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Marketa

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  1. Marketa
    Tsarita, Considering that you broke up with him and it is a month and a half later you really cant blame him for moving on. You said you hadn't spoken to him so maybe he felt you moved on so he did. I think that in the future you should speak up when something is on your mind. There is a lesson to be learned here. I am sorry for your pain. Sometimes things mean more to one person than it does to another. This too shall pass.
  2. Marketa
    Ebola- First of all if this guy just picked up and decided to move out on you without so much as lomg hard conversations about working on the relationship after you moved house to make him happy you should send him to hell. The car is yours so if he takes it tell him you will have him locked up. When he comes tell him you already informed the local POLICE dept. that he made threats to destroy your property so in the event that something does happen to your house he will be the first one they look at. If possible that is what you should do. Dont let this piece of crap tell you who gets what. You could also have a squad car meet you at the house when he arrives to get his things. You werent to descriptive about the reasons you broke up nor did you mention the age of your children but your Man needs to grow up and show respect. Dump this guy, sell the house and move wherever you like. Or stay and move on but tell him to piss off you deserve much better. Keep your chin up!
  3. Marketa
    For a word to the wise - your post is what everyone should do but sometimes its hard to do it until you see it in Black and White so i thank you for that. As for the not eaters please clear your mind for a few minutes to feed yourself, you can eat, you are convincing yourself that you cant and you are not helping yourself but hurting yourself. I lost my Lover this year and aslo last my MOTHER R.I.P. and I am back on track so I know grief but you need to take care of # 1 so you can move on. Please count your blessings instead of your losses and you too will heal. Thanks all!
  4. Marketa
    I think you need to decide where you would be happier living, if the only reason you are there is because of him and its over and you had a good life in France maybe it would be best for you to move home so you can be rid of this terrible memory and get on with your life. Dont stay hoping he will come back, only stay if you love it there. You are very brave to move to a different country for LOVE and I am sure when its right you will find the love of a lifetime. Dont despair.
  5. Marketa
    Lonely dont call. She is with someone else and what will you get out of calling? Her confirming that she is? What you dont know wont hurt you. look at is as she is dead - thats right dead- that way you couldnt call her anymore if you wanted to. I have an ex that I am getting over and I will never forget him but will not kill myself over thinking about him so to me he is gone and no matter what it can never be again and I am getting over it. Start going out and let her hear from the others that you are having the time of your life.
  6. Marketa
    You need to find out if the breakdown had anything to do with you or if it was just his life he was distressed. Being a fellow New Yorker I know how hard it can be to get security in the work place and maybe he was so stressed about the future that he freaked out. If he is on medication he might have a social disorder that he needs therapy to get through and it might not be any fault of his own. Bottom line if he has left the relationship and doesnt want it calling him or bothering him about it may not be good because he might right you off and blame his health for it. Try to just be his friend as see if when he feels better if he wants to restart where you left off. No sex shows depression in men so maybe once he gets over it and starts feeling sexual he will give you a call. As for him getting a dog, since he too had a loss his therapist might have told him to get something he can love to comfort him. There are a million groups for you to join in NYC where you can meet single people for friends or whatever that are not in singles bars - you should join your local dog walking group or find something else you have an intrest in and keep busy. Do you work? Go out to happy hour or take in the new Moma just get your self out of the house and you will start feeling better. The ball is in his court dont chase it just sit back and wait for his next move. Please feel free to write to me privately. Marketa
  7. Marketa
    Mine called. Mine calls everyday, I think its crazy that he is so worried about my feelings even though he was the one that hurt me and now he lives with a woman but still calls at least once a day if not more. Mine was a cheat when I met him and a cheat when I left him. We are friends now and I think its funny that he is in the house with her and calling me. Its nice if you can be firends until you get over it. We never talk about her or his plans we just talk generally. I do love him but would never take him back but I am still happy he made time to call me. If he didnt I wouldnt believe that he wanted to remain friends since he always calls for every holiday even if we were in a fight or broken up. For those who's mates didnt call you are better off without them. If they cant even call you can clearly see they are not worth your thoughts or time. Sad but in a way I kinda hope he wouldnt call so I can accept my frist holiday without him but each day I am healing a little more. Hope everyone had a happy holiday
  8. Marketa
    I have been where you are- read some of my eariler posts. You have to break away from this liar. Once a cheat always a cheat. My ex just called me 5 mins ago from his babies mothers house. If you let him know you are finished with him and he bothers you tell him you'll call the police round and see how fast he leaves you alone - remember he lies to her too so he would be screwed if he were caught. I know its hard but think of it this way he is her problem now. I do miss my guy for all the lovely times we shared but knowing he was never all mine makes me feel sorry for his girl because she will never really be hers either. You need to go out and find some new mates and just keep busy. I joined a group of dog owners who meet once a week and met alot of nice guys there without having to throw myself out on the singles scene. Just find something new so you wont be depressed sayin we used to ---- because you will be doing something you never used to do so you wont have memories of him being there with you. The worst thing you can do is let him come and go because each time hes there you cant trust him and when he goes you feel you werent worth it and that why he wont stay full time when it really has nothing to do with you its all about him and his messed up mind. Cheer up.
