Breakup Survey

[throwaway13]

Post here your sex/ages (yours first, ex second), how long you were together, how long since the breakup, whether you were the dumper/dumpee, and how you feel you're healing. This may help others gauge how they're feeling in comparison, and allow them to see that time usually helps us get better.

 

Me:

 

34(M), (33)F, 1 year together, 2 months since BU, dumper, improving steadily since NC

[ErikSifu]

Ill play !!

 

Me:

 

29 (M), 26(F), 4.5 years togehter - Engaged , 6 months since BU, Dumpee, I miss her A TON but I WILL get better !!

[Kristenelaine]

24 (F), 26 (M), together 6 months, been one week since official break up, Dumpee. I feel like crap. Unanswered questions and still trying to understand fully what led to the break up. Left with "i will call when things settle down" dont know if I believe it.....it is what it is. Night time is the hardest, and wakig up in the morning I am reminded....during the day it isnt so bad thanks to work.

[TalkThatTalk9]

28 female, 26 male together 6.5 year broken up 10 months, nc 4.5 months

 

nc, finding out his true colors have helped me to move on.

I no longer am sad and pining to be with him

i now feel disgust and anger at how he treated me... i miss the guy i first started dating. i dunno the guy he is now

[Jas de spaz]

Female (18), my first.. 2 years & 9 months.. Dumpee.. I'm ok think and miss him everyday just going to the gym alot and hanging out friends and workin alot but it only kills the thoughts for awhile.. We still talk.. On a mission to win him back... So maye I still have my hopes to high still to he moving on..

[lovepugs86]

26 F, 29 M, 1.5 years together, 4 months since BU, and I am doing so much better than I was at first. I'm starting to do things that make me happy, but I still miss him every single day.

[Aniela]

27 F, 29 M; 5 months; 2-3 weeks since breakup; he initiated it but I agreed to it; I miss him if I talk to him but typically don't miss him.

[bigbang]

25 - (M)

23 - (F)

BU - 1.5 years ago

NC - 1 year

Things do eventually get better, the less you talk and the less you know the better you'll eventually feel.

 

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there,

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

[klin]

20 (F)

20 (M)

4.5 years together

5.5 months since the breakup

dumpee

 

Sigh. Ups and downs? I know I'm doing a TON better than I was in the beginning. The whole process has taken a much greater toll on me than I ever thought it could have. I expected that I'd be feeling MUCH better at this point (I mean...almost half a year, right? Ha.), but am trying to be gracious with myself in my healing and trying to keep myself busy. Honestly, I miss him, and I'd have him back if it were my call, but I certainly don't expect it, and I am moving forward.

[stormyangel]

32(F) 37(M), 1 year together, 13 days since breakup, dumpee, i guess im improving, its very hard to let go knowing there was so much love and the break up wasnt about us, but instead about his issues with depression

[JJMong]

35(F)

35(M)

1 year and 9 months

3 months

Vague: broke up after a big fight. Consider myself as a dumpee.

I feel better, but it takes lots of work. I cannot just let the time pass. I need to work on my emotions and so on, and it feels better after all. I do workingout regularly, eat well, write diary, meditate, read books on caring myself, making schedule for working, try to love myself and become a fabulous single. Not to become needy or lonely left over. All these work really help. I still have some down sides. But since few weeks ago, I don't have this extream-sad-day. I don't cry anymore.

[Supersarahp]

Together 13 years (married 10) - 3 kids. I am dumpee . 1 month since he dropped the bomb.

 

I think I am doing ok considering. Definitely better each day that passes. Have sorted out the finances mostly which stops the sheer panic he left me with. I feel very very sad especially as we have children but I can honestly say that my initial thoughts of desperately wanting him back have died down significantly. I am still not sleeping very well but that will come I guess. I won't lie - my emotions are still all over - the days I don't see him help me get on with things (can't go complete NC cos of kids) but when I do see him it is still hard - early days but I do think I will get there - oh I forgot to say I was 19 and he was 18 when we met!

[Blahblahblah21]

32f 27m

7yrs & 1 child

'Officially' 18 months

 

Broke up after he cheated. Offered him the chance to come back but he was 'having too much fun ' - that's what he said.

