My Life- Thoughts and Happenings

[luminousone]

It has been an emotional few days. Yesterday my ex was calling me when I was testing some students. Thought he was calling about business stuff- tax forms and such. I texted him that I was with a student and he replied “OK”. And then I forgot for a few hours. 
 

I called him on my lunch and he answered, sobbing, that his mom had just passed away. I was so shocked. 
 

I guess she took a fall (86 years old, and has fallen frequently the past few years) and hit her head. She thought she was fine but woke up the next morning with a headache.

My ex and his sister (who had just gotten there from her place) decided to take her to the hospital. Unfortunately she passed out on the way there and never regained consciousness. 
 

What was weird was that they called her death, so my ex went out to call me and a few others, but then she started breathing again. She died an hour later. She had a brain bleed at her brain stem so she would not have made it.

One of my sons was there too. I called and let my other son know (out of state) and told him to call his dad.

And then, of course, I had to get on Zoom and carry on my lessons for the rest of the day. Which was a good distraction, and she would have wanted me to do that. (She used to teach).

I haven’t called my former father-in-law yet. I’ll do that tomorrow. He is going to be so lost without her.

I am glad that he is living with his son in town, although the reason they moved there was because of her medical difficulties. He still owns a cabin an hour out of town.

Anyway, I worked with students again today, but once I got a phone call from one of her friends at church, it brought it all back. So this weekend I am going to dig through some old pictures of her and scan them in for the family.

She was a wonderful grandma to my sons. I miss her already.

[luminousone]

Forgot to say that despite Oregon loosening up their requirements so they could get kids back in school, our school decided to follow the science more closely. So no in-person instruction until all staff are fully vaccinated with both doses and not until the immunity kicks in. Which they said is about 5 weeks.

It helps that our board president is a scientist, and their spouse is an ER doc.

They knew I wouldn’t be back until next Fall (if I am vaccinated), but at this point it looks like it won’t be until Fall for everyone else...

Unless they actually get ahold of some vaccine supply soon.

[Seraphim]

I am so so so sorry for the loss of your mother-in-law. Many prayers for her and your family . 

[luminousone]

Thank you Sera!

[luminousone]

My ex and father in law have appointments for the vaccine because of the caregiver status. I asked if my 20 yr old son would qualify since he lives there too. But apparently he is afraid to get it. He has been reading up on it and is choosing not to get it. And he was trying to convince his dad not to.

How on earth did we end up raising an anti-vaccer? Sheesh! Must be stuff he read on the internet.

I keep reminding myself that his frontal lobes are not yet fully formed...

It is fine that he is not getting it now, since his dad and grandpa will be. And at some point I will be too. But at some point, I think he should. His dad tried to talk some sense into him, to no avail. This is a kid who is very bright - got As in physics and math as well as language arts. 

At some point I think I will talk with my ER doc friend to see how to approach the topic with him. He respects her very much, and she knows him well.

 

[luminousone]

My son is stubborn. I talked with him a bit. And I listened. He is worried about them using the messenger RNA, and thinks there will be issues and side effects years from now.

I suggested he talk about it with our ER doc friend, or my brother (retired doc), or even my nephew’s girlfriend who works at the CDC. But - he is too entrenched in his beliefs and won’t listen. 
 

At some point he may be required to get the vaccine, in order to gain entrance somewhere.

Anyhow, he can’t get it right now because he is young and there is no vaccine supply for his age group. So it won’t be an issue for a while.

Still shaking my head...

[maritalbliss86]

On 1/23/2021 at 4:15 PM, luminousone said:

This is a kid who is very bright - got As in physics and math as well as language arts.

I got all A's in my science and math college courses, minus one (genetics... got a B), but I understand him.  We're not anti-vaxxers, but I've seen the evidence of babies being loaded up with too many vaccines all at one time (death the next day) we've known people personally who that has happened to.

I also know a woman who was a doctor, her daughter got the Guardicil vaccine and became infertile and had many autoimmune disorders almost immediately afterward.  Of course all the doctors denied it could have been that round of shots, but some people just have adverse effects to the different shots, or the carrrier the shot is delivered in (there are different kinds).
 

I used to work in virology research... we developed vaccines.  My boss was incredibly unethical.  He was under constant threat of losing contracts due to his refusal to QC everything properly and yet the HR department actually told me they couldn't do anything because he literally brought in the most funding due to the high demand of the kind of research we provided for vaccines.  Your take away from that should be - there are seriously unethical people out there, in very high, seemingly untouchable places, and they control the kind of vaccine research that also gets out.  They manipulate numbers and do all kinds of things that are just insane.  I wish it wasn't like this, but I've seen this firsthand.