  9. Marketa
    Truthfully I don't think you should call her. Let the guy she dated take care of her. Like you said you dont wan to be there for support only to get let down when she doesnt need you anymore. Part of healing is being able to let go.
  10. Marketa
  11. Marketa
    Look at it this way - people handle things differently and think differently and its their right. The one thing I see here an in my life is that when people feel its over they wait till they are sure so by then when they leave they are already over us and ready to move on to the next. We think we are just havinga rough patch and will get over it and they are already planning their lives without us so of course we wonder how could they so soon get on withtheir lives when in fact they have been for months with us we just didnt see it because love is blind.
  12. Marketa
    Steve, Wouldnt you want a woman to stand by you and help you be all you can be? Its getting through the tough spots that help a relationship get stronger but if they bail when times get tough then that says something. A friend is okay but sometimes we never get over a lost love and only being friends makes it worse because we see all we THINK we are missing out on with them. You say you want her to see you are stronger and can take it but why do you have to be so strong? Life brings us places where we are not always strong. I am sorry to sound so harsh but is seems like you are saying If only I can be better than she will want me and why do you feel like its something you are lacking did you ever consider its something she is lacking not being able to stand by you during some change in your life or offer advise rather than just remove herself from your problems? Its not you its her. There is no reason you should be beating yourself up over the things you think she left for. A friend is some one who sticks around for the good times and the bad times. You miss her, you feel lost with out her its okay, it will pass. The fact that you stayed on the computer all day even when she cooked and ate you need to be honest that you were just waiting and hoping that you would speak and that she would log on again. You are creatng your own rollercoaster. We all have done it so please dont feel like I am bashing you. We all have called to ask something stupid to see if there were any changes on their side but just think about it before you continue this behavior.
  13. Marketa
    Trish, I know where your at. Mine has a child too and moved in with the child and mum after he tought his child was seeing things he couldnt prevent, his ex has various children from all different fathers and he was scared his child would grow to think that was a normal way of life. Anyway I read your letter and thought that if he really realized he what he has lsot he would have tried to come back. I know its hard. I feel the same way but we deserve more. Sending the letter is hard because now you are rehashing the feelings you had months ago and setting yourself up for the rejection if he doesnt respond after all the nice things you said about him. For closure you should write the letter and burn it, if you want send a holiday greeting do so and if he responds with a holiday greeting maybe then reconsider sending the letter but if not the burn and weeks away will be closure. I believe you are opening yourself up for pain if the letter doesnt get the response you desire. many times people with children put their enegry into their I know as I have one and have put a lot more time in to help with my feelings of loss but is is also a way for people to distract them selves. My ex calls me and I am okay because I accept that it is not meant to be. dont get me wrong it hurts and I always dreamed of having a family with him but and I am not totally over it but I can say that once you stop putting all the feelers out and start accepting then you will feel better and if they realize they made a mistake they will be the ones offering a recontact. As for the anxeity have you concidered medication or xanax to help you. I have taken xanax on occasion when the pain seemed unbearable and it helped. Aslo medication with counseling is good because it doesnt have to be long term just until you start feeling better. Please write and let me know what you think. Marketa When one door closes another one opens but sometimes it hard to see when you are standing in the hallway.
