IAmFCA Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 This story will include some markers in it that may set some people off, and I am not sure how to mitigate that without writing too much. Apologies. Short story: -4th grader is in the best private school in the region, and her performance is on the level of a B/C GPA. -The school has identified emotional and/or learning challenges that cause her to struggle more than seems necessary for her natural intellect. - There is cause to believe she has a learning disability or an emotional issue, or both. The patterns do not make it clear what is challenging her. - The school recommended she get tested at a local practice highly regarded for pediatric neuropsychology. The school would implement whatever plan they recommend starting in the 5th grade. Cost is expensive. We are divorced. We both are well-employed, both take vacations etc. Neither has tons extra, but we have discretionary income that we can mess with for things like this. I have physical custody. We have shared legal custody. I pay all med bills under a certain amount; we split 50/50 anything over that amount. This is clearly over that amount. He refuses to pay. Instead, he is trying to diagnose her himself, and then find a less expensive medical practice that specializes in only ADHD, or only psychiatry, or only audio processing, etc. I see lots of challenges with his approach, but for now am keeping my mouth shut hoping he comes around. Is there a more effective way for me to handle this? Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Do whats best for your child, even if it means having to fork over more money than him. Get her the help she needs or you will regret it one day. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 First his trying to diagnose her is ridiculous. I would tell him where he can stick that. My son has several different learning disabilities. He was accessed by a pediatrician and specialized testing, an occupational therapist and an psycho educational specialist. A whole team of people worked together to get my son assessed. Everyone from teachers to the school board to drs were involved. For my son part was paid by provincial insurance and part was paid by the school board. His assistive technology is also paid for by the school board. Do you have private insurance that would pay some of the costs? Would the school be willing to pay for some costs? But your ex "deciding" what she has is crap. Link to comment
Snny Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Some schools offer a low cost child psychologist/psychiatrist to families who have a child with potential special needs. But that's at a public school level. It wouldn't hurt to see if your private school has any recommendations for one at a low cost. I would also speak with the school about what other learning accommodations they can offer for the time being until you find someone. I agree: don't let your ex-husband self-diagnosis her since he has no training on identifying learning disabilities. Link to comment
journeynow Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 Do the two of you split the cost of the private school, is it 50/50, or does he foot the bill? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted April 16, 2013 Author Share Posted April 16, 2013 Posters, your words are SO HELPFUL. Thank you. I pay 100% of tuition, because when we split, he refused to pay and wanted to pull both girls out. The fact that they got in was a huge step forward for them; the school has a very low admissions rate and they are thriving there. And more change during the time of divorce? No way. So I gave up the house, and we moved into a small flat so that I can afford tuition. I will encourage him to contact the school to ask for a low cost option. I will call my insurance provider to find out how much they cover. I will stay strong and do what is best for her. Thank you for your encouragement. I guess if he were different, we would still be married. Duh. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 It really boggles my mind when one parent refuses to do what is needed for the well being of their child/children. Clearly he knows something is amiss but rather dismiss it or risk getting a wrong diagnosis all in the name of saving a few dollars. SMH Link to comment
Seraphim Posted April 16, 2013 Share Posted April 16, 2013 I would pay for whatever help and assessment you can get and skip the vacation if you have to. There is SO much help out there now for kids with disabilities and ways of putting them on an even playing field with their peers. It is very important to get them on that even playing field because otherwise they become very discouraged with school and often stop trying or want to quit. My son has greatly benefited from being diagnosed and now gets special consideration, an IEP which helps him. He also gets assistive technology like an FM system and his own laptop with the assistive software he needs. He got speech therapy for 2 years in JK and SK. He gets help from occupational therapy. He also has access to scribes for certain circumstances like provincial exams. He has the help of the resource department and all they can do for him. Due to all the help he has received he is a MUCH more successful student and he tries and is very happy with his achievements and enjoys school. He plans to have a career in animation. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 ENRers, you are fantastic! I let him shop around and learn that, Yes, this is how much it costs. I held my tongue because you listened. when it came time for me to speak, I described ( in general of course) the stories you shared with me. I let him whine about not paying and I silently held my ground because you guys had my back. He began to remember his own struggles and how he didn't recover till his 40s. I am fronting the cost and he is paying me monthly, behind his GFs back. That is the best outcome I could hope for. thank you! Link to comment
Alone Now Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 ENRers, you are fantastic! I let him shop around and learn that, Yes, this is how much it costs. I held my tongue because you listened. when it came time for me to speak, I described ( in general of course) the stories you shared with me. I let him whine about not paying and I silently held my ground because you guys had my back. He began to remember his own struggles and how he didn't recover till his 40s. I am fronting the cost and he is paying me monthly, behind his GFs back. That is the best outcome I could hope for. thank you! Good for you ITIC! Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Not that it is has anything to do with this thread but I have to ask: Why does he have to pay it "behind his GF's back"? Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 Not that it is has anything to do with this thread but I have to ask: Why does he have to pay it "behind his GF's back"? LOL. A perfectly reasonable curiosity. His GF goes through all of his bills and has told him that if he spends any money on his daughters that it should come out of his support check. so if they are out and he buys a pair of shorts and a mouthguard, as he did last weekend, then he is to deduct that cost from the monthly check. to make her happy, he does this, and then gives me cash. ironically, he used to accuse me of being controlling. ? Really,I discovered how much he wants to be controlled. then he resents it and does a work around. I didn't like this game, so we're fell apart. shocker. but, he seems to choose this pattern repeatedly so I guess he likes it. Link to comment
Snny Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 ENRers, you are fantastic! I let him shop around and learn that, Yes, this is how much it costs. I held my tongue because you listened. when it came time for me to speak, I described ( in general of course) the stories you shared with me. I let him whine about not paying and I silently held my ground because you guys had my back. He began to remember his own struggles and how he didn't recover till his 40s. I am fronting the cost and he is paying me monthly, behind his GFs back. That is the best outcome I could hope for. thank you! image removed Awesome! Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 LOL. A perfectly reasonable curiosity. His GF goes through all of his bills and has told him that if he spends any money on his daughters that it should come out of his support check. so if they are out and he buys a pair of shorts and a mouthguard, as he did last weekend, then he is to deduct that cost from the monthly check. to make her happy, he does this, and then gives me cash. ironically, he used to accuse me of being controlling. ? Really,I discovered how much he wants to be controlled. then he resents it and does a work around. I didn't like this game, so we're fell apart. shocker. but, he seems to choose this pattern repeatedly so I guess he likes it. Lol! I see. Funny. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 image removed Awesome! That photo needs to make a regular appearance on ena from now on. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 image removed Awesome! This pic is the best post ever. I second monsters suggestion! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted April 17, 2013 Author Share Posted April 17, 2013 This pic is the best post ever. I second monsters suggestion! Oh dear. I am using my smartphone which "corrected" moontiger to monster. So sorry! Link to comment
Moontiger Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Oh dear. I am using my smartphone which "corrected" moontiger to monster. So sorry! Hahaha! No worries. I think there are some people on here who would agree. Link to comment
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