Before working there, I believed in vaccines 100%.  After working there, and then also after seeing people we knew personally have their babies or children get adverse affects (causing up to death!) ... obviously that did change me some.

We still vaccinate our kids though, but it's on a slower schedule and our doctor approves it.

But still... our awesome doctor recently tried to get our new baby to get 11 vaccines last time I went just a week ago... because he was behind due to COVID.  Of course I was not going to let them load him up with 11 different vaccines all at once... so instead, I let him get 5. 

But still, over the course of his childhood, he'll be receiving tons more vaccines than I got and my brother got during our childhood.  And it's still insane they actually wanted me to let him get 11 all at once!  Can you imagine a baby's body trying to process 11 different kinds of vaccines all at one time?  The reason why they want you to bring in your infant when they aren't sick or even suspected to be sick, is to avoid a massive immune response that could cause complications.  

There is such a thing as, "Bio-Overload," when a person is exposed to too much at one time, and I believe some babies (or people) can get adverse affects if their particular biology is such that they get overloaded and cause a massive immune response that can actually harm them.

You can even track the Bio-Overload effects of the virus now, when you see that people who have higher exposure to it (doctors, nurses, etc), end up having much more severe cases due to how much they were literally over-exposed to the virus.  Their bodies experienced bio-overload and couldn't deal with the necessary immune response to combat it.

Overall, the vaccine is probably safe for most people, but he's right that we don't know the long-term effects yet.  In our city, they're even asking for people who have gotten the first vaccine to allow themselves to be tested and monitored for a long time to see what will happen.  The people who get it first, they're are guinea pigs to some degree.  Our city is upfront that they want to monitor them in order to study the research we'll gain from what happens to them longterm.  

And I'm sure there's going to be more than just 2 vaccines.  I think they're going to roll out (in the future) a 3rd and 4th vaccine, even if it's just to combat the different variants.  

We're basically going to be facing probably a new strand (or two) each year, like the flu virus, and there will probably be a new required vaccine each year to keep cases down, but that's just me hypothesizing.

[maritalbliss86]

TL.DR version 

1) Your son is smart, even most scientists are agreeing we don't know the long-term effects yet

2) It's still probably very safe for most people

3) There will probably be more than just 2 vaccines.  This may be a yearly thing like we see with the flu, and so each year may need a new vaccine corresponding to the new variant strain that mutated from the last one or two (or 3 or 4).

[luminousone]

On 1/26/2021 at 11:54 AM, maritalbliss86 said:

TL.DR version 

1) Your son is smart, even most scientists are agreeing we don't know the long-term effects yet

2) It's still probably very safe for most people

3) There will probably be more than just 2 vaccines.  This may be a yearly thing like we see with the flu, and so each year may need a new vaccine corresponding to the new variant strain that mutated from the last one or two (or 3 or 4).

I read the longer post. Thank you for your first hand perspective! And what you are describing is what he was worried about - especially given our govt has dropped liability or accountability sanctions if it should go wrong. 
 

I get that. But - I think there are so many eyes on this - internationally- that I think that it is likely safe enough. I am trusting my doctor, my ER doc friend, and my other medical friends and relatives (one of whom works at the CDC). 
 

There are known risks for COVID, and they are discovering more as we go. So I’m taking my chances on the vaccine, so that I can try to live more normally. (Despite my cancer).

 

I so appreciated my sons’ pediatrician when we lived in Portland. She did not follow the vaccine schedule that others did - she spread them out. And explained why.

oh goodness on your little one - 5 at once!!!! But I’m glad you didn’t do 11!!

Im not going to worry about my son. He is being mostly safe - lives on a farm. He does outdoor workouts at a local gym - some risk, but not too bad.

[luminousone]

Doctor visit today. Numbers were good. He is waiting on some of the longer blood test results, but he was pleased.

Fluid seems to be gone from my lung and abdomen. Bones are healing. Kidney seems fine after an issue last month.

I asked about the vaccine - he said to get it when offered.

I also asked whether I should go to an outdoor burial service at the cemetery tomorrow. He said yes, wear a mask, stay outside, stay away from others. Which will be hard - no hugging!!!

it will probably be raining, so it will be a short service.

 

[luminousone]

So here is the story on the burial tomorrow. 

My ex called to ask if I would please come to the graveside burial. I hadn’t planned to, because of COVID. And they are limiting who comes because of COVID. My ex was sobbing and said she would have wanted me there because she loved me so much. So I felt like I should - especially to support my son (who was there when she died, and has never had to deal with death before) and to support my father in law. My ex has his girlfriend to lean on.