  14. Marketa
    Steve, Dont blame yourself and what you did wrong. She is too young to understand a relationship on a 25 year old level she was just in High school no too long ago and is not ready for a committed relationship like you want. To blame your self about laying around on week end of course you would you have hung out in your early years and now you are ready to find something more meanful, she on the other hand has not. You keep contact to help get over and I know I have done that too but if she tells you she has moved on you will be as disapointed as you were the first break up and you will be reliving it over and over again. I dont want to sound harsh but usually when someone finishes with you they have given it some thought, its not like a last minute decision. They usually do it when they know they are strong enought to live without you. You can talk if you want but you are not helping yourself. When she meets someone new and tells you maybe then you will move on but you will have so much prolonged heartache. You need to get up and go out side and find things to keep you busy. Just think about all the things that could be worse. You might have loved before and it ended and you moved on so you should do the same. Its the holiday season so try to keep busy. Go to a place where you can be with people or even a support group where you can speak in person to people who have this in common with you, the sooner you get out the sooner you will realize there is a whole world out there just waiting for you. Please just think about it. What is speaking to her getting you?
  15. Marketa
    Hockey- Huuummm I dont agree with you, sorry. You are trying to be strong but its clear you are not over her. If you were you wouldnt have to be so strong it would have just passed. By not calling back until a week I believe you didnt want to seem anxious and you wanted her to wonder what you were up to in your busy life that you didnt have the time to call her. maybe you wanted to get her to start thinking where is he? New Girl? Is he really over me? That may be why she kept calling you. ex's sometimes want the security of knowing someone still cares. After a week went by and you called her did you get the reaction you wanted or were you in the same boat you were when you first broke up. Just my opinion don't feel the need to jump down my throat. Whatteheck - Don't contact if you dont want to set your self up for a few things that could happen 1. she could not respond and you will feel she didnt even have the respect to reply. 2. She could respond and let you know what is going on in her life without you like me and (new guy) are going to my parents, blab,blab,blab, and you just dont need to know that. 3. She might be single and by not having contacted you - you might feel that you werent that important to her since she is single and still didnt try to start up contact with you making you feel the relationship meant alot more to you then her. Its good that they have moved on but its best to not know, just wait and if contact was meant maybe she will sned you a thanksgiving e-mail. Just my thoughts.
  16. Marketa
    Lag, I know you feel like helping her but is it really wise for you to do so when she lied to you and others? Do you think she will be able to stop lying and accept help or is it just her way to buy time. If she cried about her mum in the hospital to a friend at work and kept up the stories then she has problems but its her being manipulative not mental. Maybe what happened was the guy from work wanted to end it with her and she used her Mum as an excuse for getting so upset with him because she was afraid to show him her real feelings - That's what is sounds like to me. Also, she seems she wants someone to be there for her and doesnt want to lose you till shes sure she has someone else lined up. She broke the trust factor and anything now would be you just believing more lies. How can you tell if she is truthful in the future. She needs to be LEFT on her own for what she did and hopefully this will teach her a lesson, if not she will be someone else's problem not yours. I have a friend who was living with a girl he met at a wedding and she was there with her husband but said they were getting a divorce, 3 weeks later she moved in with my friend and 6 months later they got engaged, the she started doing the same telephone games your girl did and denied it, abruptly she told him they need time apart after the phone thing went on for 2 months, she moved out and the new guy moved in but in the beginning she lied because she didnt know if it would work and she didnt want to close the door on him, then she gets pregnant so she says and has a mis, a month after she moved out. Then she gets pregnant again so she says and asks the ex if he will get back with her if she has an abortion. Here is my point. She lied so much any story she says he cant believe and she always needs a man there and will tell any kind of story to hold on. Some women are like that. If he helped her she would just hurt him again. Now that he didnt take her back she lives with the new guy but had an abortion (if she was pregnant to begin with?) and the cycle continues. Some women will do anything to keep a man and from the sound of your message your girl is like that. She disrespected you by going to the bathroom and talking to him. She needs help no doubt but let her get it from the new guy or her family. If she sees her lies have become a part of her every day life and agrees she needs help she will do it with or with out you but why should you put your self out there and set your self for possible hurt. You are too good for that and she doesnt deserve you. Let us know what happens. Marketa
  17. Marketa