 

Feelings keep changing all the time, mostly it's i still can't believe I miss him after what he did to me.

[Dee011]

33(F), 34(M), 3.5 years together, 4 months since BU, dumpee - (feel that way anyways, didn't really say we're breaking up, just got ignored then replaced)

 

I've been feeling ok most days. Still have a few bad days here and there.

[sportsguy9981]

31 (M) 27 (F) 4.5 years together. 4 months since breakup. She cheated, then left me for the guy she cheated on me with. Its hard to believe what she did to me, Im getting tired of chasing her in my head... Ive been in NC the whole time, it helps a great deal not knowing any of the details about her personal life with someone else now. NC is the only thing that allows me not to know the details. Im still struggling though to move forward, if I had a busier job it may help, and more friends, and lived in a more exciting area. Im doing the best I can though and I have made progress considering the circumstances. I do have a very supportive family though, a good best friend, and I do make decent money and have been active at the gym. These things have helped very much. I need to just let it go, thats my ultimate goal and im getting there.

I got tired also of never feeling good enough, and her never doing things with me. She acted like her goals were the only ones important, and I could just fit in. Thats not a relationship, and I dont want a relationship with my girlfriend and her mom at the same time, thats how I felt.

[divequeen89]

Me: 23 Him: 25

Together 1 year, 1 month since our breakup, He dumped me, Healing has been terribly slow as we've both broken NC.

[figur]

24 F, 25 M, together 6 months (actively pursued by him) and broken up 1.5 weeks (initiated by him, of course). Totally NC.

 

I'm still burned, but mostly doing well. I knew that last weekend that something was up, although I didn't really expect to hear that he felt he was immensely depressed and in love with his ex-wife. I accept his decision and at this point only see the bright side of things. I had a feeling anyway that I needed to be single to improve myself, but still had no intentions to break it off with him. So, yeah...sour, but ultimately positive.

 

But I still can't shake the feeling of being with him. Of sitting on his couch talking about friends, movies, just life in general. How polite he was with making me dinner and filling my wine glass. Being in his bed and in his arms. It still feels attainable, you know? Like we never stopped. Those are the feelings that I think can only dissipate with time. I have no real desire to be with another man until those go away. Not in any fashion other than flirting. I'm going to a sports game tomorrow night and honestly hope someone will at least catch my eye so I can be emotionally reminded of being desirable. I know I am, but it still feels terrible to have been in love and then just dropped.

[Chalk]

Post here your sex/ages (yours first, ex second), how long you were together, how long since the breakup, whether you were the dumper/dumpee, and how you feel you're healing. This may help others gauge how they're feeling in comparison, and allow them to see that time usually helps us get better.

 

Am always up for a survey...

 

F27 M27. 6.5yrs. 6 months out (would have been 7yrs on Mon).

Dumpee: we hadn't been getting on, he was becoming distant, felt he only loved me as a friend, couldn't see a future with me. Did someone else catch his eye? Who knows.

 

Compared to the early months the first 2 I've been doing a lot better. Initially I was really distressed, very low and a bit suicidal. I couldn't remain where I lived and moved to my home town which meant loosing my job and mutual friends. Things happened slowly. I started volunteering at a wildlife hospital which gave me something to look forward to. I started seeing a therapist (a good one) and wrote a lot and read a lot. Have learnt a lot about myself. I started running & yoga. Recently got a temporary job and am in the process of thinking about traveling before returning to my original career.

 

It is still hard. I'm still feel lonely & miss the closeness. I still cry and miss him but there is a degree of acceptance in there too. I find it hard to see myself in a another relationship and I find it hard to watch those who I've grown up with enter new relationships, get engaged & fall pregnant. I find it hard to not think what's wrong with me. But, for now, it's getting better.

[Loveandlost]

Post here your sex/ages (yours first, ex second), how long you were together, how long since the breakup, whether you were the dumper/dumpee, and how you feel you're healing. This may help others gauge how they're feeling in comparison, and allow them to see that time usually helps us get better.