So I requested a few hours off of work. Which meant that I had to inform someone I work with that I wouldn’t be at a meeting. And then she cried a bit and said she wanted to come- I just totally forgot that she was my sister-in-law’s former partner for 10 years. So she is - essentially- another former daughter in law. 
 

And then my ex husband was annoyed with me because they can’t have too many people because of COVID. So now this poor woman is hurting because she can’t go but I can. I feel so bad. I just didn’t think, and I didn’t know they had a hard limit on numbers of people.

So I told her to call my SIL for info. (And the next day said she couldn’t go).

Anyhow, they will have the real memorial service this summer after people have been vaccinated. 
 

I asked my doctor about going, thinking he might say no - but he didn’t. Anyway, I really really need to support my 20 year old through this, because they are all deep in grief where he is living on the farm. (With his dad, grandpa, and his dad’s gf). It was a traumatic day for them all.

So I guess I am going. And then we have a long weekend from work. And so hopefully it will blow over.

 

 

[Jibralta]

I can think of four people I know who passed away from Covid. Three of them had diabetes and one had kidney disease. The one with kidney disease was 85 and was already in the hospital when he contracted Covid. Poor or compromised kidney function seems to be the common denominator in these deaths.

On the other hand, I know an 80-year old lung cancer patient who hugged every single person at her surprise birthday party, mid-pandemic, and came away fine. And I know a ton of other people who got it and recovered.

So, it's not a death sentence. Just be careful, and don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If you have any problems with your kidney function, maybe stay away.

[maritalbliss86]

8 hours ago, luminousone said:

But - I think there are so many eyes on this - internationally- that I think that it is likely safe enough. I am trusting my doctor, my ER doc friend, and my other medical friends and relatives (one of whom works at the CDC). 

Yes... my mom asked me recently if my old workplace was working on this one so I looked it up, and they are, but they've only been given 200,000.  That's nothing compared to their old contracts of 18 million plus.  I think their bad ethics finally must have caught up with them.

But yes, I also think it will be, "safe enough," especially for people who need to do a risk/benefit analysis.

[Seraphim]

I am so sorry the arrangements can’t be what they should be with everyone who wants to come can. It was the same with my father and it is heartbreaking. 
 

On the vaccine front I WILL be getting it because I am part of the at risk population as well. And also being an essential worker . 
My husband wants to receive the vaccine and really has no choice because the military will push it. 

 

My son initially  wanted to do it but now is being fed stupid crap on the Internet and doesn’t. 😖🙄 but as he lives with me he’s going to have no choice because sorry I am at risk and I’m not getting Covid or you can live somewhere else. 

[luminousone]

On 1/28/2021 at 3:20 AM, Jibralta said:

I can think of four people I know who passed away from Covid. Three of them had diabetes and one had kidney disease. The one with kidney disease was 85 and was already in the hospital when he contracted Covid. Poor or compromised kidney function seems to be the common denominator in these deaths.

On the other hand, I know an 80-year old lung cancer patient who hugged every single person at her surprise birthday party, mid-pandemic, and came away fine. And I know a ton of other people who got it and recovered.

So, it's not a death sentence. Just be careful, and don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If you have any problems with your kidney function, maybe stay away.

Interesting about the kidney info. I think I had had an underlying UTI-turned-into kidney infection for months following the viruses I had last year. They never did quite figure it out, but after two antibiotics I began to feel so much better!

But when I had my CT last month, it had shown my left kidney was “puffy”. Considering I had just finished the antibiotics, he told me to track my temp and he had me refill the antibiotics just in case. But my culture was clear then.

And my bloodwork on last Wednesday showed that my kidney is functioning fine. So who knows what it was, but it seems to be better now.

I have been working from home, and either order no contact grocery pickup from the parking lot, or grocery delivery from Costco.

My doctor asked me how I was doing, all cooped up because of COVID- but really, I’m a bit of a loner. And mostly content with things for now- but excited about being able to do more after the vaccine. He said he was surprised that I was so positive, haha. I told him I always try to find things for which I am grateful - a job, good health insurance, a roof over my head, great health care, friends, and family...

I do go to the cancer center once a month, but that is unavoidable.

So - I did go to the outdoor 20 minute graveside service. Just 20 of us there. I stayed away from everyone and also upwind. Afterward, they told us to go straight to our cars. I wore two masks, and when I got home I did a saline nasal/sinus rinse. So I think it worked out.

What I am more concerned about is going into an enclosed space with a lot of people to get the vaccine. Friends and family got to go through a drive through vaccine event last week, for state caregivers and people with disabilities.

But the tv showed that educators are receiving their shots in gyms. Ugh. I’m in that group, but haven’t received the email appointment yet...

