Guy insults you = he likes you?

[EmmieQ]

Hi all,

 

I would need your opinion on the following:

 

I met this guy about a year ago and as we got along quite well, we became good friends (seeing each other at least once a week, texting or calling every day, ...).

I liked him (romantically) at first, but as he had a girlfriend at the time (not anymore) I decided we could just be friends.

 

All went fine, but these last weeks, something seems to have changed: he has started calling me names, insulting me, ...

Most of all, he seems to enjoy making fun of me when other people are around.

I am not talking about a little tease, but quite insulting or embarassing things (especially when there are other people around), like (when I am telling a story to his best friend) 'Stop thinking you are such a little princess, no one cares as you are not important at all' or 'Hey (name friend), Emmie says she is fine sleeping with you, she is quite a s***) or (in public, and quite loud) 'You have really bad skin, I would go stand out of the light if I were you' (note: which is not the case at all, but I had a few pimples due to lots of stress), or him insulting the guy I was dating ('he is the biggest loser alive, just seeing his stupid face makes me want to punch him'), etc.

 

After a while, I could not handle it anymore and broke contact with him.

But being apart from him, I started thinking about him and missing him.

Him as well, I think, as he constantly texted or tried calling me

A couple of days later, we decided to talk things over and when I confronted him with his behaviour he reacted saying 'Oh, well, how did you want me to react when you are constantly flirting with other guys in front of me, or constantly talking about your boyfriend?'.

And that was the moment that I (very stupidly) fell in love with him once again.

 

So we have started hanging out together (not as a couple, but still as friends), but we are constantly falling in the same routine :

1. We are talking/joking/hanging out

2. We start teasing each other

3. One of us goes 'too far' (e.g. him mentioning a pretty girl, me mentioning my ex boyfriend, me joking with his friend, ...)

4. The other party reacts with an insult/something mean/a remark on another pretty girl or boy

5. We end up in a 1,5h fight, saying things we don't mean (e.g. 'I don't care about you at all, so why would I be jaleous if you are talking with that pretty blonde?')

6. We make up saying 'I really like you a lot and I am in love with you, but we cannot continue this routine. It might be best not to talk to each other again'

7. Couple of hours/days later one of us sends a text saying (for example) altough you are a b****/j*** sometimes I still like you very very much'

8. We meet

9. Routine starts all over again

 

That has been going on for a couple of weeks, and although we are both consious of it, it happens over and over again.

 

I just don't understand why 50% of the time we cannot stand each other.

Because I have to admit I really like him.

 

We are both 27 (not 14, as you might think reading this story), so yes, all of this is very childish, but I don't know how to get out of this one.

 

Can anyone advice or anyone been in a similar situation?

 

Thanks

[Seraphim]

No he does not like you. I would not be in a relationship with somebody so immature. He acts like a three-year-old. I would go find a man who is really 27.

[offplanet]

Some people like drama and conflict.

[SAButterfly]

I have a guy friend like this. We definitely have chemistry, but tease/argue/flirt with each other a lot. I will never take him out of the friend zone because it would be way too much drama in a relationship. He's a huge flirt and at 30, is way too emotionally immature for me.

[Coily]

Not even a true friend would do most of that crap, I for one press the limits of conversations, but there are some things that are just too childish and frankly uncreative; this guy has no sense of limits and will continue to annoy and embarrass you until you put your foot down.

[metrogirl]

Sad that you think it's okay to be treated this way. He's an ass and if he truly liked you he would show it in a more mature manner.

[Huntress0527]

A little teasing is ok but this guy hurls some nasty insults and in front of other people no less. He's immature at best. Do yourself a favor and save your dignity cut this guy out of your life.

[Heather Dawn]

No way. He's treating you like one of the guys.

[Sportster2005]

If a guy playfully teases you he may like you. That's playful banter.

 

This guy is just insulting to hurt you, and demean you in front of others. He may like you, but that's not why he is insulting you. The exact reason I will leave to psychologists. Suffice to say, this isn't the type of person you want to date.

[EmmieQ]

The thing is, if it were only the insults and the arguing, I would indeed never again talk to this guy.

 

But what confuses me, is that he can be nice or show interest :

- 'Out of the blue' giving me compliments like 'you should know you are really pretty. My best friend X told me as well. He does not understand what is going on between us two'

- Mentioning his mother really likes me

- Sending texts/calling every day

- Saying he misses me

- Carrying stuff for me or cooking for me

- Being protective when going out

- Saying he is in love with me (on a drunken night out, so not sure this is true)

 

He also told me last night, that I am constantly hurting his feelings 'ignoring him' and 'being mean to him' (which I indeed am sometimes, as a reaction to his insults).

 

I really don't understand, how does the above make sense with all the insulting?

 

Note: I know I should be ignoring him. It is just not that easy to 'fall out of love'...

[Capricorn3]

No he does not like you. I would not be in a relationship with somebody so immature. He acts like a three-year-old. I would go find a man who is really 27.

Agreed.

 

If a guy insults you is a sign that he likes you, then I would hate to see his behaviour when he doesn't like you. Why do you put up with such disgusting treatment?

 

I would head for the hills so fast you wouldn't see me for dust.

[Silverbirch]

I think he is trying to line you up to get something physical happening with you but wants to keep it quiet and keep his girlfriend as well. He doesn't want other people to suspect anything so he insults you in public to cover his oss. I had a guy to similar to me many years ago. It was quite humiliating for me but he got caught out by other people for other things and came to be regarded by a lot of people as a slime ball. I don't think you should have anything to do with him.

[bananashampoo]

Sounds like he's manipulating you. There's a reason why you like him, though. I think you should confront him and ask him why he's saying those things to you 'i love you etc' because that's inappropriate at best.

[chevydude]

Well it seems he has made it apparent he is into you IMO and these insults as you explained might just as well be the same defense mechanism that you use??? Your mean/ hurt his feelings constantly he reacts by being mean/ hurting your feelings so kind of sounds as if you two are on the same wavelength to me.

[chevydude]

And most of these people are correct that those type insults are really unacceptable for the most part. He seems to be quite a bit more determined with his sword, he insults you and emotionally tears at you and you dont seem so determined to cut at his pride or emotions as he is willing to do so as far as that goes......its wrong

[Boomshine]

This dude has no clue what banter truly is. He paid attention to two BS lines from some "pick-up artist" bro who said you need to demean women to get them to respect you. A guy might playfully tease you like "Oh, hi Miss Princess, didn't see you ride in on your horsedrawn-carriage." That jabs at you for thinking highly of yourself, but in no way implies it's TRULY a bad thing. Throwing in the "no one cares as you are not important at all" is nothing more than a knife in the back. It's not fun at that point, it's entirely demeaning.

 

'Hey (name friend), Emmie says she is fine sleeping with you, she is quite a s***)

 

He straight-out called you a ****. 0% fun or flirty. The only time it's okay to drop the word **** is in bed. Something fun, provoking, and flirty would have been like if a guy walked by, and you turned to look out at him (maybe just because you saw something more in your peripheral), if he said "I saw that. You were just checking that guy out. You're o easy to read. *wink*" But to actually call you a ****, and openly to anyone around?

 

All these lines he's saying are to do nothing but force you into submission. He's trying to dominate you by feeling lesser of a being than him, sadly much in the same way a pimp does his hoes.

 

You need to lose him, honey. You don't deserve this one bit. And you clearly know this too, hence why you posted it. You KNOW this isn't right. You can feel it. Don't be with a man who's so insecure that he has to make you feel more insecure than he does to try and establish some sort of "higher value" on his part. A true man will be high value by raising his own values, NOT lowering yours.