 

Me:

 

34(M), (33)F, 1 year together, 2 months since BU, dumper, improving steadily since NC

 

31(M), (28 )F, 5 years together, 6 months since BU, dumped, let go, accepted what happened, met someone new and fell in love

[Droplet]

27 (M), 27 (F), 5 years together, seven months since the breakup, dumpee.

 

Doing way better than in the beginning. Have to admit that it took me a long time to accept the breakup even though I almost didn't initiate contact at all ( she, on the other hand, contacted me a lot until I told her two months ago that it had to stop and she respected that ). Now I won't lie, I still miss her a lot and she still is the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning but I'm starting to picture a happy future without her in my life. I don't expect her to come back. She will probably re-enter my life as a friend some day because we used to be friends before we got together but I don't think we will ever reconcile ( not that we ended on bad terms or that there was fighting in the relationship ).

 

It does get better but for me it took asking her to leave me alone for that to happen ( though I most definitely felt the peak of loneliness ).

[cbzfmoc]

22F, he is 22M, 2.5 years together, almost 4 months since break-up. im improving but have fallen into the "im going to be single forever mindset". everyone at my work is married or in a long-term relationship (literally EVERYONE, i am the only one of 25 people at our company who is not). makes me feel like crap.

[Iamstruggling]

29M, 23F 3.5 years together, 2.5 months since breakup 2 months since finding out about her new guy she left me for. Have my ups and downs getting better slowly, still bitter and angry at her for being a coward about it. She told me she loved me then pretty much moved in with new guy a few weeks later. Trust is going to be a issue with people from now on.

[maggieMAE]

25 F, she is also 25 and F. 3 years together. 5 months since BU. She left me for someone else. I'm doing ok. Angry since I recently found out she was cheating a lot during the relationship and it ticks me off since she's SUCH a jealous person and is obsessed with the idea of loyalty. But I'm taking it as the final push I needed to move on. It's been a week since I found out and I'm feeling dramatically better.

[Sportster2005]

49(M)

41(F)

9 months together.

8 months later.

 

I'm surprised and somewhat dismayed I still think about her as much as I do. My heart is healed and I am looking forward to my next adventure. Yet I find myself still missing her in the quite moments.

 

Part of the reason I suspect is we didn't have a very dramatic break up. There was no cheating, no throwing plates at one another. Just a casual conversation that ended up with me walking out. The conversation veered into our relationship. She was starting to have doubts. She tried to console my concerns by saying she loved me and didn't want to break up. At the same time though she admitted she wasn't feeling wowed and had a very bad history of running away from relationships. I said it would hurt to break up now, but it would be worse in six months. She agreed and said it was real possibility. I was really starting to fall for her at this point. In the morning I packed the stuff I had at her place and left.

 

She cried and said we need to talk. I said no we have nothing left to say. She called two days later. We got together briefly. She tried "it's not, you it's me". I thanked her not to add insult to injury. She said she was concerned she was making the biggest mistake in her life. She didn't provide any details. I dropped her off at home. We just sat in the car silent for a while as the rain danced on the roof. She wanted to tell me something about why she is the way she is. I just said if it's over we have nothing left to talk about. She was silent. I said good night. She got out. As I drove away I saw her standing there in the rain in my rear view mirror. I was hoping she would wave me back or something. It never happened.

 

The next night at about the time she normally would call it hit me hard. She isn't going to call. That's the moment heart broke.

 

Now I'm left with the feeling of missing her, but realizing I would never go back even if she wanted to. It's an awful feeling.

 

I last saw her at our favorite bar dancing to our favorite band on NYE. It was what we were supposed to do the previous NYE but couldn't. It didn't bother me much that night. But in the next few days I wondered if I should have sad something, done something. Our eyes met a couple of times. She smiled. I looked away. Some things are better left alone. It sucks, but that's life.

[blueyes25]

33 (F) 35(M), 6 years together, almost 1 week, mutual dumpee/dumper status. I do think it is for the best... but I am having a hard time. I am terrified and there are times when I want to call or get in touch but then every time I think of the problems and fundamental differences, I stop because there is truly nothing left to say or do. Facebook bothers me. I need to block him so that I cannot see... it is not that anything bad has happened on social media, it is simply that it is hard to look. I don't need to do that to myself.