Missing my Ex

[Foz]

it will get easier, ive been there, crying at the doctors too, sleeping tablets, thinking i was going insane, it will get more bearable, take this time to grieve, cry, scream, whatever, just dont contact her, you will not hear what you want to hear at the moment, give it time.

whenever you feel the urge to ring, write down your feelings in a diary or something but dont ring, you will only upset yourself more and you dont need any more upset..

[Steve_uk]

Well i tried writing some sort of a poem today! I am so close to putting it on another message board that i use simlpy as she is a member there aswell but only checks in when she has internet access which is when she is at mine or her parents, she is at her parents this weekend.

[Foz]

no Steve, write it down and keep it, dont post it anywhere.

[Steve_uk]

Why not??

[Steve_uk]

OOOOH she is online now, its so difficult not to message her......

[Steve_uk]

Jesus christ, that was not too good to start with......

 

So she went onto the forum that i mentioned earlier, the one she sometimes visits where i am a member, and she read a thread that i had put up about"if you want to lose weight get the one you love to split up with you".... anways a bunch of people had posted up and put hope you get through it etc.....and she didnt like it, sent me a message accusing me of being the only one hurt, saying im making out its only me that care's etc, when i hadnt put that at all, i didnt put anything about why we split or whose fault it was but she really didnt like it. she told me to delete all her numbers and email etc..... woah.... this was on messenger, so anyways she was messaging me saying "you dont care" etc etc coz if i had of done i wouldnt have put that up etc....saying that i now have no chance with her, she said a leopard never changes his spots and that im not trying to change etc etc......saying ive lost all my chances, so it was her who broke the no contact. So after that i HAD to call her, she answered, she wasnt impressed, still she was saying the same stuff, accusing me of not caring etc....at this point it looked like i was losing the battle as she was so angry fo spouting off about my problems to people, so i had to start saying how i was changing and wanted to change for her, and gave her some examples, telling her about mistakes i had made in the past and what id do to change that now. She didnt like the fact i had put that i may go out this weekend and try and have a laugh! she really didnt. she was like yeh go out and forget about me and have fun, go out and find someone, but then she was ok with saying how she had been out a few times to the pub or friends houses etc ffs

 

Things gradually got calmer and i was explaining what i intended to change and she was listening, and i said i wanted things to be different between us and they would be alot different in the future if i was given that chance, i know more than anything i need to change a few things for myself in the first instance. she kept saying but why now, you wouldnt change before..... i know, but i have such a reason to now.

 

So we are carrying on the NC thing for the time being, at first she was like ill text you but not everyday like we used to, and i said what about the concert, you were going to text me just before then in a couple of weeks, so she said ok stick to that then.......and that was it, she went.....jeez, I dont know if trying to save whats left is going to be worth it but i tried.

[Steve_uk]

A difficult day today, I ended up emailing her. I told her im just going to get on with my life, going to get rid of her numbers as she asked me to last night, but told her i love her deary and ill never forget her, if she wants to contact me she knows where i am.

[PrincessLinzay]

I know that the temptation is there to want a reaction out of them. It's a tactic that has been used since the beginning of time. You don't really want to not talk to her again, but you're hoping that this email will create a sense of urgency in her that she's lost you for good. I understand as I have done it before myself.

 

I know it's very hard, but if possible, I would unsend that email. Go into NC and just see what happens. The best way to get people to respond is by not responding yourself. After a time, when the highly active emotions have calmed down, you will both be able to think more clearly. Continuing to contact her might kill any chance for a reconciliation. Let her be the one to come back to you on her time. Hang in there, believe me, I know it's hard.

[Steve_uk]

How do i unsend an email?!!

 

The ball is in her court, I said its up to her wether she contacts me or not, I left the door open for her, I hope she does of course, I miss her like crazy, I have no idea how she feels right now, I asked her last night when we spoke and she said she wouldnt tell me!

 

 

[PrincessLinzay]

I suppose if unsending it is not an option, what's done is done. It's not too bad in any case. I would just be very committed to the NC from this point forth. No texting or calling or emailing. Putting it in her hands is the best way to go. Just keep yourself as busy as possible. I think she probably will eventually contact you anyways. Men and women alike can be equally confusing. Just try to move forward. Things find a way to work themselves out.

[Steve_uk]

She has just sign in t her msn account, she has now changed her name to "he said to me i look stunning, i smiled and said thankyou"

 

 

[Steve_uk]

Well she messaged me on MSN... she is talking to me......

[Steve_uk]

Ok so we talked for like nearly 2 hours on MSN, and now im totally confused....she was a bit offish at first, but once she knew i was just being chatty and friendly she was ok, we somehow got onto the subject of me and our relationship.....i know i made alot of mistakes and i was explaining to her how i would rectify them if i was put back in time etc....she was saying stuff like its just a shame its taken this to make you see, shame you couldnt see it when we were together...she was telling me bout when she went shopping yesterday and buying 2 coats......so it was quite good, it was just a friendly chat in the main, then she had to go as she said had to be up early....she said cya, and i asked if she got my email, she said she had which was kinda cool that she was talking to me after she got it....and then she said speak to you again......so hmmmmmm.... i dont want to analyze this whole thing now but i am...oh dear

[PrincessLinzay]

Sweetie, I know it's hard, but talking to her doesn't seem to be helping right now. Give her time to miss you.