I cancelled my teeth cleaning appointment that was on my calendar for next week. I rescheduled for August. Presumably I’ll have had the vaccine by then. The dental office lady said that half their staff gets the shot next week, and the other half the following week.

Crazy times!

 

[luminousone]

On 1/28/2021 at 7:01 AM, maritalbliss86 said:

Yes... my mom asked me recently if my old workplace was working on this one so I looked it up, and they are, but they've only been given 200,000.  That's nothing compared to their old contracts of 18 million plus.  I think their bad ethics finally must have caught up with them.

But yes, I also think it will be, "safe enough," especially for people who need to do a risk/benefit analysis.

And now Johnson and Johnson has a different one coming out - larger sample size, longer study, and was studied in the US and South America and South Africa. Not quite as effective, but that is with only one shot. And I don’t think they used mRNA on that one, so maybe my son will feel more safe with it. 
 

Moot point right now anyway - he us only 20 and it won’t be offered to him for months.

[luminousone]

On 1/28/2021 at 1:43 PM, Seraphim said:

I am so sorry the arrangements can’t be what they should be with everyone who wants to come can. It was the same with my father and it is heartbreaking. 
 

On the vaccine front I WILL be getting it because I am part of the at risk population as well. And also being an essential worker . 
My husband wants to receive the vaccine and really has no choice because the military will push it. 

 

My son initially  wanted to do it but now is being fed stupid crap on the Internet and doesn’t. 😖🙄 but as he lives with me he’s going to have no choice because sorry I am at risk and I’m not getting Covid or you can live somewhere else. 

Sheesh! These “kids” are believing all that crap on the internet! My 20 year old son, too!

[Jibralta]

7 hours ago, luminousone said:

But the tv showed that educators are receiving their shots in gyms. Ugh. I’m in that group, but haven’t received the email appointment yet...

Do they not have a separate offering for people with underlying conditions, like yours?

[Seraphim]

9 hours ago, luminousone said:

Sheesh! These “kids” are believing all that crap on the internet! My 20 year old son, too!

I hate it when they get drawn in by conspiracy theory nonsense. 

[luminousone]

15 hours ago, Jibralta said:

Do they not have a separate offering for people with underlying conditions, like yours?

Not for a while. Our state has it all screwed up. But as an educator I’m all set up for tomorrow. My oncologist said just get it when they offer it. So I am. He got his at the hospital because he does rounds and treatments there.

[luminousone]

Oh, and my shot will be administered outside, not in a gym. I’m thankful for that (but it is 90% chance of rain, so I have to bundle up...)

[luminousone]

I did end up getting the first dose. It was done outside in tents, and administered by a medical team from a community clinic.

Sore arm for a few days, and fatigue for the week. Probably because I had also had my treatment shots the week before, so my body had a lot to process...

It was also an intense week at work, with report cards due and testing happening and my boss wanted me to help create a professional development session with another person. And she cancelled a big meeting I had on the calendar since the beginning of the year so we could have a staff meeting to discuss upcoming hybrid learning. And now I have to scramble on how to do the meeting via email or forms or... (But I get that the staff meeting is pressing...)

Trying to relax this weekend, even though things are looming.

 

[luminousone]

Last week I watched Zoom church, and then they invited people to connect via Zoom in a “coffee hour chat”. So I thought I would participate. Big mistake!

They thought it would be a good idea to randomly assign people into chat groups. So when I got put in my group, we all awkwardly said hi. And I thought I had remembered that one person’s daughter had recently been diagnosed with cancer, so I asked about her. And her mom abruptly replied that her daughter was homeless and not communicating. So I was surprised by that answer and didn’t know how to respond.

More awkward silence, then one of the group mentioned that his son had visited for the last week to pack things up for his move. I asked him where he was going, and it is to a retirement village and he is selling his house.

No mention of the woman who had moved in with him, and who had paid for half the house when it was built a few years ago. And he seemed so sad, and embarrassed. So I guess that means they broke up, but I sure wasn’t going to ask. There is more to the story that I can fill in later.

More awkward silence...

So I said hi to the next person in the group, who is a Facebook friend but I don’t really know her beyond church. She is late 70s in age, and her FB profile pic is if her going out kayaking. So I figured that would be a safe topic to broach. And she did enjoy talking about kayaking, thank goodness!!!

Well, that was the most depressing grouping, through no fault of anyone’s. No one mentioned my cancer, which was fine with me. Or my MiL’s death.

I think we were all so very glad when the time was up!!!

I did not participate in it today...

[Seraphim]

I am so glad you were able to get your shot. ❤️

[luminousone]

3 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I am so glad you were able to get your shot. ❤️

Yes! First one done. They will let me know when I go in for the booster.