    Thank you for the response. I guess I feel a little stupid and kinda knew I had more feelings and lived on hope. I feel a little alone which is why this board is so helpful. People that I know just think hes an *ss and that I should have dumped him even as a casual waiting for the next bus to come along thing a long time ago and I probably fought the feeling that he meant more to me that I was willing to admit because I was scared of getting hurt. Now I am hurt and feel shocked that he could have moved on so quickly. I had NC for 5 weeks and in that time he decides to move in. If I would have waited longer I would have found out after he moved in. I guess that was my trump card. I wanted him to beg back and offer more and it slapped me in the face. I know that the break up was probably the best thing to happen to me but i feel it we were broken up and alone it would be better him sharing his life with some one else and not choosing to do it with me is I guess what hurts the most. Thanks for listening. I feel so much better knowing I am not alone. You guys are great. Marketa
  18. Marketa
    I guess I was never really honest with myself about what I wanted from him. I knew the love was there but I didnt know how strong it was. I lived at home when I went to university and didnt work so I thought money and studies was a reason we never got together and once I was in a better place in my life and all settled in my work we would just move to the next step. And part of me probably always thought I would be the one to move on first and I guess I am a little jealous of that. I know its for the best but dont understand why it hurts so bad. Is that weird? I am not jealous in the day time that he is there I am just jealous that he cant be with me too. I must admit he cheated on this gurl with me and then broke up with her for me 10 years ago but I didnt know this until she found out about me and rang my door bell and told me, in the beginning I thought he was only mine. O feel like what goes around comes around and I would have left him thwn but i already fell in love with him by that point. We were serious for 2 years and then we had NC for 6 months until we ran into each other in a pub and then we started dating. From that time on we were never exclusive but there were months where we didnt date anyone else. Then one of us would date some one one or two times and let the other know about it to be honest and we seemed to lose intrest but always stayed together. That was what was so weird that no matter if we saw other people we always needed to see each other. He is 38 so its not like he is a child. That is why I thought it was meant to be and that once we were ready to commit it would work. I was shocked to hear he was trying to work it out with his ex for the kids sake. Over they years she has had many men in her bed and he didnt want the child to grow up seeing that but getting back with her and moving in was such a shock. He feels he nneds to think about the kid but I feel like what about me. I guess he decided it would never work so he figures this is the best thing to do. I feel gutted that I will never be in his arms again but after being through 9/11 with him and losing 2 friends I know friendship is so important and I dont want to cut my nose to spite my face. Do you think once I get over this hurt it can work out? Do you ever get over missing the physical part of the relationship and just truly feel like a friend? Is that possible? Thanks for listening, it has helped me. Marketa
  19. Marketa
    Haven't? I was sort of broken up with my on and off love of 10 years. I know it sounds crazy but when we were on a break I never found anyone else to make me feel the way he did and usually got disapointed. Any way he had a child before we started dating and in August when we had our usual break up he started seeing the childs mum and now he has moved in with her. I know its over between us but when we were on a break we still talked but dated other people so now we are back to that but the fact that he lives with someone after all the time we spent together makes me wonder if I should still have contact with him. We always did when we would break up and decide we should only be friends because we werent going to be together forever but after 10 years I guess I hoped one day it would fall into place. Now him living with his child and Mum I know that is not going to happen. He said he needs to think of the kid and not him self but I feel very sad. That's the thing I guess I just feel so sad and like its so final. I know if after 10 years we never even lived together I know in the back of my mind it wasn't going to last but I never wanted it to end. I feel heart broken but in the same time I feel I have no right to feel this cause I always knew the deal. I just miss the special times we spent together and wonder if I should just still be his friend and accept the new friendship that has only changed by us not sleeping together or just go away. I had NC for a month so he could decide what he wanted to do with his life and that is when he decided to move in. During that time I missed talking to him. I guess he had to move on with his life so I could do it with mine and I always knew that but if I dont talk to him I just feel like I'm hurting myself. Do you think we can still be friends and just get on with our lives. I was close to him and over the years he has been there for me and I would hate to lose that. Advise please and thanks for listening. Marketa
  20. Marketa
    I don't really think it matters if they miss us it just matters that we still miss them and they are not here. Even if it ended for the best it still hurts knowing that the one you love chooses not to be with you and get on with their life without you, its worse that if they would have died. I mss my sweetie but would never take him back.
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