like she is saying it just so i give her the space she wants, as its all she has kept on about for about 2 weeks, but i was unable to stick to NC. I feel like i had my 2nd chance and I messed it up, as i say xmas time was amazing, lots of fun, like the old times, she said she missed me when i wasnt there etc etc and wanted me around......

 

So now im going through the break up all over again, 2nd time around But this time more than likely for good, I still love her to bits and its just as hard now as it was before. I didnt change some of my ways, and have lost her for good.

[chai714]

Steve,

If I were to make a prediction, it's that you're too available and coming on too strong. Two nights in a row? I know many people will say why play games, but you must not show all your cards right now, especially while your (insert her title here) is in limbo.

You've turned on the hot, now give some cold. There are things you can do to make her earn your affection, and one of them is by not being so available. Remember, it's human nature to take for granted the things that are plentiful. If your presense is plentiful, then it could be taken for granted. Spread out your visits over a period of time, and you'll be better off.

[baddasslegend92]

Wow, sorry to hear that man!!!I have been following this tread from the beginning because I was going through a lot with my ex.Since then I have been on many dates and found someone else in my life.Always remember you are the author of your life and you can change anything you want.Start off by moving on and finding someone who will make you happy.I know I did..NC was hard but now that I look back on it, That was the best things I ever done..BTW after months my ex come calling back and I sent her azz to voicemail...

[Steve_uk]

Well well well......

 

So we split up end of January, she turned into a right b**** towards me, slagging me off an awful lot for a couple of weeks afterwards. We didnt speak for about 6 weeks, and then I contacted her, things were iffy at first, but we started talking more and things became friendly. We saw each other a couple of times, went out for dinner, out for her birthday, and we were texting each other nearly every day, at times it was her texting me more than her, then I called her up 1 night this week and we were talking and we got onto the subject of phone pictures, she admitted she had some entertaing pics on her phone of her body, I asked a few questions which she didnt like and she hung up on me, I admit I didnt like the thought of her having sent pics to other guys of her body! I dont know for sure they were non decent but there you go, anyways since then she hasnt been talking to me, isnt interested, has been really b****y towards me again, ive said sorry for asking questions about what she got up to, but she isnt willing to forget easily and is very angry towards me, she has even admitted the pictured she sent were to a guy who used to text her constantly when we were together, and all he ever wanted was to get in her pants.

 

We spoke briefly yesterday but again she was b****y to me, and sent some texts saying I hadnt chnaged and basically isnt interested in being friendly, then today she has sent me an 'accidental text' saying "Anyways I have to go back to work now Hun but ill see you tomorrow x "..... I havent replied and wont but I know she is trying to make me jealous.

 

I should add that I did mention to her there was another girl now interested in me and she wasnt happy about that asking me questions and bringing it up at times, calling her my lover and stuff! when infact I hardly know this girl and havent followed up any interest she has in me.

 

So it all sucks, again, after we had been gettin on so so well as friends and seeing how things went.