[Steve_uk]

But she messaged me......she didnt tell me to go or not want to talk or anything....whats very annoying is that she only has the internet tomoz before she goes back home and will then only have her cell from which she cant make calls, only text, then we wont have any contact!

 

I know maybe i should have said i cant talk as im just off out or something but i couldnt....too difficult right now.

[Steve_uk]

Ok so we are talking again on msn, just being friendly, gettin along fine....she said she had to go for something to eat, so i say cool and she said she would be back later, i just put a lil "x" and she sends me back one of them rose things, lol i got a flower....ooooh.

[Steve_uk]

Well, been talking pretty much since 4pm uk time (now 1am) on msn messenger..... not constant talk as she went to eat and cooked etc, but friendly chat, tried to stay away from our relationship but it turned to that a couple of times.....i asked a couple of things i shouldnt but she didnt seem to mind, like i said about giving us a 2nd chance and me a chance to prove im true to my word in everything i say, she just replied that she couldnt say anything at the moment.

 

She gave me "speak to you laters x" which is nothing and shouldnt read anything into it, but its nice.

 

I told her i want her to have her space, and its cool, we can talk and get on but yes it is hard at times as of course i miss her, and i hope i hadnt been too much or on her case over last 2 days.....she just replied with a smile.......

 

 

I want a time machine now, fast forward 1 month please, no make that 2

[Steve_uk]

Help, nobody offering advice, im probably messing things up here

[San123]

Well I just wouldn't contact her again unless she contacts you. Still try to give her her space so you don't smother her.

[Foz]

everyone has given you advice steve, you just havent paid a blind bit of attention to it. Everyone has said do NC and then you spend hours on the internet to her and you are posting in forums you know she is reading, that is not NC.

Its upto you what you want to do but you asked for advice, were given genuine advice and didnt act on any of it!

[Steve_uk]

Ok, so she messages me, being friendly and civil to each other, im not just going to ignore her! We are not kids, we can talk and stuff, jeez. There is a period on enforced no contact now as she will have no internet access as she is going back to her's after being at her parents for the weekend.

[Foz]

from my experience, keeping in contact raises your hopes and also confuses the living daylights out of you because you over analyse every conversation you have with the ex.

That is why people say to do NC to protect yourself from further hurt not to be rude and ignore someone..

Its hard to keep in contact i cant, it hurts too much to hear my ex is doing fine and doesnt regret his decision and hasnt changed his mind.

if you feel strong enough to keep in contact and be friendly and light hearted then you are a hell of alot stronger than me..

[Steve_uk]

Its difficult for me Foz, I needed to change things in my life, i wasnt going anywhere, at the weekends id sleep in, id be lazy, i wouldnt do anything, id moan that i was bored in my job etc, and thats why she left me, because i needed to change things, i needed to be happier myself..... she felt she didnt want to be with me because of it, she wasnted her time and space away from me. So if im not in contact with her how does she know im making an effort, how does she know im changing?! she wouldnt, I know i need to do it for myself, but id love to have her back in my life too, and i want her to know whatim doing to change things..... like today, I signed in to MSN, and changed my name to "downstairs hoovering and cleaning"... she signed in quickly before she left her parents, she commented on it when i came back to the PC, she was like "finished hoovering now?!" because its not something id do much before (I should add I havent been able to move out of home due to 2 redundancies and a badly broken leg in last 4 years), I didnt make a big deal out of it, i just said yes and changed the subject, but i just want her to know im trying.

 

Pathetic maybe, but I dont know how else to go about it

[Marketa]

Steve,

Dont blame yourself and what you did wrong. She is too young to understand a relationship on a 25 year old level she was just in High school no too long ago and is not ready for a committed relationship like you want. To blame your self about laying around on week end of course you would you have hung out in your early years and now you are ready to find something more meanful, she on the other hand has not.

 

You keep contact to help get over and I know I have done that too but if she tells you she has moved on you will be as disapointed as you were the first break up and you will be reliving it over and over again. I dont want to sound harsh but usually when someone finishes with you they have given it some thought, its not like a last minute decision. They usually do it when they know they are strong enought to live without you.

 

You can talk if you want but you are not helping yourself. When she meets someone new and tells you maybe then you will move on but you will have so much prolonged heartache.

 

You need to get up and go out side and find things to keep you busy. Just think about all the things that could be worse. You might have loved before and it ended and you moved on so you should do the same. Its the holiday season so try to keep busy. Go to a place where you can be with people or even a support group where you can speak in person to people who have this in common with you, the sooner you get out the sooner you will realize there is a whole world out there just waiting for you.

 

Please just think about it. What is speaking to her getting you?

[Steve_uk]

 

Please just think about it. What is speaking to her getting you?

 

A friend in the future? The chance for her to see that I can be strong and take it, and change my life, make something of myself, work hard etc....to be the man i was when she first met me????